Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
if you think politics is about what's good for the rich
if you think politics is about power and corruption
if you still think your choices are these guys
if you plan on voting for the same old thing in the 2012 election
Then you don't know Diddley Squat,
(several voices) You don't know Diddley Squat?
You don't know Diddley Squat.
You don't know Diddley Squat.
You don't know Diddley Squat.
Enough already!
Tell us about Diddley Squat.
Listen carefully. This years election will be the greatest
historical development in all of history.
The united states is about to elect a hamster -
A hamster for president.
And his name is
Diddley Squat.
(loud cheering)
(cheers and screaming)
(background) Diddley Squat for President. Squit Squat for Vice President.
(cheers)
The Diddley Squat economic plan.
Nothing to worry about here. He's shredded it.
That's it right there
He made himself a nice little nest by shredding the economic plan
Well. So much for that.
The nation's finances are safe
At last.
(Audience cheers)
The military budget.
This is a true test of leadership
Diddley gives the matter a lot of thought.
Then he decides they've got enough
they need no more.
so
Goodnight generals. Sleep tight, Diddley.
Sleep tight America.
The humble hamster
will be the first to admit that he doesn't know everything.
When it comes to health insurance, Diddley goes looking for a book with
information he can use.
That done, he now formulates his policy/
It is simple enough. Send us the bills from the vet
and they will get paid eventually.
Diddley Squat makes his policies on poverty very clear.
Never should a child
or a hamster or any creature have to be looking in the garbage to food to eat.
Whatever it takes to end his suffering
a hamster administration will do it.
(music)
Immigration. What have the hamsters to say on this subject?
This is one of those cases when a picture is worth a thousand words.
Here is your answer.
Yes! Taxes!
Diddley Squat says that it would not be possible for one percent of all hamsters in a given space
to take ninety nine percent of all the seeds
That's because they are limited to what fits in their pouches.
You see, hamsters can't stash seeds in the Cayman Islands or Switzerland or the
Bahamas.
Diddley Squat very much wants to see people face this same natural limits.
(music)
(music)
Iran. Nuclear weapons.
A complicated question that is. We have to look at it in a brutally honest
and realistic way.
the united states has launched high tech wars for low-tolerance reasons.
This has gone on for many years.
We invade Iraq
Afghanistan
Somalia, Grenada, Vietnam
None have nuclear arms.
If they did
we would never have started those wars.
It's a simple fact kids every country wants and will try to get nuclear arms
Its' protection against American bullying
Unfortunately
we cannot go back and unravel decades of reckless foreign policy
The mould is cast.
At least for now. It will take a radical change before we can be trusted,
before nations in the world's hot spots don't feel they need that nuclear
safety shield
it will take a real change, enormous change.
Only the election of a hamster can take us in that direction.
What about war, generally?
Diddley and Squit believe that it is not to necessary unless we have invaded by
another nation.
We are blessed to be separated from much of the world
by two vast oceans.
Iraq.
The hamster says we never should've gone there.
Afghanistan - the same is true!
War does not make us safe,
it makes us hated.
Not to mention broke.
Everybody wants small government.
Conservatives want less interference in their private lives
liberals also wonder less interference in their lives.
it takes big government to spy on everybody around the world and to wage
perpetual war.
It takes big government to punish people for smoking pot and to keep three times more
people imprisoned than the entire rest of the world combined.
It takes big government to do big, stupid things.
if you're seriously one small government, how does seven ounces sound to you?
If you really, really,
really want small government
You'll vote Hamster on November 6.
Seven ounces?
Seven little ounces!