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I can't see anything!
Where the *** are we?
All right, Ginger Minge? Which way?
Yeah, I-I think this map
might be a bit ***.
This isn't a map.
It's a multiple
choice test for retarded ***.
Yeah, I confuse easily.
Yeah You find
the *** airport Alo,
and I'll check to see
if my *** are still there.
Teamwork, right?
Yeah.
Uh, ***! It's moving!
Oh, ***! They're all over me!
***! Oh, ***!
For ***'s sake.
Oh, my God - get them off me!
Chill out! What the ***'s
going on, OK? Stop moving,
stop moving OK, OK, OK?
Get it!
I think it's in here.
Just stop moving, let me check.
Say it.
Follow that plane!
Oh, ***! You tossers!
Bonjour monsieur.
Everyone seems friendly.
Honestly Rich, do you have to wear
your cousin's hand-me-downs?
Look, I'm not gonna buy clothes
I'm not gonna wear again.
Your cousin's gay, right?
Rufus? No!
He's just imaginative.
Right.
Look, you don't get heavy metal
beachwear.
It's just not our scene.
What was that for?
Just don't change.
OK.
Where the *** is everyone!?
What did he say?
He likes your shorts.
Ah
Whoo!
They are great big gays, yes?
Richy Roo! Richy Roo!
Yes.
Gracie!
Hey, black ***.
Hey, white ***.
Hey, silly ***.
Holiday!
All right, we're gonna ***
on Rider in his sleep!
Why?
His Dad's Villa's not finished.
Hang on, he said it was a luxury pad.
Rider's gotta turn the water on, man.
Yeah, the pool's a bit
more of a barbecue pit.
***! We paid!
Chill out, man.
He promised - it's gonna be full
by the time we get back.
Whoo!
And we found three ounces of ***
underneath the kitchen floor!
Holiday!
Morocco! Whoooaahhhh!
Whoooah!
Here it is, guys - Chateau Rider.
I don't know why you had to bring
so much stuff.
I don't know how people dress here.
I need options.
Now, about the bedrooms
It was all decided democratically.
Yeah? How?
Mini chose her room
and then we all drew lots
and
Well, you weren't here.
Right.
It's not that bad
What's the problem?
You've got the penthouse.
Sorry,
mate, but we got you a mattress.
Yay!
For ***'s sake!
It doesn't even have a roof.
Shouldn't turn up late for holidays,
should you?
Cheer up, mate, all right?
We'll go for a dip.
Rider's been turning the water on
I'll tell you what, mate -
it's ***' A
Last one in the pool's a ***!
It is a lovely pool.
Here we goooooo!
Aargh!
Aargh!
I don't think Rider
put the water on yet.
For ***'s sake, Rider,
you useless ***!
Mate.
You're making a lot of noise.
Get up here.
I'm getting ***
like a *** in a burqa.
I think that might be a little bit
racist, mate.
Racist? Or is it Ace-ist?
Oi! Rider!
You said the *** pool would be
filled up by the time we got back.
You went already?
Put the water on, Rider.
Otherwise I'll have to mess you up.
Really? Any time!
Cos I haven't had
a shower in 43 hours
You smell like ***.
But you know, I dig that in a lady.
Let's McMake out, lassie
This is your fault!
He's your friend!
I *** hate him.
Don't I, Rider?
You love me, you homosexual.
You all love me
and you're all homosexuals,
especially the women, hopefully
Ah!
OK Let's get ***.
Woo-hoo-hoo!
I'm going to see if I
can find some more drugs.
Yeah go for it man.
Oh, just shut up and leave me alone.
I'm sorry about the *** map.
OK?
I don't care.
I don't care.
Oh, for crying out loud!
Oh, come on, Franky!
You just *** sit there you
don't you, you ***!
I was just saying that the
You go on and on like
OK, OK.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I was trying to pass the time.
I thought you liked
Simone De Beauvoir
Screw you! You mind ***!
Franky.
Matty.
Hi.
How was Tunisia?
Yeah, it's it's a long way,
that's all.
Hey.
Hey.
Been busy losing your virginity then?
Yeah, yeah a lot.
Ah, I missed you guys.
Sure, honey.
Hey, crazy ***, we want a snog too.
No offence, Franks.
You ming like *** plus!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Where's the shower?
Ooh, it feels good.
It feels good.
On the chest, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, good.
Oh, Yeah!
Nearly, nearly, nearly.
I'm clean! I'm clean!
How's the washing up liquid?
It's mad! It's like lemony zest!
Honestly my balls are
so tingly right now Woo-hoo!
***!
Um, ladies you're in the locker room.
Yeah, just checking you stick
to the water ration.
One bottle per person.
Because I need to detox.
Yo, Nicky, Tiny *** wants a shower.
What did you call me?
Nothing.
Franky wanted to talk to Matty.
Yeah?
Er, Matty, I'm sorry.
I got cross.
That's all right,
I know I go on about
Yeah.
You know,
I don't even like Morrissey.
And you just kept saying
the lyrics and farting
and, you know, it's
really irritating but, er
But, you know, it doesn't matter.
We're here now,
we've made it to Morocco
and we can talk to other people,
you know other than each other
Cool.
Yeah.
Sorted! Now girls got to freshen up.
Oh, if I catch anyone checking out
*** festival,
I'll be taking your lemony balls
for a long walk.
OK?
Yeah, sure cool
Right!
See ya!
I mean, what the ***!?
We paid for a room.
We all paid!
Rich, leave it.
For ***'s sake!
There's no roof, there's no water.
There's no electricity.
How are we going to see or wash
or flush the *** toilet?
Come on, Rich
Or listen to my new Slayer album?
Rich! Do you like this?
A holiday's like a box
of chocolates, Richard.
You never know what you're
going to get.
You're the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen.
Got ya.
Ha!
Shades of wine love keeps
dancing through my mind ♪
And I sing.
Not that metal *** either.
Nu-huh!
No, I can't escape this time
all because of you ♪
Yesterday, love was
just a word to say
Overnight a holiday
All because of you ♪
So unreal, life was just a ♪
A ferris wheel What was that?
It sounds like a party.
Come on, Alo.
Use your massive nostrils
to sniff it!
Yes, it's down here.
Keep running ginger boy.
Where's he going?
Wait! Wait!
Alo.
Ooo! Ooo!
Follow him, follow him, follow him.
Where the ***'s he gone?
Wait, I've found it.
Yes! All right! Whoooo!
Guys, it's here, it's down here!
Let's crash it man.
Silly French left the top
Er excuse me, you speak English,
right?
Thank god cos we're lost.
*** idiot!
I'm sorry
I talk too much about stuff.
It's OK, Matty.
It's fine.
We were having a *** classic
summer holiday.
I know.
So what's going on?
Do we have to do this?
What? It's us.
We're great together.
Is this what it's like,
being with someone?
You loved it.
Tunisia, the beach.
Making love to me.
It gets boring, Matty.
All the *** and the talking.
And and just all the stuff.
OK?
That's not fair.
What's fair got to do with it?
Hey there.
I'm sorry.
I was just
looking for somewhere a bit quiet.
That's cool It's never
that quiet when we're here.
We?
My mates, we like a good time.
I should go find my boyfriend.
OK.
Boyfriend, sure
Where are you staying?
In the villa over the hill.
It's a bit of a wreck.
Really?
Yeah, it's a bit ***.
It's been empty for a while.
Tell me something I don't know,
weird girl.
That's hard.
You seem so wise.
OK.
Then I suggest
we dance our *** dicks off.
Stop it.
Stupid *** men!
Hey.
What are you doing, Farmboy?
Um Well
I suppose I was seeing
if my *** app will download
onto this iPhone that I nicked.
And you have no particular
level of shame about that?
Er, no, I always steal from people
who make me feel inferior.
Like who?
Well, pretty much anyone,
er, especially if they're rich,
good looking
and having a lot of sex.
And that evens it out, huh?
Yeah, you should try it sometime.
Why don't you just try
having some sex.
Yeah, don't be stupid.
Who'd want to have sex with
Whoa, hang on.
If you tell a soul,
I'll *** kill you, all right?
Stop pinching yourself.
You're awake
and it's time this ship set sail.
I'm awake.
I'm awake.
I'm awake.
I'm awake.
I'm awake.
I'm awake.
Oh, my God.
You've got to be *** kidding.
This is the only room I've ever had
where you have to wear sun block.
It's heavenly.
Yes, heavenly.
If I die tomorrow, then I'd go happy.
What about me.
I wouldn't be happy.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'd just come back
and do *** jokes to cheer you up.
I'd like that.
Your ***'s always
been a bit of a joke.
It has.
But, usually,
it's ready for a bit of stand-up.
Nice.
Nice.
Rich?
My love?
As long as you're here,
you may as well know
I've had a number of orgasms today
and right now I'm completely happy.
Don't knock it, kid.
I had to drive
your truck back, last night.
Yeah, cheers.
I walked.
By yourself? What's going on, bro?
She was so into it in Tunisia
but then after a while
I think maybe she can't do it.
Do what?
Be with someone.
Mate, sort it out.
Where did you get to last night?
Nowhere.
Yeah?
Nothing happened.
He drove me home, that's all.
Oh, the relief!
You should sort things out
with Matthew.
Yeah? Why?
Well, because he's your boyfriend
and, well, last night
you were acting like
a bit of a ***.
Is that what's life's all about then?
Not upsetting our boyfriends?
*** sakes!
I liked her better when she might
or might not have been a lesbian.
Yep.
Oh, yeah.
Right on cue.
*** hate this ***.
Yeah, I'd still *** him though.
You're such a massive ***.
Hi, kids.
Uh, hi, older dude.
Yeah, we just wanted to drop over.
Yeah, friendly, y'know.
Anyway, we had a kicking time
last night, right?
Did he just say kicking?
Yeah, yeah, Jakey's retro.
Anyway, thing is,
it's a bit embarrassing
but you guys have got something
that belongs to us.
What?
This.
We thought the place
was empty and we stashed it here.
Finders keepers?
I'm sorry.
It's just,
we owe a little cash on it.
Well, take it and *** off then.
I tell you what, how about we chuck
in some eighths to say sorry?
Yeah, or you could
chuck in some ounces.
I mean, we do a lot of spliff.
Yeah, yeah, sure, man.
And come to the beach party today.
VIP list.
We're sorted for E's.
What do you say?
What, they've still got E's here?
***, that is retro.
Jake's DJ-ing.
I'm *** hot.
Believe it.
Yeah, pretty good.
Not as good as this.
Oh, my God, what wankers!
Let's get leathered!
Hey! How are you?
Good.
Great.
Fabulous!
Come and dance with us.
Ah My friends.
They will tell tales on me.
Why?
I'm a God-fearing boy.
Yeah, yeah, it ain't cool.
You're thinking
Why is life so *** predictable?
You're 17.
I'm 18, actually.
You're 18, you've got to
go back to school,
go back to your mum and dad.
Not exactly.
It's all inevitable.
It's all going to go down.
And?
You don't owe anybody anything.
You owe nothing.
Come with me.
Where?
Anywhere.
Until we get bored.
Then whatever.
This
is real life.
This is it.
And we go right now?
Right now.
Whoa!
Oh, uh yeah.
It's me, Farmboy.
Coincidence?
Unhappily.
No.
Er, I just came to reiterate
what will happen to you
if you mention that
I banged your brains out.
No, you didn't.
- I *** did.
- It's never happening again.
Why not?
Well, because Because
Well, basically
you're not worthy of me.
OK?
Don't you like having
your brains banged out?
No-one can know, Farmboy.
Oh! Ah!
Oi.
What?
Nothing.
Nothing much.
So?
We want a favour.
We?
Yeah.
Yeah, Luke and me.
We'd like a favour.
Why should I do anything for him?
Because, er the girl.
You've been *** her.
And now Luke's going to *** her.
Oh, *** off!
Sit down.
Nah.
Why should I?
Well, mainly because
I strapped about six kilos of dope
into the bottom of your truck.
Not that you'll find it.
You what?!
You want the girl back?
S'easy.
You drive your truck
into Marrakesh for us.
Boom.
Luke leaves her alone.
Everyone's lovely again.
There's an address there.
You're *** kidding me.
It's 300km away.
The roads are quiet.
No cops about at this time.
Safe.
What if I said *** you?
I ring them.
You know, whatever it
Tell them you got a load of gear
strapped into your
I think you should get going.
When I am lawyer, perhaps
I will come to London and marry you.
Hey.
Hey.
Cut the plausible Arab malarkey.
That's what I have to be careful of.
English girls.
Everyone should be.
You must take care too.
Why?
There's this guy who hides
drugs in holiday houses.
Yeah? Who?
You found drugs, yes?
He is bad.
Very bad.
English boy.
His name is Luke.
Very bad.
You must not know him.
***!
What about my things?
What about them?
Hey.
I want to talk to you.
Grace.
Not now.
You're not handling
the Franky thing
Leave me alone, OK! She's gone.
What?
Hey.
Hey! Stop them!
Matt, you ***, stop them!
What? Liv!
Drive, for ***'s sake!
Come on, Matty!
- What's going on?
- That new guy's dangerous.
Do you always drive too fast?
Don't pretend you don't love it.
What are you doing?
Come on, *** thing!
They went that way.
There they are.
Stop the car! Stop it.
This is it, kid.
This is it!
Just *** stop them!
For ***'s sakes, slow down!
Just stop the car, please!
Please slow down!
For God's sake, Matty, hurry up!
Four Seasons - Winter by Vivaldi
Thank you, Marvellous Marimbas.
I'd like to think Vivaldi
would've been stoked
had he been able to hear that.
Well done, the Little Glocks,
as well.
Right, we can have some lunch.
Excuse me, kids.
Can we have some quiet, please?
Yes simmer down, look you!
Thank you.
I have a letter here
from the Principal, Professor Blood.
I hope you'll let me read it.
Dear Pupils,
I want to thank you for the concern
you have shown,
to my daughter Grace and to me
and my wife in the last three weeks.
You will have heard
that Grace is still not well
and this is going to take some time.
Obviously, we are very concerned,
but I would ask that,
for the present,
you do not visit the hospital.
I will let you know
if the situation changes,
and thanks, everyone, again
for their concern.
Professor David Blood.
There it is.
I'm sure
we would all like to
yes
give Gracey a great big
Oggy Oggy.
Right, you heard the Acting
Principal.
Oggy Oggy Oggy!
Oi Oi Oi!
Oggy! Oi!
Oggy! Oi!
Oggy Oggy Oggy!
Oi Oi Oi!
So you understand this,
right, Nick?
Yes.
If your brother contacts you,
you come and see me
and I'll call the police for you,
cos I'm your Responsible Adult.
Well, obviously
I have my moments, but
He hasn't called me.
They found a lot of drugs
hidden in his car.
Like dope, kuh-tah-mine
You know how
people get a bit upset.
It wasn't Matty's.
And your brother ran away
from the accident
I know, Jose!
If he rings, right
I mean - you would tell me
if he rang you, wouldn't you?
To be honest, Josie,
I wouldn't *** tell you.
Right Right.
Right.
You want to go for a few drinks?
You're a Responsible Adult, Jose.
Responsible *** ***!
Oh, Lord, a distant beam of light
The jab of neon
floods my weary eyes ♪
Hey.
Hey.
Right, erm you OK?
Not really.
No.
She's going to be all right,
you know.
Yeah I know, she'll be fine.
Why did he run like that?
The stuff in his car, I suppose.
I guess he'll explain it.
I guess he
got a bit obsessed with Franky.
Yeah.
I kind of wonder how that feels.
Weird, I suppose.
Um this probably sounds
a bit *** coming from me
but, erm
if I could help you with anything
I would, Nick.
Tell me why he doesn't ring.
Because he loves her.
Gonna drive you away from
the trampling of bustling feet
You can lose your troubled
thoughts for tonight at least
I surrender myself to
your presence and peace of mind
Your eyes are wider
than before ♪
So little has changed,
but your eyes now see much more
So much more
So
So much more
So much more
So ♪
Yes?
Erm
I'm Grace's boyfriend
Rich.
Richard.
Oh
- How can I help you, Richard?
- Right The thing is,
Grace couldn't complete
couldn't finish
her music coursework, so, erm
Grace was very talented.
Is.
She is very talented.
Yes, but, er
So that's why I've finished off
her music coursework for her.
She's already done the vocals,
er, me and my mate, we've put some
I'm sorry, it's for Grace
to pass it when she's ready.
She just needs the grade.
I'm sorry, Richard.
Grace has to do it.
This is no good.
Five minutes, nobody will know.
What harm can it do?
That's not the point.
So, what is the point?
Can you tell me that?
Don't go aggro on me, Richard.
Her father says no.
I have to give her something.
I'll give it to her.
You go home
and wait for her to ring you.
OK?
Here
Tell her I did my best,
and tell her that Alo helped me
cos he does computer ***
on his PlayStation.
All right.
And tell her that you're a mean old
cow who probably never gets laid.
I will.
I gotta say - that boyfriend
of yours is super nice.
You totally lucked out,
did you not, Gracey?
He says his mate helped him with it.
Whatever
I guess we'll listen, beautiful.
Shades of wine
Love keeps dancing through my mind
No, I can't escape this time
All because of you
Yesterday,
love was just a word to say
Overnight a holiday
All because of you
So unreal,
life was just a Ferris wheel
Till you told me how to feel
Things I never knew ♪
Grace? It's me again.
Can you just wake up?
Where is she, then? Zurich.
Go and find her.
You awful, awful ***!
You're a *** joke.
What the ***
has happened to us all?