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Tickets to Get Lost.
Well, duh! Like I need a ticket to get lost.
I can get lost without a ticket.
That's obvious, Sam.
You don't need much help getting lost.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Shut up, you ***!
Now this is a pretty-looking church.
Lego must have gotten religion.
The Gospel According to Lego.
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Microsoft Mary, will you say yes?
Not here, Sam. You're becoming too dogmatic.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
[KAPOW!]
Microsoft Sam, you have broken one of the Lego Commandments.
Come with me.
Oh no! Not here! Anyplace but Satan's Kingdom!
Get me outta here!
Get me outta here! Get me outta here! Get me outta here! Get me outta here! Get me outta here!
Hang on, Sam!
There. Is this better for you?
And how! Thank heavens!
You're welcome.
And as for you, you mangy old Devil, take that!
Eeeeeeeeee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyi-eeeeeeee- yiyiyiyiyiyi...
Buckle up, next million miles.
Jeez Louise! How big do you think this planet is?
I knew this was a long road, but really!
City of ***.
***? What kind of weird-*** town name is ***?
Probably located in the state of ***.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Campbell Elementary.
August 8, registrtaion.
Registrtaion?
Is this their idea of eductaion?
The drawer fade. Please don't put your clothes on it.
Oh my gosh! I think I've solved the answer to the Disappearing Sock Mystery!
Absolutely no signs allowed on building.
Judas Priest! Here comes the Sign Police!
[SIREN]
[Whispering] Microsoft Mike, you're under arrest.
I'm innocent, officer!
I didn't put that sign up!
He's right, officer. He didn't put up that sign.
He's just an ***, that's all.
Stay calm, Mike.
Don't lose your head.
Relax.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on
now.
No no no no no no no no dammit dammit dammit dammit!
Microsoft Sam, how many times do I have to tell you?
Don't ever call me an ***! I am not an ***, you hear me?
Sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch!
[BOOM!!]
Oh crotch! I'm stuck in the ground again!
Can someone please pull me out?
Caution! Beware of moving vehicles!
Tscha! Mine wouldn't move on this beach.
You should get rid of that broken-down 1968 Firebird and get one of those hybrid vehicles.
Who asked you, ***?
Nude. Beware! Snakes have been sighted in this area!
Nude snakes? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
This may be a nude beach, but I ain't no snake.
No, but you sure have some venom.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
***!
Buffalo Xing.
Oh give me a ring Where the buffalo xing.
That's "crossing," you a---
[BUZZER]
Sam, next time you call Mike an ***,
I'll wash your mouth out with detergent!
Eeewwwwww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!
[Sam barfing]
Bikini Alert State: Red.
Remind me never to wear a red bikini on the beach.
I don't know. You'd look really hot in a bikini.
Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Stay calm, Mary.
Don't blow your stack.
Keep
your
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on.
Eeeeee-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Microsoft Sam, don't you ever make stupid bikini jokes about me as long as you live!
You hear me! No more stupid bikini jokes
you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!
[BOOM!!]
Playground closed at dusk.
No tree pa in unt AM.
What the hell is this?
Al Belvedere.
Wasn't he in my homeroom in high school?
To the Belvedere. Be careful: sliding and uneven path.
Reminds me of Paul Simon when he sang about slip sli-yiyiyiyiyiyi-eeeeeeeeeeeeee...
[CRASH!!]
Ouch! My ribs! My pelvis! My spine! Owww!
Meet carefully.
What a silly sign.
How else could we have a meeting?
The way I'd love to have a meeting with Microsoft Mary:
by bumping into her very slowly, meeting skin to skin and lips to lips.
Eeewwwww! Sam, go get some Listerine and get a shave and a shower, you big ugly brute!
Take it easy, Sam.
Don't let it bother you.
Remain
calm.
Relax.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap!
Microsoft Mary, you always rebuff me when I want to get it on with you!
Why do you always rebuff me?
You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!
[BOOM!!]
That's not funny!
The liver is evil. It must be punished.
Oh yeah? What about the kidneys?
I'm having a little trouble with my kiddlies myself.
You mean kidneys, Sam.
I said "kiddlies," *** I?
Stephanie's Kids.
Up to 50 percent off sale.
What's with this economy?
People selling off their kids?
Remind me not to vote Republican next election.
No more class warfare! I mean it!
Kids Eat Free.
Seafood tacos, pastas, $4 Coors Light, $6 Mimosas and much more.
Jeez Louise! Serving beer to kids?
Lowering the drinking age to seven. Old enough to drink, but not to drive.
No wonder they say the liver is evil.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Office. If you need room, just say Armando, slowly, so I can hear you, okay?
Be my guest, dude.
Suppose Armando is not in today.
Ar...man...do...
You're right, he's not in today. Let's move on.
Lice.
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
What a funny name for a restaurant.
I bet they serve it flied.
Flied lice. Yum yum yummy!
A restaurant that serves lice? Sickening! Gross!
Eeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww!
[Mary barfing]
Salads. The "Last Refuge" spicy salad. Seasoned vegetable salad.
Nervous salad. Very nervous salad.
If fruits and vegetables start having feelings, I'm sticking to meat and potatoes.
Carnivores forever!
Mike, if you diss fruits and vegetables again, I'm calling PETA.
Shady Lamp Shop. Home furnishings and gifts.
I didn't know the Mob operated lamp shops.
The Mob operates lamp shops?
Another sign of the wealthy and the corporate trying to control everything and making the rest of us slaves to them.
I'll never vote Republican as long as I live. Never.
That's it!
I warned to stop waging class warfare and you didn't listen.
Come with me, all of you! Now! March!
Oh crotch! Back to Satan's Kingdom again?
This is getting very boring.
I agree. If you'll pardon the expression, why the hell did the Devil drag us here again?
You know very well why.
You all engaged in class warfare.
This is ridiculous! Who would dare call class warfare a sin?
The Republicans, you fool!
You're all guilty and under sentence of eternal perdition.
Prepare for an eternity of pain.
They're hypocrites! They can't call themselves the party with God on its side and still favor the wealthy and the corporate.
The Bible says "You cannot serve both God and wealth."
Stop quoting Bible passages to me, or else I'll *** all over you!
The Republicans are hypocrites and I deny that class warfare is sin!
Liar, liar, pants on fire! Take that!
[KAPOW!]
Eee-yow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwww!
Caught you again, Satan!
Making up a fake sin and falsely punishing Sam, Mike, Mary and the Speakonia Voices for it!
Get lost, interferer! They are mine forever
and if you make a move to steal them from me, I'll *** all over them!
Don't you dare do that, you filthy beast!
God does not "hate Democrats," and he loves even the poorest people on the face of the Earth.
You release Sam and his friends now!
All right, you asked for it!
And you asked for this!
[BOOM!!]
You fool! You tricked me! Let me outta here! Let me outta here! Let me outta here!
You may go in peace.
And remember, God will always be with you.
Amen.
Let's continue with the funny signs.
Public Parknig Meters.
Parknig meters? They might be on privtae property.
Point of Hysterical Interest.
Dedicated by E. Clampus Vitus, Matuca Chapter 1849.
Mr. Vitus must be a comedian.
Why else would they call it hysterical?
Stratford Station.
Westbound Central Line and all National Rail will not stop at Stratford Station because of a person under a train at Stratford.
Ye Gads! And I so wanted to go to Stratford for the annual Shakespeare Festival.
I guess that's what they call a Shakespearean tragedy.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
That's not funny.
Sorry, Sam. I just couldn't resist the pun.
Positively No Smoking. Smoke House.
Now that's silly.
Who would dare ban smoking in a smoke house?
To smoke or not to smoke, that is the question.
WARNING: It is an offence to congregate, loiter, or trespass in this area.
Police will be called to anyone ignoring this notice.
And I always thought ignorance was bliss.
If bliss is a crime, I'll serve the time.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Caution: Wet Flood.
Wet flood? As opposed to a dry flood?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
If flooding were dry, I'd walk across it and not blub-blub-blub-blub...
Ye Gads! Mike sinks again!
[BUZZER]
Did you just razz me?
We didn't razz you, Sam.
That buzzer means we're running out of time.
If that's the case, we'd better go.
Is your RoflCopter ready, Sam?
It's always ready, Mary.
All aboard, we're going home.
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
This episode of Funny Signs is a davemadson films inc. production.