Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
[ ♫ Video game music ♫ ]
( K. O. )
( YOU WIN! )
- We've been at this all day. You wanna get a slice of pizza?
- Yes.
[ ♫ Electronic screech ♫ ]
That's the last time you turn your back on me, Lapomme.
[ ♫ Menacing electronic music ♫ ]
[ ♫ Upbeat electronic music ♫ ]
- Urgh, how can you eat that stuff so early in the morning?
- Easily.
- Oh! New 'Heroes of the North'. Come to Papa.
- I think you should date more. - There it is.
- I think it's been a while since your last break-up . and it's time to get back on the horse. The dating horse.
It's more of a unicorn actually -- - Are you crazy?
I can't even going into my favorite comic book store, a place that I love...
because I'm avoiding a girl I went on two dates with.
Sure, I went down on her, we broke up, I didn't call her again, and now her heart is probably broken and can never go on again blah-blah-blah --
But I just can't put myself out there like that again. - That's ridiculous.
- It's not ridiculous, I'm fragile. - No, no, no. it's ridiculous that her heart would be broken.
I'm sure she'll bounce back.
Thanks.
Anyways, I think you should put yourself out more often. You have a lot to offer.
- Yeah, like my awkward inability to speak to women.
- How are you going to get better at it if you don't practice?
- By not trying, and moving off the grid before robots gain consciousness.
- Hey, that was my plan...
- That's why we're friends, Lapomme.
- You know, I just think you're missing out.
Take me for instance, I put myself out there all the time and I'm... currently not dating anyone.
Okay, that was a bad example, but I just it'd be better... Oh... - What?
- Oh, cool, yeah. Just walk away. That's fine. You're in the middle of a sentence. Literally in the middle of a sentence.
It's a dress. - It's so cute.
- What is wrong with you? - Oh... my mother set me up on another date tonight.
- So don't go. - I have to, otherwise I'll never hear the end of it.
Just sucks. I can't stop thinking about that guy that came into my store.
Showed up out a thin air,
was my knight in shinning armor and then didn't give me his name. - Yeah. Exactly.
He's a guy coming into a book store, practically doing nothing, and now you're fawning over like a stupid idiot.
- No, I'm not. - Yeah, you are.
Six months ago you said you'll never date again and now look at you.
- At least I allow myself to have feelings. You're like the walking dead.
- Okay, maybe I'm closed off a little bit, but at least I'm not sleeping with random strangers.
- Yeah, because you've never done that, Mister-I-can’t-go-to-my-comic book-store-because-the-girl-I-slept-with-works-there.
- I was taking a cue from you. I was taking all the wise advice from Slutty Nerd Girl and her *** vlog for ***.
( K. O. )
( YOU WIN! )
- I don't know what's gotten into Guy. One minute we're having fun, the next he's being a total jerk.
Oh, I'm eating pizza. I'm so lonely. Nothing is ever good enough for me.
What's that, Valerie? Oh, you like that vintage dress? You're a ***, I hate you.
Why do I even bother? It’s not like I can ever please him. Or my Mother, setting me up on dates that are doomed to fail...
"I want you to date who I say and everything you do disappoints me."
It makes me so mad!
I need a drink.
Feed me drinks, Seymour. Feed me.
- Are you okay, my love?
- I'm supposed to be date with a guy my mother set me up with.
But luckily, he isn't here. - Ah, so the Grand Matriarch is bestowing her wisdom upon you once again.
- She has no idea what kind of men I like. - What kind of men do you like?
I don't know. But it doesn't matter because I'm through with dating.
Okay? Guy and I got into a big fight about it earlier today. He freaked out when I told him about my date tonight.
- You know? He's probably just frustrated. I’m sure being socially inept makes it hard to find love.
Maybe Ayahuasca would help?
- He can be really sweet though...
... and so funny. He just doesn't know it.
I need to help him. He's bad at love.
I'm going to set him up on a date. - I don't know, Val. Echoes of the Matriarch?
- Oh, no no no no... I'm being what is called a good friend.
I'm gonna text him the good news. Okay...
- I keep telling them them its filed under J... J for Jankis... he couldn't get it...
Save any books from the dreaded book thief lately? Who's a guy and who also has a backpack. Have you done that lately?
- Excuse me?
- Oh...
... sorry, I interrupt.
[ ♫ Bar music ♫ ]
[ Traffic ]
Dreaded book thief? Why did I say that?
- Hey, I was wondering if you... - Yes, I am Valerie, and yes, you probably know my mother
but I'll be completely honest. I'm not really in the mood right now.
You wanna know why? Because my best friend called me a *** earlier today and my mom won't get off my back.
And I'm pretty sure that I just ruined any chance I had with the man of my dreams. So...
could we just call it a night? Cause' I'm sure you're a really nice guy, and I don't deserve your splendorocity.
- Ya. But do you have a light?
- Flame on!
- Valerie?
Actually, I'm your date.
- You're the doctor? - Your mother mentioned where you work.
I wanted to meet you on my own terms. I hope that's okay.
- Okay...
Of course it's okay! It's better than okay! It's great!
My mother actually set me up with someone good. He's perfect... Oh no, he's perfect.
There has to be something wrong with him... My Mother set me up with him...
- If you want to call it a night I understand. I was late and you seem a bit tipsy.
- Oh no, no. I'm fine...
- Whoa, I gotcha!
Listen, I know a 24 hour diner with the best burgers and shakes in the city.
- I like that place. - Perfect...
... it's a date then. - Ye...
Thanks.
- So... - So...
- Oh, you go now... - No, no please, go ahead...
- I was gonna ask you who that lady was...
( GAME OVER. )
- Hey buddy, you got a light?
- Before I go on about episode 5, I got a pretty crazy video message from my very intense young man.
- Hello Valerie! It's Peter Chao here and guess what? Peter Chao knows you don't drink the Haterade
and you only drink the bubble tea. And you know what happens when I discover people who drink the bubble tea instead of the Haterade?
I want to CORRABORRABORRATE (COLLABORATE).
You know what I mean, COLLAB.
So Valerie, come on, bring it on! You and Peter Chao equals ratings and by ratings I mean views
And one more thing, Valerie. Peter Chao thinks you are a Sexy Mother ***.
Which is really the reason why I want to collab in the first place. I don't care about your personality.
I honestly don't care what comes out of your mouth. I'm just responsible for what goes in it. Ha haaa!
So since I've never been in the Toronto area, I'm officialy inviting myself to be on your show. Are you ready?
- Okay. Wow. Alright, alright. Okay, I guess now Peter Chao is officially in episode 6, everybody.
Episode 6 featuring Peter Chao. Come back in a couple weeks and you gonna see
this star at episode 6. Peter Chao. But let's not forget about what we just saw,
the awesomeness that was episode 5. We had that incredible opening sequence...
... we saw some more of Mark Meer, who will probably gonna get to see a little more even in later episodes...
... a budding relationship between him and Val. If you liked this episode as much as I did,
maybe share on your Facebook or Twitter, and if you you know someone who might like Versus Valerie,
send them the trailer or the first episode and get them hooked just like I hope you're hooked.
So will see you in two weeks... same place!
- You guys, we should go...
paintballing!
( Lapomme party, proceed to the Battle Zone. )