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PREVIOUSLY...
THIS THING WE'RE DOING HERE --
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M IN.
I AM ALL IN.
I LIKE YOU, ZACH.
THE INSCRUTABLE ZACH. HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED.
TO GO INTO MY OWN STUDY?
YOU DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE, RICHARD.
SO, NO TOMORROW NIGHT. HOW ABOUT SATURDAY?
NEXT WEEKEND?
GOING TO MAINE FOR MY GRANDPARENTS' WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
THEY SAY ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER.
YOU DON'T LIKE ME.
HOW DO YOU KNOW LOGAN?
I MET HIM. MY FRIEND INTRODUCED US.
SO, YOU'RE NOT FRIENDS?
NO, DEFINITELY NOT FRIENDS.
THAT GUY'S A REAL PIECE OF WORK.
LAST NIGHT, I WAS IN ONE OF THE BATHROOMS,
AND THIS GIRL CAME IN WITH ONE OF THOSE PLASTIC GORILLA MASKS,
AND SHE GOT IN THIS FANCY BLACK S.U.V.
AND SAID THE PHRASE, "IN OMNIA PARATUS."
SO I GOOGLED THE PHRASE, AND I FOUND THIS.
THE LIFE AND DEATH BRIGADE.
YEAH, I KNOW THESE GUYS.
IT'S A CLUB.
ONE OF THESE SUPER SECRET, SUPER EXCLUSIVE CLUBS.
DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I HAVE PROOF THAT YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS IN IT,
WHICH MEANS THAT YOUR FATHER WAS IN IT,
WHICH SHOULD MEAN THAT YOU'RE IN IT.
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
[ Sighing ] OH, I'M LATE.
I KNOW.
BLAME THE INSANE PEOPLE DRIVING IN FRONT OF ME.
THEY HAD A "HONK IF YOU LOVE TO SCUBA DIVE" BUMPER STICKER
ON THE BACK OF THEIR CAR, SO I HONKED.
YOU DON'T SCUBA DIVE.
YES, BUT I'VE BEEN TESTING PEOPLE
WHO HAVE "HONK" BUMPER STICKERS LATELY
TO SEE IF THEY REALLY WANT PEOPLE TO HONK.
GUESS WHAT? THEY DON'T.
I LAY ON MY HORN,
AND THIS ALLEGED SCUBA DIVER SLOWS TO A CRAWL IN FRONT OF ME
JUST OUT OF REVENGE, AND I'M SCREWED.
YOU NEED A HOBBY.
YES, ACTUALLY.
COME ON. RORY'S WAITING.
HEY. WHAT HAPPENED?
SHE HONKED.
OH, ANOTHER BUMPER STICKER TEST.
I JUST THOUGHT OF A GREAT IDEA FOR A REALITY SHOW.
YOU PULL PEOPLE OVER
WHO HAVE THOSE "HONK IF YOU LOVE TO WHATEVER" BUMPER STICKERS,
YOU KIDNAP THEM, AND YOU MAKE THEM DO
WHATEVER THE BUMPER STICKER SAYS THEY LIKE TO DO,
WHETHER THEY DO IT OR NOT, AND THEN YOU MAKE THEM EAT BUGS.
SO, I HEAR YOU HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND.
NOT FROM ME.
DON'T JUMP ON RORY.
KIRK TOLD ME.
KIRK WHO?
HOW MANY KIRKS DO YOU KNOW?
STARS HOLLOW KIRK? KIRK WHO HASN'T STARTED SHAVING YET KIRK?
HOW DID YOU FIND OUT FROM HIM?
I CALLED THE INN LOOKING FOR YOU, AND MICHEL ANSWERED,
BUT HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME ARGUMENT
WITH YOUR HORSE VETERINARIAN.
THEN THERE WAS A CRACKING SOUND, AND THE PHONE WENT DEAD.
THEN THERE WAS ANOTHER MAN'S VOICE SAYING "HELLO."
BOB.
MORE TWISTS THAN O. HENRY.
HE TOLD ME SOMETHING IN A HEAVY SPANISH ACCENT
ALL WHILE MICHEL WAS YELLING AT THE VET IN FRENCH.
I LEAVE AND THE U.N. ERUPTS.
THEN KIRK CAME ON. HE WAS THERE DELIVERING SOMETHING.
AND WHEN I TOLD HIM I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU,
HE TOLD ME YOU WERE PROBABLY AT YOUR BOYFRIEND
LUKE DANES' HOUSE.
WHY WERE YOU HIDING IT FROM ME?
I WASN'T HIDING IT.
YOU JUMPED ON RORY WHEN YOU THOUGHT SHE TOLD ME.
SHE DID NOT JUMP ON ME, GRANDMA.
YEAH, AND I WASN'T HIDING IT.
THE ONLY REASON I REACTED TO KIRK THE WAY I DID
IS THAT HE'S NOT IN THIS WORLD -- HE'S IN MY OTHER WORLD.
IT'S AS IF I, OUT OF THE BLUE,
TOLD YOU I WAS HAVING TEA WITH MRS. VAN-UPPITY.
HORTENSE VAN-UPPITY --
TIGHT BUN, LACE COLLAR, TINY POODLE, FICTIONAL FRIEND?
YOU KEEP SO MUCH FROM ME WITH THESE SEPARATE WORLDS OF YOURS.
IT'S NOT RIGHT.
I WILL TRY HARDER TO MERGE THE WORLDS. I PROMISE.
WELL, START NOW. I WANT TO MEET THIS LUKE DANES.
YOU'VE MET HIM.
NOT IN THIS CAPACITY. I NEED TO RE-MEET HIM.
WELL, I'M SURE THAT DAY WILL COME.
WHAT?
YOU HAVE A GENTLEMAN FRIEND OF SIGNIFICANCE.
RHETT IS MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, YES.
SO, IT'S ONLY PROPER THAT YOU INTRODUCE HIM
TO YOUR MOTHER... UNLESS HE'S INSIGNIFICANT.
I DON'T WANT TO MEET A PASSING SHIP.
THAT'S A WASTE OF MY TIME.
IS LUKE A PASSING SHIP? IS HE INSIGNIFICANT?
NO, HE'S NOT.
I'LL GET MY BOOK, AND WE WILL PICK A DATE NEXT WEEK.
NEXT WEEK.
NEXT WEEK.
HONK IF EMILY GILMORE VIEWS YOUR MIND
AS HER PERSONAL PLAYGROUND.
HONK, HONK.
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELIN' LONELY AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANY, ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
WE EAT IT, WE BREATHE IT. IT'S OUR HEART AND LUNGS.
WHAT IS IT? THE THREE BASICS --
ACCURACY, ACCURACY, AND ACCURACY.
IT'S MY HEAD THAT'LL END UP ON A PLATTER, OKAY?
LET'S GO THE EXTRA YARD. PROTECT MY HEAD.
HEADACHE, DOYLE?
CHARLES KURALT USED TO EAT ASPIRIN LIKE CANDY.
ATE CANDY LIKE CANDY, TOO. HENCE THE BELLY LIKE JELLO.
THAT WAS MEAN. THE MAN'S DEAD.
SO, HOW'S THE STORY COMING ON THAT SECRET SOCIETY?
THE LIFE-AND-DEATH BRIGADE. GET THIS -- I'VE GOT A CONTACT.
DEEP INSIDE.
ANONYMOUS. DON'T ASK AGAIN.
YOUR CALL.
I'M GONNA TELL THIS STORY FROM THE INSIDE.
CAREFUL ENOUGH.
YOU BET.
I LOVE THIS.
WE JUST HAD A VERY "ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN" MOMENT.
MOVING AROUND THE NEWSROOM LIKE THAT. FELT GOOD.
LET'S DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME.
MIGHT LOOK SILLY.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
THERE YOU ARE.
CLUB SANDWICH. BURGER, WELL DONE, FRIES.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
HEY. WHAT'S UP? YOU'RE ACTING ALL SQUIRRELLY.
FOR WHAT?
TO DATE.
WELL...
THAT OFFER'S STILL GOOD, RIGHT?
YEAH, STILL GOOD.
OKAY. SO, WE SHOULD PICK A TIME.
HOW ABOUT NOW?
I'M KIND OF WORKING.
RIGHT.
HOW ABOUT...TONIGHT?
RIGHT.
AND SO DO YOU.
[ Chuckling ] 'CAUSE WE'RE IN THE SAME BAND.
OKAY, SO, W-WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
COOL.
SEE YOU AT HOME.
YEAH, SEE YA.
OKAY.
HEY, LANE. HOW'S IT GOING?
GOOD, VERY GOOD.
OH, WELL, LUCKY YOU.
[ SIGHS ]
HEY.
HOW DARK IS IT?
HOW DARK IS WHAT?
THE CUMULUS NIMBUS HOVERING OVER MY HEAD.
THE BLACK CLOUD. WAS THAT A DROP?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT?
MY MOTHER IS INSISTING ON HAVING DINNER WITH US.
THAT'S IT?
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID -- MOTHER, DINNER, US?
THAT'S ON A PAR WITH CAR, TEST, CRASH TEST DUMMY.
I'M GONNA DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET US OUT OF THIS.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?
LET'S JUST DO IT, GET IT OVER WITH.
MEETING THE PARENTS COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.
WE CAN'T PUT IT OFF FOREVER.
OH, YEAH?
MY FOURTH-GRADE TEACHER WANTED TO MEET WITH MY PARENTS.
SHE WAS HIT BY A BUS 6 YEARS AGO -- NEVER GOT THE MEETING.
LUKE!
BOOK IT.
I'M WARNING YOU -- IF I CALL AND TELL HER IT'S ON,
AND THEN YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND AND WANT TO BACK OUT,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY
AND HAVE EXTENSIVE FACIAL SURGERY
AND SEX CHANGES -- BOTH OF US,
SO THAT WE CAN KISS AND NOT LOOK FUNNY.
I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE MY MIND.
OKAY, FINE. I'LL JUST CALL AND TELL HER NOW.
OHH! OHH! WHAT IS HAPPENING?
SOMETHING DARK IS HAPPENING HERE.
IT IS HEAVY LIKE IRON!
OHH, DID YOU FEEL THAT ICE-COLD WIND THAT JUST PASSED THROUGH?
MAKE THE CALL.
[ Childlike voice ] I SEE DEAD PEOPLE.
MAKE THE CALL.
THIS IS A HOUSE?
THIS IS A HOUSE.
WHAT A WASTE.
SEE, THIS IS WHAT CAUSES PEASANTS TO REVOLT.
THIS IS HOW HEADS END UP ON PIKES.
OPEN WITH THAT. THAT'S A GREAT ICEBREAKER.
I WANT YOU TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT YOUR CONSUMPTION OF ***.
I'M NOT GONNA DRINK TOO MUCH.
YOU GOT IT BACKWARDS, PABLO -- RIDE THE PINK ELEPHANT, BABY,
'CAUSE IT'S YOUR ONLY DEFENSE AGAINST EMILY GILMORE
UNLESS YOU'RE PACKING A KALASHNIKOV.
SHOULDN'T YOU RING THE BELL?
A LITTLE STRATEGY.
HERE'S THE FRONT DOOR. WE'RE HERE.
DRINK CART'S HERE.
IT'S KNOCK, KNOCK, OPEN THE DOOR.
"HI." "HI."
TURN LEFT, VEER RIGHT, PASS THE COUCH,
WE'RE AT THE *** -- ANY QUESTIONS?
UH, YEAH, SHOULDN'T YOU GET A MASSAGE OR SOMETHING?
IT'S COLD.
NO, IT'S TIME-CONSUMING.
ROLL IT IN A BALL
AND HAVE IT READY TO HAND OFF TO THE MAID.
YEAH.
HI. HELLO.
HI. COME IN, PLEASE.
AH, THANK YOU. SORRY.
MAY I TAKE YOUR COATS?
YEAH, GOT MINE ALL READY.
THERE YOU GO.
[ COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT ]
I'M THE MAID.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
OH, THAT WAS SO SWEET AND INNOCENT.
WELL, WELL -- OUR HONORED GUEST.
WELCOME.
MOM, LUKE. LUKE, MOM.
WE'VE MET, LORELAI -- SEVERAL TIMES.
I WAS JUST RE-INTRODUCING YOU, AS PER YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MRS. GILMORE.
AH, NO, IT'S EMILY. I INSIST.
NICE TO SEE YOU, EMILY.
WE'RE IN THE FOYER.
LET'S CHANGE THAT.
NOT IF LUKE WANTS A TOUR.
OH, OKAY. WELL, FOYER, STAIRCASE, UPSTAIRS.
DINING ROOM, KITCHEN,
WEIRD PIANO AREA THAT WE NEVER REALLY NAMED.
AND RIGHT THROUGH HERE IS THE LIVING ROOM.
YEAH, I-I-I DON'T NEED A TOUR, THANKS.
WELL, THEN, LET'S GO IN THE LIVING ROOM.
YOUR HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL.
THEY DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
THEY MAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF CARDBOARD NOW --
WHITE BOXES WITH HEATING VENTS.
THE ART OF CRAFTSMANSHIP IS DEAD.
GIN.
DO YOU HAVE TOURETTE'S OR SOMETHING?
I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU SAY, "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRINK?"
GIN MARTINI, PLEASE.
I ALREADY MADE A PITCHER OF MARTINIS, BUT THEY'RE ***.
***'S PERFECT. DOUBLE WITH A TWIST.
SO, TWO COLD MARTINIS WITH A TWIST.
AND, LUKE, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A BEER?
GREAT.
OR MAYBE LUKE WOULD LIKE TO CHOOSE HIS OWN DRINK.
OH, YES, I'M SORRY, LUKE.
YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE. I'VE GOT IT ALL.
BEER IT IS.
NO, NO, SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING.
SHE'S GOT SCOTCH, RUM, WHISKEY, RED WINE.
SHE'S NOT KIDDING -- SHE'S GOT IT ALL.
BEER IS PERFECT.
OKAY, BRING HIM A BEER.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EMILY.
THE BEER IS NICE AND COLD. I ALMOST WANT ONE MYSELF.
UH, HEY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF MINE IF YOU WANT.
SO, HOW'S THAT DINER OF YOURS?
BA, BA, BA, BA, BA.
OH, IT'S DOING GREAT.
NO MATTER WHAT THE ECONOMIC CLIMATE,
PEOPLE GOT TO EAT.
THAT IS SO TRUE.
AND I THOUGHT YOUR PLACE WAS VERY CHARMING.
NICE AND RUSTIC.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
SHE'S FINE.
TO A HAPPY PLACE.
DO YOU WANT ANOTHER?
THAT'S A YES?
I'LL POUR IT, EMILY.
THANK YOU, LUKE. I SHOULD GO CHECK ON DINNER.
WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?
ABSOLUTELY.
UNBELIEVABLE.
I KNOW. SHE DIDN'T MAKE NEARLY ENOUGH.
I MEANT YOU. YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY.
SHE'S INSULTING YOU.
NO, SHE'S NOT. YOUR MOM'S BEING GREAT.
WERE YOU IN THE ROOM?
DID YOU NOT HEAR THE AWFUL THING SHE SAID?
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
SO?
BACKHAND SLANG FOR "CRAP PILE."
OR SHE WAS ADMIRING ITS VINTAGE FEEL.
CHARMING?
[ CHUCKLES ] SLANG FOR "DOGGY POOPY."
UNBELIEVABLE.
WAIT, WAIT, WHAT WAS THE BEER THING?
OH, MY GOD.
THAT WAS NICE. I WANTED BEER.
SHE WAS CONSIDERATE ENOUGH TO ANTICIPATE
THAT THAT MIGHT BE THE CASE.
THE WORD "BEER" --
BACKHAND SLANG FOR "NITWIT JUICE."
YOU'RE READING WAY TOO MUCH INTO THIS.
EXCUSE ME, BUT I WOULD DEFER TO THE GILMORE EXPERT HERE.
I AM THE ORACLE. I CARRY ALL THE KNOWLEDGE.
WELL, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO CALM DOWN,
BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS.
I'M TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.
I'M A GROWN MAN,
AND THIS ISN'T MY FIRST FORAY INTO THE BIG CITY.
I'VE DEALT WITH ALL TYPES OF PEOPLE IN MY LIFE --
RICH, POOR, ***, PROUD.
BUT --
AND YOU JUMPING IN AFTER EVERYTHING YOUR MOTHER SAYS
MAKES ME LOOK WEAK, AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOK WEAK.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO, EITHER.
WELL, THEN, GIVE ME MY SPACE, OKAY?
OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE.
DINNER IS GOING TO BE AS GOOD AS IT SMELLS.
I GUARANTEE IT.
IT SMELLS WONDERFUL, EMILY.
THANK YOU, LUKE.
IT'S NICE TO HAVE A KIND GENTLEMAN IN THE HOUSE.
THANK YOU.
SO, YOU'RE RECENTLY DIVORCED?
UH, Y-Y-Y-YEAH, I-I GUESS.
ALTHOUGH IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU CALL "RECENTLY."
IN THE LAST YEAR? THAT WOULD BE RECENT.
UH, YEAH, YES.
TERRIBLE, THE DIVORCE RATE, ISN'T IT?
Y-YES, IT'S TERRIBLE.
I'M SURE IT WAS INEVITABLE IN YOUR CASE.
TURNED OUT THAT WAY.
I HOPE THERE WEREN'T CHILDREN.
NO.
DIVORCE DESTROYS CHILDREN.
BUT WITHOUT CHILDREN, YOU'RE ONLY HARMING YOURSELF.
OF COURSE, NOWADAYS PEOPLE GET MARRIED FOR FUN.
APPARENTLY THERE'S NOTHING GOOD ON TV.
[ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ]
Hey, it's Dean.
Uh, so, we were supposed to get together the day after tomorrow,
but I have to cancel...again.
One day I'm gonna have one job, not three,
which will simplify everything...I hope.
Anyway, I was hoping we could somehow hook up tomorrow night.
I forget if you have something going on.
But I've got a 3-hour window,
and I was thinking dinner or something.
Maybe we can meet halfway between Yale and Stars Hollow.
That probably puts us on the Interstate,
meaning the $6.99 Surf and Turf special,
but, hell, I'm a cheap date.
Uh, so, not the most romantic get-together for us,
but something's better than nothing.
Let me know. Bye.
[ ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ]
END OF MESSAGES.
DINERS ARE GENERALLY SO FILTHY. I'M SURE YOURS ISN'T.
BUT THE HORROR STORIES YOU HEAR.
I READ THAT ONE IN VERMONT GOT CAUGHT SERVING ROADKILL.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
UM, YEAH, IT'S DEAD ANIMALS FROM THE STREET.
FROM THE STREET, FROM BACKYARDS, FISHED OUT OF POOLS.
THESE DINERS FIND IT AND SERVE IT.
AGAIN, PROBABLY NOT YOURS.
BUT THE FACT THAT THIS PLACE GOT AWAY WITH IT AT ALL
IS ASTOUNDING.
I GUESS PEOPLE WHO FREQUENT DINERS
DON'T LOOK TOO CLOSELY AT WHAT THEY'RE EATING
OUT OF SELF-DEFENSE.
WE DON'T SERVE ROADKILL AT MY PLACE.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
I HAD A FRIEND WHO ATE AT A DINER ONCE,
AND THE NEXT DAY, SHE DROPPED DEAD.
HER FAMILY CONSIDERED SUING THE PLACE,
BUT THERE'S NOTHING TO GET FROM THESE PEOPLE --
A COUPLE OF STOOLS AND A TOASTER.
BUT THEY WERE SURE IT WAS A MATTER OF HYGIENE,
AND THEY EVENTUALLY DROVE THEM OUT OF THE STATE.
I DON'T KNOW WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT THEY FOUND
WHEN THEY MOVED THE STOVE.
WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER BEER, LUKE?
AN *** FOR THE MASSES. WELL, SO WHAT?
WE ALL HAVE OUR OPIATES.
FOR SOME, IT'S BALLET. FOR LUKE, IT'S BASEBALL.
WHOEVER I HEARD SAY IT
JUST HAPPENED TO SAY IT ABOUT WHAT LUKE LIKES.
OH, NO -- SOME WORKMAN HAS LEFT HIS FILTHY TRUCK
IN OUR CLEAN DRIVEWAY.
RICHARD MUST HAVE SENT FOR HIM.
OH, THAT'S MINE, ACTUALLY.
OH.
WELL, IT'S NICE -- RUSTIC.
I LIKE THE COLOR.
THANK YOU.
AND I LIKE THIS COAT OF YOURS.
THANKS.
WELL, THIS WAS WONDERFUL. DON'T BE A STRANGER, ALL RIGHT?
I WON'T. THANK YOU, EMILY.
GOODBYE. BYE, LORELAI.
THANKS AGAIN.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S AMAZING? I MEAN, TRULY AMAZING?
WHAT?
SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING DIRECTLY BAD ABOUT ME
OR THE DINER OR ANYTHING ELSE CONCERNING ME.
SHE'S GOOD.
AND ALL I DID WAS THANK HER OVER AND OVER.
SHE'D HAMMER ME, AND I'D THANK HER.
IT'S A TALENT.
"RUSTIC" REALLY DID SOUND LIKE "CRAP PILE" THAT TIME.
COME ON, BABE, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER ABOUT HALFWAY HOME.
THEN THE EYE-POPPING NAUSEA WILL HIT YOU.
THE RICH FOOD MIXES WITH THE BITTER MEMORIES,
AND IT ALL GETS WORSE, AND THEN IT GETS BETTER.
UNTIL YOU GET TO ROUTE 44, AND THEN YOU HIT BOTTOM.
I'LL BE READY WITH A TONGUE DEPRESSOR
TO PREVENT YOU FROM SWALLOWING YOUR TONGUE.
I KEEP THEM IN MY PURSE.
STEP UP.
HEY, ACE, YOU READY?
WELL --
HIT IT!
AAH. NOT SO LOUD.
YOU'RE VERY AUDITORIALLY SENSITIVE TODAY.
OH, AND YOUR VOICE HELPS.
SECURE AND IN PLACE.
OUR ANONYMITY IS CRUCIAL, LOGAN -- CRUCIAL.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH FINN?
GREAT JOB WITH THE BLINDFOLD, LOGAN.
I RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICES, COLIN.
COULD EVERYONE KEEP IT DOWN, PLEASE?
CAN WE REMOVE THE BLINDFOLD NOW?
WE'RE ALSO HIDING OUR DESTINATION.
WE HAD TO LEAVE AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR.
IT'S 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.
IT'S TOO BRIGHT.
SO, HOW COME YOU'RE NOT WEARING YOUR GORILLA MASKS?
I CAN TELL BECAUSE YOUR VOICES AREN'T MUFFLED.
WHO'S THE GIRL?
I'VE BEEN TOLD WE'VE MET. I HAVE NO MEMORY OF IT.
OH, GORILLA GIRL.
OH, WOW, ISN'T THAT A PRETTY NICKNAME.
OH, BY THE WAY, THIS THING'S OVERNIGHT.
I DIDN'T MENTION THAT BEFORE?
OH, MUST HAVE SLIPPED YOUR MIND.
NO.
NOPE.
HMM, NEW SCHEDULE. GOOD.
WE LIKE OUR SCHEDULES LOOSE, LIKE OUR WOMEN.
MY GOD, IT'S EARLY.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
LUKE'S.
Woman: Good afternoon. I'm calling for Mr. Luke Danes.
THIS IS LUKE DANES.
Please hold for Mr. Gilmore.
WHAT? FOR WHO? HELLO?
Luke? Richard Gilmore here.
UH, UH, HI, RICHARD -- MR. GILMORE, SIR. HOW ARE YOU?
I'M FINE, THANK YOU.
LISTEN, I THOUGHT WE COULD MEET FOR A ROUND OF GOLF.
GOLF?
TOMORROW AFTERNOON IS GOOD FOR ME.
UH-HUH.
WELL...
Good. I'll have Margie call you back with the details.
OKAY.
I LOOK FORWARD TO IT. SEE YOU AT THE CLUB.
YEAH. SEE YA AT THE CLUB.
[ CLICK, DIAL TONE ]
THIS MOUNTAIN AIR HAS REVIVIFIED ME!
[ LAUGHS ]
MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T RUN OFF A CLIFF.
STEPHANIE, IT'S YOUR TURN.
DANNY, SLOW DOWN!
[ OWL HOOTING ]
YOU OKAY?
I SMELL TREES.
OH, NOTHING GETS PAST YOU.
SO, THE FIRING SQUAD'S JUST UP AHEAD?
YEP, AND THERE'S A LINE. DAMN.
SERIOUSLY, LOGAN, IS THE BLINDFOLD COMING OFF,
OR AM I PATTY HEARST-ING IT THE WHOLE TRIP?
IT'S COMING OFF. IT'S COMING OFF RIGHT NOW.
OH, MY.
YOU CANNOT GO GOLFING WITH MY FATHER.
It's a done deal.
WHAT IS THAT MAN UP TO? WHAT IS HE DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'm looking for a book my dad had somewhere around here --
"LEARN GOLF THE ARNOLD PALMER WAY."
I CAN'T FIND IT.
I BESEECH YOU, DO NOT GO GOLFING WITH MY FATHER.
It's too late. I said "yes."
WHY DID YOU SAY "YES"?
I HAD NO CHOICE.
SAYING "NO" WAS A CHOICE.
DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM THE DINNER WITH MY MOTHER?
Apparently not.
CALL HIM AND CANCEL.
AND HOW WOULD HE TAKE THAT?
BADLY. THAT'S WHY YOU HANG UP REAL QUICK.
THIS IS A GOOD WAY TO START A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER?
NO, THIS IS THE WAY TO END IT. GOD, YOU'RE SLOW.
LISTEN, CALL HIM AND TELL HIM THAT, UM,
WHEN HE CALLED, YOU HAD JUST DROPPED SOME ***,
AND YOU WERE TRIPPING AND YOU WERE SEEING VAPORS
AND THAT THAT'S WHY YOU AGREED, BUT THEN YOU'VE LANDED,
AND YOU REALIZED THAT YOU CAN'T GO.
WAIT, DO YOU SMOKE ***?
WE SHOULD GET THAT STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU CALL HIM.
BACKING OUT WILL MAKE IT WORSE.
BUT DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY GOLF?
I took a course in summer school,
but I accidentally hit Kent Coleda in the head
WITH A DRIVER AND GOT ASKED TO LEAVE.
BUT I THINK I REMEMBER THE BASICS.
YOU GRAB THE CLUB, WHACK THE BALL.
I'LL FAKE IT.
Don't worry. I'll be fine.
[ SIGHS ] OKAY. FINE, THEN.
BYE.
[ CELLULAR PHONE RINGS ]
HELLO?
HI, DAD. I NEED A FAVOR --
THE BIGGEST FAVOR I MAY EVER ASK YOU FOR EVER.
I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THIS.
PLEASE CANCEL THIS GOLF GAME WITH LUKE.
WHAT? NO.
BUT WHY? I MEAN, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
WHAT IS THE POINT?
HOW IS THIS EVEN YOUR BUSINESS?
And this is my right.
YOUR MOTHER ALREADY MET HIM
AT A SECRET DINNER I ONLY FOUND OUT ABOUT
BECAUSE HER BLABBERMOUTH MAID TOLD MY VALET.
NOW I WANT TO MEET HIM.
BUT YOU'VE ALREADY MET HIM.
I NEED TO RE-MEET HIM.
WHY CAN'T YOU AND MOM MEET SOMEONE ONCE AND MAKE IT STICK?
I insist upon this golf game.
HE DOESN'T EVEN GOLF.
He said he did.
HE WHACKED KENT COLEDA IN THE HEAD WITH A CLUB, OKAY?
SO YOU'RE TAKING YOUR LIFE IN YOUR OWN HANDS.
YOU WANT TO RECONSIDER NOW, HUH? YOU LIKE YOUR HEAD, HUH?
LORELAI, THE TEE TIME IS SET,
LUKE HAS SAID "YES" TO MY PROPOSAL,
AND TOMORROW LUKE AND I ARE GOLFING.
HAVE FUN.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT HAVING FUN. THIS IS PROTOCOL.
WELL, HAVE A GOOD PROTOCOL, DAD. BYE.
IS THIS WHAT YOU EXPECTED?
NO, NOT AT ALL WHAT I EXPECTED.
LET ME GUESS WHAT YOU WERE THINKING --
SLEEPING BAG, FLASHLIGHTS, KEG,
THREE BOXES OF STALE TRISCUITS, HALF-EATEN BAG OF OREOS,
SOME DORITOS, AND A ***.
THAT MAY BE EXACTLY WHAT I PICTURED.
YOU CAN APOLOGIZE LATER. THIS IS YOURS.
MINE?
NOT MUCH CLOSET SPACE, BUT THE VIEW IS DECENT.
IT'S COZY.
FESTIVITIES START IN A HALF-HOUR.
[ CELLULAR PHONE SPEED-DIALING ]
DEAN, HI. IT'S ME. I GOT YOUR CALL.
I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH YOU TONIGHT,
BUT SOMETHING UNBELIEVABLY UNEXPECTED CAME UP,
AND IT'S GONNA KEEP ME BUSY FOR A COUPLE DAYS.
I'D GIVE YOU MORE INFO,
BUT IT'S ALL A LITTLE DALIESQUE AND HARD TO EXPLAIN.
I'LL FILL YOU IN WHEN I GET HOME -- IF I GET HOME.
JUST KIDDING...I HOPE.
BYE.
[ OWL HOOTS ]
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
AM I EARLY?
RIGHT ON TIME.
YOU LOOK GOOD.
THANKS. SO DO YOU. HAVE I SEEN THOSE PANTS?
I GOT THEM FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY DRAWER.
I FORGOT I HAD THEM.
COOL.
SO, WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE DOING?
WE COULD DRIVE SOMEWHERE.
WE JUST HAVE TO STOP FOR GAS AND ADD SOME OIL
AND PUT AIR IN THE TIRES, AND WE'D HAVE TO STOP BY AN ATM.
OR WE COULD HANG OUT HERE.
YEAH.
OKAY. COOL.
LET'S GET A PIZZA AND WATCH SOMETHING
AND JUST HANG OUT.
GREAT.
UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WATCH?
WANT TO FINISH WATCHING WHAT WE STARTED LAST NIGHT?
YEAH. GREAT.
[ "BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE" PLAYING ]
[ DOOR OPENS ]
HEY, GUYS.
OH, "STOP MAKING SENSE." GREAT.
♪ I'M AN ORDINARY GUY ♪
THIS IS WHERE WE LEFT OFF LAST NIGHT.
WATCHING TV.
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
THIS IS A DATE.
WHAT?
LANE AND I ARE KIND OF ON A DATE RIGHT NOW.
YOU ARE?
I KNOW.
SO, LAST NIGHT WAS A DATE, TOO?
I WAS IN MY UNDERWEAR.
BUT YOU DID EXACTLY THE SAME THING.
YOU JUST HAD NO PANTS.
WELL, WE'RE KIND OF STARTING TO DATE,
AND THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
SO, WHERE DO I GO?
WELL, HOW ABOUT MY ROOM?
REALLY? YOU NEVER LET ME IN YOUR ROOM.
WELL, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE.
GREAT!
WAIT, HOLD ON.
Shouldn't we leave your room empty?
Why?
You know, in case the date goes good.
BRIAN, GO IN MY ROOM.
THANKS.
MAN, IT SMELLS GOOD IN HERE.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
♪ HOLD TIGHT ♪
♪ WAIT TILL THE PARTY'S OVER ♪
♪ HOLD TIGHT ♪
[ SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]
COME, COME, MILADY.
HEY. RORY GILMORE. UM, THIS IS QUITE A SOIREE.
ARE ALL THE LIFE-AND-DEATH BRIGADE GATHERINGS
THIS ELABORATE?
HOW ABOUT BLAND BALKING AT POLITICAL OR SOCIAL STANDS?
RIDICULOUS. TOTAL STANDSTILL FOR ALL IN THIS VICINITY.
I CONCUR.
CRAZY CONSTRUCT IF YOU THINK FOR A BIT.
DUBIOUS LOGIC, IF YOU ASK THIS THOUGHTFUL GUY.
HELLO, EVERYBODY.
Man: SHOCKING.
SILLY GIRL. NOT ADJUSTING TO THIS PROUD POINT OF OURS.
SAD, THIS DIMINISHING VISION.
EXCUSE ME?
FAUX PAS COUNT IS SIX, I SAY?
SIX, NO DOUBT. I AGAIN CONCUR.
POINT OF FACT, DAFT LADY,
TO CATCH ON WOULD PROMPT OUR CONGRATULATIONS.
AT WHICH YOU TOTALLY FAIL.
YOU WANT FOR INSTRUCTION?
APPARENTLY.
SAID GAP TWIXT "D" AND "F" SHALL NOT SLIP FROM LIPS
IN ANY WORD THIS GROUP ALLOWS.
SAID GAP TWIXT "D" AND "F" -- YOU'RE NOT USING THE LETTER "E"?
SAYS THIS THING OUR GROUP DID BANISH.
LOUD FOR ALL TO DRINK IN.
DAFT GIRL.
SO, NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO SAY THE LETTER "E"?
MY GOD. THIS WOMAN HOUNDS US WITH THIS THING I BANISH.
DUMBFOUNDING.
UM, I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU GUYS LATER.
HAVE FUN -- IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
BLOODY HORROR, THAT WOMAN.
OSTRACISM SHOULD OCCUR, I THINK.
HI, STEPHANIE.
OH, GOOD. YOU'RE USING E's.
NO CHAMPAGNE?
NO, I'LL HAVE A LITTLE LATER.
SO, IS LOGAN THE HEAD OF THE GROUP?
THERE'S NO HEAD OF THE GROUP, RORY.
WE'RE AN ANARCHIC COLLECTIVE. WE DON'T RECOGNIZE LEADERS.
PLUS, IT'S A SECRET. I SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO YOU.
[ HICCUPS ]
WARNING SIGN. [ CHUCKLES ]
BECAUSE THE WAY THAT PEOPLE ACT AROUND HIM,
LOGAN KIND OF SEEMS --
NO.
WELL, YES, BUT --
THERE'S A LINE TO GET TO HIM.
NO, I'M NOT LOOKING TO GET IN A LINE. I'M A REPORTER.
BUT YOU'RE A GOOD REPORTER -- AND A VERY GOOD GIRL.
OH, DEAR. I'M TALKING TO YOU. I SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO YOU.
I HAVE TO KILL MYSELF NOW. EXCUSE ME.
HI.
I WAS WONDERING,
IS THE SAFARI THEME SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS DO,
OR DO YOU CHOOSE DIFFERENT THEMES?
SURE.
HOW GOES IT, PARIAH?
LOGAN?
WORD WAS A BEAR DRAGGED YOU OFF.
NO BEAR.
I JUST WANTED A QUIET PLACE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS.
YOU FOUND IT.
THANKS. I HAVEN'T EATEN.
GOOD. THIS IS FOR ME.
SORRY YOU'RE NOT GETTING MUCH FROM THE GROUP.
TOOK A LITTLE ARM-TWISTING TO GET THEM TO AGREE
TO LET YOU COME IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I DON'T NEED THEIR COOPERATION.
I'VE FILLED TWO NOTEBOOKS WITHOUT THEIR COOPERATION --
HALF OF ONE WITHOUT USING THE LETTER "E" --
BUT I COULD USE YOURS.
THIS IS PRETTY INCREDIBLE,
BUT IT'S JUST A PREAMBLE TO THE BIG STUNT TOMORROW, RIGHT?
IT'S FINN. HE'S AUSTRALIAN. THEY LIKE SALT.
HOW DO YOU PAY FOR THIS?
ARE THERE DUES, OR DO YOU CHIP IN?
IS THERE ALUMNI SPONSORING IT?
HOW IS IT ORGANIZED? AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TOMORROW?
IS IT JUST AS BIG? OR BIGGER?
AND DO PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU'RE HERE --
PARK RANGERS OR THE LANDOWNER?
WHERE ARE WE? ARE WE STILL IN CONNECTICUT?
AND YOUR ANSWER CANNOT INCLUDE THE WORD "SALT."
OKAY.
I THINK IT'S TIME TO FILL YOU IN
ON THE CONDITIONS OF YOU BEING HERE.
OKAY.
HEY!
YOU'LL GET IT BACK AT THE END OF THE TRIP.
SECOND, NO NAMES.
I'M NOT EXACTLY BEING INTRODUCED TO ANYONE.
THIRD, NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTIONS OF ANY OF US.
THERE ARE AUTHORITY FIGURES UP AND DOWN CONNECTICUT
TRYING TO NAB US FOR THINGS WE MAY HAVE DONE IN THE PAST.
I'LL KEEP YOU ANONYMOUS.
YOU JUST DID THIRD.
FOURTH, NO IDENTIFICATION OF OUR LOCATION.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
YOU'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF "ITHS."
THE MOST IMPORTANT CONDITION OF ALL.
YOU MUST AGREE NOT TO INTERFERE WITH THE INTEGRITY OF THE EVENT.
WHAT IS THE EVENT? AND HOW COULD I INTERFERE?
SO YOU AGREE?
YES, I AGREE.
[ SINGING "AS TIME GOES BY" ]
THAT'S PRETTY.
THEY'RE DRUNK.
WELL, IT SOUNDS PRETTY. I LIKE IT.
I DIDN'T SAY I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
Stephanie: LOGAN?
YEAH?
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
I'LL LEAVE THE LIGHT FOR YOU, ACE. I WON'T NEED IT.
♪ NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE BRINGS ♪
♪ AS TIME GOES BY ♪
[ SONG ENDS, CROWD CHEERING ]
DAVID BYRNE IS A FREAK.
HE'S TOTALLY COOL.
SO...
SO...
YEAH.
I LIKE YOUR PLACE.
[ Laughing ] RIGHT.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY FOR WORK TOMORROW.
NO PROBLEM.
SO, I SHOULD PROBABLY...
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, ZACH.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH, NO.
THIS IS BAD NEWS.
ONCE HE HITS HIS REM STATE, MOTORHEAD WOULDN'T WAKE HIM.
WHAT DO I DO?
[ SNORING ]
HE REALLY IS ASLEEP.
HE'S GAINED A COUPLE POUNDS, TOO.
OKAY, WELL, I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.
ME TOO.
NIGHT, ZACH.
NIGHT, LANE.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SARTORIAL SURPRISE.
YOU SHOULD START GETTING READY YOURSELF.
YOU CAN'T GO DRESSED LIKE THAT.
I DIDN'T HAVE THE "IT'S AN OVERNIGHT THING" WARNING.
UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO FASHION SOMETHING OUT OF PINECONES.
THAT CLOTHING IS GONNA INTERFERE WITH THE INTEGRITY OF OUR EVENT.
YOU AGREED NOT TO INTERFERE WITH THE INTEGRITY OF OUR EVENT.
ALL I'VE GOT IS A WASHBOWL, A TOWEL, AND A TOOTHBRUSH.
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? LOOK AGAIN, ACE.
EXCUSE ME. MR. GILMORE?
YEAH, HI.
DON'T REMEMBER YOU BEING THIS TALL.
YEAH, SORRY.
OH, IT'S NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE ABOUT.
WHERE ARE YOUR CLUBS?
OH, I JUST FIGURED I'D RENT SOME.
OH, WASTE OF MONEY. OWNING'S THE THING.
THERE IS NO BETTER PLACE THAN OUR PRO SHOP.
LET'S GO GET YOU SOME CLUBS.
EXCELLENT.
[ WOODPECKER HAMMERING ]
I'VE GOT YOUR EVENT INTEGRITY RIGHT HERE, MISTER.
YEP, I GOT AN EYE FOR DRESS SIZES.
WE GO THIS WAY.
AND BY CHANGING NOTHING, DO WE NOT CHANGE EVERYTHING?
COME ON! HURRY!
YOU TRY RUNNING IN A CRINOLINE.
FOR WHAT -- THE RITUAL SACRIFICE?
Come on!
...108th GRAND ASSEMBLY
OF THE HONORABLE LIFE-AND-DEATH BRIGADE.
HE'S USING E's.
PLEASE RAISE YOUR GLASSES.
IN OMNIA PARATUS.
IN OMNIA PARATUS.
Now you might want to cover your ears.
WHY?
[ GONG RINGS ]
[ CHEERING ]
TO THINK SOME GROUPS JUST GO BOWLING.
[ BIG-BAND MUSIC PLAYING ]
PULL!
[ GUN FIRES ]
PULL!
[ GUN FIRES ]
PULL!
[ GUN FIRES ]
PULL!
PULL!
GOOD SHOT!
IS THIS SAFE?
NO.
PULL!
DAMN.
I WOULD.
Finn: PULL! PULL!
UNH! UNH!
ALL RIGHT, I'M BORED. I WANT TO BE A TARGET.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A TARGET, FINN.
IN OMNIA PARATUS.
IF YOU WANT TO INTERVIEW FINN, ACE, YOU BETTER DO IT QUICK.
PULL!
THANK YOU.
BIG STUNT?
ACCORDING TO MY RESEARCH,
YOU GUYS ALWAYS DO ONE BIG THING AT YOUR GATHERINGS.
IS THIS IT?
I'M GUESSING NO.
YOU ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION. PULL!
YOU'LL KNOW IT WHEN YOU SEE IT.
GOOD.
[ GROANS ] I MISSED THE MAT.
AGAIN?
I'LL BE FINE. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
IN OMNIA!
[ WHIMPERS ]
YOU'RE ON YOUR GAME TODAY, MR. GILMORE.
INDEED.
INDEED.
I'M GOING TO SPEAK TO THE BOARD ABOUT THESE GROUNDS.
THERE ARE DRY SPOTS THE LENGTH AND BREADTH OF THIS FAIRWAY.
HMM.
OH, I'M UP. OKAY, LET'S SEE, UH...
I THINK THIS ONE IS...
NOT THE ONE I WANT AT ALL, BUT THIS ONE HERE.
GOOD CHOICE. LET'S TAKE THE TAG OFF THERE.
GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, BALL GOES DOWN HERE...
OH, DAMN!
NO PROBLEM.
IT'S HEADING TOWARD THE WRONG HOLE.
JUST A MULLIGAN, SON. TRY IT AGAIN.
GOLF ISN'T MY THING.
IT'S DEFINITELY A THING BUT NOT MY MAIN THING.
WELL, WHAT IS YOUR MAIN HOBBY?
UH... Give me a hobby -- quick.
UH, READING.
READING. I READ LIKE CRAZY.
WONDERFUL. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN READING LATELY?
UH, BOOKS. YOU KNOW, THIS, THAT.
UH...***.
PARDON ME?
*** GUY, SCIENCE FICTION GUY. *** SOMETHING.
SOMETHING ***. I JUST READ ONE OF HIS.
WELL, I'LL BRING *** UP ON THE INTERNET,
SEE WHAT COMES UP.
WISH I COULD REMEMBER THAT NAME.
YOU BETTER HIT YOUR BALL, SON. WE'RE STACKING UP.
RIGHT, YEAH, OKAY.
JUST A SECOND, GUYS. HE'S, UH...HE'S NEW.
OH, JEEZ!
NOT TO WORRY.
THE CART'S BEEN DINGED A THOUSAND TIMES.
THE GUY DRIVING IT LOOKED MAD.
NOT TO WORRY. LET'S GO.
SO, HAVE YOU PUT MUCH THOUGHT INTO FRANCHISING?
THAT DINER OF YOURS.
NOW'S THE TIME TO JUMP.
THERE ARE OPPORTUNITIES ABOUNDING
IN REAL ESTATE RIGHT NOW.
WELL, NO, I...HAVEN'T.
I'D CONCENTRATE ON THE EASTERN SEABOARD FIRST --
CONNECTICUT, NEW YORK, MASSACHUSETTS.
I'D START WITH FIVE TO SEVEN.
SOMETHING MANAGEABLE.
YOU'LL NEED AN INVESTMENT BANKER.
AH -- JUST RAN INTO HERB SMITH IN THE CLUBHOUSE.
BEST BANKER IN THE BUSINESS. I'LL GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER.
SO, ONCE THE FIRST SEVEN ARE A GO, SHOOT FOR THE MOON.
NATIONAL EXPANSION,
SET UP A PUBLIC CORPORATION, ISSUE AN I.P.O.
SURE, AN I.P.O. I GOT TO SET UP ONE OF THOSE.
NO.
SHAVES YOU CLOSE, LASTS FOR DAYS.
I'LL GIVE YOU MY BARBER'S CARD.
HOPE YOU'RE THINKING UP SUPERLATIVES.
WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO?
WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA DO?
GONNA JUMP.
THAT'S, LIKE, SEVEN STORIES. THEY'LL DIE.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE ONE DAY.
BUT THOSE FOUR ARE TODAY.
SIX.
I SEE FOUR.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
FINN WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IT,
BUT FEW OF US FIGURED HE'D MAKE IT THIS FAR,
SO THERE'S AN EXTRA SPACE.
HMM.
NO.
AND WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE.
NO ONE IN THE LIFE-AND-DEATH BRIGADE HAS EVER DIED.
I AM NOT GOING TO JUMP.
WE'RE ALL SET.
THIS IS SETH. HE'S THE GENIUS BEHIND ALL THIS.
IT'S VERY SAFE. WE DID A DOZEN SUCCESSFUL TEST DROPS.
POTATO?
YOU CAN'T TEST USING PEOPLE. THAT'D BE DANGEROUS.
LOOK, THANKS FOR THE OFFER,
BUT I'M HERE AS A JOURNALIST, AN OBSERVER.
JOURNALISTS DO NOT PARTICIPATE.
SINCE WHEN?
SINCE FOREVER.
WHAT?
HIS BEST STUFF PUT HIM IN THE THICK OF IT --
FIGHTING SUGAR RAY ROBINSON,
QUARTERBACKING FOR THE LIONS, SKATING FOR THE BRUINS.
BILL BUFORD LIVED WITH SOCCER HOOLIGANS IN "AMONG THE THUGS."
ERNIE PYLE WAS SO DEEP IN THE ACTION IN WORLD WAR II,
HE WAS KILLED BY A JAPANESE SNIPER.
RICHARD HOTTELET WAS FOUR MONTHS IN A NAZI PRISON.
HUNTER THOMPSON LIVED WITH THE HELL'S ANGELS,
GOT IN THE MUCK, DIDN'T JUST ORBIT AROUND IT.
HE PUT YOU IN THOSE BIKERS' PARTIES.
HE PUT YOU IN THOSE BIKERS' HEADS.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SO THOSE GUYS PARTICIPATED.
I GOT IT. BUT I --
JUMPERS TO THEIR PLACES, PLEASE.
WELL, YEAH!
IT'S STOPPING THIS GREAT.
COME ON. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A LITTLE ADVENTURE.
YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE SHELTERED.
WHY? BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SPENT TIME IN A NAZI PRISON,
BEEN STOMPED ON BY HOOLIGANS, AND BEAT UP BY HELL'S ANGELS?
PLIMPTON GOT BANGED UP PRETTY GOOD, TOO.
IT'LL BE FUN, IT'LL BE A THRILL --
SOMETHING STUPID, SOMETHING BAD FOR YOU.
JUST SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
ISN'T THIS THE POINT OF BEING YOUNG?
IT'S YOUR CHOICE, ACE.
PEOPLE CAN LIVE A HUNDRED YEARS WITHOUT LIVING FOR A MINUTE.
YOU CLIMB UP HERE WITH ME,
IT'S ONE LESS MINUTE YOU HAVEN'T LIVED.
LET'S GO.
LET'S GO.
I'M NOT A FAN OF LADDERS.
THEY SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME, TOO.
HIGH. WE ARE VERY HIGH.
I'VE BEEN HIGHER.
I MEANT DISTANCE FROM THE GROUND.
THAT TOO.
THIS IS TOTALLY SAFE,
AND IT GOES WITH YOUR OUTFIT.
WHY DO THEY LOOK SO WORRIED?
WE'RE LOW ON CHAMPAGNE.
[ SHOUTS IN LATIN ]
YOU CAN BACK OUT, YOU KNOW. NO ONE'S FORCING YOU.
I KNOW.
VOS IPSE PARATE!
YOU TRUST ME?
IN OMNIA PARATUS!
YOU JUMP, I JUMP, JACK.
IN OMNIA PARATUS!
I REALLY SHOULD CONFIRM THAT THOSE POTATOES WERE OKAY.
[ CHEERING ]
OH, THANK GOD!
YOU DID GOOD, ACE!
ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME EXPERIENCE!
ONLY IF YOU WANT IT TO BE.
BYE. THANKS.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
GOOD AFTERNOON. DRAGONFLY INN.
I FRANCHISED MY PLACE.
THE DINER.
THERE'S GONNA BE SEVEN OF THEM,
AND THAT'S JUST ON THE EASTERN SEABOARD.
THEN I'M GOING NATIONAL.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOUR FATHER WANTS TO OPEN UP A CHAIN OF LUKE'S DINERS,
NO!
I've already got a marketing guy, Herb's my banker,
YOUR FATHER'S TAKING CARE OF ALL MY INSURANCE NEEDS,
AND APPARENTLY EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO BUY STOCK.
UGH! MY PARENTS! MY STUPID PARENTS!
AND HE WANTS TO SHAVE ME.
SHAVE WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW. HE JUST KEPT TALKING ABOUT SHAVING ME.
AND I'M TIPSY -- WE HIT THE CLUB BAR,
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO SOUND DUMB
AND JUST ORDER A BEER, BECAUSE IT'S NITWIT JUICE,
SO I HAD WHAT YOUR DAD WAS HAVING,
WHICH WAS WHISKEY SOMETHING --
MORE WHISKEY THAN SOMETHING, LET ME TELL YOU,
'CAUSE I CAN'T EVEN SEE STRAIGHT.
OH, YOU POOR THING.
And I've got an art dealer now.
NO.
I'M DRIVING TO MANHATTAN NEXT WEEK
TO LOOK AT SOME DIEBENKORNS.
What's a Diebenkorn?
AND I BOUGHT SOME GOLF CLUBS. THEY COST THE SAME AS A CAR.
WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
I'M AT THE DRIVING RANGE.
YOUR DAD'S MAKING ME PRACTICE FOR NEXT TIME.
NO. LEAVE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO PRACTICE.
OH, AND I SORT OF IMPLIED THAT I'M FOND OF THE GREEKS,
SO I HAVE TO READ "THE ILIAD" AND "THE ODYSSEY"
SO WE CAN CHAT ABOUT IT.
AND CAN WE NOT HANG OUT WITH YOUR PARENTS
FOR A VERY LONG TIME?
For a very long time.
I MEAN, I DON'T HATE THEM.
LEAVE THE DRIVING RANGE AT ONCE.
I DON'T THINK I CAN DRIVE.
Honey, have some coffee and then come home.
THE DIEBENKORN GUY IS STILL IN THERE.
YOU STAY AWAY FROM THE DIEBENKORN GUY.
HE'S CHATTING WITH MY RARE-COIN GUY.
DO NOT GO BACK IN THE CLUBHOUSE. GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR CAR.
OKAY. I LIKE THE VALET GUYS.
GOOD. NOW GO.
I'm goin'.
WHY WOULD YOU GO GOLFING WITH THAT MAN? WHY ON EARTH?
WHO, LUKE?
YOU ARE ENCOURAGING THIS RIDICULOUS RELATIONSHIP.
EMILY, PLEASE.
HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR LORELAI --
OR TO BE RORY'S STEPFATHER, GOD FORBID.
CAN WE BE A LITTLE MORE OF A SNOB, EMILY?
THE FACT THAT YOU PARADED HIM AROUND THE CLUB -- OUR CLUB!
IT HAPPENED TO BE A FRUITFUL OUTING.
I AM GOING TO ASSIST HIM IN FRANCHISING HIS DINER.
RICHARD!
THAT HIRSUTE LOUT IS NOT CAPABLE OF RUNNING A COMPLEX BUSINESS.
WELL, THAT'S OBVIOUS, EMILY.
THAT'S WHY HE WILL HAVE NO SIGNIFICANT ROLE.
HE'LL BE THE FRONT MAN.
WE'LL SHAVE HIM, STICK HIS PICTURE ON THE MENUS.
THE WHOLE THING WILL HOPEFULLY BESTOW SOME CREDIBILITY ON HIM.
AT LEAST THEN, IF THIS INSANE RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN HIM AND LORELAI CONTINUES,
WE CAN LEGITIMATELY TAKE HIM TO PLACES LIKE THE CLUB.
AT LEAST ON HOLIDAYS.
THIS IS ABSURD. YOU'RE ABSURD. THE WHOLE THING'S ABSURD.
AND YOU'RE NOT THINKING AHEAD.
EXCUSE ME.
[ CELLULAR PHONE RINGS ]
HI.
NO.
YES, YOU ARE. THOUGHT WE AGREED YOU WOULDN'T TYPE WHILE WE TALK.
Got to break the rule just this once.
It's been a crazy couple of days.
UGH. SCHOOL?
PAPER. LONG STORY. I'LL FILL YOU IN IN PERSON.
WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?
LUKE'S. I HAVE TO DE-STRESS HIM AFTER HIS GILMORE OUTING.
DAD TRIED TO TAKE OVER HIS WHOLE LIFE.
HE WANTS TO FRANCHISE LUKE'S.
Hey, do men shave anywhere except their faces?
SAME HERE.
IF HE DOES FRANCHISE THE DINER, GET HIM TO PUT ONE NEAR YALE.
HE'S NOT FRANCHISING.
Sure.
DO YOU THINK I'M TOO SCARED?
TOO SCARED, TOO TIMID.
DO I TAKE ENOUGH CHANCES?
WHAT KIND OF CHANCES?
I DON'T KNOW -- LIFE CHANCES.
I'M NOT A MOUSE?
I DON'T KNOW.
JUST SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT LATELY.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR. UM, SAY HI TO LUKE FOR ME.
If he's not comatose. Bye, hon.
BYE.