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I've tried recording this, like, multiple times. (laugh) Its not working!
And since people keep walking by
cars going by, and I was like on the edge of the street
and now i'm at the bus station so
maybe...and I got like ten minutes until my bus ride, so maybe I'll get this done.
um anyways
so (pause) ewww Old man with shirt off on biike. (disgusted noises)
I promise I'll stop being distracted. ewww.
Let me get rid of that image first.
um...my sister
is visiting.
She's been visiting for....
two months maybe.
Uh, she decided she no longer likes missouri
So, she's been looking at places to go and I told her maybe she could go to
california. California is a good place and theres lots of
transportation, which is what she needs.
So, i been thinking about this and she's be like yah know "why don't you come with me?"
and I been thinking about it...thinking about it...thinking about it
um its tempting. Its really really tempting. I mean
the only thing that really stops me is i moved here to knoxville. I spent a lot of money moving here. I'm in a lease, and my lease doesn't end til mid-march. And....
i'm just like i don't know. I really don't know. And, I've already applied to the University of Tennessee.
But its tempting, because here's the thing about California....one, I miss it. I really loved
California while I was there.
I had to leave for medical reasons. I had health care in Tennessee but not in California,
far as I knew.
Later, I found out i had health care in California. Anyways. Um...
I've missed it ever since.
Yah know I thought about going back, but it wasn't safe. It wasn't good.
I ended up homeless in California, and I didn't want to go that route again.
The good things is over the years I've learned to take care of myself and I've done better.
So....I don't know.
I mean I'm doing better in life
I've learned to take care of myself.
and it wouldn't be so bad this time
i won't go and spend one hundred dollars on
meat. (small laugh)
like i did
I spent rent money on meat. Thats how i ended up homeless. Probably the most stupidist decision I ever made.
So now, I gotta think this through.
Cons: I can go to goldenwest,
transfer to
the school I really want to go to.
that's affordable
'cause there's only three schools that have what I really want.
And its CSUN,
Gallaudet,
and um...NTID.
Well, Gallaudet is out cause I'm not fluent in sign language and
an undergraduate has to be fluent in sign language
I'm doing undergraduate.
uh...
NTID is too expensive. No matter if I live in the state or not.
California, though, CSUN in California
would go down as a California resident. Cool.
so i would have it would be the same as here in Tennessee as a resident.
As a resident of California, I would get
at the same as here in tennessee
um...I would just have to live there for a year to get residency.
Um....then
I mean...I have to go to Goldenwest then I would have to go to CSUN. I would go do
the transfer program
but they don't have that here
for my degree
they do in california. In california, sign language is a language. I wouldn't even have to take Spanish.
But I'm already taking it....and
I'm sitting on my sandwich. (slight groan)
You don't get to see what I just did, which is bring my backpack around me. So anyways. So I mean
that's cool. I get everything I want 'cause
i mean my major isn't just....
sign language there. Its Deaf Studies there.
And that's what I want is Deaf Studies.
here it's just one thing and I only have one option. There, I have tons.
Yah know. Then there's the other side of the coin.
I moved here. I spent a lot of money moving here.
i've already applied to University of Tennessee.
I've made plans to go...I've made plans if i get accepted.
Yah know this already got the ball...the ball here is already rolling.
I've spent so much money, and I've invested so much time in it.
Though...
oh yeah, and the other bonus is my ASL teacher. I really really like her, even if i get accepted
into UT.... i'm still going to take her classes
i respect your thoughts and how she thinks
And, she's kinda the teacher I been needing...I been wanting.
She's really good at what she does.
She's a great start to where i"m trying to be.
So....
And I really really don't want to give her up.
And then there's also
This is another
this is a con.
i came here
things haven't worked out that well.
I just got a job. Took months to get a job cause I'm in college.
And college comes first for me.
My roommate came
and then what happened is she got engaged.
well with...
That didn't work out, and I got this new roommate. We're kinda getting better, but (sigh) I don't know
I don't know how long its going to last.
being with that guy...I've only known this guy since July. Its really hard for me.
Yah know, its really hard mentally on me to know if he's going
to stay or leave
If he's going to go. My landlords were worried he was going to go.
I mean he really does seem to be an honest to good person, but
I still have my concerns cause I don't know him that well.
So, I don't know whether to stay or to go. 'Cause my degree and what I really want is at CSUN
But...I've
already applied to UT.
I'm already here. I'm already taking classes at Pellissippi.. And....I don't know what to do.
I just can't figure it out. I really can't.
And I sit here, and I think, and i'm like
this that this that.
Originally, I was going to say "Okay if i don't get into UT
I'm going to go to California." Mkay.
And it was just because I need to go into an agreement program,
and they have an agreement program
at Goldenwest.
and it was created way after I left California.
it's kind of cool that they have it now.
I could be able to get and go into CSUN.
But at the same time, I don't know.
They don't have an agreement program here.
and I'm just....my mind flips back and forth back and forth. I don't know what to do. I really don't.
Should I stay? Should I go? What?
it's constantly on my mind.