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>> WHEN I SAY I'M WRONG, I IMPLY MORAL JUDGMENT.
IMPLY MORAL JUDGMENT. YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE IF YOU
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE IF YOU SHOW UP LATE.
SHOW UP LATE. YOU'RE NOT NECESSARILY WRONG.
YOU'RE NOT NECESSARILY WRONG. BUT MOST OF THE TIME I TOLD
BUT MOST OF THE TIME I TOLD KAREN I WAS WRONG.
KAREN I WAS WRONG. >> I DROVE AROUND IN MY CAR.
>> I DROVE AROUND IN MY CAR. I MADE AMENDS WITH PEOPLE I
I MADE AMENDS WITH PEOPLE I HAD OFFENDED, I CALLED THEM
HAD OFFENDED, I CALLED THEM AND CRIED AND APOLOGIZED.
AND CRIED AND APOLOGIZED. 詛MAZING GRACE.
詛MAZING GRACE. HOW SWEET THE SOUND.
HOW SWEET THE SOUND.
LIVE CC BY ABERDEEN CAPTIONING 1-800-688-6621 WWW.ABERCAP.COM
貂 ONCE WAS BOUND BUT NOW I'M FREE.
FREE. >> HI, I'M LAVERNE TRIPP AND
>> HI, I'M LAVERNE TRIPP AND WELCOME TO BORN TO BE FREE.
WELCOME TO BORN TO BE FREE. IN THE LAST EPISODE I TOLD YOU
IN THE LAST EPISODE I TOLD YOU TO MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE
TO MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HAD HARMED AND
PEOPLE YOU HAD HARMED AND WILLING TO MAKE AMENDS TO THEM
WILLING TO MAKE AMENDS TO THEM ALL.
ALL. DID YOU DO IT?
DID YOU DO IT? IF YOU DID, STAY WITH US,
IF YOU DID, STAY WITH US, BECAUSE THIS WEEK YOU'LL HEAR
BECAUSE THIS WEEK YOU'LL HEAR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DID.
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DID. I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PRACTICING IN MY ADDICTION I
PRACTICING IN MY ADDICTION I KEPT SAYING I'M SORRY, I'M
KEPT SAYING I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
SORRY, I'M SORRY. MY WIFE DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR
MY WIFE DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT ANYMORE.
THAT ANYMORE. BUT WHEN I SAID, I WAS WRONG.
BUT WHEN I SAID, I WAS WRONG. SOMETHING HAPPENED.
SOMETHING HAPPENED. WHEN I ADMITTED WHAT MY
WHEN I ADMITTED WHAT MY PROBLEMS WERE TO SOMEONE ELSE,
PROBLEMS WERE TO SOMEONE ELSE, SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENED.
SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENED. AND IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.
AND IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. AND YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR FROM
AND YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR FROM PEOPLE THIS TWHEEK IT'S
PEOPLE THIS TWHEEK IT'S HAPPENED FOR THEM.
HAPPENED FOR THEM. WELL WHAT'S HAPPENED FOR US IT
WELL WHAT'S HAPPENED FOR US IT WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU IF YOU
WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU IF YOU JUST DO IT.
JUST DO IT. STAY TUNED BECAUSE YOU WERE
STAY TUNED BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN TO BE FREE.
BORN TO BE FREE. >> IN DEALING WITH PEOPLE
>> IN DEALING WITH PEOPLE THAT WE ARE APPROACHING FOR
THAT WE ARE APPROACHING FOR FORGIVENESS, HOW DO YOU
FORGIVENESS, HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THEIR ANGER?
RESPOND TO THEIR ANGER? >> I THINK THERE ARE THREE
>> I THINK THERE ARE THREE THINGS THEY NEED FROM US.
THINGS THEY NEED FROM US. IF WE ARE REALLY INTERESTED IN
IF WE ARE REALLY INTERESTED IN MAKING RESTITUTION.
MAKING RESTITUTION. THEY NEED TO KNOW FIRST THAT
THEY NEED TO KNOW FIRST THAT WE UNDERSTAND THE SEVERITY OF
WE UNDERSTAND THE SEVERITY OF WHAT WE'VE DONE.
WHAT WE'VE DONE. I THINK THEY NEED TO HEAR FROM
I THINK THEY NEED TO HEAR FROM US A RECOGNITION OF THE
US A RECOGNITION OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR BEHAVIOR,
CONSEQUENCES OF OUR BEHAVIOR, THE DAMAGE IT DID TO THEM.
THE DAMAGE IT DID TO THEM. I THINK TODAY WE'VE BECOME
I THINK TODAY WE'VE BECOME LOUSY AT APOLOGIZING.
LOUSY AT APOLOGIZING. IT'S AS IF WE CAN WASH AWAY
IT'S AS IF WE CAN WASH AWAY EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED WITH
EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED WITH A SIMPLE I'M SORRY WHEN YOU'VE
A SIMPLE I'M SORRY WHEN YOU'VE REALLY WOUNDED SOMEONE THEY
REALLY WOUNDED SOMEONE THEY NEED TO HEAR THAT YOU KNOW
NEED TO HEAR THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU WOUNDED THEM.
THAT YOU WOUNDED THEM. THAT YOU UNDERSTAND NOT JUST
THAT YOU UNDERSTAND NOT JUST THE THING YOU DID BUT THE
THE THING YOU DID BUT THE IMPACT IT HAD ON THEM.
IMPACT IT HAD ON THEM. WHEN I APOLOGIZE TO SOMEONE I
WHEN I APOLOGIZE TO SOMEONE I SINNED AGAINST I NEED TO NOT
SINNED AGAINST I NEED TO NOT ONLY SAY, I DID THIS THING,
ONLY SAY, I DID THIS THING, BUT I RECOGNIZE IT HURT YOU
BUT I RECOGNIZE IT HURT YOU AND VIOLATED YOU AND I LET YOU
AND VIOLATED YOU AND I LET YOU DOWN AND WOUNDED YOU.
DOWN AND WOUNDED YOU. I SEE THAT.
I SEE THAT. THE FIRST THING THEY NEED TO
THE FIRST THING THEY NEED TO SEE.
SEE. SIMULTANEOUSLY AND IT'S NOT A
SIMULTANEOUSLY AND IT'S NOT A CONTRADICTION, IT'S AN
CONTRADICTION, IT'S AN ADDITION.
ADDITION. THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND WE'RE
THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND WE'RE ELIMINATED IN OUR ABILITY TO
ELIMINATED IN OUR ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH WE HURT
UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH WE HURT THEM.
THEM. I THINK IT'S HEALING FOR THE
I THINK IT'S HEALING FOR THE PERSON TO SAY I'M NOT SURE
PERSON TO SAY I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. I AFTER FLICKED THIS PAIN ON
I AFTER FLICKED THIS PAIN ON YOU.
YOU. YOU DIDN'T AFTER APPLICANT IT
YOU DIDN'T AFTER APPLICANT IT ON ME.
ON ME. I'M NOT GOING TO BE ARROGANT.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE ARROGANT. I DID SOMETHING TERRIBLE TO
I DID SOMETHING TERRIBLE TO YOU AND I CAUSED YOU PAIN.
YOU AND I CAUSED YOU PAIN. I THINK WE CAN DO A LOT OF
I THINK WE CAN DO A LOT OF GOOD IN REBUILDING THE
GOOD IN REBUILDING THE RELATIONSHIP BY LISTENING TO
RELATIONSHIP BY LISTENING TO THE PERSON EXPRESS THEIR PAIN
THE PERSON EXPRESS THEIR PAIN OVER WHAT THEY DID AND THEY
OVER WHAT THEY DID AND THEY NEED AN EXPRESSION OF OUR OWN
NEED AN EXPRESSION OF OUR OWN PAIN.
PAIN. I THINK WHEN I APOLOGIZE TO
I THINK WHEN I APOLOGIZE TO SOMEONE IT'S IMPORTANT TO LET
SOMEONE IT'S IMPORTANT TO LET THEM KNOW HOW I FEEL.
THEM KNOW HOW I FEEL. I'M HURTING OVER WHAT I DID TO
I'M HURTING OVER WHAT I DID TO YOU.
YOU. I'M HURTING OUR RELATIONSHIP
I'M HURTING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH DAMAGED.
WITH DAMAGED. THIS MATTERS TO ME.
THIS MATTERS TO ME. IF WE CAN GIVE THEM THESE
IF WE CAN GIVE THEM THESE THREE THINGS IT MAKES IT
THREE THINGS IT MAKES IT EASIER FOR THEM TO DEVELOP A
EASIER FOR THEM TO DEVELOP A TRUST IN US.
TRUST IN US. I THINK YOU WERE MAKING A
I THINK YOU WERE MAKING A CRUCIAL POINT THERE IS A
CRUCIAL POINT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FORGIVENESS
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FORGIVENESS AND TRUST.
AND TRUST. A PERSON CAN DECIDE TO FORGIVE
A PERSON CAN DECIDE TO FORGIVE US, BUT IF THEY DON'T TRUST
US, BUT IF THEY DON'T TRUST US, YOU EITHER TRUST SOMEBODY
US, YOU EITHER TRUST SOMEBODY OR YOU DON'T.
OR YOU DON'T. I THINK ONE OF THE WAYS WE
I THINK ONE OF THE WAYS WE ENHANCE TRUST IS WHEN WE LET
ENHANCE TRUST IS WHEN WE LET THEM KNOW WE RECOGNIZE THE
THEM KNOW WE RECOGNIZE THE SEVERITY OF WHAT WE'VE DONE
SEVERITY OF WHAT WE'VE DONE AND WE'LL LISTEN TO THEIR PAIN
AND WE'LL LISTEN TO THEIR PAIN AND ANGER.
AND ANGER. I THINK THAT'S HOW TRUST
I THINK THAT'S HOW TRUST STARTS TO BUILD AGAIN.
STARTS TO BUILD AGAIN. >> YEAH.
>> YEAH. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, A LOT
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL NOT FORGIVE US.
OF PEOPLE WILL NOT FORGIVE US. AND THAT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY.
AND THAT'S THE PRICE YOU PAY. FOR OUR ADDICTION.
FOR OUR ADDICTION. SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER FORGIVE
SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER FORGIVE US.
US. THEY HATE US.
THEY HATE US. SOMETIMES WE'RE OPENING A CAN
SOMETIMES WE'RE OPENING A CAN OF WORMS.
OF WORMS. WE NEED TO CONSULT WITH
WE NEED TO CONSULT WITH SOMEONE WISER THAN WE ARE
SOMEONE WISER THAN WE ARE BEFORE WE GO AND MAKE AMENDS
BEFORE WE GO AND MAKE AMENDS TO A CERTAIN PERSON THAT WE'VE
TO A CERTAIN PERSON THAT WE'VE HURT SO BAD.
HURT SO BAD. I'VE SEEN KILLINGS OVER THIS
I'VE SEEN KILLINGS OVER THIS SERIOUSLY.
SERIOUSLY. SOMETIMES WE TELL PEOPLE THEY
SOMETIMES WE TELL PEOPLE THEY DON'T KNOW.
DON'T KNOW. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT.
THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT. I'M SORRY I BORROWED THAT
I'M SORRY I BORROWED THAT $20,000 FROM YOUR SAFE.
$20,000 FROM YOUR SAFE. YOU DIDN'T MISS IT.
YOU DIDN'T MISS IT. SO I'M OKAY.
SO I'M OKAY. AND I THINK A LOT OF TIMES,
AND I THINK A LOT OF TIMES, RESTITUTION AS ATONEMENT.
RESTITUTION AS ATONEMENT. I FELT I HAD A LOT OF A TONING
I FELT I HAD A LOT OF A TONING TO DO, YOU KNOW.
TO DO, YOU KNOW. MAKING GREAT EFFORTS TO DO
MAKING GREAT EFFORTS TO DO THINGS LIKE FOR MY WIFE.
THINGS LIKE FOR MY WIFE. YOU KNOW, WASH THE DISHES OR
YOU KNOW, WASH THE DISHES OR VACUUM.
VACUUM. STUFF I KNOW SHE WANTS ME TO
STUFF I KNOW SHE WANTS ME TO DO.
DO. AND IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG
AND IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG THING.
THING. BUT I KNOW SHE APPRECIATES IT.
BUT I KNOW SHE APPRECIATES IT. SO YOU KNOW, THAT'S ONE WAY OF
SO YOU KNOW, THAT'S ONE WAY OF ATONING, RESTITUTION.
ATONING, RESTITUTION. AND THE TRUTH IS SOMETIMES WE
AND THE TRUTH IS SOMETIMES WE SHARE THINGS SO BAD WE CAN'T
SHARE THINGS SO BAD WE CAN'T GO HOME.
GO HOME. >> I HAVE A QUESTION.
>> I HAVE A QUESTION. AT WHAT POINT DO YOU DRUDGE UP
AT WHAT POINT DO YOU DRUDGE UP THINGS OR DO NOT DRUDGE UP
THINGS OR DO NOT DRUDGE UP SOMETHING THAT SOMEBODY ELSE
SOMETHING THAT SOMEBODY ELSE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT?
DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT? WHAT'S THE DEFINING LINE
WHAT'S THE DEFINING LINE THERE?
THERE? >> EXCELLENT POINT.
>> EXCELLENT POINT. THE RULE OF THUMB IS WHEN IT
THE RULE OF THUMB IS WHEN IT WILL HARM THEM OR OTHERS.
WILL HARM THEM OR OTHERS. MY PEACE OF MIND IS NOT WORTH
MY PEACE OF MIND IS NOT WORTH SACRIFICING SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
SACRIFICING SOMEBODY ELSE'S. AND AT THAT POINT WHAT YOU DO
AND AT THAT POINT WHAT YOU DO IS COMMIT IT TO THE LORD AND
IS COMMIT IT TO THE LORD AND YOU TRUST THAT HE IS EITHER
YOU TRUST THAT HE IS EITHER GOING TO WORK IT OUT OR OPEN
GOING TO WORK IT OUT OR OPEN UP THE OPPORTUNITY WHERE IT IS
UP THE OPPORTUNITY WHERE IT IS NOT GOING TO BE DAMAGING FOR
NOT GOING TO BE DAMAGING FOR YOU TO GO IN AND MAKE AMENDS
YOU TO GO IN AND MAKE AMENDS AND A RECONCILIATION.
AND A RECONCILIATION. >> FOR EXAMPLE, A COLLEAGUE
>> FOR EXAMPLE, A COLLEAGUE OF MINE, ABOUT A YEAR AGO,
OF MINE, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, FINALLY CONFESSED TO ME THAT
FINALLY CONFESSED TO ME THAT FOR TEN YEARS HE HAD THOUGHT I
FOR TEN YEARS HE HAD THOUGHT I WAS AN ABSOLUTE JERK AND HE
WAS AN ABSOLUTE JERK AND HE RESENTED ME AND DISLIKED ME
RESENTED ME AND DISLIKED ME AND EVERY TIME HE SAW ME HE
AND EVERY TIME HE SAW ME HE WAS REPULSED BY ME.
WAS REPULSED BY ME. THANKS A LOT.
THANKS A LOT. I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT.
I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT. IT REALLY DAMAGED ME HEARING
IT REALLY DAMAGED ME HEARING THAT.
THAT. EVEN THOUGH HE MIGHT HAVE FELT
EVEN THOUGH HE MIGHT HAVE FELT BETTER ADMITTING IT BUT HE HAD
BETTER ADMITTING IT BUT HE HAD NOT DAMAGED ME BUT NOW EVERY
NOT DAMAGED ME BUT NOW EVERY TIME I SEE HIM I WONDER, AM I
TIME I SEE HIM I WONDER, AM I ACTING LIKE A JERK NOW?
ACTING LIKE A JERK NOW? IT SENT ME SCRAMMING INTO MY
IT SENT ME SCRAMMING INTO MY OWN SECURITY.
OWN SECURITY. IS IT IN THEIR INTEREST TO
IS IT IN THEIR INTEREST TO HEAR THIS?
HEAR THIS? IF IT DIDN'T, DON'T.
IF IT DIDN'T, DON'T. >> IT'S ROUTED IN DID I HURT
>> IT'S ROUTED IN DID I HURT THAT PERSON?
THAT PERSON? >> I THINK WILLINGNESS IS
>> I THINK WILLINGNESS IS IMPORTANT.
IMPORTANT. >> I'M TRAINED IN RESEARCH, I
>> I'M TRAINED IN RESEARCH, I HAVE A PH.D. IN PSYCHOLOGY SO
HAVE A PH.D. IN PSYCHOLOGY SO I KNOW A GOOD BIT ABOUT
I KNOW A GOOD BIT ABOUT ADDICTION BUT NOTHING ABOUT
ADDICTION BUT NOTHING ABOUT GAMBLING ADDICTION.
GAMBLING ADDICTION. FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME I
FROM THE VERY FIRST TIME I PULLED A HANDLE ON THE SLOT
PULLED A HANDLE ON THE SLOT MACHINE I LOVED IT.
MACHINE I LOVED IT. IN FACT THAT NIGHT THE VERY
IN FACT THAT NIGHT THE VERY FIRST TIME I PLAYED THEY WERE
FIRST TIME I PLAYED THEY WERE TRYING TO GET ME OUT OF THE
TRYING TO GET ME OUT OF THE PLACE.
PLACE. I WANTED TO STAY AND KEEP
I WANTED TO STAY AND KEEP PLAYING.
PLAYING. I JUST LOVE GAMBLING.
I JUST LOVE GAMBLING. I LOVE PLAYING SLOT MACHINES.
I LOVE PLAYING SLOT MACHINES. PEOPLE WOULD TELL ME, THAT'S
PEOPLE WOULD TELL ME, THAT'S THE WORST ODDS YOU CAN PLAY.
THE WORST ODDS YOU CAN PLAY. I KNOW THAT, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE
I KNOW THAT, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO THINK, YOU KNOW.
TO THINK, YOU KNOW. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS PUT IN
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS PUT IN MONEY AND PUSH THE BUTTON.
MONEY AND PUSH THE BUTTON. I DIDN'T EVEN PULL THE HANDLE.
I DIDN'T EVEN PULL THE HANDLE. IT WAS QUICK.
IT WAS QUICK. IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK.
IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK. OVER THE COURSE OF THREE YEARS
OVER THE COURSE OF THREE YEARS I LOST OVER 300 THOUSAND
I LOST OVER 300 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
DOLLARS. 17 CREDIT CARDS MAXED OUT.
17 CREDIT CARDS MAXED OUT. I SOLD A CAR, TRUCK, A
I SOLD A CAR, TRUCK, A MOTORCYCLE.
MOTORCYCLE. I HAD TAKEN A THOUSAND
I HAD TAKEN A THOUSAND DOLLARS OUT OF MY CREDIT UNION
DOLLARS OUT OF MY CREDIT UNION TO BUY CHRISTMAS GIFTS.
TO BUY CHRISTMAS GIFTS. MY GAMBLING MIND SAID LET'S GO
MY GAMBLING MIND SAID LET'S GO DOWN TO THE CASINO AND YOU CAN
DOWN TO THE CASINO AND YOU CAN DOUBLE THAT MONEY.
DOUBLE THAT MONEY. WELL I STARTED GAMBLING.
WELL I STARTED GAMBLING. I GAMBLED FOR A LONG TIME.
I GAMBLED FOR A LONG TIME. 20 HOURS.
20 HOURS. I DIDN'T EAT.
I DIDN'T EAT. I DIDN'T GET UP TO GO TO THE
I DIDN'T GET UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM TO RELIEVE MYSELF.
BATHROOM TO RELIEVE MYSELF. I DIDN'T TAKE MY BLOOD
I DIDN'T TAKE MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION.
PRESSURE MEDICATION. I DIDN'T EVEN GET UP TO GET A
I DIDN'T EVEN GET UP TO GET A DRINK OF WATER.
DRINK OF WATER. BECAUSE I HAD A MACHINE I PUT
BECAUSE I HAD A MACHINE I PUT A LOT OF MONEY IN AND IT WOULD
A LOT OF MONEY IN AND IT WOULD GET HOT ANY MINUTE.
GET HOT ANY MINUTE. IT NEVER DID, BUT THAT WAS MY
IT NEVER DID, BUT THAT WAS MY THINKING.
THINKING. SO I TRIED TO STAND UP JUST TO
SO I TRIED TO STAND UP JUST TO STRETCH MY LEGS AND I GOT
STRETCH MY LEGS AND I GOT DIZZY, FELL ON THE FLOOR AND
DIZZY, FELL ON THE FLOOR AND IF I HAD A HEART ATTACK, COME
IF I HAD A HEART ATTACK, COME TAKE MY BLOOD PRESSURE AND IT
TAKE MY BLOOD PRESSURE AND IT WAS JUST OUT OF SIGHT.
WAS JUST OUT OF SIGHT. WHILE I WAS LAYING ON THE
WHILE I WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR, I GOT TO TELL YOU WHEN
FLOOR, I GOT TO TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE LAYING ON THE FLOOR IN
YOU'RE LAYING ON THE FLOOR IN A CASINO AND PEOPLE ARE
A CASINO AND PEOPLE ARE STEPPING OVER YOU, THAT'S VERY
STEPPING OVER YOU, THAT'S VERY EMBARRASSING, BUT A GUY SAT ON
EMBARRASSING, BUT A GUY SAT ON THE MACHINE AT STARRED PLAYING
THE MACHINE AT STARRED PLAYING THE CREDITS I HAD EARNED ON
THE CREDITS I HAD EARNED ON THE MACHINE.
THE MACHINE. SEE NOTHING WAS IMPORTANT.
SEE NOTHING WAS IMPORTANT. MY ENTIRE LIFE REVOLVED AROUND
MY ENTIRE LIFE REVOLVED AROUND GAMBLING.
GAMBLING. AND THEN KAREN'S LIFE REVOLVED
AND THEN KAREN'S LIFE REVOLVED AROUND ME TRYING TO GET ME TO
AROUND ME TRYING TO GET ME TO COME TO MY SENSES.
COME TO MY SENSES. AND THAT WAS THE PATHOLOGY OF
AND THAT WAS THE PATHOLOGY OF MY WORLD PLANETARY SYSTEM, THE
MY WORLD PLANETARY SYSTEM, THE CENTER OF THAT UNIVERSE FOR ME
CENTER OF THAT UNIVERSE FOR ME WAS GAMBLING.
WAS GAMBLING. I WAS A JERK WHEN I WAS
I WAS A JERK WHEN I WAS GAMBLING.
GAMBLING. I WOULD PICK FIGHTS.
I WOULD PICK FIGHTS. AND THERE WAS NO WAY TO WIN
AND THERE WAS NO WAY TO WIN AGAINST A GAMBLING ADDICT.
AGAINST A GAMBLING ADDICT. IF I CAME HOME AND SUPPER
IF I CAME HOME AND SUPPER WASN'T READY, SEE YOU, I'M
WASN'T READY, SEE YOU, I'M GOING TO THE CASINO.
GOING TO THE CASINO. SUPPER WASN'T GOOD, I AIN'T
SUPPER WASN'T GOOD, I AIN'T GOING TO EAT THIS CRAP.
GOING TO EAT THIS CRAP. I'M GOING TO THE CASINO.
I'M GOING TO THE CASINO. PART OF MY PSYCHOLOGY OF IT IS
PART OF MY PSYCHOLOGY OF IT IS IS MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL
IS MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL LIKE THEY MADE YOU GO GAMBLE
LIKE THEY MADE YOU GO GAMBLE AND IT MAKES THEM FEEL GUILTY
AND IT MAKES THEM FEEL GUILTY AND JUSTIFIES MY GOING.
AND JUSTIFIES MY GOING. MY MIND CHANGED.
MY MIND CHANGED. I GOT TO WHERE I COULD
I GOT TO WHERE I COULD RATIONALIZE ANYTHING.
RATIONALIZE ANYTHING. I COULD INTELLECTUALIZE
I COULD INTELLECTUALIZE ANYTHING SO I DIDN'T WORRY TOO
ANYTHING SO I DIDN'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT HURTING PEOPLE.
MUCH ABOUT HURTING PEOPLE. IT WAS A MATTER OF SAYING, I'M
IT WAS A MATTER OF SAYING, I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO.
GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO. I CAME OUT OF THE CASINO AND I
I CAME OUT OF THE CASINO AND I DIDN'T HAVE A CENT ON ME.
DIDN'T HAVE A CENT ON ME. I HAD GAS IN THE CAR.
I HAD GAS IN THE CAR. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I HAD COME OUT BUT THAT
TIMES I HAD COME OUT BUT THAT PARTICULAR NIGHT IT WAS JUST,
PARTICULAR NIGHT IT WAS JUST, I HAD A REALIZATION THAT I HAD
I HAD A REALIZATION THAT I HAD REALLY, REALLY DESTROYED MY
REALLY, REALLY DESTROYED MY LIFE.
LIFE. EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR.
EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR. I HAD DECIDED I WAS GOING TO
I HAD DECIDED I WAS GOING TO SHOOT MYSELF THAT NIGHT.
SHOOT MYSELF THAT NIGHT. I ALWAYS CARRIED A 357
I ALWAYS CARRIED A 357 MAGNUM IN THE GLOVE
MAGNUM IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT AND ALWAYS HAD IT
COMPARTMENT AND ALWAYS HAD IT LOCKED.
LOCKED. I TURNED THE KEY AND FELT IN
I TURNED THE KEY AND FELT IN THERE AND THERE WAS NOTHING IN
THERE AND THERE WAS NOTHING IN THERE.
THERE. I THOUGHT WHERE'S MY GUN?
I THOUGHT WHERE'S MY GUN? WHAT HAPPENED TO IT?
WHAT HAPPENED TO IT? KAREN PROBABLY TOOK IT OUT
KAREN PROBABLY TOOK IT OUT BECAUSE SHE FIGURED I WOULD
BECAUSE SHE FIGURED I WOULD HURT MYSELF.
HURT MYSELF. I DROVE FAST AND WOKE KAREN UP
I DROVE FAST AND WOKE KAREN UP WHEN I GOT IN.
WHEN I GOT IN. I TOLD HER, THANK YOU, YOU
I TOLD HER, THANK YOU, YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
SAVED MY LIFE. YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE. YOU TOOK THE GUN OUT.
YOU TOOK THE GUN OUT. I RELATED TO HER WHAT HAD
I RELATED TO HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED.
HAPPENED. SHE TOLD ME, JOHNNY, I DIDN'T
SHE TOLD ME, JOHNNY, I DIDN'T TAKE THE GUN OUT TO SAVE YOUR
TAKE THE GUN OUT TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
LIFE. I TOOK THE GUN OUT TO PAY THE
I TOOK THE GUN OUT TO PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL SO THEY WOULDN'T
ELECTRIC BILL SO THEY WOULDN'T TURN OUR LIGHTS OFF.
TURN OUR LIGHTS OFF. WHEN I SAY I'M WRONG, I IMPLY
WHEN I SAY I'M WRONG, I IMPLY MORAL JUDGMENT.
MORAL JUDGMENT. YOU KNOW IT'S LIKE IF YOU SHOW
YOU KNOW IT'S LIKE IF YOU SHOW UP LATE AND SAY I'M SORRY.
UP LATE AND SAY I'M SORRY. BUT YOU KNOW, NOT NECESSARILY
BUT YOU KNOW, NOT NECESSARILY YOU'RE NOT NECESSARILY WRONG.
YOU'RE NOT NECESSARILY WRONG. BUT NO MOST OF THE TIME I TOLD
BUT NO MOST OF THE TIME I TOLD KAREN I WAS WRONG.
KAREN I WAS WRONG. BUT MY MAIN THING WAS MY WIFE.
BUT MY MAIN THING WAS MY WIFE. THAT WAS MY MAIN PERSON.
THAT WAS MY MAIN PERSON. I HAD TO MAKE AMENDS TO.
I HAD TO MAKE AMENDS TO. >> IS THERE SOMEONE IN YOUR
>> IS THERE SOMEONE IN YOUR PAST THAT YOU HAVE HURT AND
PAST THAT YOU HAVE HURT AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT?
ABOUT IT? ARE YOU CARRYING THAT GUILT
ARE YOU CARRYING THAT GUILT AND SHAME AROUND YOU IN AND
AND SHAME AROUND YOU IN AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL
WITH IT BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL JOU THE COURAGE TO GO TO THEM?
JOU THE COURAGE TO GO TO THEM? WELL IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE
WELL IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
MAKE THINGS RIGHT. WHEN JESUS WAS HERE ON EARTH,
WHEN JESUS WAS HERE ON EARTH, THERE WAS A GUY THAT WANTED TO
THERE WAS A GUY THAT WANTED TO SEE JESUS.
SEE JESUS. AND THAT'S WHAT WE WANT.
AND THAT'S WHAT WE WANT. WE WANT TO SEE GOD.
WE WANT TO SEE GOD. WE WANT TO KNOW HIM
WE WANT TO KNOW HIM PERSONALLY, INDIVIDUALLY,
PERSONALLY, INDIVIDUALLY, PRIVATELY, INTIMATELY.
PRIVATELY, INTIMATELY. THIS MAN WANTED TO SEE HIM.
THIS MAN WANTED TO SEE HIM. HE WAS A SHORT MAN IN STATURE
HE WAS A SHORT MAN IN STATURE SO HE FOUND OUT WHERE JESUS
SO HE FOUND OUT WHERE JESUS WAS COMING, WENT AND GOT UP A
WAS COMING, WENT AND GOT UP A TREE AND WAITED THERE SO HE
TREE AND WAITED THERE SO HE COULD SEE HIM. THE CROWDS
COULD SEE HIM. THE CROWDS WERE SO BIG AND HE COULDN'T
WERE SO BIG AND HE COULDN'T SEE OVER THEIR HEADS SO HE DID
SEE OVER THEIR HEADS SO HE DID WHATEVER HE HAD TO DO.
WHATEVER HE HAD TO DO. WHEN JESUS GOT TO WHERE
WHEN JESUS GOT TO WHERE ZACCHAEUS WAS, UP A TREE, HE
ZACCHAEUS WAS, UP A TREE, HE STOPPED AND SAID ZACCHAEUS,
STOPPED AND SAID ZACCHAEUS, COME DOWN.
COME DOWN. TODAY I'M GOING TO YOUR HOUSE.
TODAY I'M GOING TO YOUR HOUSE. THERE'S A COUPLE THINGS I
THERE'S A COUPLE THINGS I WANTED TO POINT OUT.
WANTED TO POINT OUT. ONE IS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TREE
ONE IS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TREE YOU MAY BE UP, WHAT KIND OF
YOU MAY BE UP, WHAT KIND OF SITUATION YOUR LIFE MAYBE IN
SITUATION YOUR LIFE MAYBE IN BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE OR
BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE OR HAVEN'T DONE, BUT GOD KNOWS
HAVEN'T DONE, BUT GOD KNOWS WHAT TREE YOU'RE UP AND RIGHT
WHAT TREE YOU'RE UP AND RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.
WHERE YOU ARE. HE'S CALLING US TO COME DOWN
HE'S CALLING US TO COME DOWN AND HUMBLE OURSELF.
AND HUMBLE OURSELF. AS SOON AS ZACCHAEUS CAME DOWN
AS SOON AS ZACCHAEUS CAME DOWN JESUS SAID I'M GOING TO YOUR
JESUS SAID I'M GOING TO YOUR HOUSE TODAY.
HOUSE TODAY. ZACCHAEUS SAID, EVERYBODY I
ZACCHAEUS SAID, EVERYBODY I HAVE WRONG, EVERYBODY I'VE
HAVE WRONG, EVERYBODY I'VE CHEATED I'M GOING TO PAY THEM
CHEATED I'M GOING TO PAY THEM BACK AND I'LL DO IT FOUR
BACK AND I'LL DO IT FOUR TIMES.
TIMES. I'LL GIVE HALF OF WHAT I HAVE
I'LL GIVE HALF OF WHAT I HAVE TO THE POOR AND THOSE I TOOK
TO THE POOR AND THOSE I TOOK I'LL PAY THEM BACK FOUR TIMES
I'LL PAY THEM BACK FOUR TIMES WHAT I'VE TAKEN FROM THEM.
WHAT I'VE TAKEN FROM THEM. JESUS SAID, TODAY, SALVATION
JESUS SAID, TODAY, SALVATION HAS COME TO YOUR HOUSE.
HAS COME TO YOUR HOUSE. IT'S IMPORTANT WE MAKE AMENDS
IT'S IMPORTANT WE MAKE AMENDS TO THOSE WE HAVE HARMED.
TO THOSE WE HAVE HARMED. IT'S NOTS' SEECHLT IT DOESN'T
IT'S NOTS' SEECHLT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THEY ACCEPT OUR
MATTER IF THEY ACCEPT OUR AMENDS OR NOT.
AMENDS OR NOT. IN MY LIFE WHEN I BEGAN TO
IN MY LIFE WHEN I BEGAN TO WORK THIS BIBLICAL PRINCIPLE
WORK THIS BIBLICAL PRINCIPLE NOT JUST HEAR IT, BUT DO IT.
NOT JUST HEAR IT, BUT DO IT. NOT THOSE WHO HEAR WHAT JESUS
NOT THOSE WHO HEAR WHAT JESUS SAYS BUT DO WHAT HE SAYS THAT
SAYS BUT DO WHAT HE SAYS THAT WILL BE STANDING WHEN THE NEW
WILL BE STANDING WHEN THE NEW DAY DAWNS.
DAY DAWNS. THE FIRST AMEND I MADE WAS TO
THE FIRST AMEND I MADE WAS TO MY WIFE.
MY WIFE. I MADE AMENDS TO MY CHILDREN
I MADE AMENDS TO MY CHILDREN AND I WENT TO THE PERSON I
AND I WENT TO THE PERSON I THOUGHT WAS CLOSEST TO ME I
THOUGHT WAS CLOSEST TO ME I THOUGHT, AND WHEN I WENT TO
THOUGHT, AND WHEN I WENT TO MAKE AMENDS THIS PERSON THAT
MAKE AMENDS THIS PERSON THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A
WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A SPIRIT-FILLED CHRISTIAN TURNED
SPIRIT-FILLED CHRISTIAN TURNED INTO A DEMONIC LOOKING FIGURE
INTO A DEMONIC LOOKING FIGURE AND STARTED TO CALL ME EVERY
AND STARTED TO CALL ME EVERY NAME THERE WAS.
NAME THERE WAS. AND IT WAS LIKE OH, MY GOD.
AND IT WAS LIKE OH, MY GOD. DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT? DOESN'T MATTER IF THEY ACCEPT
DOESN'T MATTER IF THEY ACCEPT IT OR NOT, THE IMPORTANT THING
IT OR NOT, THE IMPORTANT THING IS CLEAN YOUR HOUSE.
IS CLEAN YOUR HOUSE. DO THE RIGHT THING.
DO THE RIGHT THING. BECAUSE IF YOU CLEAN HOUSE AND
BECAUSE IF YOU CLEAN HOUSE AND TRUST GOD, YOU'LL KNOW THE
TRUST GOD, YOU'LL KNOW THE JOYS OF LIVING, HAPPY, JOYOUS
JOYS OF LIVING, HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE.
AND FREE. IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE MAKE
IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE MAKE AMENDS TO THOSE WE ARE HARMED.
AMENDS TO THOSE WE ARE HARMED. >> WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DEAL
>> WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DEAL WITH TODAY IS PREPARING, NOT
WITH TODAY IS PREPARING, NOT PREPARING BUT GOING ABOUT AND
PREPARING BUT GOING ABOUT AND MAKING AMENDS AND RESTITUTION
MAKING AMENDS AND RESTITUTION TO THOSE WE HAVE HARMED.
TO THOSE WE HAVE HARMED. AND YOU TALK ABOUT A BIG DEAL,
AND YOU TALK ABOUT A BIG DEAL, THIS IS A BIG DEAL.
THIS IS A BIG DEAL. BECAUSE WE HAVE EXPECTATIONS
BECAUSE WE HAVE EXPECTATIONS WHEN WE DO THAT, YOU KNOW.
WHEN WE DO THAT, YOU KNOW. WE EXPECT THEM TO BE AS HAPPY
WE EXPECT THEM TO BE AS HAPPY ABOUT IT AS WE ARE.
ABOUT IT AS WE ARE. AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.
AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. A LOT OF TIMES THEY'RE TICKED
A LOT OF TIMES THEY'RE TICKED OFF.
OFF. BECAUSE WE WERE MEDICATING
BECAUSE WE WERE MEDICATING OURSELVES.
OURSELVES. THEY WERE STILL IN PAIN.
THEY WERE STILL IN PAIN. WELL HOW ARE WE GOING TO
WELL HOW ARE WE GOING TO HANDLE THAT?
HANDLE THAT? AND HOW DO WE GO ABOUT OUR
AND HOW DO WE GO ABOUT OUR APPROACH TO THEM?
APPROACH TO THEM? >> LET ME SAY IN THE INSTANCE
>> LET ME SAY IN THE INSTANCE OF ME AND MY DAUGHTER, I HAVE
OF ME AND MY DAUGHTER, I HAVE TO BE VERY OPEN WITH HER.
TO BE VERY OPEN WITH HER. I DIDN'T HIDE ANYTHING FROM
I DIDN'T HIDE ANYTHING FROM HER.
HER. I EXPLAINED MY ADDICTION TO
I EXPLAINED MY ADDICTION TO HER.
HER. SOME OF IT SHE HAD BEEN
SOME OF IT SHE HAD BEEN EXPOSED TO SOME SHE HADN'T,
EXPOSED TO SOME SHE HADN'T, BUT I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR
BUT I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED.
GRANTED. I ASKED FOR HER FORGIVENESS,
I ASKED FOR HER FORGIVENESS, SPECIFICALLY FOR WHAT I KNEW I
SPECIFICALLY FOR WHAT I KNEW I DID AND I LET HER SHARE WHAT I
DID AND I LET HER SHARE WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW.
DIDN'T KNOW. I LET HER TELL ME WHAT AREAS I
I LET HER TELL ME WHAT AREAS I HURT HER IN.
HURT HER IN. IT WAS HARD BECAUSE I'M HER
IT WAS HARD BECAUSE I'M HER MOTHER.
MOTHER. SHE WANTED TO PLEASE ME.
SHE WANTED TO PLEASE ME. SHE HAD BEGUN A RELATIONSHIP
SHE HAD BEGUN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE SHE COVERED AND
WHERE SHE COVERED AND PROTECTED ME TOO.
PROTECTED ME TOO. SHE SAID OKAY MOM, I FORGAVE
SHE SAID OKAY MOM, I FORGAVE YOU.
YOU. I HAD TO UNDERSTAND IT WOULD
I HAD TO UNDERSTAND IT WOULD BE AN ON GOING PROCESS.
BE AN ON GOING PROCESS. AND EVERY NOW AND THEN AS PART
AND EVERY NOW AND THEN AS PART OF THE HEALING PROCESS THAT
OF THE HEALING PROCESS THAT ANGER REARS ITS UGLY HEAD AND
ANGER REARS ITS UGLY HEAD AND I CAN TELL WHEN SHE'S REACTING
I CAN TELL WHEN SHE'S REACTING TOWARD ME BASED ON SOMETHING
TOWARD ME BASED ON SOMETHING I'VE DONE IN THE PAST.
I'VE DONE IN THE PAST. SHE'S 11 YEARS OLD.
SHE'S 11 YEARS OLD. AT HER AGE I'LL SAY I'VE ASKED
AT HER AGE I'LL SAY I'VE ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS SPECIFICALLY
FOR FORGIVENESS SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS AND YOU SAID YOU
FOR THIS AND YOU SAID YOU ACCEPTED IT.
ACCEPTED IT. WE CAN DEAL WITH ONE ISSUE AT
WE CAN DEAL WITH ONE ISSUE AT THE TIME SO WE'RE NOT CLOUDING
THE TIME SO WE'RE NOT CLOUDING IT WITH WHAT HAPPENED IN MY
IT WITH WHAT HAPPENED IN MY PAST.
PAST. I HAD OVER A YEAR OF
I HAD OVER A YEAR OF COUNSELING AND SHE DIDN'T.
COUNSELING AND SHE DIDN'T. THAT I AM HER COUNSELOR.
THAT I AM HER COUNSELOR. SO ON GOING FORGIVENESS FROM
SO ON GOING FORGIVENESS FROM HER, I MEAN FORGIVENESS FROM
HER, I MEAN FORGIVENESS FROM HER WILL BE ON GOING AND I
HER WILL BE ON GOING AND I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT.
HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. AND SOMETIMES IT HURTS.
AND SOMETIMES IT HURTS. CAN SEE HER REACTING, BUT I
CAN SEE HER REACTING, BUT I HAVE TO TAKE THE BRUNT OF THE
HAVE TO TAKE THE BRUNT OF THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT.
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT. THAT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS.
THAT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS. SHE'S MY CHILD.
SHE'S MY CHILD. >> EARNING THEIR TRUST, HOW
>> EARNING THEIR TRUST, HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
DO YOU DO THAT? >> FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE TO
>> FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE TO BE DISCIPLINE AND HOPE YOU CAN
BE DISCIPLINE AND HOPE YOU CAN EARN THEIR TRUST BACK.
EARN THEIR TRUST BACK. WHEN YOU TELL A PERSON YOU'RE
WHEN YOU TELL A PERSON YOU'RE CLEAN AND OFF OF ALCOHOL AND
CLEAN AND OFF OF ALCOHOL AND DRUGS, THEY'LL SAY YEAH RIGHT,
DRUGS, THEY'LL SAY YEAH RIGHT, THE FIRST BAD SITUATION THAT
THE FIRST BAD SITUATION THAT HAPPENS THEY'LL RUN RIGHT BACK
HAPPENS THEY'LL RUN RIGHT BACK OUT THERE.
OUT THERE. THEY'RE WATCHING YOU FOR A
THEY'RE WATCHING YOU FOR A WHILE.
WHILE. AND THEY'RE WATCHING YOU AND
AND THEY'RE WATCHING YOU AND WAITING.
WAITING. WHEN I JOINED MY CHURCH AND
WHEN I JOINED MY CHURCH AND EVERYONE FOUND OUT I WAS FROM
EVERYONE FOUND OUT I WAS FROM TEEN CHALLENGE THEY WERE
TEEN CHALLENGE THEY WERE WATCHING ME.
WATCHING ME. THEY'RE LIKE YEAH HE'S FROM
THEY'RE LIKE YEAH HE'S FROM TEEN CHALLENGE I HEAR.
TEEN CHALLENGE I HEAR. HE'LL GO BACK TO THE STREETS
HE'LL GO BACK TO THE STREETS SOONER OR LATER.
SOONER OR LATER. NEXT THING YOU KNOW TEN YEARS
NEXT THING YOU KNOW TEN YEARS WENT BY AND THAT YOUNG MAN FOR
WENT BY AND THAT YOUNG MAN FOR REAL.
REAL. HE ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST IN
HE ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST IN HIS HEART.
HIS HEART. I APOLOGIZED TO THE PEOPLE I
I APOLOGIZED TO THE PEOPLE I HAD DONE WRONG TO AND SAID I
HAD DONE WRONG TO AND SAID I WAS SORRY.
WAS SORRY. YOU STILL HAVE TO WIN THEIR
YOU STILL HAVE TO WIN THEIR TRUST.
TRUST. EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN THERE 15
EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN THERE 15 YEARS, THEY'RE STILL WATCHING
YEARS, THEY'RE STILL WATCHING ME.
ME. >> BUT FOR ME THE MOST
>> BUT FOR ME THE MOST POINTED ASPECT OF THIS STEP
POINTED ASPECT OF THIS STEP WAS THAT IT WAS MY FIRST TRUE
WAS THAT IT WAS MY FIRST TRUE MEASURE OF HOW GOD COULD ACT
MEASURE OF HOW GOD COULD ACT IN MY LIFE.
IN MY LIFE. AND IT WAS WITH TREPIDATION I
AND IT WAS WITH TREPIDATION I SET OUT TO MAKE A NUMBER OF MY
SET OUT TO MAKE A NUMBER OF MY AMENDS BECAUSE I EXPECTED BAD
AMENDS BECAUSE I EXPECTED BAD THINGS.
THINGS. AND WHAT WAS NECESSARY FOR ME
AND WHAT WAS NECESSARY FOR ME WAS TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE
WAS TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO KNEW THE SITUATION, NEW
WHO KNEW THE SITUATION, NEW ME, COULD HELP ME WITH MY
ME, COULD HELP ME WITH MY MOTIVES.
MOTIVES. AND THEN TO TALK TO GOD.
AND THEN TO TALK TO GOD. MAKE A RIGHT PLACE IN MY HEART
MAKE A RIGHT PLACE IN MY HEART FROM WHICH TO COME.
FROM WHICH TO COME. THE METHODOLOGY I USED WAS
THE METHODOLOGY I USED WAS FAIRLY FORMAL BUT IT FOLLOWED
FAIRLY FORMAL BUT IT FOLLOWED EXACTLY WHAT DALLAS AND ANN
EXACTLY WHAT DALLAS AND ANN HAVE TALKED ABOUT.
HAVE TALKED ABOUT. YOU KNOW, NOT SAYING I'M
YOU KNOW, NOT SAYING I'M SORRY, BUT ADMITTING I HAD
SORRY, BUT ADMITTING I HAD DONE WRONG.
DONE WRONG. GIVING THEM AN OPPORTUNITY TO
GIVING THEM AN OPPORTUNITY TO TELL ME HOW WRONG IT WAS AND
TELL ME HOW WRONG IT WAS AND HOW I HURT THEM.
HOW I HURT THEM. AND THEN BEING WILLING TO MAKE
AND THEN BEING WILLING TO MAKE AMENDS.
AMENDS. YOU KNOW, IF THAT MEANT PAYING
YOU KNOW, IF THAT MEANT PAYING BACK MONEY, IF THAT MEANT
BACK MONEY, IF THAT MEANT DOING WHATEVER, MY EXPRESSION
DOING WHATEVER, MY EXPRESSION OF WILLINGNESS WAS, HOW CAN I
OF WILLINGNESS WAS, HOW CAN I MAKE IT RIGHT?
MAKE IT RIGHT? >> SOMEONE HAS SAID IN ASKING
>> SOMEONE HAS SAID IN ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS AND PUTTING
FOR FORGIVENESS AND PUTTING YOURSELF IN A VULNERABLE
YOURSELF IN A VULNERABLE POSITION THAT IT'S BEST NOT TO
POSITION THAT IT'S BEST NOT TO RIGHT IT OUT.
RIGHT IT OUT. BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL, YOU WANT
BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL, YOU WANT THE PAST FORGIVENESS, NOT
THE PAST FORGIVENESS, NOT DOCUMENTED.
DOCUMENTED. AND YOU KNOW, WE INFLICT, OR
AND YOU KNOW, WE INFLICT, OR WE ACTUALLY STIR UP SOMETIMES
WE ACTUALLY STIR UP SOMETIMES PAIN IN OUR MAKING AMENDS.
PAIN IN OUR MAKING AMENDS. LET'S NOT GIVE PEOPLE
LET'S NOT GIVE PEOPLE INSTRUMENTS OF CRUELTY.
INSTRUMENTS OF CRUELTY. SO IF YOU ARE MAKING AMENDS
SO IF YOU ARE MAKING AMENDS AND YOU HAVE AMENDS TO MAKE
AND YOU HAVE AMENDS TO MAKE LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY.
LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY. >> I MET RUSS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
>> I MET RUSS IN HIGH SCHOOL. I WAS ABOUT 15.
I WAS ABOUT 15. WE HUNG AROUND WITH A LOT OF
WE HUNG AROUND WITH A LOT OF KIDS WHO DID ALL THE PARTYING.
KIDS WHO DID ALL THE PARTYING. >> AND WE SEEMED TO FIT VERY
>> AND WE SEEMED TO FIT VERY WELL WITH EACH OTHER.
WELL WITH EACH OTHER. WE GOT ALONG REAL WELL AND WE
WE GOT ALONG REAL WELL AND WE KIND OF HIT IT OFF.
KIND OF HIT IT OFF. >> I PICKED UP THE PARTYING
>> I PICKED UP THE PARTYING FROM HIM.
FROM HIM. I DIDN'T REALLY EVER DO DRUGS
I DIDN'T REALLY EVER DO DRUGS OR ANYTHING UNTIL I MET HIM.
OR ANYTHING UNTIL I MET HIM. SO WE DATED.
SO WE DATED. THEN WE GOT MARRIED.
THEN WE GOT MARRIED. AND HAD OUR CHILDREN.
AND HAD OUR CHILDREN. WE HAD TWO BOYS.
WE HAD TWO BOYS. AND HIS DRUGS STARTING GETTING
AND HIS DRUGS STARTING GETTING A LITTLE BIT WORSE.
A LITTLE BIT WORSE. I STARTED CHEER LEADING FOR
I STARTED CHEER LEADING FOR THE BILLS AND I STARTED
THE BILLS AND I STARTED DRINKING THEM.
DRINKING THEM. >> BUT IT WASN'T UNCOMMON
>> BUT IT WASN'T UNCOMMON THAT WE WOULD DRINK A LEADER
THAT WE WOULD DRINK A LEADER OF WHISKEY BEFORE WE WOULD GO
OF WHISKEY BEFORE WE WOULD GO OUT FIVE, SIX NIGHTS A WEEK,
OUT FIVE, SIX NIGHTS A WEEK, STILL SMOKED MARIJUANA,
STILL SMOKED MARIJUANA, ***, LSD, PRETTY MUCH
***, LSD, PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING I COULD GET MY AND ON
ANYTHING I COULD GET MY AND ON I DID.
I DID. >> IT GOT TO THE POINT WE
>> IT GOT TO THE POINT WE STARTED DRIFTING APART FROM
STARTED DRIFTING APART FROM EACH OTHER.
EACH OTHER. SO I STARTED GOING OUT WITH MY
SO I STARTED GOING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS AND STARTED DRINKING
FRIENDS AND STARTED DRINKING AND SLEEPING AROUND.
AND SLEEPING AROUND. HE WOULD ACTUALLY STAY HOME
HE WOULD ACTUALLY STAY HOME AND WATCH THE KIDS WHILE I
AND WATCH THE KIDS WHILE I WOULD GO OUT ON DATES.
WOULD GO OUT ON DATES. I WAS ADDICTED TO SEX AND
I WAS ADDICTED TO SEX AND ADDICTED TO DRINKING.
ADDICTED TO DRINKING. I WAS ALSO A DIKD TO LYING.
I WAS ALSO A DIKD TO LYING. >> AND YOU WAKE UP SOMEPLACE
>> AND YOU WAKE UP SOMEPLACE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT THERE AND LAUGH IT OFF.
THERE AND LAUGH IT OFF. I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
I'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. AND YOU FIND YOURSELF DOING
AND YOU FIND YOURSELF DOING THAT AGAIN.
THAT AGAIN. THEN YOU'RE WAKING UP NEXT TO
THEN YOU'RE WAKING UP NEXT TO YOUR BED BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T
YOUR BED BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T GET IN YOUR BED AND YOU WAKE
GET IN YOUR BED AND YOU WAKE UP IN THE KITCHEN BECAUSE YOU
UP IN THE KITCHEN BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T MAKE TO IT THE
COULDN'T MAKE TO IT THE BEDROOM.
BEDROOM. THEN YOU'RE WAKING UP ON YOUR
THEN YOU'RE WAKING UP ON YOUR FRONT PORCH BECAUSE YOU
FRONT PORCH BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T GET INTO THE HOUSE.
COULDN'T GET INTO THE HOUSE. >> THEN I MET SOMEONE ELSE.
>> THEN I MET SOMEONE ELSE. MAYBE FIVE, SIX HOUSES DOWN
MAYBE FIVE, SIX HOUSES DOWN THE STREET.
THE STREET. HE WAS A FIREMAN.
HE WAS A FIREMAN. A REAL NICE GUY.
A REAL NICE GUY. DECIDED TO MOVE IN WITH HIM.
DECIDED TO MOVE IN WITH HIM. I TOOK MY KIDS AND MOVED IN
I TOOK MY KIDS AND MOVED IN WITH HIM.
WITH HIM. ABOUT A YEAR LATER WE DECIDED
ABOUT A YEAR LATER WE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED.
TO GET MARRIED. SO I FINALLY DIVORCED MY
SO I FINALLY DIVORCED MY HUSBAND.
HUSBAND. GOT MARRIED.
GOT MARRIED. AND THEN FOR THE NEXT SIX
AND THEN FOR THE NEXT SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE, I WAS
YEARS OF MY LIFE, I WAS MARRIED FOR SIX YEARS, IT WAS
MARRIED FOR SIX YEARS, IT WAS ROUGH.
ROUGH. A LOT OF MENTAL ABUSE.
A LOT OF MENTAL ABUSE. >> AFTER A LONG MESSY FALLING
>> AFTER A LONG MESSY FALLING OUT, WE GOT DIVORCED.
OUT, WE GOT DIVORCED. AND AT THAT POINT, FOR ME, NOT
AND AT THAT POINT, FOR ME, NOT HAVING THE ACCOUNTABILITY,
HAVING THE ACCOUNTABILITY, KIDS TO GO HOME TO, I HIT ROCK
KIDS TO GO HOME TO, I HIT ROCK BOTTOM.
BOTTOM. THERE WERE NO BOUNDARIES FOR
THERE WERE NO BOUNDARIES FOR ME.
ME. I DID WHATEVER I WANTED TO DO.
I DID WHATEVER I WANTED TO DO. >> I LEFT MY SECOND HUSBAND,
>> I LEFT MY SECOND HUSBAND, WENT TO A SHELTER FOR BATTERED
WENT TO A SHELTER FOR BATTERED WOMEN.
WOMEN. THOUGHT OF KILLING MYSELF AND
THOUGHT OF KILLING MYSELF AND THANK GOD I DIDN'T.
THANK GOD I DIDN'T. THE NEXT DAY A FRIEND OF MINE
THE NEXT DAY A FRIEND OF MINE INTRODUCED ME TO JESUS AND
INTRODUCED ME TO JESUS AND FROM THAT DAY FORWARD MY WHOLE
FROM THAT DAY FORWARD MY WHOLE LIFE HAD CHANGED.
LIFE HAD CHANGED. I DIDN'T DRINK ANYMORE.
I DIDN'T DRINK ANYMORE. AND A YEAR LATER ACTUALLY RUSS
AND A YEAR LATER ACTUALLY RUSS ENDED UP GETTING SAVED.
ENDED UP GETTING SAVED. >> AND AT THAT POINT I WAS
>> AND AT THAT POINT I WAS DELIVERED FROM CIGARETTES.
DELIVERED FROM CIGARETTES. I WAS DELIVERED FROM ALCOHOL.
I WAS DELIVERED FROM ALCOHOL. I WAS DELIVERED FROM DRUGS.
I WAS DELIVERED FROM DRUGS. IT WAS--I WAS IN SUCH A STIR
IT WAS--I WAS IN SUCH A STIR FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS I
FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT.
DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT. I DROVE AROUND IN MY CAR.
I DROVE AROUND IN MY CAR. I MADE AMENDS WITH PEOPLE I
I MADE AMENDS WITH PEOPLE I THOUGHT I COULD NEVER TALK TO
THOUGHT I COULD NEVER TALK TO AGAIN.
AGAIN. I CALLED THEM AND CRIED AND
I CALLED THEM AND CRIED AND APOLOGIZED.
APOLOGIZED. >> AND A YEAR AFTER THAT WE
>> AND A YEAR AFTER THAT WE ACTUALLY GOT BACK TOGETHER
ACTUALLY GOT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AND REUNITED.
AGAIN AND REUNITED. >> WE INVITED SOME FRIENDS
>> WE INVITED SOME FRIENDS OVER, SOME CLOSE FRIENDS THAT
OVER, SOME CLOSE FRIENDS THAT HAD BEEN, THAT WE HAD KNOWN
HAD BEEN, THAT WE HAD KNOWN FOR 15, 18 YEARS TOGETHER AND
FOR 15, 18 YEARS TOGETHER AND FAMILY AND WE INVITED THEM TO
FAMILY AND WE INVITED THEM TO HER FATHER'S HOUSE FOR DESSERT
HER FATHER'S HOUSE FOR DESSERT FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AND NO
FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AND NO ONE KNEW WE WERE GETTING
ONE KNEW WE WERE GETTING MARRIED EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE
MARRIED EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE INVOLVED.
INVOLVED. >> DESSERT WAS OUR WEDDING.
>> DESSERT WAS OUR WEDDING. >> WE GOT MARRIED.
>> WE GOT MARRIED. >> AND THE GLORY OF GOD.
>> AND THE GLORY OF GOD. >> WELL WE WATCHED AND HEARD
>> WELL WE WATCHED AND HEARD SOME PEOPLE THAT HAVE OPENED
SOME PEOPLE THAT HAVE OPENED THEIR HEARTS AND HAVE REACHED
THEIR HEARTS AND HAVE REACHED A PLACE THAT THEY WERE WILLING
A PLACE THAT THEY WERE WILLING TO ADMIT THEY HAD BEEN WRONG.
TO ADMIT THEY HAD BEEN WRONG. NOT AN EASY THING TO DO.
NOT AN EASY THING TO DO. BUT IF YOU'RE PAIN STAKE EN
BUT IF YOU'RE PAIN STAKE EN ABOUT THIS PART OF YOUR
ABOUT THIS PART OF YOUR DEVELOPMENT YOU'LL COME TO
DEVELOPMENT YOU'LL COME TO KNOW A JOY AND PEACE YOU'VE
KNOW A JOY AND PEACE YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED.
NEVER EXPERIENCED. YOU'LL KNOW HOW TO HANDLE
YOU'LL KNOW HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS THAT USE TO BAFFLE
SITUATIONS THAT USE TO BAFFLE YOU.
YOU. YOU'LL COMPREHEND THE WORD
YOU'LL COMPREHEND THE WORD PEACE.
PEACE. YOU'LL SEE HOW YOU CAN BENEFIT
YOU'LL SEE HOW YOU CAN BENEFIT OTHERS.
OTHERS. SELF PITY WILL SLIP AWAY.
SELF PITY WILL SLIP AWAY. YOU'LL BE CHANGED IF YOU'LL
YOU'LL BE CHANGED IF YOU'LL MAKE RIGHT THE WRONG.
MAKE RIGHT THE WRONG. NOT EASY.
NOT EASY. BUT IT'S WORTH THE PRICE.
BUT IT'S WORTH THE PRICE. SO I JUST PRAY TODAY THAT GOD
SO I JUST PRAY TODAY THAT GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE COURAGE AND
WILL GIVE YOU THE COURAGE AND THE STRENGTH TO GO TO THOSE
THE STRENGTH TO GO TO THOSE YOU HAVE WRONGED AND ADMIT IT.
YOU HAVE WRONGED AND ADMIT IT. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.
SAY. IT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING, THAT'S
IT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING, THAT'S WHAT PLEASES GOD.
WHAT PLEASES GOD. AND HE WANTS YOU TO BE FREE.
AND HE WANTS YOU TO BE FREE. THAT'S WHY YOU WERE BORN TO BE
THAT'S WHY YOU WERE BORN TO BE FREE.
FREE. >> HAVE YOU BEEN INSPIRED TO
>> HAVE YOU BEEN INSPIRED TO START YOUR JOURNEY TO
START YOUR JOURNEY TO RECOVERY?
RECOVERY? PLEASE CALL OUR TOLL-FREE
PLEASE CALL OUR TOLL-FREE NUMBER 1-888-665-4483.
NUMBER 1-888-665-4483. AND OUR PRAYER PARTNERS CAN
AND OUR PRAYER PARTNERS CAN HELP YOU FIND A GROUP IN YOUR
HELP YOU FIND A GROUP IN YOUR AREA.
AREA. OR YOU CAN VISIT OUR WEBSITE.
OR YOU CAN VISIT OUR WEBSITE. CLICK ON THE BORN TO BE FREE
CLICK ON THE BORN TO BE FREE LINK.
LINK. THERE YOU CAN SEARCH OUR DATA
THERE YOU CAN SEARCH OUR DATA BASE OF RECOVERY GROUPS NEAR
BASE OF RECOVERY GROUPS NEAR YOU.
YOU. WHEN YOU CALL OR VISIT OUR
WHEN YOU CALL OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE, REQUEST YOUR FREE
WEBSITE, REQUEST YOUR FREE COPY OF THE SELF HELP BOOKLET,
COPY OF THE SELF HELP BOOKLET, YOUR DYNAMIC JOURNEY TO
YOUR DYNAMIC JOURNEY TO FREEDOM.
FREEDOM. IN IT YOU'LL FIND AN OUTLINE
IN IT YOU'LL FIND AN OUTLINE OF THE RECOVERY PROCESS
OF THE RECOVERY PROCESS FEATURED IN THIS SERIES.
FEATURED IN THIS SERIES. SO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP ON
SO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP ON YOUR JOURNEY TO FREEDOM BY
YOUR JOURNEY TO FREEDOM BY CONTACTING US, FINDING A LOCAL
CONTACTING US, FINDING A LOCAL RECOVERY GROUP AND GETTING
RECOVERY GROUP AND GETTING YOUR FREE COPY OF THIS
YOUR FREE COPY OF THIS INSPIRING BOOKLET.
INSPIRING BOOKLET. CALL NOW BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN
CALL NOW BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN TO BE FREE..
>> I STILL DESIRE TO LOOK GOOD, AND I STILL APPRECIATE
GOOD, AND I STILL APPRECIATE THE ATTENTION OF OTHER PEOPLE
THE ATTENTION OF OTHER PEOPLE AND I CONTINUALLY HAVE TO LAY
AND I CONTINUALLY HAVE TO LAY THAT DOWN AND REMEMBER THAT
THAT DOWN AND REMEMBER THAT THAT IS NOT A GOAL THAT I
THAT IS NOT A GOAL THAT I NEED TO HAVE IN MY LIFE.
NEED TO HAVE IN MY LIFE. >> YOU'LL HAVE BAD NIGHTS
>> YOU'LL HAVE BAD NIGHTS WHERE YOU BINGE AGAIN AND
WHERE YOU BINGE AGAIN AND DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT.
IT. LIVE IT AND GET OVER AND TRY
LIVE IT AND GET OVER AND TRY TO DO BETTER THE NEXT NIGHT.
TO DO BETTER THE NEXT NIGHT. EVERY SIX MONTHS IT'S PROBABLY
EVERY SIX MONTHS IT'S PROBABLY BETTER BUT IT'S A HEALING
BETTER BUT IT'S A HEALING PROCESS FOR ME.
PROCESS FOR ME. 詛MAZING GRACE.
詛MAZING GRACE. HOW SWEET THE SOUND.
HOW SWEET THE SOUND. 貂 ONCE WAS BOUND BUT NOW I'M
貂 ONCE WAS BOUND BUT NOW I'M FREE.
FREE. >> EVERY DAY I TELL MY WIFE
>> EVERY DAY I TELL MY WIFE HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE HER AND
HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE HER AND HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME.
HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME. AND THAT'S THE GIFT OF
AND THAT'S THE GIFT OF RECONCILIATION.
RECONCILIATION. >> RESTORES LOVE.
>> RESTORES LOVE. RESTORES TRUST.