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>>VERONICA: Lackey!
>>TIMMY: Yes, Ms. van Gorp?
>>VERONICA: Why is my door still not engraved?
>>TIMMY: I've been looking for someone who will do it at the price you quoted, but
they keep on laughing at me...
>>VERONICA: No excuses! >>TIMMY: I'm sorry?
>>VERONICA: The EPA inspector comes today? >>TIMMY: Yes, ma'am? >>VERONICA: But we haven't prepared!
>>TIMMY: No, ma'am?
>>VERONICA: Fool! You know our daily production of Chemical Y releases five tons of
chloro-- chlorobar-- barno-- chlorobarndigans...
>>TIMMY:Chlorofluorocarbons? >>VERONICA: Yeah, whatever
-- into the atmosphere! There's no way he won't find out if he's left to his own devices!
>>TIMMY: Over half our facility is dedicated to the production of Chemical Y. It would be a significant oversight on his part.
>>VERONICA: Lackey! Distract him. >>TIMMY: Ma'am?
>>VERONICA: Take him on a tour of the facilities. Don't let him see anything that goes against those
pesky regulations. >>TIMMY: But...
>>VERONICA: No buts! It's too late. Now step lively; your job is on the line here, Timmy.
[knocking]
Here goes nothing.
Come in, please...
>>PIPER: Hi! I'm Piper Smith. And you must be Veronica!
>>VERONICA: Please, call me Ms. van Gorp. It's such a pleasure to have you here today!
>>PIPER: Great! You have no idea how many companies are dismayed by Environmental Protection Agency inspections!
So many have something to hide! It's great to see things are different here.
You understand the importance of letting animals grow and thrive in an environment suitable
to their... to their existence.
Saving the planet is vital!
>>VERONICA: Yes, indeed. Let me introduce you to my la- personal assistant, Timothy. He'll be showing you around the place.
[smooth jazz]
>>PIPER: Hi. >>TIMMY: Hi.
>>PIPER: I'm... I'm Piper. >>TIMMY: I'm Timmy.
>>VERONICA: Don't you have an inspection to do? >>PIPER: Oh, right.
[hallway chatter]
>>TIMMY: These are some of our pipes.
These are particularly fine examples of pipes.
>>PIPER: What do they carry?
>>TIMMY: I dunno.
Nothing toxic.
>>PIPER: Are you sure? My superiors warned me
that this company is notorious for sneaking toxins past inspection
in unmarked pipes like these. May we…?
>>TIMMY: No, no, she would never allow it.
Let's try upstairs.
>>PIPER: So how long have your worked here?
>>TIMMY: All my life, more or less.
You? How long have you been with the EPA?
>>PIPER: Oh, less than a year. But I think I've really taken to the- to it.
I feel really strongly about the work.
>>TIMMY: It's great how passionate you are.
>>PIPER: You think so?
>>TIMMY: I really do. I wish my work were as fulfilling as yours.
>>PIPER: Oh, but it must be!
If your work doesn't fulfill you, then you need to find the fulfillment in it! And if
there is none to be found then you must quit!
It's too important; this is your life we're talking about!
>>TIMMY: You think so?
>>PIPER: I do!
You're too wonderful to live unhappily!
>>TIMMY: You really think so?
>>PIPER: I know so!
[swelling music]
>>TIMMY: Then I quit!
To hell with that demon-woman and to hell with her Chemical Y!
>>PIPER: Chemical Y?!
>>TIMMY: It's the compound she ordered me to keep secret because its production dumps
tons and tons of chlorofluorocarbons into the atmosphere!
>>PIPER: My God! Do you know how many baby ducklings so many chlorofluorocarbons would strangle?
>>TIMMY: Too many!
>>PIPER: Damn straight too many!
>>TIMMY: Never again!
>>PIPER: What we need to do is march into her office and
demand she cut production at once!
>>TIMMY: But not just yet.
>>PIPER: Not yet?
>>TIMMY: I have a better idea…
[swelling music]
>>PIPER: I know about Chemical Y! >>VERONICA: You! >>PIPER: I need only call my superiors
to have this company shut down within the hour!
>>VERONICA: Let's not be so hasty, my dear. I'm sure we can come to some... mutually beneficial agreement.
>>TIMMY: She won't fall for your evil schemes! >>VERONICA: Shut up, lackey.
>>PIPER: No, he's right! My integrity is beyond reproach. I will not compromise with you, Veronica van Gorp!
>>VERONICA: Don't anger me, worm...
[music, explosions]
>>TIMMY: My God!
>>PIPER: My reception is gone! >>TIMMY: The bridge is out!
>>VERONICA: Looks like your EPA masters won't be hearing from you today, Miss Smith. You'll share our fate. Now, if you two'll excuse me...
I have a friend to call.
>>SCARLET: I first noticed something was amiss last night.
[smooth jazz]
>>VERONICA: So you two finally decided to show up.
This is Scarlet Summers, an exobiologist and astrophysicist.
[smooth jazz]
>>TIMMY: Nice to meet you. >>PIPER: Hi!
>>SCARLET: Pleasure to meet you.
Veronica asked me to come in and consult about this bombardment from space.
>>PIPER: So what's going on?
>>SCARLET: I don't really know.
>>TIMMY: So I guess you're stuck here with us for nothing.
>>SCARLET: Oh, I can think of worse people to be stuck in a
dangerous, exciting situation with.
>>PIPER: Oh my.
>>VERONICA: Can we please get back to the--
[explosions, confused shouts]
[music]
>>TIMMY: What is that?!
>>PIPER: A cuttlefish!
>>VERONICA: It's massive!
>>TIMMY: But why did it come from space?
>>SCARLET: To feed!
>>ALL: What?
>>SCARLET: This explains everything!
The color-shifting shape I saw through my telescope…
the bombardment from above!
This must be some kind of alien creature visiting Earth for sustenance.
There must be something peculiar in your emissions to have attracted it.
>>VERONICA: What? Oh, no, no, what are you accusing me of?
>>BOTH: The chlorofluorocarbons!
>>SCARLET: That would do it! If this factory is the only or one of the only
significant sources of chlorofluorocarbons, and the alien needs them for something…
>>PIPER: An alien cuttlefish that lives on chlorofluorocarbons?
Is that even possible?
>>SCARLET: Five minutes ago, I wouldn't have said so.
But five minutes ago I hadn't seen a giant space cephalopod descend from the heavens
like the hammer of Zeus.
>>TIMMY: Thor.
>>SCARLET: What?
>>TIMMY: Never mind.
>>VERONICA: Never mind why it's here,
can we make it go away?
>>SCARLET: I'd imagine not. Depending on how much you've been producing…
It must be like a camel, going through long periods of time in the vacuum of space without
stopping for water.
Now that it's found an oasis…
what could make it move on?
>>VERONICA: I'll tell you who can make it move on.
>>PIPER: Is there a lab in the facility we can use?
>>TIMMY: There should be one open this time of day.
>>SCARLET: I'm coming with you two.
[music]
>>SCARLET: I used to want to be a regular biologist, you know?
I was partially inspired by the cuttlefish. Did you know their ink is brown? We used to
use it to make sepia. Some people think it might be used as
a chemical alarm.
>>TIMMY: A chemical alarm?
>>PIPER: That's it!
>>SCARLET: Is it?
>>PIPER: If we inject a chemical alarm into the atmosphere,
it might leave!
>>TIMMY: Brilliant!
>>SCARLET: But… how?
>>PIPER: I have a plan...
>> VERONICA: So what's the plan? >> LESLIE: Well, I've been spear- and harpoon-fishing
for years. This is just a matter of scale. >>VERONICA:What do you mean? >>LESLIE: What I mean is, if
the fish is bigger‚ you're gonna need a bigger gun.
>>LESLIE: I'm gonna blow to back to space, you damn overgrown cephalopod!
Die! Die! Die!
You stupid 'fish, how'd you like a piece of this?
I'mma have calamari tonight!
Die! Die!
Die!
You damn mollusc!
Looks like I'll need a little more power.
Let's see how you like this!
I'm gonna be so rich off sepia!
[explosion]
>>VERONICA: Where are you going?!
Don't you know Leslie is dead?!
>>PIPER: Hundreds of people have died already, Ms. van Gorp!
Stand aside and let us fix it!
>>VERONICA: But resurrection technology is only in the experimental stages!
>>TIMMY: But we need to infiltrate the ventilation system of the factory and them make the system
overheat! It's the only way!
>>VERONICA: Overheat my systems? Overheat MY systems? You'll blow my factory to kingdom come!
>>PIPER: But the chemical alarm in the air will make the cuttlefish think there's danger
And, if we clean the atmosphere of chlorofluorocarbons, it will have no reason to ever return!
nearby! It will swim away!
Humanity will be saved!
>>VERONICA: Do you have any idea how much these facilities cost?
You nitwits, you fools, I'll have to pay for repairs out of my own pocket! I'll go broke!
I'll -- !
>>PIPER: Okay, the system's all set up.
I'll pour the chemical alarm into the ventilation feeder!
>>TIMMY: Hurry!
>>PIPER: Timmy, I'm stuck!
>>TIMMY: Piper!
>>PIPER: Pull me out!
>>TIMMY: But if I let go of the fuel control,
it'll flow unrestrainedly and potentially destroy the entire city!
>>PIPER: But if I can't pull the lever, the chemical alarm with just disperse!
Our work will have been wasted, and the cuttlefish will destroy us all!
>>TIMMY: We're going to die. No matter what happens, we're going to die.
>>SCARLET: Not if I have anything to say about that.
>>BOTH: Scarlet!
[alarm fades, triumphant music]