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Marybelle's video journal day one. OK, today's the big day. Today I'll be shooting a chemistry
test between two prospective hosts for my new show, ShowTime.
Marybelle, I'm done setting up the chemistry test.
Damn it Jacque, that's the wrong type of chemistry test. Get out!
The prospects are Aldo Speagle, a famous fashion icon, and Veronica Winters, who has declined
to provide me with her history. This shall be interesting.
Good morning slash afternoon slash evening slash night to all of our viewers. My name's
Aldo Speagle.
And I'm Veronica Winters! Welcome to the first ever episode of ShowTime, produced by the
lovely and talented Marybelle.
Veronica, they already know she produces the show, it says soin the opening sequence.
Well, maybe some of them can't read. Didn't think of that, now did you?
Why don't we get started with the news, eh?
Great idea. Let's look at today's headline makers.
According to me, it's time for a surprise costume change!
And according to me, Veronica Winters' clothes are hideous today.
According to me, Aldo is a terrible co-host.
According to me, Veronica's nail polish is outdated and from at least three seasons ago.
And according to me-
AND ACCORDING TO ME, you'll both be fired if you don't actually do the news and stop
bickering!
We don't even officially work for you yet.
Shut up Aldo!
Make me!
Maybe I will!
I hope you do!
Wanna take this outside?
And risk being seen in public with you?
GUYS! THE NEWS!
You're right. Sorry, it's hard with this one on set.
Veronica, you really shouldn't stuff like that stuff about yourself.
ANNNNNND we're done with the news.
Alright you two, are you done?
Whatever.
Good. I'm going to give you a topic to discuss, and I want a nice, civilized conversation.
Understand?
Of course, Marybelle.
The topic is: who did you vote for in the 2012 elections?
Tom Ford!
Tom Ford?
Yeah, my fashion idol.
Aldo, why would a fashion designer run for Presidency?
Honey, if he could revive Gucci, he could do anything.
So you'd be willing to put everything you hold near and dear in the hands of somebody
completely unqualified to take the reins?
I wouldn't say he's completely unqualified. I mean, he has a great sense of style.
But... you know what, that's your opinion and I respect that even though I don't agree
with it.
Tom Ford for President, people!
I personally took a more practical approach to this. I voted for Barack Obama, who stands
for a lot of the ideals I have.
I didn't know he endorses dorks.
Ha-ha, you're so funny. I'm serious, he's so much for our country, it would have been
counterproductive to replace him.
Say... what if I run for President?
Excuse me?
I could do it, you know.
That's probably the dumbest thing you've said today.
YOU KNOW YOU WANNA GO DANCE WITH ME.
Tom Ford for President!
I'll go get him.
What did I get myself into?
Alright, so now it's time for us to answer one question each from our audience.
Since we don't actually have an audience yet, Marybelle has decided to write some questions
for us to answer. Take it away, Veronica.
Thanks Marybelle. The question I got is, if it's illegal to drink and drive, why do bars
have parking spots. Why do... Marybelle, what kind of question is this?
JUST ANSWER THE *** QUESTION, VERONICA.
OK, um, so I guess in order to drink and drive you need to drive to the bar and, uh-
Can you get to the point already?
Stop rushing me!
Fine, take all the time you need.
Thank-you.
You're welcome.
Alright, so as I was saying, in order to drink and drive, you need to have both a vehicle
and a drink. So by supplying both of those, bars are basically setting people up for failure.
What if there was a parallel universe where there are actually evil bars and they did
it intentionally when we get caught, our government, which is really their government, sample our
blood to use it for cloning.
Marybelle, you said nothing about her being insane.
I'm not insane! It makes sense!
Yeah, OK. What's my question, Marybelle?
Why do department stores always advertise 'free gifts', when just gifts would suffice?
Excellent question! The answer to that is that I have absolutely no clue and would like
to discuss questions with actual meaning. Got any of those?
DON'T JUDGE MY QUESTIONING SKILLS!
Viewers, we'd appreciate it if you could send us some questions for the next episode, unless
of course you'd rather have us answer Marybelle's dry Veronica's hair onces.
Here, you'll thank me later.
Well, well, maybe they wouldn't be so dry if you two actually cared about the show!
I've got everything riding on this! My-My husband left me, and he took all seven hundred
and, seven hundred twenty three cats with him, and my kids never call besides on holidays,
and the cat never call, and I-
Aldo, Look what you did!
I didn't do anything!
Whatever. Why'd the teleprompter stop?
Because this is the part that I'm supposed to give you your contracts, but I don't know
if I should anymore...
Oh Marybelle, please do!
I couldn't care less if I tried.
I'll make him care! This will be the best show ever!
Make me care?
I don't know...
PLEASE?!?!? I, I can't move in with my ex.
Why are all these confessions coming up all of a sudden?
Well, alright. But you better get good ratings!
We will! Right, Aldo?
Depends on if we tape her mouth shut.
OK, just sign there... and there... and there... NOT THERE! And there... and lick that... and there, and OK, done!
Yes!
Yeepee, I'm so excited.
Can't you say anything nice, Aldo?
You need to wax, your 'stach is coming through.
You little-
That's all the time we have for today, thanks for tuning in. My name is Aldo Speagle.
And I'm Veronica Winters!
And this has been...
Show, time!
Time show.