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NARRATOR: It was the day of
Barney and Robin's wedding,
and a surprise guest
had just arrived.
ROBIN: Mom, I-I can't
believe you're here.
- How did you get here?
- On a plane.
With your fear of flying? What,
did the plane drive here?
(laughs)
I've made enormous strides
since you last saw me, dear.
This is nice.
(chuckles)
I don't love flying,
I must admit.
I haven't been on a plane
in years, but... maybe this
- won't be such a bad... - PILOT: Ladies
and gentlemen, we are cleared for takeoff.
(screams)
We're all gonna die!
We're all gonna die!
(screaming)
During the flight, I'll
admit, I-I had a few...
difficult moments, but, you know,
by the time we'd landed...
Here already.
Well, I have to say, it
wasn't so dreadful after all.
Oh, I do apologize if I
caused any distress.
And, oh, I'm terribly
sorry about the door.
I had no idea it would
fly off like that.
Please, please send me a bill,
because I'd like to replace it.
I'll be taking
the train home.
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x20 ♪
Daisy
Original Air Date on March 10, 2014
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Well, it's official: I'm gonna
be Judge Marshall Eriksen.
That is great.
Can you help me get
a driver's license?
A what?
Marshall, you, uh, you don't sound
too excited to become a judge.
(sighs) I feel kind
of guilty about it.
I mean, I know how badly Lily
wanted to move to Italy.
Don't do this, bro.
Classic mistake.
You won-- enjoy it.
Drink the blood of your
vanquished enemy and move on.
You're gonna be
a great husband.
No, no, wait,
he has a point.
I mean, you said yourself,
it was her decision.
Lily chose to
give up her job
and not move to Rome
so you could be a judge.
Yeah, but something
seemed off.
We had this big fight
and she stormed out,
and when she came back, she had
totally, like, changed her mind.
Wait, what time was this?
A little after 3:00
a.m., Billy Zabka. Why?
Well, last night, I was out doing some
late-night dirt-biking in the sand.
Naturally. Continue.
And I ended up at that EZ
Pick a few miles up the road.
And, well...
That's odd.
SEVERAL PEOPLE:
Boo...!
You saw Lily getting
into someone's car?
- I wonder who it was.
- What did the license plate say?
It said...
"AHOY!!!"
The Captain! Lily's boss.
He has a house out here.
Wait, why was Lily getting into the
Captain's car at 3:00 in the morning?
Guys...
I hate to even
say this, but...
do you think
it's possible...
...that I could eat six of these
saltines in under a minute?
Challenge accepted!
Well, I can't wait
to meet this Barney.
I haven't met him
already, have I?
Because they said
after getting Tasered,
I might suffer from
short-term memory loss.
Oh, you'd remember
if you'd met Barney.
Why don't I see what
he's doing right now?
(phone ringing)
- Barney's phone.
- Ted, where's Barney?
He's trying to eat six
saltines in under a minute.
Well, his future
mother-in-law is here.
Robin's mom is here.
And she wants to meet him.
She wants to meet you.
He's kind of in the middle of a
saltine challenge at the moment.
But as soon as he's done, he'll
just, uh, pop right over.
All right. Good-bye.
- ROBIN: The saltine challenge? Now?
- (Lily chuckles)
It's his wedding day. Guys do weird
things on their wedding day.
Well, on my wedding day,
Robin's father completely
disappeared for about three hours.
He just said, "I've got to go and teach
somebody some manners," and off he went.
And then
three hours later,
he emerged from the
woods with a dead elk
slung across his shoulder.
And I didn't even know that
there were elk in Bermuda.
But this Barney-- he sounds
like a fine young man.
Yes, he is.
We're going again.
Marshall, are you okay?
Why did she get into the Captain's car,
and why didn't she tell me about it?
- Well, maybe it was a work thing.
- What? No. She has a big fight with me,
she goes down to an EZ Pick, she
gets into the Captain's Mercedes,
and then three hours later, she
doesn't want to go to Italy anymore?
I mean, do you
think this means...
That the Captain moored his dinghy
in Lily's lagoon? Most definitely.
That's crazy. You'd never
moor a dinghy in a lagoon.
I don't know, Ted. In certain tidal
conditions, if you had a protected inlet...
Okay, you know what? It doesn't matter.
Today is Barney's wedding.
Let's just forget it.
Marshall...
do you want to go over to the
Captain's house right now,
punch him in the face really fast and
then come back and do this wedding?
- Would that be okay?
- Ranjit, get the car.
Getting the car.
Baby, I can't wait
to meet your mom,
but I kind of got to go on a little
excursion with the boys right now.
What? Where are you going?
Me and the boys have to go
teach someone some manners.
Are there any elk
on Long Island?
♪ My gallant
housekeeping crew ♪
♪ Good morning.
♪ Sir! Good morning.
♪ I hope you are quite well.
♪ Quite well, and you, sir?
♪ I am in reasonable health.
♪ And happy to meet you all once.. ♪
(doorbell rings)
Oh, bother it!
I'll get it.
Ahoy, Marshall!
(Captain grunts)
- Are you okay, Robin?
- No, I'm not okay,
because apparently, I am
marrying my dad in a few hours.
Oh, sweetie, no. I'm
sure that's not true.
I mean, th-there's so much you
don't know about your father.
There were... oh, there were so many
other red flags in our marriage.
I mean, for instance, do you know
that before he was engaged to me,
he was engaged to marry
an exotic dancer?
Hello!
Red flag!
LILY: Oh, Genevieve,
not good.
And did you know
that one time,
to impress women, he dressed
up like a Prussian aristocrat,
had a painting
of himself made,
and posed next to it
in an art gallery?
Can you imagine?
Oh, that's a rough one.
Darling, darling,
the list goes on.
He would always take his
mother's side in arguments.
He never checked with
me before making plans.
And our rehearsal dinner...
oh, boy, did we have it out
right before our
rehearsal dinner!
Thank you, Linus.
GENEVIEVE: For the first
ten years I knew him,
I didn't even know what your
father did for a living.
- Every time I used to ask him,
he'd just say... - Please!
Yes, that's exactly what he used
to say. How did you know that?
Heck of a jab, Marshall.
Well-placed.
MARSHALL:
Captain,
I know something happened
between you and Lily last night.
What?
No. Nothing happened.
Captain's honor.
Well, you can
ask my fiancée.
Fiancée? What-what
fiancée?
- Captain. Permission to
clear things up? - Granted.
Me. We're engaged.
It's "boats,
boats, boats"!
- Ted, look!
- Uh, yeah.
I mean, yeah, I know her
from that commercial.
Boats, boats, boats!
And only from
that commercial.
No, you banged her.
Remember?
Like, a bunch of times.
You knocked "boots,
boots, boots""
MARSHALL: All right, Captain. What
the hell happened here last night?
Well, it was just
after four bells.
(phone ringing)
Ahoy!
(choked up): Hi, I-I know it's late,
but I've got to get out of here.
CAPTAIN: So I sent the car.
When she got here...
- Lily, what a lovely...
- Can I use your powder room?
And then she went
to the powder room.
She was in there quite
a while, actually.
Probably a deuce. Go on.
CAPTAIN: And when she came out,
she had to leave right away.
It was odd.
But I assure you, nothing inappropriate
happened between me and your wife.
Captain, I understand
what you're saying,
but what you don't understand
is that Lily is my wife,
and I love her way too much to
behave rationally right now!
En garde!
This is the best
day of my life.
Oh, darling,
come on, no, no.
You're not marrying
your father.
I mean, your father... I mean,
let's just put it this way.
Your father was
a sociopath.
He slept with
over 20 women.
And sure, you know, we were
friends for years first
and it was entertaining
watching him lie
to those poor girls to get
inside their snow pants,
but I should have known back then
this was not husband material.
I mean, even your Uncle Jim, you
know, his gay black brother...
Will you shut up!
Go for Barney!
Your bride is freaking the crap out
right now. Where the hell are you?
I warn you, Captain,
I've pretended to have a duel
with actual swords twice.
I warn you, Marshall, I was
on the Olympic fencing team.
Won three gold medals.
I warn you, Captain,
I'm starting to feel like
this was a mistake.
I think I'd better
not say where I am.
I am not kidding around here!
Tell me where you are!
(sighs)
We're at the
Captain's house.
What is it? What's wrong?
I am so busted.
Thank you, Linus.
You have another
piece of gum?
LILY:
I can keep a secret.
I can keep a secret real good.
- Are you chewing gum? - I can keep
a secret like nobody's business,
'cause it is nobody's business.
You never chew gum. You
shouldn't chew gum in here.
'Cause it's a secret,
and I'm keeping it!
Wait!
Stop the duel!
Oh, thank God.
I mean, why?
TED: Why? Because I just solved
the mystery, that's why.
Mosby Boys!
We agreed you wouldn't
do that anymore.
Mystery? What mystery?
Lily has a secret.
She's hiding something,
and I know what it is.
Okay, what is she hiding?
I'll tell you in a minute.
I want to enjoy the suspense
a little bit first.
Ooh.
Oh, my God, will
you just tell us!
Very well.
Now, we can all agree that this is
the first time I've ever set foot
in this house, correct?
Oh, this is going
to be unbearable.
Now, Captain, your
powder room--
does it face out
on the ocean?
Of course, right
over the cliff.
Just as I suspected.
And if I were to walk into
this powder room right now,
I believe I'd see a potted
plant of some sort.
- Is that correct?
- Yes. There's a daisy.
A daisy. Interesting.
Uh, not traditionally
an indoor plant, but
I suppose it gets plenty of light
with the southern exposure.
That's right, it does.
Will you please
fetch the daisy?
Aye-aye.
I totally solved it.
You didn't solve it.
You didn't solve it.
You didn't solve it.
You didn't solve it. Did you solve...?
No, you didn't solve it.
I solved it!
Ah.
Thank you, Captain.
Now...
a simple question.
When Lily and Marshall are apart
for an extended period of time,
what is the one thing
Lily always does?
Cry?
- ***?
- Karate?
- Go sailing?
- No.
When Lily and Marshall are apart
for a long period of time,
Lily... always...
...starts smoking again.
That's true, she does.
Happened when she went
to Paris in college.
It happened when she moved to
San Francisco, and last week,
it happened again.
From the moment Marshall
left for Minnesota,
Lily's been secretly
puffing down the ciggies
like a 46-year-old grandma
at a Reno slot machine.
Problem was, come
Friday morning,
she knew she'd have to
quit again, cold turkey.
And it wouldn't be easy.
She tried to make it a whole car
ride without a fix, but couldn't.
So, she pretended
to be annoyed
by perfectly reasonable things,
like my stylish driving gloves
and my appreciation of the
historic van Otterloop manse.
All so she could have one
last smoke on the train.
But afterwards, her
breath told the tale.
And that's why, when
she got to the hotel,
Lily...
was chewing...
gum.
Lily never chews gum.
- What? Never?
- Well, hardly ever.
Great job, Ted.
That's some pretty
solid evidence. Gum.
(laughing):
Oh, Barney, my dear boy.
- I'm just getting started.
- Getting started?
TED: Lily knew that cigarette was
probably her last for a while.
She needed something to
keep her nerves calm,
so she headed to the bar.
Anytime you see me without
a drink in my hand,
you put a drink
in my hand.
Are you my guy, Linus?
TED: What followed was a long
day and a half for Lily.
A really long
day and a half.
Oh, it's kind of insane how much
happened in just a day and a half.
Anyway, Marshall returned, they had
a big fight, Lily stormed out.
And that's when
she realized,
if she was gonna sneak one this
weekend, this was her chance.
And after that fight,
boy, did she need one.
Only problem: She was all out.
Now, it's 3:00 a.m.,
you need a cigarette,
and the only place that's open is an EZ
Pick that's five miles down the road.
You have no car.
What do you do? Go.
- Dirt-bike it.
- I can walk that far.
- ***.
- Take a boat.
What? A boat? No.
Dude, she got a ride
in your car, remember?
(phone ringing)
Ahoy.
Hi. I-I know it's late, but
I've got to get out of here.
I want to make
one stop first.
TED:
The problem was,
Lily didn't want to smoke in
front of her new employer.
So, when she arrived at the
Captain's house, there was only one
possible course of action.
Can I use your
powder room?
TED: Now, you're Lily.
You've just had a cigarette
in your boss's powder room.
What do you do with
the cigarette butt?
Throw it out the window?
Flush it?
No, she-she wouldn't do either of those
things. She's an environmentalist.
- Stick it in your purse?
- Marshall could find it there.
- Throw it in the trash can.
- The Captain would find it there.
Hide it in a boat.
- A boat? Wait. How would that...
- I don't know. I just... I like boats.
No.
There's only one place
that she would put it.
A place where, eventually,
it would decompose and
serve as a natural mulch.
It's in the daisy.
And sure enough,
if I dig around...
I am all but
guaranteed to find...
A pregnancy test.
You could smoke those?
(vomiting)
(panting)
Oh, no.
So, you want
the Kennedy package?
Bingo.
One other little thing.
When you do put a drink in my hand,
let's make it non-alcoholic.
There's a chance I
might be pregnant.
Okay, Linus, don't start popping
the sparkling cider just yet.
I'm just being cautious.
I'll take a test when I
get home. It can wait.
Are Marvin and I
and any other future children
we may have just some
consolation prize?
I have to get out of here.
♪
(sighs)
It can't wait.
♪
- Lily, what a lovely...
- Can I use your powder room?
♪
Two minutes. Here we go.
♪
Guys, we need to go
back to the hotel.
Lily peed on that,
and you touched it.
Lily?
We're gonna have a baby?
I told you guys I
could keep a secret.
Uh, uh, Barney,
this-this is my mom.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Oh. Oh, he's a hugger.
Nothing like your dad.
(laughs)
I'm sorry. I-I was
gonna tell you tonight.
No. Oh, my God, no.
It's fine. There's just...
there's so much we have to do.
You know, we have to, um...
we have to do
research on...
uh, hospitals in Italy,
and we have to, uh...
We're not going to Italy.
Of course we are.
Lily, we have to do this.
You're gonna live in Rome,
and you're gonna get
your dream, because...
because you're
giving me mine.
Again.
But there's gonna be all
sorts of paperwork,
and-and if she's born
outside of the U.S.,
she could never
become president.
It's a girl?
Oh. I don't know, but...
in my mind, I kind
of think she is.
Oh.
I love you so much.
Mmm.
We're gonna give
you some privacy.
- It's my room. Why do I
have to...? - Just... come on.
- I thought this was an exit.
- No, balcony.
Ah. Oh.
Well, we'll just give them
a few minutes, and then...
- Mm-hmm.
- ...we'll go back in and...
Oh.
- Oh, they are both naked.
- Yeah, they work fast.
Yes. (sighs)
Oh, darling.
Oh, you're going
to be fine.
You know, for every
marriage in the world
like I had with your dad,
you know, there's...
there's a marriage like
those two in there.
And, oh, marriage is...
Oh, it's terrifying.
It's-it's like flying.
You know, you're-you're filled
with this mortal dread, but
if you find someone you feel
safe with, it's like flying!
But if you got someone that you
feel is really there for you,
someone you can depend on,
you're gonna be fine.
Do you have someone
like that?
I do.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther