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1
Whoa, Alcatraz.
Can't believe Michael Bay
spent a billion dollars
of his own money to
build that for The Rock.
I can't believe you were able
to recite that entire movie
from memory on the plane ride.
You weren't trying to sleep, were you?
I couldn't tell, 'cause you had
that mask thing over your eyes.
This may be the craziest
week of my entire life.
I am six days away from the
start of the Unity concert.
I am pregnant with triplets.
I am trying to decide
if I should take a job that
will move me away from Pawnee,
and I am speaking
at the National Parks
conference in San Francisco.
It is gonna be so much fun.
Michelle Obama is the keynote speaker,
and you know what they say,
"What happens at a
national parks conference
Is compiled and emailed to you
in a PDF the following Monday.
"
We got to find a way to break in there.
They give tours.
[Laughs] Yeah.
That's exactly how they'll be
expecting me to try to break in.
[Triumphant music]
My restaurant opens in six weeks,
and I'm making sure I
get every detail right.
This is the hardest I've
worked on anything since
Wow.
I've never worked *** anything.
What a cool life!
Looks like everything's on track for July.
It's just too bad we're not opening
in time for this Unity concert.
The extra publicity would've
given us a nice boost.
Why don't we? We could
do a soft opening tomorrow
and be ready just in time
for the concert crowd.
You really think you can pull that off?
Well, nobody can predict the future
except me.
I guarantee it'll work
and in six months, this place
will be bigger than McDonald's.
As always, I love your enthusiasm.
See you tomorrow, partner.
A soft opening tomorrow?
From now on, everyone call me Kristin,
because I am wigging out right now!
Yeah, we're not even close to being ready.
They're not even done painting that sign.
It says, "Tom's Bi.
"
Actually, no, that's good.
We're ready.
Mitch is right.
The amount of buzz we get
from opening next weekend
is too big to pass up.
We can do it.
"This little Italian restaurant
will put McDonald's out
of business" on three.
One, two, three.
- Dark Lord rise
- This little Italian restaurant
- will be bigger than McDonald's!
- In hell fire.
[Scoffs] "Lester Kanopf"?
Come on, guys, get it together.
That's mine.
- Sorry, Lester.
- Yours is right here.
Grant, hi.
Yeah, I saw you were gonna be here,
and since you've been ducking my calls,
I just thought that I'd drop in.
- Care to join me for lunch?
- I I would
Liam Bonneville's gonna be there.
Liam Bonneville
the department of the
interior's resident bad boy?
Well, now you've got my attention.
Let me go grab my autograph
book, and we'll head out.
Andy and I are meeting with a
tech company called "Gryzzl.
"
Now, they're giving away free wi-fi
to a few cities across America,
and we're going to pitch Pawnee to them.
And what exactly does Gryzzl do?
Well, "It's the cloud for your cloud.
"
No idea.
Wow.
So Gryzzl's really taken off, huh?
Uh, yeah, it's been a crazy ride.
Our music service, Gryzzldump,
launched in November,
and now we have 170 million users.
Six months ago, I was
working in a taco truck.
Now I own one-third of
the Portland trail blazers.
You know, I think Pawnee
is a great candidate
for your free-wireless initiative.
We lead the country in
online pizza ordering.
In fact, a lot of people go to the library
just to order pizza online.
Right now we're kind of
focused on, like, bigger cities,
like Shreveport, Akron.
Sure.
Obviously, we're no Akron.
I mean, we're more like Dayton.
But with your help, we can become Toledo.
Ben, we don't like to say the word "no"
- [Softly] No.
- At this company.
We feel it's counterproductive
to our creative mission,
so, instead, let me say
"Nah, bro.
"
How is that better?
Dwayne "the Rock" Swanson.
Donna told me I'd find you up here.
- What's all this?
- Over the last few months,
I've remodeled the
entire third floor
wiring, heating and cooling,
restored this red pine
back to its original glory.
Oh, wow.
The stripes are so wavy.
It's really
all right, I can't keep
this facade up any longer.
I need a favor.
You know those chairs
you were making for my restaurant?
- I need 'em now.
- I was told I had until July.
My chairs take time.
Who do you think I am, Thomas Hucker?
[Laughs]
Please, Ron?
I've never asked you for anything today.
All right.
I'll get to work right away.
Please, you're really far behind.
Hello, everybody.
This is Leslie Knope.
- Leslie, this is Rebecca
- Varuvian, yes, hello.
I ow who you are.
I've
read all of your papers
and I had your poster on
my wall when I was a kid.
- What poster?
- I made a poster of you
by blowing up your picture from
the national parks newsletter.
I cut out your face and made it look
like you were dunking over Charles Barkley.
- My God.
- So you're the author
of the famous river cleanup proposal, huh?
- It wasn't bad.
- [Laughs]
Liam Bonneville read my proposal.
Wow.
Liam's being withholding, as usual.
That proposal was brilliantly written.
[Sighs] Rebecca Varuvian.
- Yes?
- Nothing.
That was the best lunch I ever had.
I have to see the photos that you took.
- I didn't take any photos.
- What? Grant, come on.
Leslie, you're treating those
people like they're your heroes.
They could be your peers.
Look, I really hope you take the job,
but we're at the end of the line here.
- I need a decision by tomorrow.
- Okay, that's fair.
I mean, I would be insane
not to take the job,
but I'm just having some trouble
thinking about leaving Pawnee.
Hey, here's someone who
may be able to convince you.
Hello, Mrs.
Obama.
- Hey, Grant.
How you doing?
- Oh.
[Shudders] Doing good.
This is Leslie Knope.
She's considering a job with us
running the new Midwest Bureau in Chicago.
Well, you know how I feel about Chicago.
Ah, you are from Chicago, so you like it!
That's right, and we need
passionate people like you
on our national parks.
You know, they get hundreds of
millions of visitors each year.
Are you nodding because you agree with me?
Yes, I do agree with you.
I agree with you on all things
throughout history until
the end of time, forever.
- You and Grant work together?
- Yeah, we work together a lot.
He's helped me integrate
the "Let's Move" program
into our national parks
you know, getting kids
outside, rock climbing, hiking.
Wow! That's really, really
incredible! Great work!
I'm sorry I'm talking so loud!
I'm getting louder now, and
I can't stop! My apologies!
Just I don't know.
I'm
sorry I'm talking so loud!
- Just can I high-five you?
- Yeah.
Well
I hope you take the job.
Change happens one person at a time.
Good to meet you.
[Sighs] Again, think it over.
[Laughing]
[Exhales deeply]
- Okay, this is a bad idea.
- Just trust me.
You got your camera ready?
Yeah, Andy, I'm very nervous about this.
You're gonna hurt yourself.
And here we go.
Wow! Look at it go!
I mean, I knew it'd go
down, but not that fast!
Oh-ho! San Francisco's the best.
Huh.
I thought he was go.
Yeah.
Anyway [Sighs]
I've decided.
I'm gonna take the job.
There's so much more th,
and I feel like I can
really make a difference.
Oh, and I met Michelle Obama.
What? Why didn't you lead with that?
I don't know! Liam
Boneville has me in a tizzy.
Guys! It's totally broken!
We have ten tables booked
for the soft opening.
It's all friends and family,
so hopefully they'll go easy on us.
How's it looking, Ron?
Maybe speed it up a little?
This is not government work.
As such, I treat it
with care and attention.
Okay, but also, go faster.
I haven't had time to hire a staff yet,
so, April, you'll handle service.
No! Can't I just stay in the back
and spit in people's food like we planned?
[Sneezes] Ugh!
The sawdust from Ron's
chairs is everywhere!
My sinuses are on the Fritz,
and smell is 90% of taste, maybe 95%!
Okay, Craig, Donna's
gonna be your wine taster.
You guys will work as a team.
Fine, but if he raises his voice once
once I'm out.
Please don't stick to that policy.
- I got the menus.
- Great.
[Chuckles]
Larry, what the hell?
What are these pictures?
Aw, jeez, I must have given the printer
the wrong flash drive.
What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
No, it's my dog's ***.
Lord Sheldon has a growth,
so we're sending pictures over to the vet.
But I guess this isn't
good for menus, is it?
Larry, Larry, Larry, listen to me.
This is the worst thing you've ever done.
I need you to take all
of these dog-butt pictures
and burn them in the pizza oven.
April, you list all the
menu items from memory.
It'll be classier anyway.
Ron! What was wrong with that one?
It was too perfect.
It looked machine-made.
Okay, we have to convince 'em
that Pawnee is a special city.
Ooh, we could tell 'em
that there's buried treasure
in Pawnee.
And then after they
give us the free wi-fi,
we tell 'em that the
treasure was love all along.
No.
I am not gonna take "no" for an answer.
If we're leaving Pawnee,
I'm gonna give 'em a going-away present
free wi-fi for all.
Every time someone in Pawnee
clicks through a slideshow
of American music award
red-carpet side-*** fails,
they'll say, "Thank you, Ben Wyatt.
"
What the hell?
They're playing Cones of Dunshire.
Hey, you invented that game.
Are they playing any games I invented?
Are they throwing dirt into a fan?
The key is, you have to throw the dirt
- into the back of the fan.
- How the hell did they
Excuse me.
How did you guys
get your hands on this game?
Someone sent it to us.
Have you played it?
I invented Cones of Dunshire.
You're the architect.
Yeah, right, and I'm the
Alchemist of the Hinterlands.
[Laughter]
There can't be an Alchemist
of the Hinterlands.
The Hinterlands is a Shadongdom
that can only sustain
a provost or a denier.
- He's right.
- Hey, how about this?
Let's play.
If I win, you give me another shot
at free wireless for Pawnee.
Have a seat.
You want to be corporal
- or warrior?
- Neither.
I'm the Maverick.
By using the Leslie Knope
seamless merger supesystem
patent pending Pawnee and Eagleton
and their parks departments
will be fully integrated
- within the next 6 to 12 months.
- [Laughing]
[Laughing] I know, I know.
I think it was a good presentation too.
Is that why you're laughing?
Your timeline is way off.
I was in charge of the
Wesham/Southborough merger of 2004.
You know when it was completed? Last month.
What? How is that possible?
Merging governments requires
constant hands-on management.
You're being very cavalier
about the future of your town.
Excuse me.
I've been
accused of lot of things,
but cavalier has never been one of them.
I have a super system.
I had a system too, but
the economy went South.
My hometown hit some hard times
and was converted into
unincorporated territory.
You lost your cityhood?
If you want to see this through,
you need eight to ten years minimum,
unless you want to run the
risk of Pawnee becoming
- Don't say it.
- Unincorporated territory.
It's a bold flavor
fruity, a little earthy.
Well, which is it fruity or earthy?
It can't be both.
They're
mutually exclusive!
Oh, no! You do not come at me like that.
I'm sorry.
I don't know who I am anymore.
A man without a palate isn't a man.
- I love you, Donna.
- Oh.
What are you guys doing?
There's people waiting out there!
We're having a moment, you monster!
Ugh!
- Stop hassling me.
- Ron, you're amazing.
You've always been like a grandpa to me,
but can you please lower
your standards a tiny bit
so my customers have somewhere to sit?
No.
Oh!
I am so sorry, Tom.
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but don't worry about it.
Restaurant superstition
breaking a glass on the
first night is good luck.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, jeez.
Play an action card,
build a bell tower inside your citadel.
My shaman casts a toyber
spell on your prosperity tile.
Looks like someone's out of resource gems.
[Laughter] Uh-oh.
[Laughs]
[Chuckling]
[Laughing]
What's so funny?
Oh, no, no, no, you're a smart guy,
clearly picked up some flashy tricks,
but you made one crucial mistake.
You forgot about the essence of the game.
It's about the Cones.
[Dice rattling]
Move my abbot to the ocean hex,
which moves my Brinksman
to the Devil's Lair,
and pushes my farmer
yes, my humble farmer
directly into the central cone.
Yeah, babe, we did it.
This whole company is ours.
Oh, no, it's not.
- That's mine, it's all mine.
- Andy
for the record, I did invent this game.
But it doesn't even matter, because I won
and I get another chance to prove that
there's something truly special about Pawnee.
Yes, there is.
It's the home
of the architect.
Let's talk.
I'm on top of the world.
Andy, what are you doing?
Seems like things are a little chaotic.
No, no, everything is perfect.
This is April.
She's gonna
be taking care of you tonight.
Hello, welcome to Tommy's Bistro.
Today we have spaghetti, linguini,
butercini, ravioli, rigattoni, lasagna.
Could you repeat that?
Spaghetti, linguini, butercini, ravioli,
Ferrari, Lamborghini, rigattoni, lasagna.
Can I see a menu?
We had to throw our menus away because
they are covered with
pictures of Larry's dog ***.
Great news.
Lord Sheldon's
gonna make it.
Yeah,
just have to apply a salve to his ***
every hour for the rest of his life, but
Oh, enjoy your meal.
- For crying out loud!
- No, Mitch, don't leave.
Come on.
You have no idea how to run a restaurant.
I've been in this game before and I
can see the cracks starting to form.
Sorry, kid, consider my
investment terminated.
D, let's go.
- Sir, were you sitting in that chair?
- Yes, yes I was.
Why?
- No reason.
- Let's go!
Apparently, and I don't know
how, but the game has spread.
I mean, it's all over the Internet
Austin, Charlotte, San Diego.
I mean, people are playing
with my Cones, babe.
That's great.
I'm just bummed I never copyrighted it.
Oh, I'll look into that,
but at least because of it,
Pawnee will get free wireless,
and we can both move away
with a clear conscience.
Uh-oh.
What's wrong?
I I can't leave Pawnee
during a difficult merger
that I'm responsible for.
I have to turn down the job.
Leslie, no.
You made
up your mind yesterday.
You Michelle Obama.
I know, but I've been
doing this for months.
The only thing that I am 100% positive on
is that I want to stay and go.
I'm never gonna be able to decide.
I'm gonna be paralyzed by hypotheticals
until I die here, in this minivan
at the San Francisco airport.
Wait a second.
I have an idea.
Drive here.
So you screwed up a little.
You tried to shoot the
moon, and you came up short.
- [Sighs]
- That doesn't mean it's over.
My main investor pulled out.
Any dollar I spend from now on is my own.
And despite what my pocket square says,
I'm not a billionaire.
So I quit.
Just go home, Ron.
I'm not done with the chairs yet.
It is my belief that you never start a job
you don't intend to finish.
Really? I love quitting.
When I was a kid and
things didn't go my way,
I would just take my ball and go home.
That's better than winning,
'cause then your friends
can't play anymore.
Hey!
- No, my stemware!
- You are not quitting.
I just called a bunch of reviewers,
and I told them that the
soft opening went great,
and I invited them to come here on Friday.
- Why would you do this to me?
- You worked really hard.
You owe it to yourself
to give it a real shot,
because you are smart and talented.
Well, I hate doing work,
but I love being flattered,
so maybe I'll give it another try.
- Good.
- It's a smart move, son.
- Thanks, Ron.
- Because you currently owe me
$16,000 for the wood.
What?
- Where are we going?
- Oh, it's right up here.
Just trust me.
I'm on Endor.
These are the redwoods George Lucas used
to create the forest moon of Endor.
Sorry.
That's not why we're here.
Well, that is a gorgeous view.
Yes, it is.
But don't look at that.
Look at this.
You've been thinking about
this job in the abstract.
Focus on what it actually means.
We're standing in a national park
that stretches 50 miles.
That's the Presidio over
there.
It's a national park.
So is Alcatraz,
and so are the redwoods we
just walked through, by the way.
You take this job,
places like this will be your office.
Well, that is a compelling point.
When we got back from London, you said
that it's a very big world and
you've seen very little of it.
This is your chance, honey.
This whole region Mount
Rushmore, the Badlands,
the Ozarks, Abe Lincoln's childhood home
you would be in charge of all of it.
Your job would be to preserve
the most beautiful places on earth
so millions of people could enjoy them.
And those places, the greatest
treasures America has to offer,
will all have signs with your name
right there.
Hi, Grant.
I want the job.
I have a lot of questions,
but I'm a little amped up right now,
so I'll probably just hang up.
It might be for the best.
But, anyway, I love you.
No, I don't.
I'm sorry.
That was weird.
Okay, bye.
Oh, this is Lester Kanopf.
No, you know who it
- Okay, bye.
- Smoothly handled, Lester.
I panicked.
We should go.
We have
a lot of stuff to do
and the meter's still running
on that cab, so chop-chop.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh.
The opening of Tom's Bistro was a disaster.
So what?
This is America.
And America's the land of second chances,
and now we have one night,
one after-party
to make the world realize that Tom's Bistro
is where miracles can happen!
Thomas, I have to work all
day at the Unity concert.
If you're gonna pull this
off, we need more people.
I know, and I didn't want to do this,
but I called in some reinforcements.
Did someone call for a party zoo?
- Yum, yum, yum, yum.
- [Barks]
All right, so we got a
four-way going with my ex,
my brother, and this rando?
Okay, if that's where the night is going
- It's 9:00 in the morning
- Wha
- It's not a four-way.
- Hmm.
- And I need your help.
- Ugh!
Take these V.
I.
P.
invitations.
Find all the "A" -list
peeps at the concert
and get 'em to the restaurant tonight.
I got to stop by the Parks office.
I'll meet you later.
Godspeed.
I like your energy, hombre.
What do you say you and
I ride go-karts later?
I want to go horseback riding!
Deal.
Last chance, Ron.
The slots are finalized, but
I can squeeze in ten minutes
if a certain mister
[Whispering] Duke Silver
wanted to come out.
Come on, Ron, it's gonna be so fun.
Thank you, Andrew, but fun or not,
playing music is something
I like to keep private,
along with my family, my conversations,
and my whereabouts at all times.
Okay, everyone, welcome to the very
last Unity concert planning meeting.
Andy, you are in charge.
This
is your show.
Take it away.
Your mission, should
you choose to accept it,
is to accept the following missions.
- Madison.
- Manning that art tents.
- Donna.
- Scheduling and security liaison.
- Larry.
- Staying out of the way.
And all of the rest of the
volunteer-work assignments
are up on this board.
Your main goal today is to
get 2,000 people to sign up
for the Pawnee-Eagleton
merger preservation
volunteer action squad.
Their first project will be to come up
with a shorter name for the group.
You're right.
The name is too
long.
I was picturing bigger hats.
- All right, here we go.
- Everybody, let's get to work.
[Cheers and applause]
Can the Parks and Rec people
hang back for a second?
Um
The reason I wanted you guys to stick
around is, I wanted to tell you
- That I love and admire you.
- Oh! Leslie, thank you.
You say that every morning.
A while ago, I was offered a job
at the national parks service,
and it's a great opportunity, but
it means that I'll have to move
to Illinois.
And I took the job.
- Good for you!
- Wow!
[All cheering]
- That's great!
- Congratulations, Knope.
The sentimental people in this office
will probably miss you.
- When do you leave?
- Soon, maybe a month.
Oh.
That makes what we're about to show you
a little bit awkward.
We had a new founders
day statue commissioned
and added your name to the
list of founders of Pawnee.
Because you basically
founded this new town.
Leslie Knope, champion of
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger,
"our most faithful citizen.
She never abandoned us.
"
- Oh, boy.
- There's a quote too.
"'Only a moron would ever live anywhere
other than Pawnee, Indiana.
'
Leslie Knope, multiple occasions.
"
I can cut a new plinth with
a less ironic inscription.
[Voice breaking] This
is so touching, you guys.
I am crying out of happiness
and sadness and gratitude
and because I'm carrying triplets
and for a fifth reason
that I can't figure out.
Leslie, don't cry.
It's not that great.
It doesn't even look like you.
Or, actually, you know what?
- It kind of does.
- [Cell phone rings]
Well, it's about that time.
Unity concert!
[Cheers and applause]
Hello, Pawnee.
We're The Decembrists.
[Cheers and applause]
It's great to be here
in support of this event.
This is truly an amazing town.
I ordered a small cheeseburger,
and both the buns were pizzas.
[Cheers and applause]
[The Decembrists' The Crane Wife]
each feather
it fell from skin
Joanie baby,
I'm throwing a huge party
tonight at Tom's Bistro.
- You gots to stop by.
- You gots to stop by.
Will this medium drink of water be there?
The only reason I wouldn't be
there is if I got pulled over
For violating my house arrest
- [laughs]
- Ah-boosh!
- What?
- Judge gave me
two ankle bracelets,
said it was the first time
he ever had to do that.
Uh, jah boy's a question on the bar exam.
- Yah-hey!
- [Both laughing]
Anyway, Tom's Bistro, tonight, be there.
[Both laughing]
- Uh-oh.
Okay.
- [Both humming]
Don't just let me talk
Well, the relocation package seems fair,
but the dental plan is more than fair.
I mean, three annual cleanings
for the spouse? Ka-ching.
Hey, did someone say "dental plan"?
[Chuckles] How's it going?
Councilman Jeremy Jamm, Jamm orthodontics.
Hey, uh, I think we can all agree
this concert blows, right?
You guys really want to see a crowd,
you might want to stop by my
secession rally later tonight.
That is gonna be off the hook!
- You ever heard of warrant?
- Yeah.
There's a cover band around here
they call themselves "Cherry Pie.
"
Pretty sure we got their bass player.
- Oh, wow.
- Gonna be pretty good.
Dah-nah-nah, rock
and roll, yeah, poison
What is that?
Just general rock, man.
It's gonna be fun.
She's my cherry pie,
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
- that guy was a councilman?
- Crazy, right?
Okay, uh, let's talk staff.
For the first few months,
you're only gonna have six staffers.
Four of them will be coming up from Omaha.
Oh, so does that mean that
there's two openings left?
- Yeah.
- Because I happen to know
some of the most dedicated civil servants
and greatest people to
ever walk the planet earth.
You can hire whoever you like.
I will hang my head
hang my head
low, low, low
[cheers and applause]
[Song ends]
[Cheers and applause]
Ginuwine, it is an honor to be
breathing the same air as you.
No joke.
But real talk we're both men about town
being constantly bombarded
with party invitations.
Who is this guy?
My friend who's opening
a restaurant tonight,
and you're going to be there, cousin,
unless you want me to get onstage
and talk about how we used
to take baths together,
how you cried whenever I
took away your rubber duckies.
Damn, Donna.
Why you got to bring
the Quackson 5 into this?
How y'all doing? [Cheers and applause]
Li'l Sebastian, this one is for you,
because you're my pony.
[Ginuwine's Pony]
I'm just a bachelor
I'm looking for a partner
someone who knows how to ride
Ron, I have to ask you something,
and I want you to consider it, okay?
Really consider it.
How would you feel about leaving
Pawnee and moving to Chicago?
- [Laughing]
- Hold on, come on, I'm not done.
You'd be working for
the federal government.
- [Laughing]
- You know what, excuse me
for wanting my dear
friend and ethical mentor
to accompany me on the
adventure of a lifetime.
It's very sweet, Leslie,
and the national parks service is probably
the only branch of government worth a damn,
but Diane and I are quite
happy raising our family here.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
there's a booth over there
serving something called,
"fried sausage quilts,"
so I'm going to buy the booth.
[Ginuwine continues in background]
Just once if I had the chance
Hello.
I'm Johnny Karate.
- [Cheers and applause]
- [Playing acoustic guitar]
Imaginary friends are cool
imaginary friends take the fall for you
- Daddy, you should play music.
- Yeah, Ron.
Go on.
Get up there.
Have some fun.
I recalibrated the sights on all
the rifles in the shooting gallery.
I've had enough fun for one day.
[Sniffing]
Oh, I know that look.
Where is she?
She's near.
Hide the children.
Hello, Ron.
- Hello, Ron's friend.
- Tammy,
what could possibly bring you
to a children's performance
preparing a ritual sacrifice of a newborn?
No, just trolling for some daddy.
Oh, sorry.
I pronounced that wrong.
Trolling for some dad "D.
"
Diane, why don't you take
the girls for some ice cream
while I dispose of this
sewer-dwelling gutter witch?
Bye, Tammy.
Always a pleasure.
You're not fooling me, Ron.
This little domestic charade of
yours hasn't changed you one bit.
You're still the same old Ron Swanson,
and I will defeat you.
I will defeat you right into my pants.
- Thank you!
- Everybody go crazy!
[Cheers and applause]
All right, thanks, guys.
Remember
karate on bad guys only.
Hey, man, you were really great out there.
Oh, hey, burly.
How you doing, man?
Pretty good, man.
Remember my nephew, Jack?
- He's a really big fan.
- Whoa, hey, Jack.
Good to see you, bud.
Hey, listen, man, I'm really sorry
things ended so weird with mouse rat.
You know, that's not
really how I pictured us
- breaking up, you know.
- Yeah, I do know.
I always figured we'd
you know, whatever
break up 'cause I got drafted by the Colts.
And then in the first game,
of course, I'd break my leg.
Crowd starts chanting my name,
and I give 'em the thumbs-up.
And then I'd go to the hospital.
I'd get really good at chess.
I end up beating the computer finally,
and then the band just
sort of drifts apart.
- That was how I saw it, but
- Yeah.
- Take it easy.
- Yeah, see you.
Babe, that was so awesome.
That was the best performance ever.
One kid peed his pants because
he didn't want to miss anything.
- What? I gave a kid pee pants?
- Yes!
Well, that's why I do what I do.
What's wrong?
I guess I just kind of miss
having people up onstage with me.
They never tell you when you go solo
that it's just gonna be you up there.
Anyways, what do you say I
take you over to the ball pit,
and we find your cell phone I lost?
You what?
Just living on a Sunday morning
got my toast and tea, and I'm warm and
I just thought I'd think about
and it might be
the comfort of a knowledge
of a rise above the sky
could never parallel the
challenge of an acquion
Both: in the here and now, here and now
I love you, Kay Hanley!
I hope you like deep-dish pizza,
because there's gonna be a
lot more of it in Chicago,
where we're all gonna be moving.
- Okay.
- No.
No.
We are not moving to Chicago
for, like, a billion reasons.
- But, babe, pizza.
- There's pizza in Pawnee.
Right.
Thanks, babe.
You're so good at
reminding me where pizza is.
Come on, guys, take a risk.
Live on the edge.
Life is an adventure.
It is! Let's do it!
- No.
- No.
Pawnee is cheap, and we like it here,
and Chicago seems like there's
a lot of stuff to do and people,
but I like to do nothing with no one.
So thank you, and I love you,
but, no, thank you, and I hate you.
I love you.
Well, you know, you owe me for that pizza.
[Playing slow version of Night
Ranger's Sister Christian]
But you're motoring
Yeah
motoring
Sister Christian.
[Cheers and applause]
Thank you, Pawnee!
We have been Bobby Knight Ranger!
[Cheers and applause]
Super cool to hear Sister Christian
that many times in a row.
Now is the moment we've
all been waiting for.
This next band agreed to
reunite for one night only,
and it's gonna be great.
I personally hope that
they play Summer Sun.
[Cheers and applause] We
all know how it goes, right?
Summer sun
summer sun
- Hey, Andy.
- Summer
Why don't you let us play those, bud?
Oh, yeah, good point.
Okay.
Without any further ado, land ho!
[Cheers and applause]
What up, Pawnee?
[Rock music]
alone and zoned and sad
no one gives a zig or zag
I should have let you ride
I should have let you go
[cheers and applause]
[Song ending]
[Cheers and applause]
Thank you, Pawnee!
You miss the band?
No, I mean, I love that
I'm Johnny Karate now,
but being part of a band, that's just
that's rock and roll, man.
Joining us now for our
finale, legendary local band,
- please welcome Mouse Rat!
- [Cheers and applause]
You guys are closing this sucker down!
Well, how about this
Unity concert, huh, Pawnee?
[Cheers and applause]
[acoustic guitar chords]
I love this town so much,
and I'm just so proud to live here.
And we're gonna close
tonight out with a tribute
to Pawnee's greatest treasure.
[cheers and applause]
Up in horsey heaven, here's the thing
[cheers and applause]
You trade your legs for angel's wings
and once we've all said good-bye
you take a running leap,
and you learn to fly
All: bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian
I miss you in the saddest fashion
Whoo!
All: bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian
you're 5,000 candles in the wind
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.
Duke Ssilver!
[Playing saxophone solo]
All: bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian
I miss you in the saddest fashion
bye-bye, Li'l Sebastian
you're 5,000 candles in the wind
[cheers and applause]
Guys, this is the most
important night of my life,
which means it's the most
important night of your lives too.
Speak for yourself.
I once got into a cab
that Kyra Sedgwick was getting out of.
No way, The Closer? Oof!
It's opening night.
Let's do this!
Hey, butt wieners! [Laughs]
Look who I found
- Daddy!
- No.
Your father ruined my last business.
Why would you bring him here?
Because you told me
to look for V.
I.
P.
s,
and my daddy is the V.
I.
-est "P" I know.
- I love you, daddy.
- I love you too, angel.
[Chuckles] Money, please.
- Mm! Money! Money! Money!
- Money, please!
Craig, we're gonna drink.
Why would you come here, Saperstein?
I came here to see your
flourishing business,
to see how well you're doing.
Wow! You're back.
Can you squeeze me in, or
do I need a reservation?
[Chuckles] 'Cause there's nobody here.
Maybe this restaurant
won't be a huge success.
Maybe it won't be packed with celebrities.
- Tommy!
- Or maybe it will.
- Hello, Joan.
Hello, Perd.
- Hi.
- Thanks for coming by.
- Mwah!
- Can I get you a drink?
- I'll have the Joan.
It's a tumbler of gin, and it's
got crushed aspirin around the rim.
And I would just like an empty glass.
Steve, can we get these
cocktails going for Joan and Perd?
Oh, look, Kay Hanley, rock star,
thanks for coming by.
Thanks for having me.
Come on in, guys.
You
might want to grab a seat,
Dr.
Saperstein.
Looks like it's getting
a little crowded.
[Lounge music]
And I said, "you don't need a
towel.
You need a washcloth.
"
[Laughter]
You know, I don't think that
the girls have ever been happier
or more surprised than when
you got up on that stage.
Well, having you and the kids in my life
has made me a different person.
And I like it.
There's more
room in my life for fun.
[Chuckles]
- Hi, Ben.
- [Chuckles]
It's me, Barney, from the accounting firm.
Yes.
Hi, Barney.
You don't have
to introduce yourself every time.
I was gonna wait until your birthday
to give this to you,
but I'm just too excited.
This is the copyright to Cones of Dunshire.
After you gave it to us as
a gift, we saw its potential,
so we formed a "C" corp and
registered it in your name.
This is amazing.
How can I ever repay you?
Come work for us at the accounting firm.
Okay.
Oh! [Laughs] Oh!
No, sorry.
I can't.
Wow.
Shortest one yet.
Thank you.
Babe, thank you so much
for organizing the mouse rat reunion.
It was actually Ginuwine
who arranged everything.
He really cares about you.
You're the greatest wife ever.
I wish I could marry you all over again.
[Gasps] Let's get divorced.
That way, we can get married again.
Yes, let's do it.
- You want to?
- Yes!
We should do that, right?
- Yeah, totally.
- [Gasps]
- We're getting divorced!
- Yes.
This is amazing.
Practically everyone we invited came,
except for Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus.
I was hoping tonight
would be magical enough
- to get 'em back together.
- Let it go, friend.
He's not good enough
for her, and vice versa!
Thomas.
Yes, we don't get along,
but I look at you I
see driven, I see smart,
and I just had the best Italian meal
I've ever had in my life,
and I've been to Dallas.
- I'm in.
- No way.
I'm not gonna let you take
another one of my businesses.
No, no, I'm in as a partner.
I'm always looking for new investments.
I've got an auto dealership.
I've got a massage parlor,
a dry-cleaning
transactional holding company
that is doing unbelievably
well, I might add.
What do you say?
You know what? I'm not
really looking for investors,
given the almost embarrassing
level of success I've attained,
but I'll consider it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to get some pictures
for my wall of fame.
Uh, excuse me, miss Hanley?
Do you mind if I snap a you-ie?
It's what I call selfies of other people.
Sure.
[Clinking glass]
Can I get everyone's attention, please?
Our goal was to get 2,000 signatures
in support of the merger.
We got
almost 4,000
- on the first night.
- [Cheers and applause]
Hey, everybody, let's
keep this party going.
The next round of gnocchi is on the house.
[Cheers and applause]
- You look sad, Knope.
- [Liquid pouring]
Couldn't find any takers for Chicago?
Everybody turned me down but Larry.
- Ouch.
- Yeah.
Well, cheer up.
You got a new job, new challenges,
all that crap you like.
Man, I'm gonna miss
Pawnee.
I wish I could stay,
you know, keep an eye on
it, raise my kids here.
And let's be honest, am I ever gonna find
a better breakfast than JJ's Diner?
You will not, no.
I know it's not easy to leave,
but this job does seem perfect.
Of course, I'd prefer you
use your talents elsewhere.
You know, with your
courage and small frame,
you'd make an excellent coal miner.
Thank you, Ron.
That's very sweet.
It's time for you to move up in the world.
Your ambition was bound to take you away
from the town you love sooner or later,
and you can't have everything you want.
Oh, my God.
[Laughs] I can have everything I want!
- Thank you.
- I feel like
- you're not listening to me.
- Oh, and by the way,
don't think that we are
not discussing Duke silver.
When were you going to tell me about that?
Unbelievable! I am so furious at you,
but I've already forgiven
you, and you need to teach me
how to play the saxophone.
Okay, bye.
Hi, Leslie and everyone.
- I'm Grant
- No time for small talk.
I think the best version of me working
as Midwest regional
director is not in Chicago.
It's right here in Pawnee.
- How so?
- The financial savings here
are enormous.
I mean, the cost of
living is way lower here,
and renting the entire
third floor of this building
would be way cheaper than a
much smaller space in Chicago.
Pawnee is actually closer
to most of the parks
in the Midwest region, and
it's got Tom's Bistro
an exciting new-wave Italian eatery
that's equal parts Dean
Martin and Bruno Mars.
But that's just what The Indianapolis Star
is saying.
Let's see what everyone else has to say.
No, no, this is not what
we're doing right now.
- But congrats.
- Leslie should stay here.
And if you don't agree with
us, it's nine against one,
and we can make you disappear forever.
- What?
- I said, "We have free wi-fi.
"
Look, Pawnee is a town on the rise,
and national parks could
get in on the ground floor.
It's the best option, hands down.
Well, I'll run this up the flagpole.
Also, can you bring back Power Rangers?
I don't know what it is you do,
but you seem important
enough to get that done.
Sometimes you have to
make the hardest climb
to see the most beautiful sunrise.
I read that once on an old
lady's decorative pillow.
But it is really how I feel today.
I've climbed a very
weird and rocky mountain,
and it was a pain in the
***, and my legs are tired,
and I'm starving, but the sun is rising
over a sea of love and
waffles and possibility.
So I'm just gonna relax
and take a deep breath
and enjoy this view for
as long as I possibly can.
[Phones ringing, background chatter]
Call Ken and Rebecca, and
no statements to the press
unless I personally release them.
We are on a media lockdown.
Where is Ed with the file? Ed!
I'm sorry, Miss Knope, I lost the file.
- It's gone.
- Ed, you're a nice guy,
but you're the most incompetent
person I've ever word with,
and that includes Terry.
Jeez! Get it together, Terry.
Clean out your desk.
You're fired.
I understand.
Thank you for the literally
hundreds of opportunities you've given me.
Good-bye, everyone.
It's
been a great three years.
Cancel my flight to South
Dakota.
We'll do it next month.
- Babe, what's our play here?
- Everyone's waiting downstairs in my office.
Let's just go hear what they have to say.
But honey, tonight's your big night.
No, this is more important.
Where are the kids?
- Right here.
- Hey, guys!
Mommy and daddy had to do a little work,
and you're gonna have a fun
play date with Uncle Andy
- and Aunty April, okay?
- Let's go, munchkins.
I forgot, Ben how many bags
of marshmallows do I give them?
None! Just let April do everything.
One day, in the distant future,
things will be calm and normal, right?
Probably not.
But that's okay.
- You ready?
- Not at all.
But that's never stopped us before.