Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
WOMAN ON TV: (SINGING) Indian Spring Water
MALE ANNOUNCER: Pure spring water brought right to your door.
The taste you remember from childhood.
Indian Spring Water
Call your local Indian Spring man.
He's in the Yellow Pages. It's only a few pennies a day.
WOMAN: Enjoy the winter clearance sale at Howlands.
All prices drastically slashed.
50 percent off on ladies' parkas.
Come on and see it.
53 Market Street at the sign of the winking owl.
WBROL, Charlestown.
ANNOUNCER: Channel 8's 11:00 movie,
Richard Anthony in High Risk Devils.
And now back to Jim Carr's Sports Talk.
Hi, Jim Carr again.
Denis, I know that some in our audience don't know the finer points of hockey.
Could you tell them, for example, what is icing?
Icing happen when the puck come down, ***, you know,
before the other guys, nobody there.
My arm go comes up, then the game stop, then start up.
I see. What is high-sticking?
High-sticking happen when the guy take the stick, and he go like that.
You don't do that?
Why not?
Against the rules. You know, you're stupid when you do that.
Just some English pig with no brains, you know.
What is slashing?
Slashing is like that, you know.
(GROANS)
And...there's a penalty for that?
Yeah. And for trip also, you know, like that.
And for hook like this. And for spear like that.
All bad.
You do that, you go to the box, you know.
Two minutes by yourself, and you feel shame, you know.
And then you get free.
The Chiefs are at home tonight against Hyannisport at the War Memorial at 8:00.
Good seats are still available.
ANNOUNCER: A look at sports.
I think that went well.
P.A. ANNOUNCER: At defense for the Chiefs,
number 5, Billy Charlebois!
At center for the Chiefs, number 7, player-coach Reggie Dunlop!
Dunlop, you stink!
At left wing, number 10, Ned Braden!
I hate you, Braden!
Playing right wing, number 14, Jean-Guy Drouin!
Frog ***!
Ladies and gentlemen, our national anthem.
(THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER PLAYING)
Go get them, kid. Hey, Denis!
(PLAYERS CHATTERING)
I'm drunk.
I'm not bullshitting ya. Got shitfaced on the bus.
Louise left me, and that son of a ***
keeps playing me when he knows I'm shitfaced.
Geez, I'm really sorry.
Anybody throws me against the boards, I'm gonna *** all over myself.
Take it down to the other end, Ned.
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
(BUZZER BUZZING)
I thought I'd get Jerry one of those "Great Ideas of the World" sets.
You can look up the ideas alphabetically: arts, mechanics, philosophy.
Yeah. Johnny always says you can just screw so much and drink so much.
He's screening me! Move him out!
(BUZZER BUZZING)
We got Charlestown trailing three to nothing
with 10:48 left in the first period.
Oops! Correction, folks, that's two to nothing.
We don't want to make it any tougher for the Chiefs than it already is.
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
(BUZZER BUZZING)
That's what you're paid for, Braden!
Try winning a game for a change.
Nice going, kid.
ANNOUNCER: Number 10, Braden, with his 18th goal of the year.
Assisted by number 7, Dunlop, and number 14, Drouin.
Ned Braden is now the leading scorer in the Federal League.
Tie it up out there, guys!
Come on, defense. Get the puck outta here!
DENIS: Hit him, Billy, hit him!
(BUZZER BUZZING)
(SHOUTING)
With us in the press box is injured Chiefs' defenseman Dave Carlson.
Dave, is it tough sitting up here watching your team lose like this?
Definitely, Jim.
You injured your knee in the Peterboro game.
No? I thought you had.
No, I have a cold. The runny nose, sore throat, all that.
I went out in that storm last week to start my car. I didn't have my jacket on.
It may have settled in my kidneys.
We got action here.
Hit him with your purse, ya ***!
Jesus, look at Brophy. He's plastered!
He told me so!
If anybody boards him, he's gonna *** all over himself.
*** all over himself.
No, no, I okay.
Clear the puck, Billy! Get this guy outta my crease!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(ANNOUNCER CHATTERING)
Joe McGrath. Oh, yes, miss!
Get off the ice, Nick. You're gonna kill yourself.
(CROWD CHEERING)
They're on the ice right now giving their all. They will be ready.
WOMAN: Ensemble number 32, entitled "Omar Sharif"
and modeled by Chiefs' defenseman Billy Charlebois
who hails from, if I can read the card, Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
Notice the padded shoulders, giving the '40s look.
You look nice, real spiffy.
Keep in mind that the perfect accessory for the man in your life
is a season ticket to the Chiefs games.
You seen Reg or Braden?
Joe, enough's enough.
Nowhere in my contract does it say I gotta make a fool outta myself.
I'm gonna flash them, Joe.
I'm gonna walk down that aisle,
open this bathrobe and wiggle my *** at them.
Yes, I am, Joe. You know why?
Because I want you to have a heart attack and die
so we never have to do this again.
It's good publicity.
You fellas have not been drawing them in the way you have in the past.
I'm gonna wiggle it at them, you cheap ***. You better be prepared
'cause when I yank it out, everybody in that audience, with the exception of my wife,
is gonna be running for the exits.
WOMAN: Ensemble number 8
as we watch Chiefs' defenseman Johnny Upton...
Joe McGrath here. Just checking on Dunlop...
(WOMEN CHEERING)
We have two generations of pro hockey with us
for you folks to call in and question.
Player-coach Reggie Dunlop and right wing Ned Braden.
Reggie, you represent the old guard,
one of the iron men of the Federal League.
You've been playing pro hockey for how many years?
Quite a few, Jim.
Is that right? And on the other side of the scale, Ned Braden
who's a college graduate, and an American citizen!
You went to Princeton and were All-Eastern.
Okay.
Our lines are open. Anything you folks wanna know
about the fascinating world of pro hockey, here we go!
Hi, there. Jim Carr. What's your question?
WOMAN ON PHONE: Dunlop, you old fart, why don't you get outta the game and let...
We... We're gonna spin some music while we're waiting for our next caller.
BRADEN: Jim, I know a lot of kids would enjoy coming to the games
to see a great veteran like Reggie Dunlop skate.
While we're waiting for our next caller,
we'd like to remind you folks calling in
to keep your questions within the boundaries of good taste.
What kind of broad is it who calls up and says something like that?
They're supposed to be our fans.
Who cares? It's over.
Idiot McGrath and his *** P.R. schemes. I hate that cheap ***.
(SIREN HOOTING)
What are these poor *** gonna do when they close the mill?
They ain't closing the mill!
They're just jacking the guys around so they'll feel happy they got jobs.
It's the old tactic, the mind-***.
Announced it this morning. April 1, they shut it tight.
Yeah!
That's a big surprise.
Ten thousand mill workers have been placed on waivers.
I don't know.
Every sucker for himself.
(HORN HONKING)
Hey, who's she?
Slipped my mind.
Oh, yeah? Maybe your wife'll remember her.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
BRADEN: You're the best girl in the whole world. Yes, you are.
Ruby! How's my Ruby? How's my girl, huh?
You're a sweetheart. I missed you. You're a sweetheart.
Are you my girl?
No, I hate it here!
You don't look bad.
I think you look fine.
BRADEN: Slow down. You're making her nervous.
REGGIE: Joe?
And there's another matter that's come up and is kinda important...
Would you hold it a minute?
Joe, what happens to us when the mill closes?
Don't worry about it. The new boys are coming in on the 4:15 bus.
I wanna know what happens...
Who are these guys? I never even heard of them.
Son, just pick them up and take them over to the hotel.
I've done enough *** work.
The *** fans are calling in with dirty talk.
Do you see this quarter?
It used to be a nickel. Now, the golden years are behind you.
One season, maybe two,
you'll be hanging up the blades and retiring the ax.
Then you'll remember it was Joe McGrath
who trained you for the front office.
I'm sorry, Jerry. Like I say, I'd like to cancel the order.
In fact, I've got some equipment I'd like to sell.
Skate sharpener, massage table, jacuzzi, our bus.
(CROWD CHATTERING)
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Transways Express Flyer,
number 83 for Pittsburgh, Cleveland...
(LOUD BANGING)
Hey! Hey!
Hey! You guys the Hanson's?
Who are you?
Reggie Dunlop, the coach. Grab your frigging gear and let's get going.
Took my quarter!
You think they show Speed Racer here?
Hey, guys! Hey! Wait up. Hold up.
Look what I got!
You guys triplets or something?
No, I'm in the middle. Steve's 20, Jeff's 18.
Iron League.
Nah.
Hey, I want a soda!
We paid for you here for a week, then you gotta find a room of your own.
Okay, coach. Gimme a grape or an orange. None of that root beer!
We go on the road tomorrow...
JACK: I don't want any...
The bus leaves the War Memorial at 8:00 A.M.
JACK: I gave you a quarter at the bus station.
JEFF: Well, will you give me another dime?
I'm saving the dime to call Mom.
Jesus Christ.
You cheap son of a ***! Are you crazy? Those guys are retards!
I got a good deal on those boys.
The scout said they showed a lot of promise.
They brought their *** toys with them!
I'd rather have them playing with their toys than playing with themselves.
They're too dumb to play with themselves!
Every piece of garbage that comes on the market, you gotta buy it!
Reg, that reminds me.
I was coaching in Omaha in 1948,
and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who's a terrible masturbator.
Couldn't control himself.
He would get deliberate penalties
so he could get into the penalty box all by himself,
and damned if he wouldn't, you know.
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, Joe, Jesus.
What was his name?
(EXCLAIMING)
(70'S MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
Number three.
No one can take your place
If you get hurt
"To see the three Chiefs make a scoring rush,
"the bright colors of their jerseys
"flashing against the milky ice was to see a work of art in motion."
That's good writing, Dickie.
I was trying to capture the spirit of the thing.
Oh, you did.
Want a beer to go along with that?
It's ridiculous for us to be here.
We stick out like a couple of sore thumbs.
It's making you crazy too.
You're turning into a zombie. You told me so.
I don't wanna have a fight again.
"Rookie goalie Denis Lemieux
"continuing his brilliant first season with the Chiefs..."
(BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH)
(READING IN FRENCH)
My father'd give you a job. Your father'd give you a job.
I'm all for that. Always good to have choices.
I just wanna get out of this *** dump!
You take the van. I'll keep the dog.
Hey, Lily! Come on... What's the matter with her?
You're drunk!
You're right, he's ***.
Yeah? Well, he and I are the only decent items in here.
Why should she give a *** what other people think of her?
She's just scrapping!
My heart goes out to her.
You guys gotta stop losing. Get the power play together.
We're working on it.
Is he nice to her?
Yes. He love her! He tell me, "I love her!"
God, maybe Braden's a ***. Ever think of that?
You crazy! He has a big *** like a horse!
You think that lady in the red dress will go home with me?
How much?
Five dollars she don't even look at your face.
Aha, ha, aha
You've got a cute way of talking
You've got the better of me
Just snap your fingers and I'm walking
You're right.
You've been had. That's his wife.
(DOOR OPENING)
REGGIE: So, how's your money holding out?
FRANCINE: There's a beer in the fridge if you want one.
Sort of.
Looks good. Kinda tight.
I think I'm gaining a little weight.
Maybe.
Is that the first time you wore that dress?
Been going out? Getting around?
Been seeing somebody in that dress?
Making out?
That's none of your business anymore.
Jesus Christ, Francine. I think about you all the time.
Nothing is ever over.
If I wasn't so *** busy, I'd see more of you.
I was gonna come down the other night and ask if you wanted to go to the Aces.
But, I don't know, something came up.
What?
You need dough?
Save your money, Reggie. You're gonna need it.
Who me?
The minute they close the mill, the Chiefs are gonna fold.
That's ***.
These people are gonna be broke.
They're not gonna be going to hockey games.
And you're not getting any younger.
I've got nothing to worry about.
You're no good at it.
Every player on that team thinks I'm the greatest.
What?
You're a losing coach. You can't make them win.
Ah, geez.
I was thinking about you the other day.
I was trying to imagine you when you were through with hockey, and I couldn't.
There was nobody there. What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna come back to you!
Too little too late.
(HORN HONKING)
MAN: Hey, Charlie!
LILY: Ned? Ned!
I underlined the *** scenes for ya.
Get back in the van. You're gonna catch pneumonia.
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)
Go on back to the van 'cause you're gorgeous
and you're gonna catch pneumonia!
Go get her, Billy.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
Back in the old iron lung.
She underlines the *** scenes for ya?
She underlines the *** scenes,
she must worship the ground you walk on.
They teach you how to underline in college.
Not the *** scenes, they don't.
Braden, you gotta learn to put out more. You know what I mean?
(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
Holy Mother of God! Ned, are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Hey, Billy.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Jesus, it's finally happened.
STEVE: Hi, guys. How ya doing?
They're horrible looking!
Don't look at me. It's McGrath's doing, not mine.
What'd the old man trade for these ***? A used puck bag?
I think it's a *** disgrace.
BRADEN: Hi.
Are you guys brothers?
Are you guys brothers? What a life!
Bets on the trip.
Walter's entrusted me with our E.T.A. to Lancaster. $5 limit.
BRADEN: I'm ready to take estimates from the membership.
Hey, Reg.
...for the outdoor record Charlestown to Lancaster.
All aboard, son. Let's go, Walt.
Where are the new boys? Oh, son. There are your brothers.
Why is the *** old man making this trip?
I don't know.
(ALL CHATTERING)
McGRATH: We're expecting great things from you boys.
BRADEN: Walt, you didn't tell me you were holding out on your old bookmaker.
I'm gonna have to give them odds!
Ooh, and it's all right
And it's coming on
We gotta get right back
To where we started from
Love is good, love is strong
Two dollars.
Two bucks. I'll call.
Fold.
Two and sixes.
I'm out.
Kings over!
Shirt. Shirt.
***.
If you sign your contract over to me, I'll prorate your losses.
Jesus Christ, Braden! You would, wouldn't you?
My ambition is to win all your contracts.
Become the owner of this *** club, run it my way.
I'd make a fortune.
Compulsory fashion shows every afternoon.
Radiothons twice a week.
Recycled jock straps.
Who owns the club anyway?
You don't know?
What do you mean? A corporation owns it.
Who cares? You get your check.
That's the spirit, Reg. Hey, pot's light.
UPTON: Not for long.
Same game. Jacks or better.
UPTON: With nothing wild, right?
TV HOST: ...for two to gorgeous Honolulu!
You'll be staying at the all-new...
(PLAYERS CHATTERING)
Hey, Drouin, change the channel!
(IN FRENCH) "Changez la canal."
Jean-Guy, leave it.
Ice is a *** disgrace.
You oughta put some *** Downy in these jerseys.
Wow, we're in trouble.
Oh, ***, he's here!
Ogilthorpe.
Oggie Ogilthorpe?
Ogilthorpe.
They oughta throw this *** guy in San Quentin.
He is a criminal element.
A real cement head.
Big Afro. Twenty-one, twenty-two. Watch out for him.
He's not playing. He's suspended.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
That's Oggie! All right, guys!
(ALL CHATTERING)
Big crowd out there. Let's really try to win this one, hey, boys?
Gotta hand it to the old ***. He's highly original.
That man traveled 15 hours by bus to say that?
MAN: That felt good.
(PLAYERS CHATTERING)
What are you guys doing?
Every game.
You want some?
No.
Jesus *** Christ. They don't leave the bench.
Charlie...
McGRATH: Come on now. The Chiefs are a terrific organization!
But the mill is closing, and next year
I'd be interested in a good front-office job.
Al, that's why made the trip!
I wanted to talk to you fellas face-to-face.
Excuse me just a minute.
Push that pelvis way up there.
Way, way up there.
REGGIE: Let's pay it smart out there tonight.
I wanna see a lot of work from you guys.
Use your heads on the ice out there, will ya?
Christ, we all know how to play hockey. Just play it smart.
Get out there and stick them!
*** them. Christ, pop them!
Let's go! Come on!
Let's go now!
We need this win. We got a lot of losses...
Yeah, we got a lot of them!
(HANSONS CLAMORING)
Go to the top! That's what we're here for. To win!
Play heads-up out there. Let's be smart.
Man for man, we're better than any *** club
if we just put our minds to it.
(CLAMORING)
Come on, Braden. Our line starts.
(ALL CHATTERING)
HANSONS: Come on! Let's go!
It's *** embarrassing.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(BUZZER BUZZING)
(ORGAN PLAYING)
What for? We're history.
What does that mean?
McGrath's in there trying to get himself another job. *** team's folding.
Nobody told me anything.
The *** was holding onto the news until he could scrounge another job.
Cover his wrinkled old ***.
*** Chrysler Plant, here I come.
Fini?
P.A. ANNOUNCER: Gears' goal scored by number 5.
Time of goal 8:04.
This is the last season. It'll be announced tomorrow.
(BUZZER BUZZING)
(ORGAN PLAYING)
I'm too old to be traded again. A one in a million chance.
I'm gonna be calling my brother-in-law in the *** Chrysler plant.
Operator? Operator?
Bernard, they close it.
Yeah. I want to echanger.
Bernard, call Detroit. Tell them ***!
Yeah. Yeah, something. No, wait a minute.
Trade me right *** now.
Trade me right *** now!
And hang up.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Wait a minute. Reg?
Yeah?
(TV CHATTERING)
Yeah? Hey!
If I had to do it again, I would've gotten an education.
You know what I mean? Look at Ned. He doesn't have to depend on hockey.
What are you doing here?
Where's Hanrahan?
I know a good bar here. The Palm Isle.
*** the barmaid last trip.
I mean,
I walked into the place, she comes up to me without even saying hello,
Come on, Mo. Jesus. What?
She had her jugs up against my suit.
Right, Morris.
Yeah. What's the address?
Any of you guys know the Palm Isle in this town?
Yeah, don't move.
TV HOST: Before Larry has his one chance at our jackpot bowl,
is there anyone you'd like to say hello to back home?
Wife and kids!
Look into the camera and say hello to anybody.
I'd like to say hi to all the guys at work if I can.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(HANSONS CHATTERING)
JACK: Put my *** car back on the track!
Hi.
(HANSONS CHATTERING)
Brought your cars with you, huh?
All set to go.
Tell us when.
Oh, I'm shuffling lines around.
I'll let you know when I get it straightened out.
See you later, coach.
Five nothing.
(HANSONS CHATTERING)
The thing's not working! I quit. I don't wanna play no more.
You broke the darn car. How am I supposed to play?
(REGGIE MOANING)
You are the first man I've slept with since I left Hanrahan.
REGGIE: Oh, Suzanne, a beautiful woman like you?
I've been sleeping with women.
Are you shocked?
No.
No.
Never?
No!
I don't blame you though. I mean, women's bodies are beautiful.
But men's bodies, I see them everywhere.
In the locker rooms, *** all over the place.
No. That's okay.
No, that's all right, 'cause I have to tell it in court anyway.
Every time Hanrahan went out on the road,
I would go over to this wife's house and we would get drunk.
We would talk about how depressed and lonely we were without the guys.
Every week...
Then, one night we were talking about how we hated the life,
and how we had never done much of anything ourselves.
I don't know why, really.
We were like kids. We started playing with one another.
We were drunk as usual.
And the next week we did it sober,
and it was terrific!
At the end of the day, I think about women, about women's bodies.
Maybe all that will change. Maybe I'll wind up sleeping with old goalies.
Things being what they are, who knows?
When Hanrahan found out about it, he went crazy!
He said if I was a ***, that made him a ***.
And he started slapping me around. I ended up in the hospital.
Yeah. I'm on the lam. I'm hiding out.
We play him next week, you know.
Oh, God. I got so sick of those games. They seem so childish.
The Chiefs are folding.
The mill's closing and the economy and stuff.
I just found out about it. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Christ, a handsome man like you, Reggie?
It ain't easy.
I don't see myself in one of those *** 9:00 to 5:00 jobs.
Suzanne, I ain't a rookie anymore.
So far as the coaching goes, the Chiefs are...
Hey, use your imagination. That's what I've been doing.
Look at me!
Here I am a no-good, runaway hockey wife.
A ***?
Yes.
(ROARING)
GIRL: Turn it off! I hate it!
Don't touch that television set!
I'm sorry about the Chiefs, Reg.
I'm doing a tribute to the team on Sunday.
"Chiefs fold. A sad commentary." Somewhat along those lines.
Huh?
Something's afloat. On the Q.T., I think they're gonna sell us.
It's hush-hush and I can't name names, but let's say
that there's
a senior citizens' community in the market for a hockey team.
The Chiefs?
Actually, it's Florida.
They're getting a bunch of old geezers from the northeast.
And what do you think those old geezers really miss in Florida?
I think there are a lot of shysters in Florida.
Hockey. Their own team. A Saturday night game.
Hell, those poor old people, they gotta have something to root for.
BOY: You're a ***!
Daddy, he called me a ***, and then he changed the station.
Don't bother your daddy now. Work it out amongst yourselves.
So, now...let me get this straight.
A retirement community has bought the Chiefs.
Oh, no! No. I said negotiating.
That's not much to go on!
Dickie, they've already built the rink!
They've dumped a lot of capital into this.
What they're really looking for is a cheap deal on a team.
And since we ain't exactly the Boston Bruins...
How could anybody in his right mind buy a fifth-place team?
That situation is gonna be changed, I guarantee you.
Come on, watch your wing!
REGGIE: Hey, Hanrahan!
Hanrahan?
Cover the point! *** it, cover the point.
Come on, Mo! Give it to them!
It's along the boards. Nail him! Nail him!
Hanrahan, Suzanne sucks ***!
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
Get him the *** outta there, will ya?
Behind the net!
Hanrahan, she's a ***! I know! I know!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Take it out!
She's a lesbian!
Son of a ***! I'll kill you!
(BUZZER BUZZING)
(ORGAN PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(GRUNTING)
You're nuts, Hanrahan!
He wouldn't dare pull anything like that on Johnny.
REFEREE: It's all over, it's all over. That's it.
That's it, that's all, that's it.
What the ***?
He's the *** one who started it.
Son of a ***! Jesus Christ!
Son of a ***, I'll kill you!
We got one!
Good job, guys. That's the way! Two points, that's it!
(PLAYERS CHATTERING)
My allergy to those *** fans, you know, has returned.
That ends the longest *** losing streak.
Two points, eh?
Hey, Reg? Reg, what'd you say to him?
No!
***.
Jesus Christ! No wonder he flipped his lid.
Anybody who'd call my old lady a ***, I'd go *** bananas.
His wife is a ***!
Does that make him a ***?
*** him! Hanrahan's an ape. I knew it'd *** the *** outta of him.
She's a fantastic gal.
I mean, fantastic! I knew it'd drive him berserk.
JACK: You nailed him, coach.
Nailed him in his mind.
Yeah, yeah!
That was wrestling *** out there.
They didn't have a backup goalie. It was a garbage goal.
No. You gotta twist them and *** with them.
It was a garbage win.
(HORN HONKING)
Hey! Hey, Lily!
Lil, where're you going?
Hey, Lily!
Hey, Lily.
Hey!
Lil?
Jesus, Lily, there's been three rapes and two murders in this park in one year.
I didn't do it.
If you leave, you won't have that problem.
What?
What's the story on that dog?
That's the dog that saved Charlestown from the 1938 flood.
Well, *** him.
He's just gonna shock her with his views on life.
If you were to come up to my apartment right now,
I'd fix you something hot to drink, I'd rub your back.
Great.
I'd even fix you something to eat. Tell you some stories.
By the time pneumonia set in, you'd be sound asleep.
I'll see you around.
He's been so kind to me.
He comes in every day.
WOMAN ON TV: He doesn't want to rush your progress now.
I'll invite him out to the summerhouse tonight
so we can talk about you more.
MAN ON TV: I wish I could put my arms around you.
When you get out of this jacket, you can.
Hi, coach.
Reg.
WOMAN: I sold your car.
Yes.
But that was my car!
Alex, don't you remember?
When you had the amnesia, you gave me power of attorney.
I'd forgotten.
Nice talk.
I've botched up everything, haven't I?
She do that on purpose to make him crazy
so he don't know what he's doing.
Cynthia Pierce is having an affair with Carl Barton.
She's lying to him.
Oh, Alex, you mustn't be weak.
I don't believe this. I don't frigging believe this!
Hey, you guys, listen.
"Chiefs Sought by Florida Retirement Communities."
Listen, Johnny. It's right here.
J.G., Jimmy, come over here. Listen to this.
"Unidentified but reliable sources have informed the Times Herald
"that a St. Petersburg, Florida retirement community
"is negotiating with the Charlestown Hockey Corporation
"for the purchase of the Charlestown Chiefs."
It's right there. Look!
Dickie Dunn wrote this.
That's fantastic!
Florida!
Jealous, big guy?
Your mother should've bought you skates!
(SINGING) Cut off my balls I'll be skating in Florida
Here's to the sap that would buy the Chiefs.
Hell! Here's to the Sunshine State!
Here's to all that gorgeous *** in F-L-A.
*** WOODPECKER ON TV: Guess who?
(*** WOODPECKER LAUGHING)
(GROANS)
What's wrong, Reg?
Oh, nothing.
You got an expression of sadness on your face.
I guess this is my last season.
No, it's not. We're being bought.
You get to be my age, you gotta think about retiring.
I know all the other teams laugh at me.
They do. I hear them every game.
They're just saying that to get you upset. It doesn't mean anything.
Thanks, kid. Maybe you're right.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Drouin, open your *** eyes!
(ORGAN PLAYING)
What *** news?
Minnesota dropped ya. It's in Hockey News. I'll save it for ya.
I got a contract!
C'mon, let's go! Let's go!
You know what your problem is? You're too *** old to play this game.
Take that sentence back!
(ALL CHEERING)
Too much too soon.
Guys, hold it! Hold it!
That's it. Hold it! Let's go!
Dave, hold it steady. You're making me miss.
You got him, Dave!
That's crap. Did you hear what he said? He shouldn't have said what he said.
You don't say stuff like that when you're on the ice.
Let's win the frigging game.
You goon!
Yeah, yeah! You ugly ***.
(ALL CHEERING)
Yeah! Yeah! Get him!
We were there. We saw it with our own eyes!
Dave. Damn lard-***.
Sure did.
Gloves off, stick down, no warning. He challenged the Chiefs!
He called us names!
Dave's a killer!
Dave's a mess.
Okay, but Dave's out.
Is the answer Jesus?
Okay, guys, show us what you got.
(SHOUTING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
God save us.
Kill the ***!
(GROANS)
I do not believe my frigging eyes.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
These guys are a *** disgrace.
(CROWD CHEERING)
I'm telling you, Broom County is visibly upset by this display.
Come on down. Bring the kids! We got entertainment for the whole family.
There goes Jeff Hanson into the corner. I think it's Jeff. No, it's Jack.
It's 17. I'll check that later.
He puts a crushing check on him on the boards.
Things are really going on out there now.
Steve is in front of the net. I think that's Steve. Yeah, it is Steve.
I think that was Jack. Well, it was Jeff or Jack.
These brothers are stomping all over the...
Hold it!
What?
What for?
No, no! We're *** robbed!
Get your eyes examined, you idiot!
They're all gone!
No, no. It's self-defense, for Chrissake.
How much do you expect a man to take?
Don't come near me!
What are you running here? A *** dance floor?
(CROWD CHEERING)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Open it.
Son?
Owns! Owns!
(IMITATING JOE) Owns! Owns!
I don't know.
Thanks.
Okay.
He don't know.
I say, "Who own the Chiefs?"
Owns! Owns!
I don't care who own the Chiefs. I hate it here.
Make me sick, my allergy. Puke every time.
Like that. Puke!
You're a goalie. You're supposed to be like that.
Somebody own the Chiefs. We go to Florida, and I get the money!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
That's nice.
I don't like the way they cover their jugs all up with the feathers.
They are so beautiful.
They oughta cut the costume a little higher in the thigh so you can see more ***.
You make me sick when you speak, Morris.
This isn't art. This is sex!
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
Ogilthorpe *** her, you know.
Yeah, it's true! I heard it from a couple of guys.
Ogilthorpe *** the last girl
on the pinwheel of the Ice Stravaganza.
That's her there.
Jesus Christ.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
Get your butt in gear, for the love of Mike!
MAN: Slow down the main line. Going too fast.
(ALL CHEERING)
Sure.
I mean, dressed as bluebirds with all them feathers on, racing around the ice!
Well, I just asked outta curiosity.
I like to see how the other half lives.
Renee, I like to skate too, but the "hair" is rotten here.
Yeah, the hair.
It make me sick.
I got cut in a fight, see.
It looks sort of cute.
Nah, I'm a lover.
Is your team any good?
No. In fact we're so bad that we're disbanding.
What about Florida, eh, Reg?
We gotta win.
Yeah, we're on a roll!
We're gonna win.
Who?
Oggie Ogilthorpe. You know old Oggie.
AHERN: Think he's all he's cracked up to be?
Is he a nice guy?
I'll be right back.
Reg, you're really doing great! You got them going!
Yeah, you betcha!
HANSONS: Hey, coach! How ya doing there?
(CHATTERING)
Son of a ***!
(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
Where the hell did all this beer come from?
The owner?
How's his family, Reg?
He told me to tell you he's really glad that we're winning.
It's gonna make it easier to close that Florida deal.
REGGIE: Oh, yeah.
He's a neat guy. Looking to get us bonuses.
DENIS: Yeah!
(DENIS SPEAKING FRENCH)
Beats me.
(ALL CHEERING)
What the *** is that?
Hey!
Where? Oh, yeah!
(ALL CHEERING)
Hey, I think you're wonderful!
It's wonderful!
You're beautiful!
WOMAN: Yea, Billy!
Hey, Eddie! It's me, Reg. How are you?
(ALL SINGING)
Oh, Jesus, we're kicking the *** out of everybody.
We're unbeatable! Listen, I got a favor to ask ya.
Yeah. Remember Francine?
All together in one room! Why not?
My ex-wife.
Yeah, the pretty one. Has she been in there?
We're the Chiefs!
***!
A couple tickets in it for ya. Which bar?
(ALL CLAMORING)
Wait a minute. Hold it. Everybody's gone bananas in here.
(WOMAN SHRIEKING)
They convicted Ogilthorpe.
CLERK: Help me. Get the manager. Somebody, help me.
Eddie, listen, this guy she was with, what'd he look like?
It's their rink, it's their ice and it's their *** town.
But tonight we got our fans with us!
They spent their own dough to get here, and they came here to see us!
All right, let's show them what we got, guys!
Get out there on the ice and let them know you're there.
Get that *** stick in their side. Let them know you're there!
Get that lumber in his teeth. Let them know you're there!
Bleed all over them. Let them know you're there.
REGGIE: Give them a good warm-up, Denis. Come on, fellas!
(ALL CHATTERING)
Good game tonight, guys. Let's go.
(ORGAN PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
The Peterboro Patriots versus the Charlestown Chiefs.
Brought to you by Sheehan's Rustproofing.
The Chiefs have just come out on the ice for a warm-up period.
They're about to try for their fifth consecutive win.
They're getting a good round of applause from their own booster club
who have traveled from Charlestown to be here in Peterboro tonight.
(SCREAMS)
P.A. ANNOUNCER: There's no one to stop it because there are no officials on the ice.
What has come over the Charlestown Chiefs?
(CROWD BOOING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
WOMAN: (SINGING) And the rockets' red glare
The bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there
Got my eye on the three of you.
You pull one thing, you're outta this game.
I run a clean game here. I have any trouble, I'll suspend ya!
I'm listening to the *** song!
Yet wave
Over the land of the free
No, no, no.
To Mrs. Reggie Dunlop from Reggie Dunlop.
Collect.
Well, make it station to... Operator, I'll pay for the call here.
(ALL CLAMORING)
Hey, Walt! What are you doing?
Making it look mean!
MAN: Atta boy, Walt.
(PHONE DINGING)
Honey? We won last night!
Yeah, we won. I got a good winning streak go...
Who is this?
(PHONE GOES DEAD)
Hello?
***!
Met a little girl
Her name was June
A little bit south of Saskatoon
Me and Junie Mae we got on fine
Till I had to move on down the line
Gin.
Eight.
Yeah?
I think I'm gonna change my name.
Yeah. "Killer."
That's got a nice ring to it.
Yeah.
I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna goon it up for ya.
No?
Nope.
I'll bench ya.
I'll take my chances.
(MUSIC CONTINUES ON RADIO)
(GIRLS CHEERING)
Pick up the boosters!
Pull over, Walt.
Let the girls in here with us. Come on, Walt, pull over.
Great.
(ALL CHEERING)
WOMAN: My husband'll kill me if he finds out.
Their bus is coming up the street! They're coming!
(ALL SHOUTING)
WOMAN: We don't need you here!
MAN: There's no room in sports for people like you!
Get outta town!
(ALL SHOUTING)
P.A. ANNOUNCER: We're at seven, one. There's the face-off.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Charlestown Chiefs seem to be coming down ice with the puck!
Kill those Hanson creeps!
You goons can't skate!
We like to see an old-fashioned brand of hockey played here.
You're a bunch of animals, you Hanson apes!
(BUZZER BUZZING)
Come on!
Get outta town, four-eyes!
(CROWD BOOING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Yeah, that's him!
No, he's over there!
Look at that! You can't see. I'm on radio.
(CROWD CLAMORING)
No, not him! That's the one!
Go *** a moose, Froggy!
Think we should get into this? Just a thought.
It wasn't me!
No, Jeff, it's the other guy!
Do you think the old folks in Florida are gonna like these guys?
I don't believe a word of that Florida ***.
Fans are standing up to them. Security guards are standing up to them.
The peanut vendors are standing up to them!
And, by God, if I could get down there, I'd be standing up to them!
(ALL CHATTERING)
An object right in the face!
I don't know.
Key chain. You know, car keys, house keys.
Keys to the camper?
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
The Hansons.
Hey, guys?
Put the *** bus in gear. The cops have come for the Hansons.
ALL: The cops?
How many are out there?
The Hansons.
I throw up my hands.
I can't control them anymore. They gotta be punished.
Will you do me a favor and put them behind bars?
They're looking for you guys. There's gotta be some misunderstanding.
They don't wanna risk it.
Look at his lip.
Somebody threw a *** tire chain. Hit him in the mouth!
Scratches, made by human fingernails!
This kid has taken a savage beating.
Fellas, there are six of them out there for us!
They're gonna put you in the same jail with Ogilthorpe.
Come on, you guys.
They'll let you make one phone call.
They book you and then give you a dime,
and they let you make one phone call.
Call the pizza man!
Why don't you call a massage parlor?
(ALL CHATTERING)
Bye.
Save me a piece of pizza.
Don't eat my watermelon sticks. They're all mine.
Don't admit to nothing, you guys!
Dickie, it's me, Reg.
They're putting the Hansons away on a trumped-up charge.
Someone threw a monkey wrench. Hit Jeff in the face.
No, they were defending the honor of Charlestown at the time.
The boosters are behind us a hundred percent.
Dickie, have you seen Francine?
Sergeant, you will never meet a greater champion
of the pure sport of hockey than me.
Sergeant, I knew Eddie Shore
You guys back there?
Peterboro lost tonight, so as of right now we're in the play-offs!
(ALL CLAMORING)
I would like to see the bail just a little more reasonable.
Sergeant, when is the trial?
You can't leave those guys in there. They're folk heroes!
Most folk heroes started out as criminals.
Joe, I got it here.
$250 for each.
This young fella is in a hurry
because he's got the prettiest wife waiting at home.
Sam, let them out.
I want a receipt.
Hey, hey, there!
Hey, coach. We got to keep our bracelets!
Thanks a lot, Sarge.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Let's get on the bus.
Look at that.
The boys and I want you to have this as a little memento.
It's a Chiefs' key ring. You can't buy these in stores.
(PLAYERS CHEERING)
Guys, we'll party in there!
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
WOMAN: Aren't those Hansons something?
Real funny looking.
They're probably real good guys.
They couldn't be as dumb as they look.
Yes, they could. They're just goons.
Johnny doesn't care for the fighting. He told me so.
That's ***.
(STATIC ON RADIO)
(CHANGING RADIO STATIONS)
If we weren't so far below sea level,
the radio reception here would be much better.
I've been shitfaced for the past week.
I only drink in the afternoon.
Or before a game... or when Johnny's away.
WOMAN: Me too.
That's terrible!
So sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's gettin' more and more absurd
So sad
Why can't we talk it over?
Oh, it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
(ALL CHATTERING)
Hey, Johnny.
Hey... Lil? Lil!
(HORN HONKING)
Hiya! Let's go someplace. Ya know the Aces?
Can the heavy stuff.
Get the *** out, I'm going home!
Oh, yeah? Where's Braden going?
You're nuts.
Jesus. You really married a weirdo. He don't run with the traffic.
Me? I'm normal.
Yeah? Well, then normal is ***.
How come you talk dirty?
'Cause my family has money.
Leave him.
My wife left me. I was driving her crazy!
All she could do was drink and cry like you.
Every time she sees me, it drives me nuts
'cause I know she's asking herself,
"How'd I get mixed up with a bum like him?"
Oh, yeah?
Next year you'll be asking yourself
the same question about Braden!
He treats you like ***.
He told me the only reason you paid attention to me
was to make him crazy so he'd fight.
Yeah! That's part of it.
But mainly it's because I think you're a champ.
Only you gotta stop killing yourself.
My place. That's a coincidence.
Get out!
Hey, you gotta roll with it, kid.
Use your imagination. That's what I've been doing.
(CRYING) Beat it.
Well, I'll see you later.
Hi, guys. I'm proud of ya. They're talking about you in the streets!
Nah. Gimme a cup of coffee.
That was a nice tribute to the guys, Dickie.
Yeah.
Hey, guys. This is Dickie Dunn. He wrote the article on ya.
Hi, guys. Nice to meet ya.
I was trying to capture the spirit of the thing.
Hi, guys.
Hi, coach.
Hey, come out and see the game tonight. Compliments of the Chiefs.
You too.
Sure, spread them around, guys.
Thanks, Reggie.
You really taught that guy a lesson last night. He was sensational!
I guess that was a big fight. Are you in pain?
Oh, you poor thing.
WOMAN: Look, I'll make you a double dose of this stuff
Good.
He got that in the fight last night.
That is a very deep cut.
DENIS: Will you be at the game?
If I see you in the stands, it make me feel better... a little.
(CAR HORN HONKING)
Hey, Killer! Get them tonight!
(SIGHING) *** wearing me out.
Hiya, honey! How are ya?
You look a thousand years old.
It was a long bus ride.
Of course not.
We got a whole new attitude. It's bringing us success!
Any fool can fight.
No, I swear to ya.
The Chiefs are gonna be sitting pretty in Florida
when this town's a stinking memory.
I've personally been talking to the owner,
which is why I've been too busy to call you.
Every waking hour, I'm on the phone making deals...
What?
To Long Island.
A gal who works in a shop there has a space open.
Business here is just dead.
Are you really going?
You know, we have to get divorced one of these days.
I mean, I could meet somebody. You could meet somebody.
Yeah?
Well, don't look so sad.
(CAR HORN HONKING)
(ALL CHEERING)
It's gonna be a big one! See those guys...
Reggie, look, I'm late. I'll write you when I get settled.
Hey, I'll try to call you before you go.
No, son, it looks nice and it sells hockey.
It ain't mean enough. Put some blood in there.
Show somebody getting hurt. A groin injury!
Put the map of Florida in the background. Get some *** in there.
Put a "for sale" sign on the bottom.
I don't want any *** and I don't want any "for sale" sign.
Jesus.
Remember that great Peterboro game in '68?
Yeah. What about it?
Jacky St. Pierre's wife left him.
It was snowing like hell before we even got to the motel.
Yeah.
Jacky had a whole keg sent in.
Poor Jacky. He had a future. I told him to watch that drunk driving!
My God, Joe, did we ever get shitfaced!
And Jacky was running around telling everybody
he was gonna get Jill back even if he had to beg her.
I told him not to do that.
Oh, I think he should've. She was a dynamite broad.
I liked Jacky.
Yeah.
Remember I went to your room afterwards
and you were dressed in chick's clothes?
Yeah, you had on this black bra with tassels.
You were dancing in front of a mirror with this zebra-skinned jock strap.
Remember how I screamed at you when you started coming on to me?
Damn you.
I wanted to tell you I forgot the whole thing.
Years have passed now. I'm sexually liberated.
I don't care who's a *** no more.
I mean, who cares? It's natural. It's all around us!
Who's the owner, Joe?
UPTON: He's probably calling Florida.
See how the sale is going.
I was in Florida once on a southern tour
where I met this little redhead
who's an underwater specialist.
MORRIS: And the first thing she says to me was,
"Come on out by the pool."
So I went out, and she comes leaping out of this cabana,
wearing nothing but this little see-through wet suit.
Reg, I want a chair by the pool!
I want some *** by the pool.
Reg, you want a coke?
No, I can't. I'm taping an interview at the station.
They're playing it at 4:00. Don't miss it.
That was some road trip.
Six straight wins and a whole new rash of penalty minutes.
We got a whole new attitude.
What about 'em?
They're not just bullies?
What do you mean, "just bullies"?
They scare the bejesus outta everybody.
Deliberately?
I'd like the folks to come down
and watch us cream them punks from Syracuse.
Anything new on the sale of the Chiefs?
I think the negotiations are, you know, going pretty good.
I have a personal announcement.
I'm placing a personal bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.
He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team.
Yeah.
A hundred bucks of my own money
for the first of my men that nails that creep.
That's 8:00 at the War Memorial.
The Syracuse and the all-new Charlestown Chiefs.
Not to worry, kid.
REGGIE ON RADIO: I'm placing a personal bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.
He's the coach and chief punk on that Syracuse team.
Yeah.
A hundred bucks of my own money
for the first of my men that really nails...
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGING)
Are you nuts?
A bounty?
Big deal, Joe.
I just did.
(PHONE RINGING)
Yeah?
Oh, hi, Killer.
Well, you gotta earn it, Killer.
Okay, kid.
(SIGHS)
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
In-***-credible! Who is it?
Yeah?
(POUNDING CONTINUES)
Oh, hi.
What's up? Oh, Jesus.
Come on in.
You bet you did. You did, you bet.
The wedding presents my side gave. Fifty-fifty, right?
Yeah, sure.
Jesus, did you write him a note?
I don't know.
He's gonna think the worst.
We are?
Except right now I gotta take a nap.
I put a bounty on this guy's head. If I don't get some shut...
If I don't get some shut-eye, I'm gonna get murdered out there on the ice.
Otherwise, you know, I would've given you a night on the town.
We could've gone to the Aces.
She won't mind. She's great to sleep with.
Ned sleeps with her before every game.
Her breathing makes him feel more secure.
Reg, I'm gonna get a grip on myself,
start using my imagination, go with the traffic.
I've been going about this all wrong! I probably am terrific.
You want some spaghetti?
Reg?
(CROWD CLAMORING)
What?
Run the *** siren. I'm paying for it.
Let 'em know there's gonna be blood in there.
For Chrissake!
There.
(SIREN WAILING)
(ORGAN PLAYING LADY OF SPAIN)
(SIGHS)
Don't ever play Lady of Spain again!
Jesus Christ.
Hey, McCracken!
All I can get.
(ALL CLAMORING)
One hundred dollar bounty
on the head of famed Syracuse stickman, Tim McCracken.
McCracken, also known as Dr. Hook for his scalp-like prowess with the stick,
has been known to carve a man's eye out with the flick of the wrist.
There's a carnival-like atmosphere here tonight.
The crowd has gathered. You can feel it. There's an air of expectancy.
(CROWD SHOUTING)
Syracuse skating out now.
We're looking forward to a real contest tonight.
We'll be ready to face off at the middle circle.
The referee is ready to go. The linesmen for tonight...
(CHANTING) Go, Chiefs, go! Go, Chiefs, go!
(CROWD CHEERING)
A hundred bucks says you're gonna crack my skull, huh?
I wouldn't crack your knuckles for a hundred bucks.
So he's bluffing?
Somebody's gonna kill you, you dumb son of a ***.
But it's not gonna be me.
(BUZZER BUZZES)
(EXCLAIMING)
Good pass!
FAN: Come on, Ned, hit him! What's the matter with you? You're a Chief!
Come on!
(CROWD SHOUTING)
You son of a ***! Get over here!
I just scored a goal!
They don't want you to score goals.
They want blood. They're booing you.
Go get 'em, Killer!
Come on, you son of a ***! Come on!
We win 'cause I score goals.
Kiss my ***! We win 'cause I make 'em crazy!
(CROWD CLAMORING)
Come on, nail him!
I will, 'cause you're benched!
You want ice time, tell me when you want to play it my way.
That's right! I like ***!
Yeah? That's not what I hear from your wife. I hear...
Go get him, Killer!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Real old-fashioned guts
for Dave "Killer" Carlson to jump into that fight
with Tim "Dr. Hook" McCracken.
Ned Braden's come into the booth.
P.A. ANNOUNCER: I noticed a discussion with Reg Dunlop.
Yes, a first in my professional career.
I won't fight.
Let's just say I'm chicken-***.
Ned, tell me. Why would someone
with your family background and education
I hate my father.
I'm also having a lot of problems at home.
I just said I was, didn't I?
They're *** problems. I'm perverse.
Holy ***!
This is Jim Carr...
We fight day and night. She wants me to quit hockey.
You may have noticed, she's the only good-looking piece of *** in Charlestown.
She also has a drinking problem.
At this moment, I have no idea where she is.
Why do you wear that rug?
It's sensationally ugly! You're going bald!
At least I'm not chicken-*** like you!
What you're hearing is the truth. Jim Carr got angry!
Joe McGrath here. The boys like to horse around.
Sawed-off old fart!
I wanna talk about violence.
Gimme that!
Son! Son! Son!
(A LITTLE BIT SOUTH OF SASKATOON PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
(CAR HORN HONKING)
Hey, Billy!
Well, you're gonna be set, Lily.
Taking your destiny by the throat. You're in the driver's seat.
You're not having second thoughts about this, are you?
Sometimes I think I get it, and sometimes I think it's horseshit!
To doubt is human. You stick with Reg. I'm on a roll.
I will. Thank you.
You're gonna need another 10 or 15 minutes.
Hi.
This is Lily Braden, Ned Braden's wife.
Actually, she's on waivers.
She's in the market for a perm.
I said, "There's no one better than ol' Francine."
The works! I'm buying.
No, that's not the problem.
See, the problem is...
I never laid a hand on her. She's just a kid.
It's a pathetic story. It's pathetic.
You look terrific.
Be careful, girls.
You were married to him?
For about a hundred years, but it's all over.
He's completely off his rocker.
Really?
I'm only halfway out the revolving door. You know what I mean?
Oh, it's lousy at first.
You think you're dying, but then it's fabulous!
Yeah.
Reggie told me you'd gotten terrific since you left him.
He said that?
Well, you know what you have to do for yourself?
You have to get out there and circulate.
You can't sink into it. You have to get out there on the firing line.
No, no, no. Really. It's not bad.
Look. If you did your cheekbones better,
you could look like Cher.
(DOG BARKING)
Take this in the house. Can you handle it?
REGGIE: Hello there.
I'm Reggie Dunlop of the Chiefs. I came to see your husband.
Yes? I'm Anita McCambridge. How do you do?
Yeah.
Mom, I'm late. I gotta go.
Michael, you're gonna stay in the yard,
put your jacket on, and carry one of these in.
He's in puppy heaven.
I own the Chiefs.
This way.
Canadian Club and water.
Thanks.
Anita.
Yeah, Anita.
You know, we all read about the possibility of a sale...in Florida.
And the guys are getting anxious to find out what's going on.
I guess I'm their representative.
My accountant is certainly pleased.
Oh. How is the sale going?
Fine.
Oh. Good.
Yeah.
What?
It's been so much fun waiting to see what you're gonna do next.
The articles in the paper are very funny. That sportswriter?
Dickie Dunn.
You've certainly got his number.
The radio interviews are fantastic.
And the Hanson brothers? Oh, my God!
Well, attendance has quadrupled.
Yes. I am in the black for the first time in four years.
That's great.
I guess I owe that to you. Thank you.
You're welcome. So you can sell us real easy then, huh?
Oh, boy!
That's great! That's just great, Anita!
You know, for five months I've been trying to prove to you,
without ever really knowing who you were,
that you were wrong and we could get somebody interested in the Chiefs.
We could sew that thing up tonight, you know.
That's terrific.
But you have to understand that I couldn't make enough of a profit
to have a sale be worthwhile.
My accountant tells me I'm better off folding the team, taking a tax loss.
You mean you could sell us, but you won't?
I could probably sell you, but I can't.
Well...
You know... We're human beings, you know.
I have to confess I've never let the children watch a hockey game.
I have a theory that children imitate what they see on a TV screen.
If they see violence, they'll become violent.
If they see someone stick up a bank, they'll stick up a bank.
***. You name it.
What?
You are totally ***!
You're garbage for letting us go down the drain.
Are you serious?
You could sell us. We're hot.
People go nuts for us. You could find a buyer.
I don't think you understand finance.
You know, your son looks like a *** to me.
You better get married again,
'cause he's gonna wind up with somebody's *** in his mouth
How dare you!
How dare you!
Our listeners will be surprised to learn
that you're a very soft-spoken young man, Killer.
Yes, I am.
I was watching kids play hockey the other day.
Five and six-year-olds, little mites. One said, "I'm Killer Carlson."
He picked up his little stick and creamed that other kid.
How do you feel about that?
The way I see it, the kid probably would've done it anyway.
A bad upbringing in the home or whatever.
That's interesting, Dave.
Could I be serious for a minute?
By all means.
DAVE: I'd like to say that no matter how the game turns out tonight,
I owe all that I am to our coach, Reg Dunlop.
He's had the greatest influence on me,
aside, of course, from the Swami Baha,
whose positive thinking records have been a tremendous help.
Yeah, that's right.
You can get them at any religious record store.
I know that thousands of people in Charlestown have lost jobs
with the mill closing and all.
I see 'em walking around the streets depressed all the time.
I want to say to all you unemployed folks,
you can get a whole new lease on life
with these records, nothing will bother you anymore.
You can just go out and clobber the next guy in your business life.
Thanks.
Take care of yourself.
Jesus Christ, what a *** nightmare.
Braden!
Ned!
Hey!
Kid.
Hey, come on back!
You don't have to fight. You can do whatever you want. It's up to you!
You know, I've had it with this show business crap too.
I don't know what hit me.
I'm driving up and I say to myself, "Who cares about Florida?
"Screw the sale. It's probably a bunch of crap anyway."
No, that's ***.
Hey!
The team's history, kid. There ain't no next year.
I'm *** up after this game, no matter what happens.
But I'll tell you one thing.
We're gonna win that *** championship tonight.
But we're gonna win it fair and square.
Old-time hockey. None of this wrestling ***.
You know, what the hell? It's my last game.
I'm gonna go out with style. Play it straight.
I'd like to have you there with me.
Oh, you know, Lily's been staying at my place.
She's a terrific gal.
We've been having a hell of a time.
(SIREN WAILING)
MAN: Hey, Reg!
Want me to circle, run in with stretchers?
Get out of here, you *** parasite!
CROWD: Get 'em, baby! Get 'em!
This is Jim Carr. Jeff Hanson,
I can't tell you what you've done for all of us,
the pleasure you've given us. I'd like to ask you one question.
Win, lose or draw,
this is the Chiefs' last game before you leave Charlestown...
We're gonna kill 'em tonight.
JEFF: What do you mean, Flood City?
CARR: Never mind, Jeff. I guess that's before your time.
Hey, Reg Dunlop. How about a statement?
Get outta here.
CARR: Reg Dunlop has asked us to come back...
Come on, girls! Get out of here!
Come on.
No hit.
The Chiefs are history, guys. There ain't no Florida deal.
Come on, Reg. What are you talking about?
I just made that *** up. We're deader than this stinking town.
Hey! Dead history!
I conned you guys. I just lied to you.
We were never anything but a rich broad's tax write-off.
It's never made a ***'s bit of difference whether we won or lost.
Kill 'em!
(HANSONS CLAMORING)
We ain't been hockey players. We've been clowns.
We've been goons!
We've been freaks in a *** sideshow.
We're a bunch of criminals. We oughta be in jail. That's all there is to it.
I'm ashamed.
Yeah. I'm really ashamed of myself.
See, Ned was right.
Violence is killing this sport.
It's dragging it through the mud.
If things keep up the way they are,
hockey players will be nothing but actors, punks.
I'm not playing my last game that way.
Yeah.
It's my last game, and I wanna play it straight.
No more "nail 'em!" No more "*** with 'em!" That's finished.
I want to win that championship tonight, but I wanna win it clean.
Old-time hockey, like when I got started. You know?
Toe Blake, Dit Clapper, Eddie Shore. Those guys were the greats.
I don't know what to say. It's up to you.
Sure, old-time hockey.
JEFF: Yeah!
Sure.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
We got a game to win.
BRADEN: This is the big one, guys!
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Evening, boys.
Wimpy, how are ya? Crash, how are you? Scotty.
Better than Philadelphia this time.
You're gonna get an eyeball of the new Charlestown Chiefs.
Ladies and gentlemen, this has all the earmarks of a hockey classic.
The championship confrontation between the Syracuse Bulldogs and the...
Here they come now! The rags-to-riches Cinderella contenders
of the Federal League, the Charlestown Chiefs!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(CROWD CHANTING) Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!
Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!
Let's go, Chiefs! Let's go, Chiefs!
Ladies and gentlemen, I can't explain this delay.
I don't know why Syracuse has elected to miss the warm-up.
The Chiefs have already skated over to their bench.
It might be Syracuse is afraid to come out and face the Chiefs.
Oh, thanks, Bill.
Good heavens!
I've just been handed the Syracuse roster,
and it appears the Syracuse Bulldog management
is real thirsty for a big grudge-match type victory here tonight.
They've brought back for this one contest...
Here they come now, led by someone we all know very well,
Tim "Dr. Hook" McCracken!
(CROWD BOOING)
And here's a name from the past. Ross "Mad Dog" Madison.
Ross, as you know,
never travels anywhere without his longtime friend and attorney,
Sam "Small Print" Lyman.
And here's a name for you nostalgia fans.
Clarence "Screaming Buffalo" Swamptown!
I'll never forget an exclusive interview I did with him many years ago
when Buffalo revealed that he liked to call his hockey stick
The Big Tomahawk.
He usually refers to the opposing players as The Little Scalps.
I thought he'd been suspended forever.
Andre "Poodle" Lussier, defense.
Andre has been living
in semi-seclusion in northern Quebec
since the unfortunate Denny Pratt tragedy.
Not Poodle!
And from Mile Forty, Saskatchewan,
where he now runs a doughnut shop, number 15,
former penalty-minute record holder of the Federal League
for the years 1960 to 1968 inclusive, Gilmore Tuttle.
Gilmore Tuttle.
Oh, gee. Hold the phone.
This is an unscheduled surprise.
It's him!
This young man has had a very trying rookie season
what with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada
and that country's refusal to accept him,
that's more than most 21-year-olds could handle.
Oggie Ogilthorpe.
(THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER PLAYING)
Hi, Oggie.
Buy you a soda after the game!
Hi. You know Toe Blake? No?
We'll straighten you out, you little prick.
How.
How ya doing?
All right, no high-sticking, no tripping, no slashing...
Major surgery. Open heart.
Yeah, you'll have quiet.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Give 'em hell!
(INDIAN WAR WHOOP)
Give 'em the old-time hockey!
(CROWD BOOING)
Good crowd.
Shirley!
Teamwork! Teamwork! Teamwork!
Come on, get up!
One with the universe. One with the universe. Nothing matters.
This reporter is stunned!
The Charlestown Chiefs are not fighting back.
Keep the guys off me! Come on!
(BUZZER BUZZING)
The Chiefs' performance tonight has got to be a bitter disappointment
to these 4,000 Charlestown fans
who have packed this War Memorial,
paying good money to witness this fiasco.
DENIS: Get Oggie! Move away, Wanchuk.
You're screening me! You're screening me! Move away!
Give 'em some of that back!
Don't let 'em push you like that.
Get up!
WOMAN: Get off your ***!
I don't know what's wrong!
You bums! You're no damn good!
Get up off your ***!
Okay, you guys. Let's get some speed out there.
Cement heads.
Keep your eyes open. Better passing.
We got a big three coming up out there.
Try to come back with the wingers maybe.
Tonight's the night.
Over here, Charlie.
(PLAYERS CLAMORING)
REGGIE: We need some more coordination out there.
Keep your eyes open. Better passing.
(SHOUTING IN FRENCH)
I'm coming!
It's all right.
REGGIE: I want a big rally this period.
REGGIE: More teamwork, guys.
They're burying us alive!
*** on Eddie Shore.
*** on old-time hockey!
You're blowing it! Boys!
Every scout in the NHL is out there tonight
with contracts in their pockets,
and they're looking for talent.
For winners!
All my years of publicity,
all the fashion shows and radiothons for nothing!
They come here tonight
to scout the Chiefs!
The toughest team in the Federal League!
Not this
bunch of...***!
Scouts?
(CROWD CHEERING)
This is more like it.
It makes me feel glad to see the Chiefs on the warpath again,
to coin a phrase.
God, it's been a long time since this place saw my shadow.
You look fabulous. Now, come on.
(CROWD CLAMORING)
God, I'd forgotten.
Everybody is on their feet screaming, "Kill! Kill!" This is hockey!
(CHANTING) Let's go, Chiefs!
All right! Kill 'em!
They're pummeling each other.
Wait a minute. Ned Braden is skating out on the ice.
He's not fighting. No. He's...
Ned Braden is starting to take off articles of his uniform.
(STRIP MUSIC PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Way to go, Ned.
I don't want any youngsters out there
to get the idea this is the way to play hockey.
Stop that! That's disgusting.
Protest? Protest my...
I'm certainly glad Mrs. Carr isn't here tonight
because this is a lascivious display...
Take it off!
Make him stop or we're leaving!
Get your paws off me, Scarface!
Stop him! This is a serious game, not a freak show.
What are you talking about? This is hockey!
Watch out, punk!
Get your hands off me or forfeit this game!
Forfeit, my ***! Look at that!
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
All right, that's it. That's the game. You lose. Out! Lose?
What the hell are you talking about?
Come on, dummy. You won the game. Pick up your trophy.
(PLAYERS CHEERING)
Here ya go, ya bum.
The Chiefs have won the championship of the Federal League!
He's gonna catch his death out there!
(BAND PLAYING)
I said some bad things about the boy, but we can explain that
to the exuberance and excitement of youth,
because he's certainly changed his ways now.
My boy!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
(BAND PLAYING YANKEE DOODLE)
Francine!
Come on, honey. You got all the room in the world.
You ain't gonna hit anything. Come on!
I'm paying by the hour for this thing.
The Minnesota Night Hawks. I'm coaching. The Big Apple.
Somebody's playing a joke on you.
No! I've got a contract back there in the car!
The Chiefs are history.
But the minute I get up to Minnesota,
I'm gonna bring my guys up there.
We're a solid act, honey. We're starting out with something big.
What?
You don't have my number.
If you want to get in touch with me,
do it through the team, the Minnesota Night Hawks.
You're gonna need money or something.
Or maybe things won't work out the way you expect.
Geez, we've got a lot of years between us, Francine.
I know.
(HORN HONKING)
Shut up, you *** meathead!
Honey, I gotta go.
If things don't work out, get in touch with me in Minneapolis.
Bye, Reggie.
I could make a *** fortune.
Oh, for sure!
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
(RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM PLAYING)
Ooh and it's all right And it's comin' along
We gotta get right back To where we started from
Love is good Love can be strong
We gotta get right back To where we started from
Do you remember the day That shiny day
When you first came my way
I said no one could take your place
And if you get hurt If you get hurt
By the little things I say
I can put that smile back on your face
Ooh and it's all right And it's coming on
We gotta get right back To where we started from
Love is good Love can be strong
We gotta get right back To where we started from
And it's all right And it's comin' along
We gotta get right back To where we started from
Love is good Love can be strong
We gotta get right back To where we started from