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Hey, out of all of us
who do you think's going to get married next?
Probably Monica and Chandler.
Hi, could I have a pack of Newport Lights, please?
Uh, we don't sell cigarettes, but they have them
at the newsstand across the street.
That'd be great. Thanks.
Oh, my God.
Melissa Warburton.
I don't think I have the energy for this.
( theatrical gasp )
Oh, my God.
Ray-Ray Green?
( screaming )
Melissa!
( laughing )
You have been MIA
for the past seven sorority newsletters.
What's up with you?
( laughing ): Well...
Why don't I tell you over here?
So, last I heard, you were going to get married.
Oh... poor Ray-Ray.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's good; it's all good.
I actually work at Ralph Lauren.
Shut up!
I will not.
I'm the Divisional Head of Men's Sportswear.
Oh, shut up more!
Are you friends with Ralph?
Oh, please.
Are you?
No.
Listen
we-we have to have dinner.
What are you doing tomorrow night?
Oh, tomorrow, I... I don't know. Um...
You're having dinner with me.
Shut up.
I've got to go.
This has been so great, Ray-Ray.
Oh, there you are.
Um, so, listen, just call me.
Here's my card.
Oh, wow, thanks.
Oh, you're in real estate.
Oh, no, that's... that's an old card.
Um, I wanted to get out of that and do something
where I could really help people
and make a difference.
Wow. So, what do you do now?
I'm a party planner.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay.
Hey, guys, look who's back.
It's Ray-Ray.
That was my friend Melissa from college.
She seems really, really fun!
She's actually very sweet, and we used to be very close.
Wait a minute.
She isn't... she's not the one who you...?
Who you what? Who you what?
Yes.
Wow.
Wow-wow what? Wow what?
Who you what?!
Oh, it's not a big deal.
They were lovers.
What?
No, we weren't.
It was nothing.
It was one night senior year.
We went to a party...
had a lot of sangria, and, you know, ended up...
kissing for a bit.
So, that's two of my wives.
[Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION, NBC
and THE KELLOGG COMPANY]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's D.O.A. ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day, your week ♪
♪ Your month, or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me, too. ♪
Okay, so, this is where the band is
and this is where the bar is, and all these pins
have people's names on them.
Rach, here you are.
Oh, wow.
Well, why don't we just take me
and put me with a Manhattan in my hand
talking to the cute bartender?
( chuckling )
These pins aren't for playing, are they?
Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue pins are yours.
This is so sad.
I mean, I only have, like, ten pins.
Chandler, relax.
It's not a contest.
It's certainly not a close one.
Hello.
Hey.
Hey, Rach.
Stop picturing it!
Okay, I think that's it.
The seating chart is done.
This is our wedding.
Wow. They all look like they're having fun, don't they?
Hey, so, where are my parents going to be?
Oh, let's see, well, if this is the wedding hall
then, um, your parents would be
over here at home in Queens.
What? They're not invited?
Oh, no, that's terrible.
They're going to be crushed.
Why would they think they're invited?
You got me. I...
Joey...
Well, I'm sorry.
Look, I thought parents were coming, you know?
Your parents are coming, Chandler's parents are coming
Ross' parents are coming.
Ross' parents are my parents.
Well, see? Parents are coming.
You know, I think we should invite them.
Oh, please. You just want more blue pins.
Well, this is just sad.
All right, all right.
Maybe I can fit them in
if I just do some rearranging.
Now Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar.
That is not a problem.
Maybe you'll order a little sangria.
Oh, get out of here!
So, now, these are all the tuxedos that we make
and if there's anything that you like
we can make you a deal.
Anything at all.
But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Ah, well, thanks a lot for hooking me up, Rach
and I want you to know that I want you
to attend our wedding as my guest.
I'm Monica's maid of honor, okay?
Don't try to blue-pin me.
Well, what's the deal with these?
These look nice.
Oh, they are nice.
We, we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities
and when they're done with them
they send them back.
You mean, like, for awards shows?
Some of them.
You mean these tuxes have been
down the red carpet with people yelling, uh
"Who are you wearing?
You look fabulous!"
Honey, might I suggest watching
a little more ESPN and a little less E?
Okay, who wore those?
Um... well, let's see.
Uh, this one's Tom Brokaw.
Not bad.
This one is, uh, Paul O'Neill.
Who is that?
He plays for the Yankees.
Seriously, ESPN.
Just once in a while.
Have it on in the background.
Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan.
Pierce Brosnan?
Uh-huh.
Are you serious? 007?
This is James Bond's tux?
Oh, I have to get married in James Bond's tux.
It's a pretty cool tux.
Ah, it's not just that.
I would be England's most powerful weapon.
A jet-setting heartbreaker
on Her Majesty's Secret Service.
A man who fears no one, with a license to kill.
Would Monica let me wear this?
We should really learn how to play the real way.
No, I like our way. Oh...
Ooh, ah, hey.
Chess!
Nice move.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
So, Joey, I just hooked Ross and Chandler up
with some tuxedos for the wedding.
Do you need one?
No. I'm performing the ceremony.
I'm not wearing a tux.
What are you going to wear?
Multi-colored robes.
Ooh, and maybe a hat.
Huh.
Does Monica know about this?
I don't think so.
Can I be there when you tell her?
Hey, oh, Rach, wait.
Do you want to go to a movie tonight?
I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl.
Can I come?
I won't even talk.
You'll just hear the noise from my video camera.
What is this? What's going on?
Can I tell her, can I tell her?
Do you want to hear what actually happened
or Joey's lewd version?
Joey's.
Okay.
No, hey, come on.
I have this friend from college
and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey
that one time... she and I, you know...
kissed a little bit.
( chuckling )
Yeah, I'm sure that happened.
It... it did.
Sure.
Hey, it happened.
Yeah, it was senior year in college.
It was after the Sigma Chi luau
and Melissa and I got very drunk
and we ended up kissing...
for several minutes.
Which means she had a couple spritzers
and a quick peck on the cheek.
Why are you taking this away from me?
Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe?
Okay, I just, I didn't know that you were lesbian.
I'm not saying that I am a lesbian.
I'm just saying that this happened.
Okay. It just seems pretty wild
and you're, you know, so... vanilla.
( muffled squeak )
Vanilla? I'm not vanilla.
I've done lots of crazy things.
I mean, I got drunk and married in Vegas.
To Ross.
All right, you know what?
If you don't want to believe me about this
why don't you just come with me to dinner tonight
and she will tell you.
Okay.
All right, yeah.
'Cause I just can't picture it.
Oh, you should get inside my head.
Hey.
Guess what I got for your wedding?
A freakishly thin date with a hanger for a head?
No, Rachel hooked me up with a tux.
But not just any tux.
Batman's tux.
What?
That's right.
Made expressly for Val Kilmer
and worn by him in the hit film...
that Batman film he was in.
You can't wear that.
I'm wearing the famous tux-- James Bond's tux.
So?
So, if you wear that, it'll make mine less special.
You need something to make this day special?
Hello. You have the most special thing of all.
You are marrying the woman you love.
( sarcastic gobbling )
Please don't take away my cool thing.
Please? Pretty please?
"Pretty please?"
Not very, uh, 007.
Look, it's my wedding day, okay?
If you were getting married
I would never do anything to upset you.
When I got married, you slept with my sister.
That was pretty 007.
Hey.
Hey. Oh, good, good, you're here.
All right, I figured it out.
I'm going to take two tables of eight.
I'm going to add your parents.
And I'm going to turn them into three tables of six, okay?
Then I called the caterer.
I added two extra meals. We are good to go.
Yeah, they're not coming.
What?!
Somehow, they got the idea
that you only invited them because of me.
They feel a little unwanted.
Oh, that's too bad.
It's true. But too bad.
Mon, if you could just call my mom...
Oh, Joey.
Come on, look, just, just to let her know
that you really want them to be there.
Let's not forget, this is a woman
who has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
No, she hasn't.
Is it her fault
if some of them didn't make it to you?
Well, what am I going to say?
I don't know. Just... just tell them there was
a mix-up with the invitations.
Or... no, no, no.
Blame it on the post office.
They hate the post office.
And the Irish.
But I don't think you can blame it on them, so...
Hello? Yeah, hi, uh, Mrs. Tribbiani?
Hi, this is Monica Geller.
Yeah, I'm, I'm just calling
to say that Chandler and I really hope
that you can make it to the wedding.
Yeah, apparently a bunch of the invitations that we sent
weren't delivered.
Um, I guess there was some screw-up
at the damn post office.
Tell me about it!
Yeah, yeah, the U.S. Post Office.
No, more like U.S. Lost Office.
What are they, Irish?
Anyway, his name's Alan
and we've been going out for three years.
He was my first client when I became a party planner.
Mmm!
He was actually planning a party
for his girlfriend at the time.
Oh, well!
Um...
And he was
Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
Oh, oh, that's great.
Mm-hmm.
Mmm, Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority?
Of course, yeah.
I was a... a Thigh Mega ***.
Uh... what one?
Yeah, you know, we were really huge, too
but then they had to shut us down
when Regina Filange died of alcohol poisoning.
Oh, isn't it a shame
when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch?
Mmm! Mm-hmm.
Mmm. Oh!
Anyway...
speaking of drinking too much...
I was telling, uh, telling Phoebe
about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau
where you and I, uh... we made out.
What?
Remember, we...? Come on, we both--
We had the sarongs on and we had the coconut bikini tops.
Yeah...
We went back to the house, and we got really silly.
Then we... we made out.
Oh, wow.
Ray-Ray, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Really!
Ross is Batman.
Well, he did manage
to keep his identity secret for a long time.
Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman.
Okay, Batman is so much cooler than James Bond.
What are you talking about?
007 has all those gadgets.
Batman has a utility belt.
007 has a fancy car.
Batman has the Batmobile.
007 gets all the ladies.
Batman has Robin.
We get ESPN, right?
How about you go put on your 007 tuxedo
and I'll make you a nice martini?
Actually, I don't like martinis.
Well, how about a Yoo-Hoo with the funny straw?
Ooh, yum!
Hey.
Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00
but does that mean you want people to get there
at 6:00, or the show's going to start right at 6:00?
"The show"?
Right.
Right.
The wedding. Gotcha.
But, I mean, it's going to start a little late, right?
I mean, weddings start late, right?
Have you ever been to one of my weddings?
Ah, yeah, well, look-- the thing is, is
it's the same day as my niece's christening
and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me
'cause my part's just in the beginning.
I'm not even in the rest of the show-- wedding.
The wedding starts at 6:00.
Okay, okay, I totally hear you.
Ooh! How about this?
I vamp a little till they get there?
You'll "vamp"?!
Yeah, yeah, you know
like, warm up the crowd, ask them where they're from
'cause in Joey Tribbiani
you get a minister and you get an entertainer.
I'm a "minis-tainer."
All right?
( rapping ): There's no one better.
There's no one greater.
Huh?
How can you not remember us kissing?
I don't know.
I don't remember a lot of things that never happened.
But...
Come on, remember?
We were on the sleeping porch.
We couldn't stop giggling.
And our coconuts kept knocking together.
Oh, somewhere, Joey's head is exploding.
Listen, I'm sorry.
I don't want to make you uncomfortable
but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesn't believe me.
I'm sorry, Ray-Ray.
I mean, if I thought it happened, I would say it.
Maybe I passed out
and you did stuff to me while I was sleeping.
No!
Rachel, it's okay.
You don't have to do this, all right?
I believe you.
Okay, if you say that you kissed Melissa
then you kissed Melissa.
Thank you, Phoebe.
Okay.
But she didn't.
No, I know.
Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
Do you just carry that around?
Yes, I find it to be something of a conversation piece.
Between you and...?
Gunther.
Hey, hey.
Why don't we put them on?
You know, get a picture
of Batman and James Bond together.
I would, but mine doesn't fit.
The pants are a little tight.
A little tight?
I could see double-O and seven in those things.
Well, that stinks.
I was looking forward to us
wearing our celebrity tuxes together.
Does that mean you're not wearing yours?
What, are you kidding?
It's Batman's tux!
Let me try it on.
Okay, but just the jacket.
Double-O and seven are not getting in there.
Okay.
Holy double-vented comfort, Batman.
What's this?
Huh?
An invitation to the At First Sightpremier?
Oh, my God.
Val Kilmer didn't wear this in Batman.
He wore it to the premier of some tutti-fruitti love story
where he played a blind guy.
What? Let me see that.
Oh, man!
The only superpower you have
is a slightly heightened sense of smell.
Hey, uh... Monica, Chandler
can I talk to you guys for a sec?
All right, that's it. I give up.
Whatever you want, you can have it.
You want to sing a song
you want to do a dance
you want your mom to stand at the altar
and scream racial slurs?
I don't care.
No, no.
I-I just wanted to thank you guys
for what you did for my parents.
That was really sweet.
They're so happy they get to be a part of your special day.
Oh.
Well, you're welcome.
And tell them we're really glad they're coming.
Okay, I will.
Oh! Check out what they got me
to wear for the ceremony.
Huh?
I'll wear it like this when I marry you guys
and then this is for party time.
It happened. I am telling you, it happened.
PHOEBE: Okay.
Well, it was great meeting you.
And, uh, Rachel, I don't think I'll be calling you
because, um, you know, you've gotten weird.
MELISSA: Um...
Take care, you guys.
W-Wait a minute! No! Wait a minute.
Okay, look-- that night
was the one wild thing
I have ever done in my entire life.
and I'm not going to let you take that away from me.
Okay, so if you don't remember that
maybe you will remember this.
Oh, my God!
You love me.
What?
Of course I remember our kiss.
I think about it all the time.
I can still hear the coconuts knocking together, I...
I just didn't want to tell you
'cause I didn't think you'd return my love.
And now that you have, I...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh, look who's being suddenly shy!
You can't tell me you don't feel what I feel.
Nobody can kiss that good and not mean it.
I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm just a good kisser.
Shut up.
I'm sorry.
Oh, you don't have to be sorry.
I'm...
I'm obviously kidding.
I'm not in love with you.
I'm not in love with her, I...
I don't...
hear coconuts banging together.
You know, I don't picture your face
when I make love to my boyfriend.
Anyway, I've got to go.
Kiss good-bye?
No? Okay.
Wow... I mean
I had no idea that that was...
What the hell was that?
I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
And?
I've had better.
[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]
CHANDLER: I found one that fits.
Well, you know what they say:
Twenty-third time's a charm.
( door opens )
Oh...
Look at you, all handsome.
Whose is it?
Oh, does it matter?
All that matters is that you look so handsome.
Whose is it?
I don't want to say.
Oh, come on, I don't care.
Come on, whose is it?
Diane Keaton.