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IRV: It may not seem so at first glance
but a lot changes in small towns.
Take, for instance, Everwood's first local bank.
It burned down in '66 and they never rebuilt it.
Everwood's first gas station was Sinclair Pump and Engine.
We have a Mobil now, and you pump your own gas.
And, of course, y'all know what happened to the train depot.
Which brings me to this bridge.
Legend has it, the bridge was built
by a young man and woman...
...who lived on opposite sides of the river.
The two fell in love and constructed the bridge...
...so they could meet in the middle
and share what would be their first kiss.
From that day on, it was known, appropriately enough...
...as the Kissing Bridge.
Now, if people had just stuck to kissing...
...Dr. Brown may have been able to avoid one heck of a crisis.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The point is, Everwood's gone through
a whole lot of changes, both inside and out...
...but the Kissing Bridge has stood the test of time.
Evidence, I guess, that some things are built to last...
...and some things aren't.
[theme music]
ANDY: How does that feel?
That'd point to a design flaw
in the structure, yes, but you lucked out.
I fractured my arm in three places.
If I was luckier, I'd be dead.
Hey, it was just your arm.
I once treated a man who fell through his own floor.
It was a three-story brownstone in Greenwich Village.
The wood was rotten and he crashed right through.
He broke his arms and suffered multiple cranial contusions.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
-Make you feel any better? -Much.
Sorry to interrupt. The Clarks are in the next room.
ANDY: Thanks, Edna.
Avoid using that arm for few days...
...and, uh, just to be safe, why don't
you avoid using bridges as well?
-Will do, doc. -Atta boy.
-How you feeling today, Susie? -Pretty good.
The antibiotics you prescribed really seem
to be doing the trick.
Well, we may have jumped the gun on that prescription, Mrs. Clark
which is why I called you in.
The lab reports on Susie's culture came back...
...and it looks like she doesn't have strep throat.
-So it's just a regular cold? -Not exactly.
Uh, perhaps Susie and I should talk alone first.
Why would you need to do that?
-Yeah, I don't care. -Okay, then.
It looks like you might have contracted an STD, Susie.
-A what? -A sexually transmitted disease.
But how is that possible? I've never even had sex.
I'm, like, a total ***.
-Are you sure? -Of course she's sure.
Good Lord. What kind of question is that?
As her doctor, I have to ask.
I don't mean to make anyone uncomfortable.
Well, I believe she answered your question.
She's never had sex. She's a ***.
Well, I hate to henpeck, Mrs. Clark,
but, uh, I still have a diagnosis...
...which contends that your daughter...
...has, in fact, engaged in some sort of *** activity.
Well, I've never done anything that can get me pregnant...
...and that's what sex is, right, Mom?
Feel free to call me if you have any more questions.
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
I never would've thought little Susie Clark had it in her.
It's always the quiet ones.
That's the second girl I've seen this week...
...and with the same misguided information.
It's like they've never heard the term "safe sex."
Educating these kids get about sex is how to spell it.
Some can't even do that right.
Any idea what the schools are teaching?
I'm not sure. But whatever they don't cover, HBO does.
Fred Slaughter's in the examining room.
More bowel trouble.
-Oh, joy. -Heh.
WENDELL: I'll have it around by 2.
Let me guess, another one of your dealings...
...in the student-favor cartel.
That was my mom's mechanic.
You'll find my reach far beyond our high-school walls, Brown.
Just out of curiosity...
...when do you find time for things like
I don't know, homework?
An abundance of riches.
Why do you have pieces of nature hanging here?
Are you aware of the fall dance that's coming up?
-I've seen some posters. -The fall dance is special.
It's the dance where the girls ask the boys.
The way they ask us is sort of a tradition around here.
Once the they've chosen an item, they tie a ribbon around
sign their names, place it on your locker as a way
of inviting you. Check your locker.
That's okay. I think I'll pass.
It's official, they're tearing down the Kissing Bridge.
It even made the front page of the Pine Cone.
Let me see that.
They'd to push Ms. Cartwright's wedding announcement to Page 3.
She's gonna be pitching a fit, I guarantee it.
-I'll be damned. -Are they really gonna do that?
Bulldozers are coming in next week.
Well, I for one say it's about time.
That thing has just been a safety hazard for years.
Your mouth is a bigger safety hazard than that...
...and nobody's torn you down. Yet.
Think they'd try to fix it before calling a wrecking crew.
It's laziness, is all. Bunch of sluggards run the world.
People would rather destroy a historical monument...
...than patch a damned hole!
You okay, honey?
I take it she had the chili again.
Yes, I see you're trying to pawn off your Baldwins...
...as Macouns again, Reginald.
-Tell me that's not dessert. -The nightmare continues.
I have a modest proposal, doctor.
You are donating your body to science...
...to further the medical understanding
of the North American ***.
Close.
I suggest, we trade diagnoses of the local yokels.
For what purpose?
On the chance we notice a pattern of sickness or disease
developing in the community. Sound good? I'll go first.
Treated anyone for gonorrhea of the throat lately?
May have come in looking like strep.
I'm familiar with gonorrhea of the throat.
-Not personally, I hope. -Listen here, Dr. Cocoa Puffs.
If I treated anyone for anything, I wouldn't tell you.
There's this little rule called doctor-patient confidentiality.
Perhaps you've heard of it.
Hypothetical, if a few cases of the same STD
came into your office, what'd you do?
Being a doctor, I suppose I'd
oh, I don't know, treat them?
What if the patients didn't understand
how they got the disease?
-How could they not understand? -In their mind...
...a sexually transmitted disease
can only be transmitted via sex...
...and in their mind, sex is....
Intercourse.
I wanna talk to the parents.
Maybe talk to the kids too about this.
-About what? -How to protect themselves.
People in this town need to be educated about few things.
People in this town need to be educated about lots of things
including how to parallel park.
Luckily, I'm not here to teach them. Neither are you.
Isn't part of being a doctor teaching people...
...how to avoid getting sick, especially young people?
Why are you interested in this?
I've a son who goes to that school. So do you.
Don't you want them to have all the information that we have?
So give it to him. Who's stopping you?
-What about the other kids? -Let their parents worry.
News flash: You're not here to save the world, Dr. Brown.
Just to annoy it.
Hi.
Hi, did you have a nice lunch?
-No. -Oh.
Well, okay.
-The Thompkins are in. -It's the wrong file.
Uh, Louise, call my tennis instructor
tell him to change 5:00 to 6:00.
Call Rose, tell her I'll be an late.
Why is there no coffee in the coffee pot?
-We ran out of coffee. -Forgot where the market is?
Well, Francine, your culture came back
and as I suspected, you--
You do not have strep throat.
-Hey, Ephram, what's up? -I just wanted to ask you--
FYI, only the girls are supposed to give the pine cones.
Yeah, I'm aware of that, Kayla.
Somebody left this for me on my locker.
Who?
[GIGGLING]
I don't know.
Ephram, you didn't think that I--
No, no, no, I was just confirming.
I guess I overestimated you, dude.
Thought you'd come up with a new way of messing with me.
Oh, why bother, dude? You keep falling for the same joke, man.
[CHUCKLES]
I wanna apologize for my brother.
I know he's a jerk sometimes--
-Try all the time. -If it makes you feel better...
...I didn't ask because I'm not going with anyone.
-I'm not even going myself. -Fine. Whatever.
It'd be weird. Last year I asked Colin--
I said fine. Look, don't you-- I don't care.
I don't need to hear about your boyfriend every time. I get it.
Okay? I get it.
What?
What? What's it? Are you moving us to Zimbabwe or something?
No, no, it's nothing like that. It's--
I was just thinking about something.
It's funny, actually.
Well, it's not so much funny "ha-ha" as--
You see, the thing is...
...I don't know whether or not you've ever had sex.
Heh. And you never will.
Okay, then. Good talking to you.
DELIA: My penguin hat! Dad!
-What's wrong? -Look at my hat.
-Looks clean to me. -You did something wrong.
I put it in the machine like you said.
-Then? -Then I put it in the dryer.
Now we're getting somewhere.
I shouldn't have put it in the dryer?
Mom always washed it in the dishwasher.
Well, you didn't tell me that last night.
I didn't think it would come to this.
Just wear one of your other hats.
I can't. This is the best one.
-Says who? -Never mind, I can make it fit.
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
I need a Pop-Tart.
Hello?
Hello, Dr. Abbott.
Finally taking me up on my carpooling offer?
Sure. I can be there in 20 minutes.
Alright.
As mayor, I now adjourn this city-council meeting.
We will now take a short recess to allow
the school board to come into session.
School board is now in session.
You're lucky. The school board's nicer than city council.
Good afternoon, doctors.
I admit, never thought I'd see the day
where you two joined forces.
Dear, don't start.
-"Dear"? Are you two--? -Wedded, yes.
Is there anybody here who is not related to one another?
I understand we have a nasty little STD...
...floating around County High, is that right?
Right. We're here to prevent more of it from spreading.
How are you gonna do that? Are we talking vaccines?
There are no vaccines for gonorrhea.
Nor are there any for Chlamydia, Syphilis or ***.
What we can do is educate our children
which is the best preventative medicine I know of.
I have prepared a memo...
...which both advises parents as to the situation at hand...
...and advises them to talk to their children.
I'll call the superintendent to look at it.
We don't think that memo is enough.
-We don't? -No.
We'd like you to talk to the superintendent...
...and ask him to change the school curriculum.
The program that we have is approved and paid for...
...by the Government of the United States.
Yes, I'm aware of the program. It teaches abstinence only.
It's antiquated and doesn't provide enough information.
What are you suggesting, doctor, we hand out condoms in homeroom?
That would be a good start.
This is not New York City, doctor, nor is it California.
What Dr. Brown means to say--
What I mean to say is...
...that one in 10 kids will have sex before the age of 13.
One in four will get a sexually transmitted disease.
Like it or not, our children are having sex.
We can either teach them how to be safe
so they don't die, or we can stay in our cocoons...
...wax poetic about the good old days
and pretend it isn't happening.
I say we go on. What's next?
Heh. Are you serious?
We don't have the authority or funding...
...to change the current program, Dr. Brown. I'm sorry.
That's alright.
-We appreciate your taking-- -Then don't change it.
In response to the epidemic
offer a privately funded assembly.
Given by the two doctors of this community.
We'll teach them a few basic preventative measures.
-Answer any questions they have. -"We"?
-An assembly. I like it. -"We"?
The super would have to approve and the principal.
I'm sure they'd get you to separate the boys and girls.
I'll take the girls and he'll take the boys.
Excuse me, do I have any say in this?
And we'll issue a memo...
...so that any parents who don't want this...
-...can keep them out. -Don't humor me.
[GAVEL BANGS]
Next docket.
Cool wife. Does she ever let you play with the gavel?
Did you see how Brett totally annihilated Beth yesterday...
...when she tried to give him a pine cone?
It was so sad.
MAGILLA: Okay?
MAGILLA & BOY: One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.
Hi, Magilla.
You're not allowed to move your wrist.
-Shut up, I'm not. -Can I play next?
No way.
-Why not? -Not with some stupid girl.
This is the thumb-war championship game.
-So? -So you suck your thumb.
I do not!
Get lost, penguin.
-I thought you liked penguins. -I never said that. Take a hike.
BOY: Yeah, take a hike.
Yes, I won.
Hey, bought you a chicken parmesan.
-Thought you might be hungry. -Well, watch it, now.
You're spilling tomato sauce over my drill bits.
I'll just set it over here for you.
Guess what?
Looks like they may not be tearing down
the Kissing Bridge after all.
Why wouldn't they tear it down?
Because I went down to the city-council meeting
and asked them not to.
Why would you do a thing like that?
Has your brain gone AWOL? I don't know what you want--
I don't want anything.
I can't believe you, going to a city-council meeting.
-Who do you think you are? -Your husband.
And the last time I checked...
...it was within a husband's rights
to try to cheer up his grouchy wife.
In the first place, if I needed cheering up
I would rent Terminator like I always do.
Second, I don't give a damn about that old bridge.
You certainly acted like you cared the other day.
And now you've busted out your toolkit.
I know something's bugging you.
You don't know diddlysquat.
-Where are you going now? -To the video store.
Have you decided who you're asking
to the fall dance this year, Amy?
It's not funny, ***.
Amy, language.
What's the big deal? Not like you're gonna ask him.
You don't know that.
Oh, so you would've asked him? Well...
...you better thank me then, because I saved your reputation.
Asked who? What are we talking about?
Nothing. I'm not asking anybody to the dance
Okay? Let's just change the subject.
Colin wouldn't want you to sit home alone--
Can we just drop it, please?
Well, uh, I have an announcement to make.
Due to your mother's warped sense of humor...
...I'm going to be hosting a sex-education assembly...
...at your high school this week.
I realize this maybe a bit uncomfortable for both of you...
...especially considering the highly sensitive subject matter
so, I wanted to open it up to a family discussion.
Any thoughts?
-Amy? -Is this because Susie got VD?
[HARRY COUGHING]
ROSE: How do you know about Susie?
-Everybody knows. -I didn't know.
How could you not know, you dated her.
Like, a million years ago. Back when
Francy was still in the picture.
Francy? Francy who?
Francine Thompkins. She's one of your patients.
-Oh. -The one with the tattoo.
What's the big deal about gonorrhea?
It's completely curable.
Unlike the ***, which never goes away, right?
I think your father will be covering
all of this at the assembly.
Now, would anybody like dessert?
I'd no idea this would bother you.
Well, now you know.
You can go back and tell them you changed your mind.
-This bread is hurting my teeth. -Can't do that.
Your mom always used to go to PTA meetings
and was a member of the school board. You never minded that.
Mom made banana bread for the bake sales.
She didn't frontline sex assemblies.
You've seen my cooking, I can't do bake sales.
-I'm serious. -What is it you want from me?
I want you not to do this.
If you do, it's gonna make my life more unbearable
which is, like, not even humanly possible.
If it's not even possible for your life to get any worse.
then what's the problem?
-Yeah. -Just shut up.
ANDY: I think you're being just a little bit melodramatic.
It's not like I'm trying to ruin your life.
You don't have to try. You do it pretty naturally.
What is it that I'm doing that's so terrible?
Everyone in school is gonna go around
saying Dr. Brown is a big sex expert...
...and how his loser son can't even get a date.
What dance? What are you talking about?
Nothing, forget it.
Is that the reason you don't want me to come?
Because you want to go to a dance? I'm confused.
Why do I even need a reason?
Why can't you just be a father instead of a doctor for once?
When I was in neurosurgery, I could never help people
before they got sick. I couldn't prevent their sickness.
I can do that now.
So if you miss this assembly...
...kids all over town are gonna drop from having unsafe sex?
Well, it's a good thing you're there for them, Dr. Brown.
One day I'll know what it's like for you to be here for me.
-Hey. -Back to greeting each other?
I am if you are.
-I was never mad at you, Ephram. -Well, you should have been.
I said some pretty stupid things the other day. I'm sorry.
Why don't we stop with the back-and-forth apologies...
...and just assume we're both, like, sorry forever?
Yeah. Okay. Deal.
Can you believe our dads are coming to school today?
Must be the end of the world.
Bad enough I've to see him every morning and night.
-Afternoons are my time off. -Know what you mean.
-I hate my parents these days. -Really?
You seem like such a well-adjusted family unit.
Sure, my father's OCD and my brother's ADD...
...and my mother is just plain crazy.
Oh, yeah? And what are you?
I'm tired and this dance is just making me feel worse.
And my mom keeps bugging me about it. It's like...
...no one understands why this is hard for me.
I just wanted to ask him, you know?
Like last year.
I just wanna feel normal again, just for one second.
Instead of how I feel now.
If that's what you wanna do, then you should do it.
-What are you talking about? -Ask Colin to the dance.
He's three hours away from here, four by bus.
If we wanna make it back by dinner, we have to leave.
-Ephram. -I'm serious, Amy.
I'd give anything to be able to talk to mom again.
It wouldn't matter to me if she could answer.
I'd just be happy to see her.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Because he's not gonna be here this afternoon, that's why.
So you can either reschedule...
...or you can keep your appointment and let me treat.
I'd be happy to shove a tongue depressor right--
-Edna? -Uh, I'll call you back, Pearl.
Is there something you'd like to talk about?
Nope, why?
Because you're scaring the sick people away and we don't charge.
Doc...
...I think I'm depressed.
I didn't think you got depressed.
Well, the cat's out of the bag.
Apparently I got feelings.
It's got to do with my first husband, Hal Senior.
I've been thinking about him a lot lately.
-Any particular reason why? -Particulars aren't important.
I just know I wanna stop thinking about him.
Now, how do I do that?
It depends. How do you deal with grief?
I've served two tours in Nam.
-Denial, then? -Pretty much.
-So, what do you do? -Let's see.
I uproot my family, move them to nowhere
Open up a free clinic.
But hey, that's just me.
Husbands aren't as easy to wrangle as kids.
For one thing, they're heavier.
What does Irv think about all this?
I haven't exactly told him.
Well, I think that's your first step.
Now, I hate to dispense advice and run, Edna
but I'm late for school.
So hand me some condoms and wish me luck.
My mom said you could come over tomorrow after school
if you want.
Are your ears broken or something?
I thought you didn't like me.
Don't be dumb. I talk, don't I?
-Do you wanna come over or not? -I guess so.
-You brought visual aids? -Naturally. Didn't you?
-I brought condoms. -Good luck, doctor.
When you go over the symptoms of gonorrhea, talk slowly.
Odds are, there's at least one kid in your assembly who has it.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Thank you.
HARRY: Yes, thank you.
Hello. Ahem.
My name is Dr. Harold Abbott.
Uh, let's, uh..
Let's start off with some basics.
[WOLF WHISTLE AND LAUGHTER]
Please know that my presence here today is in no way....
AMY: Kim Einhorn asked David Lee...
...which no one ever thought she'd have the nerve to do.
Ever since she got her braces off
she's like this totally different person.
And he said yes, which was so cool.
Oh, and the decorating committee is going all out this year.
Ali's mom wants to turn the gym into a magical forest.
I know it sounds bizarre, but Ali says her mom...
...is practically a professional at this stuff...
...so it should look amazing.
I guess now the only thing that's missing is you and me.
Which is why I'm here.
I know it's last-minute and everything...
...but would you go to the dance with me?
You can say yes anytime, Colin.
Just open your eyes and say yes.
Just open your eyes, Colin, please.
And the question-and-answer session went great.
I have no idea who Dr. Drew is, but apparently I kick his butt.
That's great, Dad.
You seem upset, kiddo.
Is something wrong?
-It's Magilla. -The bully?
-Is he bothering you again? -Not exactly.
You see, when it's just me and him, he's nice to me.
But when other people are around, he says I'm diseased.
Yeah.
So you like him?
I sit behind him in Miss Violet's class.
And sometimes I just wanna put my hands on his shoulders.
Um...
...maybe we should see if Nina's home.
I don't understand. Why doesn't he want anyone to know?
I want to tell the whole world.
Well, you know, honey, boys and girls are very different.
Not just how they look on the outside...
...but how they work things out on the inside.
For instance, uh, when you wanna be friends with a boy...
...you might wanna bake him cookies.
Or touch his shoulders?
Right.
Okay.
But if a boy wants to be friends with you...
...he might punch you.
-As a sign of friendship. -Really? He did flick my cap.
He did?
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
He wasn't?
All of his classes?
No. No, I haven't.
Ephram?
Ephram?
Well, thank you, yes. No, I appreciate the call.
Oh, I'll be sure to talk to him.
Thank you.
If he ever comes home.
Hey, take it easy. You don't have to inhale it.
I'm so starving, I had no idea.
Thank you for coming with me, Ephram.
It's cool. I was pretty hungry too.
No, I mean for coming all the way out here...
...to Denver, and the hospital and everything.
It means a lot to me.
Yeah, well, I didn't really wanna be in school today.
What with my dad being *** king.
Was it this bad in New York?
Mean, was I this big a geek back home?
-I didn't mean it like that. -Ah, it's okay.
I almost went to one dance at my old school.
The winter semi-formal.
I asked Catherine Adams to go.
She wasn't the most popular girl in school
but she was the prettiest.
She had this whole punk, Gwen Stefani look going on...
...which most girls in high school can't pull off
but she did.
Anyway, my friends dared me to ask her.
I did, and she actually said yes
which was, like, a total shock.
The day of the dance, Catherine calls.
She's sick, she can't go.
Now, I can't tell my mom this
because she's so excited for me.
I don't want her to know what a loser her son is.
So I get dressed up in my suit
grab the corsage and leave...
...like I'm gonna go pick up Catherine.
Except, of course, I don't.
Instead, I go see Rush Hour 2.
Which actually is a pretty decent movie.
I take it Catherine wasn't really sick?
It turns out she was.
She had mono and was out the rest of the semester.
See, you weren't geeky at all.
Gwen Stefani was gonna take you.
Is that the right time?
-We missed our bus. -Yeah? We'll catch the next one.
There is no next one.
Well, that could be a problem.
You think I should call the police, or is that crazy?
It's too soon to call the police, don't you think?
How could he get lost?
And why wasn't he in school?
Did he get lost on his way to school?
Dad, you've gotta get a grip.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Wait here, Delia.
Wondering where your little hoodlum is?
You know where Ephram is?
Grab your coat. We're going to Denver.
I wouldn't have pegged you for a vanilla guy. Lemon, maybe.
-It's my wife's car. -Ah.
That explains the My Best Friend's Wedding CD.
The CD is mine, I collect the soundtracks.
Don't-- Don't sing.
You know, I was thinking, we should ask the infected girls...
...to offer a list of recent *** partners.
-Maybe cross-reference it. -Why?
Because I don't think the assembly'll be enough.
We should make a stab at finding who Patient Zero is.
I agree. However, now that the students are informed...
...perhaps the infected teenager will come forward willingly.
We should give him a day or so to do the right thing.
Yeah, you're probably right.
[ANDY SIGHS]
So, what are you gonna say to Amy?
I'm going to ground her, obviously.
Really, ground her?
Aren't you going to ground Ephram?
Hadn't thought about it yet.
I'm just so relieved that he's alright.
Oh, for God's sake, don't tell him that.
If they knew we were concerned, they'd eat us alive.
Teenagers, they can smell weakness. They're like dogs.
I'm not gonna hide anything.
We're trying to build a relationship
based on honesty and trust.
Really? How is that working out?
[ANDY SIGHS]
Well, it just takes time, that's all. We'll get there.
Listen.
I know you wanna be your son's friend.
But he doesn't need a friend now. He needs a parent.
-How do you know what he wants? -He's 15, he's testing you.
You are failing the test.
What am I supposed to do?
He cut class, you punish him. Take away phone privileges...
...don't allow him to pierce anything for the next 6 months.
But do something.
Be his father.
My dad is gonna kill me.
I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him why you went.
That's not the way it works in my house.
How does it work?
He yells, I apologize. There's a sentencing.
Then I bargain with my mother until the sentence gets reduced.
In my house it's more like I yell, he yells, both yell.
And eventually someone gets tired.
Sounds good to me.
Amy.
Dad, uh..
I'll be in the car.
HARRY: Why didn't you call sooner?
AMY: I'm so sorry I worried you, Dad.
HARRY: As long as you're alright
that's all that matters.
WOMAN: Goodnight. MAN: Night.
You avoiding me?
Maybe.
You were right about that bridge.
I do have feelings about it.
Truth is, I was proposed to on that bridge...
...and not by you.
I see.
The whole thing just pissed me off.
I thought I'd dealt with that stuff...
...and now I'm thinking maybe I didn't
because this whole past week...
...well...
...I've been missing him, Irv.
And maybe I should've told you from the get-go.
-But it just didn't feel right. -Well, why not?
Because you're not supposed to make me feel better...
...about missing the husband I had before you.
That's just bass ackwards.
Edna, I love you.
You wouldn't be you without Hal Senior.
You wouldn't even be you without that Nutter Butter son of yours.
Who I know means the world to you.
-Pfft. -I don't need you to pretend...
...that you didn't have a life before me.
I just need to be able to put my arms around you when you're sad.
Even if you are sad over someone else.
I guess you can do that.
Okay.
I guess I will, then.
Bright.
Is there anything you want to talk to me about?
I am so sorry, Dad.
It's just a scratched bumper, and it's not even my fault.
I'm pulling out and this lady comes flying--
No, let me put it another way.
Is there anything you need to be tested for, medically?
Can I get something from a scratched bumper?
Concerning the STD at your school.
Alright, Dad, I'm gonna let you in
on something that may blow your mind.
-Do you think you can handle it? -I doubt it, but try me.
Okay.
You remember Elka from The Real World, the "Boston" one?
I must have missed "Boston."
Well, Elka was supremely hot.
But she never sealed the deal with her boyfriend...
...because she had all these, like, religious beliefs.
Uh-huh.
Well...
...I'm kind of like Elka.
In that I'm very attractive but I haven't, you know
done anything.
-You know. -Oh.
Except my reasons have less to do with religion...
...more with the fact that my girlfriends won't.
Which is why I'm done with freshmen.
Uh.
Anyway, I didn't want you worrying about me anymore.
But if you could keep this info between us
you know what I'm saying?
Well, son, this is the best talk we've ever had.
You scratched the bumper.
I feel bored.
I beat you, like, 7000 times on this game.
Yeah, I know. It's not too fun for me, either.
-Wanna play something better? -Okay.
Help me push it out.
Which one do I get?
I'll pick one for you.
I'm sorry I worried you last night.
What makes you think I was worried?
Okay, I was worried.
Well, I'm sorry. I'll call you next time.
There won't be a next time.
You're grounded for the next two weeks.
That means no TV, no phone, no going out.
Is that all?
If I ever hear that you cut class again
it'll be for a month. Understood?
Yeah.
-Understood. -Good.
So, you missed the assembly.
Look, I already know about safe sex, okay?
Mom covered it with me.
Maybe she did, but I haven't.
When I was first working in New York...
...I had to perform a lumbar puncture--
It's basically like a spinal tap.
--on this kid who'd been brought in.
Couldn't have been more than 17 years old.
Good-looking, clean-cut, well-to-do family.
His name was Alfie.
I remember that because it was so unusual.
Anyway, I did the LP...
...assessed that there was no meningitis
and went about my rounds.
But I couldn't stop thinking about Alfie all night.
I found out later that the doctors
were performing all sorts of tests.
Few days later, I went to his Alfie's room
just to check him out...
...thinking maybe I could figure out what he had.
But Alfie was already dead.
Seventeen years old.
Six months and thousands of Alfies later...
...his sickness finally got a name.
AIDS.
I needed you to know why I had to come to your school, Ephram.
I needed you to hear that story
because I want you always to be careful.
I can't afford to lose another person I love.
Why didn't you tell me that before?
I have no idea how to get your attention, Ephram.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means I don't know what to say to you.
One day, you seem to hate me, the next day you still hate me
and other days you just hate me.
I mean, that's not a lot to work with.
So if you could let me know when I say the right thing...
...I'll make a note of it and I'll do it more often, okay?
Yeah. Sure, I mean, I can maybe do that.
Great.
Thanks.
-You're still grounded. -I know.
Did I mention I had only three hours of sleep last night?
About a hundred times now.
I swear, you yammer on like an old woman.
Besides, we're almost there.
Almost where? We're in the middle of forest oblivion.
If I didn't know you better, I'd think you
brought me out here to knock me off.
-On second thought-- -Come on.
You see that?
The Kissing Bridge, yes, of course
I see it, Mother. Why in the world--?
Your pops and I shared our first kiss on that bridge.
He proposed to me on that bridge.
And the day I found out I was pregnant with you...
...I took him down here and told him.
I know you think I got on with things
too quick after he was gone.
I probably did.
But your father's death, Harold...
...is what made me realize more than ever...
...just how valuable our one shot at life is...
...and I didn't wanna miss a second more of it.
Anyway, I loved him very much.
I wanted you to know that.
Mother, what in the hell are you doing?
Grieving.
IRV: That evening was the last time...
...anyone saw the Kissing Bridge in its full glory.
And even though Everwood's symbol of innocence
is no longer with it...
...people still tell its story to their children
and their grand children.
Only now when they do...
...the ending is a lot more exciting.