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i think the main catalyst for coaching
was
realizing like how much that community has given me
and how much like how big a transformation
that i've made
palm
and how much is white changed my life
and realizing that like i can
give other people that same thing
managed to get really tommy lifestyle dating coach
and been doing this for a few years now and i've i think it's one of
one of those things really realized your calling
you know and when i got into a all
just all of a sudden i realize like this is what i want to do
my whole life
you often to the point where i got the community
was kind of this
vacillation between
like almost oppressions like the sixers it with loneliness you know
just ceiling crappy by yourself all the time
because you knew have all these accomplishments i have all these things
i've done with my life
goes on like me
they got to take a dark cloud but you know it's policy around like you know
natan duck tales enough and and that's what it felt like it but i couldn't get
away from that clout
and that's our
no matter what i did nothing would help in everyone around tells you
bugs do yourself a meadow fix everything
and you like a tried that for the last forty some years it's not helping
the journey you go on has its share of ups and downs
it
things that come to minor like when
you know you're going that painters
you know near you're really going out there glamoc six nights a week you're
really trying to do
to cram
twenty-plus years of social experience
in july two years
right right and and
and
doing you when you do that sometimes you you lose focus is sometimes you circuit
doubt yourself
and there were several points where
like i'd come home
i get blown out of life
twenty sets around reading come home
and i started out myself when i start to wonder if like
like and maybe this is a real
maybe word all just alluding ourselves and you can't do anything about it
with your divorce decree or not
because in the first you don't hear that you're in this
the naturals argued but they'll be results fast
and the guy isn't that exactly would just like
plowing implying constantly doing all the stuff and
like you're not getting anywhere insist discouraging and i see a lot of us do
that
and still kind of one of the downs i guess is is
you when you doubt yourself you doubt
between you dot if this works it's real
self-doubt yeah and
everytime that happen no i wouldn't alan looked back you know
i get done myself and i look back six months ago
or live at the back three months ago
and i'd ask myself was i the same person
and yes i was always resigning though
it was always
uh... i was in such a a different place
but i've grown so much as three six months
and that's what we might need to protect me going
that status israel and making progress
and improving things and
there may be a long ways to go but it's worth it
on the upside then i remember you're in the first time
you know i a m perhaps up with a girl
you know and uh... ivory like freakin
like as yesterday
it's weird to think that it was that long ago
nobody i remember so clearly he was busy digging pick-up
starbucks
with some proving girl and
like i remember everything about and the group remain where it was it wishes from
where
that's so big that you know
and uh...
and i remember thinking like
it felt like such an good feeling you know to know that
like all this work was limping
it wasn't it wasn't about sex
right like it was about the the physical part of the sex it was
this was like
yeah exactly
right yeah exactly like eight this is about like
no all this hard work on a paid off
you know and that i was five getting somewhere
and i had gone out for
six seven months
and nothing you know
and then finally the stuff starts click
and uh...
and then you know that i remember one we broke up
known as like the first place
break up with a girl that i met
during this tough enough
and so it's you know this has to start ups and downs but i think
any jerry has to have that
because if it doesn't exist a flat line
and they just they just know in there's no impact
there's no major
cutter early on one of the funniest thing so i think that was surprised me
was
man
unite we'll come back in a web a game
i got it this week before the game him out
and so you know i can experiment it and then agreed to field reports
gain came out
and read that
and i had like a lot of gaza had like one dislike guru worship mentality
but i had this very unrealistic view of like what people were out there doing
and i went to bar with
with this guy who actually taught with with gone subjugation
and dealer teaching together and i want to say hi
and he's still a good friend of mine
anne people's ago home that night
and you know the next night
over the next day he calls he's like you know
anhydride go alike i want to pay
is that what you think
you know and that was like his
he would like to know what what i thought of you know him pose a problem
just yet
and itu aloha
it was okay
liked music here i'd like
wipe out your bulletins
predict and uh... and
did as i got the triple to move on
utep airhead disliked eggs very unrealistic view of life
you of thinking because there's a superman
no and and thinking that they were not human
that they were like dots that they were
i could never be done because they were like had magical powers
you know and that's why it you know that's what i want to make a speech
i talked about how
it's like you have to to see coaches as
people just like you you know when you have to see him as
am
as normal as human beings they have the flaws
and uh... you know i really want coaching
i make it a big point to let my since no
i'm not infallible
in fact if i get blown up one day to you
right and i've been blown up would never have
adding the biggest thing from my perspective
that separates near that that
is minute said yes
is going to sound stupid but it's that actually care
about my students
and it sounds ridiculous but it's the it sounds corny it sounds
like crazy
but i've been in field with so many
dies it is
don't care
so many truckers they just don't care and even wrote a blog posts
when that guy in philadelphia shots of people
rooted to the instructors
and said
you guys all of us as a whole
we need to care about our students
because when we don't this is what happens
and
it's it's its own rare thing but it should be
and
a lot of that comes from like my marine background
where your men under you
aren't your employees
there your man
ange
you are not responsible for
then doing the job
you responsible for their welfare
you responsible for their lives
irresponsible for
or financial lives
that leading aspect of that that aspect of
of of caring about your man
christ connell it over
and so
on the roots approach and make no apologies about that i'm one of the
toughest coaches in the industry
and i'd
really get off the guys when they don't
they don't give a hundred sent
but it's because i refuse to give up on guys
even after those students even after the president upon themselves i will not
give up on them
i remember one point in ida one on one in las vegas
and the guy went to leave
you just want to give up and you want to leave
i talk to him in the hallway of the club
for two hours
telling him
what big decisions these
that if you leave now he's giving up
and if he gives up and pick up
he gives up and a little thing like this who always give up
because he just set a precedent
and after two hours
i'd idont around
but he it completely given up on himself
and i think the biggest difference i guess with music coach is that i will
not give up on the students
and that's
the reason i call myself a license
is because
there is a calm assumptive collision damage doctors because anish dr
teaches upset
coach changed lives
in fact i had a coach recently those talkative
and we're kind of trading stories
and he asked me
why don't
students
response we like to respond to you
and i call them because you
because you're just a click of coach
because you don't have any authority in the way speak
because you don't care about them
and see several you know i delay idea like this
are likely to pick up that's what i do
they said this is about to come in
this is not pick up
that's the problem
is that you think that you can give these guys align and better change their
lives
you're not to pick up coach or you shouldn't be
you have to change these guys
you can't just hide their flaws
and hope that everything's going to be okay
you have to get out there be proactive and help these guys change their lives
and that's when things turn around for them
when we students date
they pay you a lot of money
and what they are really asking you what they're really doing is they're in
trusting you
with their future
their trust in you
to help them
overcome these obstacles would change their life
and that's not something that i think like me
so everytime i'd get out there
every time i coach
i give it a half percent
i put my heart and soul into it
as an exhausting job
but the reason i do this is because it's worth it
i think they are trained uh... what i want and she met a girl in san diego
that nights from germany
medical that night took her home
bom and i helped win him helped coach along the way
and you know we thought okay calling dot you know they've got a great success
he met a growing took her home
you know he's he's learning he's developing an and meals throughout the
year two years i cushion was suddenly hitler stuff
and nearly two years later
i get this card in the mail
saying that he's wearing that girl that he met
amount one oh one
and that he was the fly me to germany
and so about a month ago luggage he flew me out to germany
and i'd say this wedding and
it was
one of the greatest feelings of
died like happiness an accomplishment
you know to know that
this i've met the woman to streams
you know through this
and that that's what makes all of us everything that i do that's what makes
it worthwhile
david is up to me is
like dale carnegie
or robert yes i think
from respect for dancers he's ah he's a gateway drug
he's the guy who gets you into this he's a guy who provides a lot of the
maybe not techniques or or actual things you can use
but the mindset behind all this
he gives you the framework
and he gives you the foundation the foundational beliefs our mindset
that kind of permits a lot of the comedian allot of what we're doing
i actually got of the community and little bit before the game cannot so i
didn't have
that book it kind of the guide me
and when it did come out and read it and
about islam is like three hundred pages
and i read it in literally a day credit like eight hours to trade treaty
couldn't put it down
because it represented
represented that
this was what i wanted i hope the whole time
and any not only was it
was it the embodiments of like the community but it was like and i actually
didn't
and or n_b_c_ did it in the book
bread and we'll we all thought that
maybe would looting ourselves
in in the whole community thing
and all the sunday is a guy who actually did
and he brought about it and this is his journey
and so it was really influential tumi got to see that someone did and is to
see the summit accomplished it
and to kind of put all that
jargon the characters the people in the industry
all into into one things like really understand it
and so you had a huge huge impact on me
what's kinda funny as i've read that book
but six times now
and it doesn't give what i'd like to be so much because now the continent
it's the book the story but every time you read that book you're in a different
point your development
and you see different things when i first started out
i read that book and i saw the loneliness
assault the despair
and when you were saying you know you just didn't have a girlfriend he
couldn't find enough for him
all these things like that resonate with that
i saw it again when i read the book again
then i was in that pain puri
and resonated with hinging blown out a lot and going in and not being able to
kissed the girl had nothing to push the boundaries or barriers
mary dent and you know it was
in these that
feeling of i had this new-found ability right and
where many goto six exists it's exciting it's
it's kind of the boat is open right in their own again and and this time it was
like namma coach
and now i see the fears that the coach acts
and that allot of people don't see
and at one point neil mentioned that just what you want to stress boot camps
and mystery told to go we can show the guy how it's done
he said fear grips your heart
grips your chest
sacrifice you feeling and i felt that exact same thing
when i was put in that situation
not only do you have to go in
and
and do it for yourself if you have to show other people that it's possible
and knocking so each point reading different things resonated with me
and that's what's been etc on a very powerful
bom a very powerful thing my development
i think some people rolled her eyes the game because
it's
it sounds like it's unbelievable
it sounds and and i believe it because i wanted to believe it
i believe it because
i want to believe it was possible
and and he could have made the whole thing up we know he didn't but you can
make a living off and i probably still wouldn't believe it
itself did dealing credible
but it gave us a hope
you know i think it's like
if we were all trapped on marks
and someone wrote a book about
you know about died building a space ship going off it's the classic story of
a guy overcoming the odds
and so we want to believe it
and at the same time that people who doubted
because
very are falling into that societal kind of concept
colleagues yourself
and at the same time they don't want to believe that
you can actually do this
you know that you can actually change things around you can actually make
changer lot life am and so there's a lot of resistance to that in society
we see this email in newspapers and magazines articles everywhere
and yeah i respect
adult judge anyone for for putting a dollar for
not believing it or anything else because
society itself
hardwired not to want the game
the game is detrimental
from evolutionary standpoint
the the group to try
right and so i'd get it it does not find more but i did just like
we're not we're afraid a-sixes fighters
we're not afraid of hamburgers which really is what kills us today
heart disease
car accidents
we are afraid of the cars were afraid of a hamburger
were afraid of six of spiders
yeah that doesn't make sense logically
until we we look back on why that is
and so it understand why people don't like the community hawaii the they don't
think that it's
that is kosher
let me think it's manipulative and its people
dzokhar t_v_'s book first came out
everyone in the world thought he was manipulative and he was shunned for
years for decades
until people start to realize is how the works
and i think it really is going to be the same way
what i think actually created a community
is the internet
because before the internet's
it was kind of always around on the ground
uh... but it was never cohesive because there's no global networks to connect
everybody
and the internet's really what's took this needs that's been around for ever
and because you've always had died so we're not good
you've always had like that bottom ten percent they just didn't have that skill
set
and the internet kind of connected all those people together
so that they can all collaborate and so can what do i have to do to fix this
and it before that you had to hopefully have an older brother
or someone who could look up to the youtube that hopefully have the answers
book with any internet brighter more together all of a sudden now o all of
those guys were able to come together in and try to fix the problem
controversy in the community
befriends the committee itself is this is
controversy in of itself just because
everything about it
is from different people's perspectives
can be seen as wrong manipulative to know everything else
any contradicts
what society says is right
ny time you do that you've seen is wrong
and we saw that with of rock-and-roll music which seems ludicrous to assume
just like we think our parents are ridiculous for having segregated
restrooms for black people
it sounds like it's outside of our reality like why would you ever do that
and so as we grow more more progressive i think that natural evolution to happen
now at the same time i think pickup
and i think everyone's going yet there's just go always going to be alma to pick
up that exists underground
because it's just
so far out there
and it's so controversial
that i suspect they'll take fifty or a hundred years
before we get to the point where
we can accept
very guys out there that are learning techniques
that will give them in unfair evolutionary advantage
and that's a hard ball at the bike
i absolutely believe them is asian in american exists
i don't put it down
i don't think that it's aback thing
i think it's just a face which is a cycle
and if required
just like the men's movement which
this is the start of i really believe
it's something that's going to
to come about it if it is the natural face
it's a natural part of our progression
and
an
i think those things just like
people say
the crazy like people who think like nine eleven zigzag job crazy conspiracy
theories
i do think what those people are insane
from my point of view
those people are necessary
white because if there really is a conspiracy those people will bring it to
light
and i think in a word to maintain
a neutral balance healthy balance you need the extremes
if you don't have the extremes
then you're almost the place
and those two extremes creek equilibrium
and that equilibrium allows you to stay in the center
so
uh... you know the fed is asian america or savior of the male equivalent when
that comes about
all those things are just the extremes they're going to let us co-exist in the
middle
the number one question i get
from outsiders is
isn't what you do manipulative
isn't it
tricking women isn't that evil is not bad
uh...
and i could see it
the way
because it with the marine corps
if you're an outsider in drink whatever phrase actually marines
but says
two people know marines
marines and the enemy
everyone else is a second opinion
it's kind of the same way in the community
where
depending on your viewpoint
educator look evil
or it could look like agree great catalyst for change and the men's
movement
like i got to be different for micah slow
you look at the marines
and in america we think pots greater defending our country they're serving
the country
their you know going over and peacekeeping in and who knows
but look at a summer another viewpoint
what our marines
their hold
heartless murdering machines that's that's what we are
and that is blatantly what we are
and if you go to boot camp
youth you'd see it and some other things disturb you
d_c_ marines mindless leagues roni
and it's disturbing
it really shows you that
looking at the same object from different angles
gives you different viewpoints
and so
when sometimes goes last me when you find out what to do
they say you know that's
that's just you know i didn't know that about you that this seems wrong with
scenes manipulative whatever
and i say what we think about needing a boring
and they say well
i think it's great i think it's also not sexy
unlike y
i was basically amber for four years
that's all i was restraint on harmlessly kill
without having any remorse or emotion behind it
and didn't really make some realize that
everything in the world that you see is simply your subjective reality of its
your viewpoint of the so when people ask is the comedian manipulative i asked
them when you go on a job interview
you know you sit down and the interviewers office
and you take your shoes off and put them on the the media newsdesk do you do that
on blew up that would be rude i would never did
with if you're tired
well i i just went through that because in just read about oppression
so
if a guy came and he was looking at his feet if you want to approach woman
is looking at issues
became intimate
that body language and quite and submissive
and therefore would give the bad first impression
and i tell him don't look at your feet
i-seventy louder
patel believe in yourself
how is that any difference
every grocers
and this is not
the one of the things i see that that really is bond i kind of a new
generation of of independent eyes
is
the frustration of
the big companies kind of like you know in your city
devils tiny delhi's mom-and-pop shoppers
from their frustration of
you know that the giant companies design corporations
and the bureaucracy was corporations
especially good for me you know one of the
things that i love loving independent and love about being off of my own
is
not being excessively holding or not being
uh... a part of a giant bureaucracy where
you have to do things a certain way
again because
not because they are effective but because that's the way it's always been
done
orbit because
stats that makes us look good or in fact that's our branch and we have to do that
because it's our brent
and so
a lot of us you know that of cargonoff our own
formerly worked in those news organizations and now what kind of
coming up with their new ideas and we want to cut as a platform
uh...
to spread those ideas and to help of the guys
there's nothing since
that's the biggest thing
were independent and by are very nature
we
aren't stuck in the school prayer times
of
why do i do it
because that's the way it's always been done
like we bring new ideas and fresh ideas
and new perspectives on some one particular has
like completely different ideas on a lot of stuff that akattak contradict a lot
of the old stuff and it's new it's fresh and it's
it's affected
and he's able to do that because he's not caught up
in this existing groups inc
that that happens even in in big corporations
words like we've been doing this for
hundred years and ineffective why do we do this and
everyone else in the organization says
that's the way so it's been done
and i think when you break off from that bringing new blood you bring a new ideas
that's what's ponds you accomplishments and new innovations
arsenic meaning as
gradually evolving
you know the realization
he can't like what one prison said you can't put whipped cream and ***
because eventually you smell the shipper had
and it does is the great block you know great example of of what this thing
has kind of evolves to do to be alan at the beginning
almost thought
you could we've always had the idea that we were like losers
but we could trade girls
into liking s
by having the right line or the right technique of the right bottle blah
and and that was always even true to an extent
but stopped what we didn't realize is that
unless you actually make that change
there's just so much you can do
was like
covering a bland lame lifestyle personality and everything else with
like a trick or a facade because eventually people see through it
and so the committee is moving toward the direction of where
it's about changing u
about changing your life it's about improving
not about disguising you is someone more attractive
skewered john sits in talks about how
ceases to think that mike while
discos needed no majority
as she told me fooled
you know and that's kind of how we all thought
and the communities will be much more toward the place of
you have to work on yourself
as a whole
and in fact that was one of the big things that truth is we want to mention
this idea of holistic growth
working on your body painting on year
self-confidence working on
you know the tactics working on body language
you're working on your spirituality within yourself as a whole
and when you become more attractive than that's what we're really going after
more attractive means that's u
lar
that people want to be around you
that you're more self-confidence
that
you're not validated by idly external sources by other people works
that yes the resources the positive lessons and yours are supposedly itself
uh... and that
you no longer need people
on u
what people realize that you don't need them
and people just kind of flock to you
right it's just
it's going from a place the press
going for a place of needing this going for a place of loneliness
going to scarcity to a place of abundance to please the positivity took
place of
value giving
right to a place of just acp
complete abundance
and i think that transition
is where more people need to go for an infantry it's going to transition more
into backpack during
ivory optimistic vision
of of what's going to happen twenty years
and i hope
back in twenty years
we are progressive enough to where we look at community
and what's become
and it's become like a self-help movement it's become the mains
empowerment movements become
men successive it's become the equivalent of feminism
you know with about a positive image
it's become a movement where
men can can can be made
they don't have to be ashamed of it
a lot of men better in this community and a lot of it out
decks vision problems because there is shamed of being a man
there seem to be dominate their shamed of their sexuality
and
they've grown up in this environment where it's back
or it's you shouldn't netian express that whole idea of meditation
our gender roles are so they now
you know that
it's like pete no one knows how to be a man
whereas their parents are graduation elation
was very clear cut
right like my dad to this day
will not use an umbrella
he's like men don't use of rocks
right and when i got to the marine corps they're like you don't use a row
marie studies arose right like those gender roles are very clear and to find
and you know maybe there's a danger that as well but
one of things that it does do is it makes you unapologetic
about being a man
and i think
hopefully in twenty years
that the community will have
kind of influence society innocence
ever made a big impact society
in the sense that
oh will move toward a much more progressive progressive
uh...
progressive system
where
people are going to to be much more accepting of new ideas
well in the since spring of two thousand nine i've got an email from anthony
johnson dream
and so i mean you know that
that there was this cancelled twenty one to mention formerly the under twenty one
convention
that haven't been to a lot of speakers and
was really but changing your life and
that was kind of my philosophy
on on how you do you go to pick up and so that was one of the things that
really drumming about that
well i think what may separate between one convention from
other conventions or other events
is the scene
female is holistic development
that theme is not
addressing for not just about
align or about learning to technique which which are fine
but it's about
improving yourself
it's about working you know on your health
it's about working on spirituality on working on
wealth on
working on
you know your social circle
working on your lifestyle with all these things
sa pigeonhole it's all these things that kinda come together to make an
attractive guy
and that's not only way to communities
uh... moving forward and waited twenty one conventions really kinda behind that
but it's where and i think success comes from
this community
because you can only four other people and more importantly joyously urself for
so long
and after a while
that all that
that allusion the stock crumbles
honestly then i had no idea
that the footage we give them any views of commentary thing else in fact when i
gave the speech
iran which i think anthony and few of the few guys after work as we had a much
break in between nine
and i've never getting off stage like dejected
and i talk to one of the guys in ice as i said to me and i said
was as bad as i thought it was
cuz i just feel like miserable failure
advisers box that whole thing
and i felt like i wasn't getting energy for the crowd
as really gotta myself
and
the guy said no no nos for this is going to like i kinda thought people or
burgess portion you know
and it wasn't so i A
when until well into the restaurant and i heard people talking about
then i realized my perception of it wasn't the same
as what everyone else are
and what i saw the video
i realize like when you're up on stage your evaluation yourself this is very
very different i might my biggest critical overall
and up
but unhappy the way but it turned out unhappy that guy's are getting a lot of
them getting a lot of emails about it com and first and foremost i'm really
happy that
kaisa watching that and
their feeling saying like it's changed the way they've seen the community
change the way that
they're going about things and there
they actually have a game plan now
they know what they're doing and you know where they're going
and it's it's revolutionize i guess there's bought process
on how to be good news and that's really my objective
i see myself being in the solution for a while
onto the kind of see it as my calling
i don't know whether that's going to be something that's a lifetime maybe just a
few five ten years
but i see
my own growth
in this just like icy my students growth
exxon iced is this all the time
but you should look at me like
like i'm at the top of the mountain looking down at you tell him to come to
the top of the month
you should look at me
like were boat ascending the same alan
and i'm just a little bit further understand a little bit further up
so i can tell you where the potholes are
i can tell you where the the pitfalls are where
the the easy in the heart points are and i can help you along their way and i can
give you an engine for you will
but i'm climbing that say not
and don't ever think that i'm at the top
and that i five reached a peak
because
the definition six of success that i use is from bromide ale
and that is that it is the progress of realization of the worthy goal
which means if you are not
continuing to go for you're not going to need to set new goals go after them
you are by definition not successful