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Hi, it's me again, and I'll be getting to the news in just a second, but first. I did
a story about Johnny Weir last week , about him being gay and stuff, and I did get a couple
of messages from some of those that didn't know how to take it, if I was basing or what.
Well, let me set the record straight. I'm not against about being gay, not me, you,
well, not you, some of you. But some of my best friends are gay. Hell, all my brothers
and sisters are gay. My mom, even my dad is gay. My grandmother is gay, both of them.
My hairdresser is gay. No wait, they all are. My priest is gay. No wait, they all are too.
Hey, my dog is gay. My wife is gay. Ok, she's not gay, she's not gay. All my subscribers
on youtube are gay,.......oh no, wait, wait, no, you're not gay, you're not gay. But you
get it right? I mean , you don't get it, or maybe you do.... ok, you're not gay, but this
bit is getting really gay, so let's get on with the news.
Tiger Wood's apology last week was only part of a bigger plan. He had wanted to do a family
portrait, but Elin absolutely refused. Insiders claim that Elin is still interested in getting
a divorce. Here is the most recent family portrait from happier times. So let's see,
Elin wants out, we can do that. Who shall we get to replace her? How about Ellen. She
won't care if Tiger fools around, and she's used to replacing people anyway. Or how about
this. With his fake press conferences, fake excuses, fake life. How about Heidi Montag?
She's fake all over. They say that misery loves company, so why not a partner who can
identify with what Tiger's going through. John Edwards. Since all these women are only
interested in Tiger's money, and all the clients she has been taking on since the scandal began,
let's cut out the middleman and get Gloria Allred in there. She's gonna get all the money
anyway, and who better to keep Tiger scared out of hits wits to ever want to go roaming
again. No matter what, Tiger might want to start
getting used to a lot more of just this. Sean Penn was filmed attacking a paparazzi
this week in California. People are now starting to question his sense of good judgment to
do something so stupid on camera. Yeah, didn't that question get asked a long time ago when
he married Madonna. Toyota President Akio Toyoda this week apologized
to the American people for the issues concerning problems with millions of their vehicles.
Here is a small portion of his testimony on Capitol Hill.
"I acknowledge there is a problem with the stopping of some of our vehicles, but we have
come up with several things people can do. If the car does not stop then you should consider
giving a ride to that director, what's his name, oh yeah, Kevin Smith. That should help
slow down the vehicle significantly. Also, that actress, Kirstie Alley, this would also
work. Did you see her in Cheers? She was very good, but wow, she's changed. We are also
coming out with a new product from our company, rubber trees. If you just line them along
your streets, we find that this will help you in stopping the vehicles too."
And with that, Akio Toyoda, left for his hotel in his Ford Focus, but was immediately hit
by an out of control Toyota Camry. With the plane crash that took place recently
in Colorado, the nation is now on high alert with fears of another 911 style attack. In
a non-related story, the Lovelock Correctional facility in Nevada where OJ Simpson is currently
serving time, has just come out with a new uniform for it's inmates.
I must have been hiding under a rock or something to have missed this next story, but seeing
that Lady Gaga is everywhere, let's dish. Seems that there are rumors she's been packing.
Reliable sources say that Lady is more than just a lady. She's a she-he says some blogs.
Well, let's see, we have a photo of her here performing. Oh my god, that's incredible.
I just love those sequins, but sorry, I don't see any signs of her carrying any weapons
of mass destruction. Filming has been suspended on the TV show
Two and a Half Men, while both Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Muller seek treatment
in rehab. There was imediate concern about who would be taking care for thier children
to which Sheen replied " Not to worry. The kids will be taken care of by this nanny"
Back to more news in a second, but first a word from our sponsor.
Looking for a great day to spend with the family? Why not come down to Sea World. Spend
time watching our killer whales and see what they can do. With three shows a day, there
is plenty of fun and excitement for all ages. So why not bring down the kids and Grandma
too, we're dying to entertain you! President of Iran Mamo Armageddon, Mahout
Amberthiesen, Mock mock menagatoi.......this guy declared Iran a nuclear state bringing
fear to the world that they will creating a nuclear bomb. When asked about the nuclear
tests in this photo, he replied "No no, that was just me at the Iranian premiere of "Alice
In Wonderland" in 3D! Go Johnny Depp!" It seems that Whitney Houston is nearing the
end of her career with her most recent tour in Australia. Reportedly she appeared weary
and out of tune. While being picked up at the airport she complained about the heat,
and her chauffeur suggested that she take off her hat and enjoy the sun. To which she
told the driver to f*** off. When asked for a comment, the recently employed chauffeur
said "ahh, I'm used to that type of treatment." And finally some sad news. Former child actor
Andrew Koenig, who played *** on t he sitcom Growing Pains, committed suicide this week
after attending the Olympic games in Vancouver. In an even sadder story, former child star
Gary Coleman went out last night to get some milk, but somehow managed to return without
incident. Condolences go out to his wife and family.
And that's the news, make sure to watch me on Boxee and I'll see you again here next
week.