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narrator: Tonight...
on "Top 20 Funniest."
Get ready to laugh...
man: Ow!
narrator: Till it hurts.
As we count down...
(screaming)
Life's painful moments...
(screaming)
...caught on tape.
girl: He's gonna kick my ***.
narrator: It's "Top 20 Funniest:
Hurts so Good."
Lakeem's friends bet him he
wouldn't mess up his new kicks.
Seems like easy money, right?
(laughing)
Wrong.
(laughing continues)
It only took a second before
Lakeem got that sinking feeling.
(laughing)
The object of being in a ring
with another guy is to beat
him.
And if you can score a knockout
all the better.
Just not on yourself.
(crowd cheering)
But you won't believe
the KO at 19.
In the blue trunks,
the reigning champ.
He's never actually won a fight
against another boxer,
but against referees...
...he's undefeated.
Meet James.
man: How are you today, James?
James: Not very well.
narrator: He's about to
jump out of a plane.
man: Have you gone
skydiving James?
narrator: He looks as ready
as he'll ever be.
He did it.
How does he feel?
James just paid 300 bucks to
pass out.
Wonder what he's dreaming about.
(horse whinnies)
Oh, yeah, I should've gone
horseback riding.
Landing should wake him up.
Nope.
Meet Maddie, a cute little girl
who's got a big problem with
monsters.
woman: Tell mommy again what you
said you were gonna do to him if
he came here.
Oh.
That's not nice.
He will?
Okay.
narrator: There's only one
thing Maddie can't stand up to.
woman: Okay, but that's not
a nice word.
You should say kick his butt.
narrator: Her mom.
Maddie: Ohh...
narrator: Here's another young
lady with hurt feelings.
woman: Cody's very sad today.
Cody, why are you so sad, honey?
Because why?
narrator: The sweet pain
of puppy love.
woman: You're crying because you
love Justin Bieber?
woman: You ran in your room and
cried because you love him?
Cody: Yeah.
woman: Does that make you sad?
Cody: Yes.
woman: Why do you love
Justin Bieber?
woman: 'Cause you know he loves
you back?
Cody: Yeah.
woman: Honey...
We don't have to cry because we
love Justin Bieber.
(crying)
woman: You do know you're only
three years old right?
woman: Well, when you're three
you're not supposed to cry over
boys.
narrator: Yup, she's got Bieber
Fever, and there's only one
cure, Cody.
Find Justin Bieber and bring him
to Maddie.
Maddie: And I can kick his ***.
narrator: You know what hurts
so good for teenage boys?
A little destruction.
(laughing)
They just seem to have
a knack for it.
At number 16:
(laughing)
This kid thinks he can leap off
a roof and bounce off
an old dog kennel.
man: He's going to jump down
from that... to that.
narrator: His friend doesn't
think he can do it.
man: Five, four, three, two,
one, jump.
I told you, told you, told you!
narrator: And he was right.
(laughing)
They say no pain, no gain,
so working out should feel good.
And there's nothing wrong with
a little cross training.
Just don't do it during
football practice.
(bleep)
Paul likes to record his
workouts...
but this is one he'd rather
forget.
(bleep)
Paul: Oh!
narrator: Sorry, Paul, your
seven years of bad luck begins
right now.
There's no slowing down for
this week's edition of
"Breaking Bad."
Motorcycle stunt riding is
a dangerous sport.
But Fred clearly knows
what he's doing.
Fred: Ooh-whoo!
narrator: Pretty smart doing
tricks in a wide open space.
But wait till you see what
happens to him when we return.
Coming up...
A sneak peak for next
season's Idol.
Plus, the world's worst
shoplifter.
And a new cure for pink eye.
(groaning)
That's straight ahead
on "Top 20 Funniest:
Hurts So Good."
narrator: Let's check back to
see how this guy's doing with
his stunts.
That pole wasn't part
of the act.
What happened?
man: I thought I was gonna drive
up close to the pole and give
you guys a really exciting shot.
narrator: Mission accomplished.
man: I finally found out what
would happen if I smashed that
pole at speed.
narrator: Yes, you did.
It's all falling into place at
number 15.
They say when you're drunk you
feel no pain, which is a good
thing for this guy.
Because he's just getting
started.
Good thing they have
all these cameras.
At least he'll know
how he got home.
man: Ohh!
narrator: Bottoms up.
Sometimes the truth hurts.
These dogs are better
than yours.
This dog can play
the piano and sing.
(dog howling)
(striking keys)
(howling)
Tucker's a Yoko-doodle.
Part Poodle, part Yoko Ono.
(howling)
And how often does
your dog do Pilates?
Rocky works out for an hour
every day.
And clearly it's paying off.
This little fella's been taught
to guard his master's bike.
Comet is part Golden Retriever
and part don't mess with my
stuff.
When his owner returns, he's
just happy for a ride on the
back.
(dog barking)
If you're backpacking through
Europe, there's only one way to
travel... by Segway.
You can get up close with
historic sites.
man: Whoo-hoo!
Oh-ho-ho!
narrator: Like really close.
man: Oh!
narrator: A fierce competition
is underway in England.
man: Hold it tight like that.
narrator: What sport is this?
It's not wrestling.
It's the world shin kicking
championship.
Yes, there really
is such a thing.
The goal is to kick your
opponent until he falls.
And they employ the latest in
high-tech safety gear.
Hay, lots and lots of hay.
We hope this sport catches on.
No one likes making a mistake at
work, but when it happens to
someone else...
What if you're a clown at
a kid's birthday party?
He knows how to make children
smile.
clown: Cha-cha-cha, go ahead.
man: Oh, God.
narrator: Hopefully, he also
knows how to bake a cake.
woman: Stop eating that.
You're eating dirt cake.
narrator: And how's this for
a dream job.
Moving giant cement rings.
Love bites at number 13.
It's time for the garter toss
at a wedding.
The groom, Jay, is blindfolded.
But what's the best man Cory
doing with the bride on his lap?
That's Cory's leg.
Jay's going to realize he's
getting played, right?
Finally Jay gets the garter.
And sees the painful truth.
(cheering and screaming)
Everyone loves a dance party.
The best part,
busting a new move.
Nice.
And you're never too old to
dance with the one you love.
This guy's wife clearly has all
the moves.
man: Ahh!
narrator: But if you do these
moves with another dude,
make sure you shake it.
man: Oh (bleep)!
Oh, (bleep)!
narrator: Or you just might
break it.
man: Oh (bleep)!
narrator: Look, here comes
Santa Claus.
And he's testing out a new
sleigh.
man: Santa is real.
They're gonna love this.
narrator: Looks like it's
working too.
Just a few tweaks and another
trial run.
But wait'll you see who's
gunning to ruin Santa's fun...
when we return.
Coming up...
man: Ow!
narrator: A home school
dropout...
Do it or don't.
Oh, yeah, that'll do it.
And you won't believe what
happens when this slacker
crosses the line.
On "Top 20 Funniest:
Hurts So Good."
♪♪
narrator: When we last saw
Santa, he was trying out a new
sleigh.
man: Santa is real.
narrator: And he thinks he's
got a clean runway.
But wait.
man: Look out!
man: Look out!
man: I think I killed Santa.
narrator: Good thing Santa's
helpers are on hand.
woman: Santa, are you okay?
narrator: Don't worry kids,
Santa's still coming to town.
man: I got a headache.
narrator: Meet Jonathan, after
four years of rigorous study,
he's finally graduating from law
school where he will use his new
skills...
to sue the pants off his
Alma Mater.
Let's take a closer look.
He shakes hands, then the dean
hands him his student loan
document.
Oh, yeah, that'll do it.
Check out Top 20's
"Driving for Newbies."
(horn honking)
Get the feeling that this person
just got their license?
Tip number one.
Don't leave the car in neutral.
Tip number two.
When parking, make sure you hit
the brakes, not the gas.
And lastly, tip number three.
(horn honking)
If someone takes your parking
spot...
don't lose your cool.
The lady in the red car
can get out.
But the people in the white car
they better get comfortable.
This guy's showing off his
Nunchuck skills in this
self-defense video.
Today's lesson, when wielding
weapons, one must always avoid
two things.
And those two things would be...
man: Ooh!
narrator: Yup, right there.
(moaning)
Sometimes it's the ones you love
that put the hurt on you.
This rookie fireman is going
through initiation.
With a surprise lesson.
man: Ready?
Three, two, one, go.
(shouting in pain)
Grab a hose, rookie, now you're
one of us.
Look how the chief stops, drops
and chops his recruit.
man: Ohh!
narrator: It's New Year's Eve
in Vegas and it's time for these
guys to pop the bubbly.
man: Ow! (bleep)
Ow, ow, ow (bleep)!
Ever wonder what Grandma does
while you're away?
(laughing)
She has a pool party.
(screaming)
Things were great until she got
clotheslined.
Man has always wanted to fly.
But once he's up there
it's a different story.
This ride looks sick
and so does Dad.
Maybe if he keeps his eyes
closed he won't get nauseous.
That doesn't work.
At least it's over.
Sort of.
And then there's Jeff.
He's always dreamed of flying.
Hope everyone down below brought
their umbrellas.
Now for something we like to
call "What the Heck?"
Okay, what do we have here?
Looks like a train pulling into
a busy station.
Pretty close to those
watermelons.
Wait a minute, what the heck?
Oh, it's an open air market
on a train track.
Now that's something you don't
see every day.
These teens are cooking up
a Harlem Shake video in mom's
kitchen.
And you know what goes
well with that?
all: Ohh!
narrator: Lewis is using
a kitchen as his own personal
nightclub.
man: Ohh!
narrator: No one gets down on
a dance floor like Lewis.
(laughing)
narrator: Order up.
narrator: Being a daredevil may
sound like a good time...
...until you run into some
obstacles.
You know like walls and
air conditioners.
man: Are you okay?
narrator: And it doesn't matter
how cool your stunt is...
if it was a bad idea
to begin with.
In this case
never tie a knot in a zip line.
And then there's Diego.
He's poolside with his crew
and showing off his tightrope
skills.
Diego: Whoa!
narrator: Trying to shimmy
across could be his undoing.
Because you won't believe what
happens next.
Coming up...
Time for an IQ test.
And the scores are dropping
fast.
(screaming)
Plus, how far will seniors
go to be on TV?
On "Top 20 Funniest:
Hurts So Good."
narrator: You probably think
Diego here is about to fall in
the water.
Diego's trick brings the house
down...
and his buddy along with it.
Good times never hurt so good.
This is Alex.
He's trying to back flip into
a wall without falling.
Lucky for him, he grew up with
a mother who said things like
"never give up."
Another of her favorites was
"it's not how many times you
fall...
but how many times you get up."
man: Yeah!
narrator: See?
Thanks mom.
The First Baptist Church invites
its congregation to participate
and Glenda's taking 'em up on
the offer.
Glenda: ♪ Dear Lord ♪
♪ Dear Lord ♪
♪ Oh, dear God ♪
♪ Dear Lord ♪
(singing continues)
♪ Our Father... ♪
narrator: Here comes the Pastor
to lend a hand.
Glenda: ♪ Oh, dear God... ♪
narrator: At least she has the
heart of an angel.
(singing)
narrator: And now Top 20's
"Salute to Women."
Every woman has a natural sense
of grace.
Even when they're just sitting
down they look elegant.
(screaming)
woman: Ow!
No.
woman: Hello and welcome to the
Seattle Space Needle.
narrator: And unlike guys, they
have a natural sense of
direction.
woman: Are you okay?
narrator: They also have
a great eye for decorating.
How lovely.
Get ready for another edition of
"That's Gonna Leave a Mark."
A Russian soldier is picking up
crabs while on leave in Cuba.
(speaking Russian)
man: Ow!
narrator: Wonder how you say
"good times" in Russian?
man: Ow!
narrator: There's nothing wrong
with getting active
as long as you have the space.
Inspired by their favorite TV
show this couple is
cutting the rug.
But Junior splits before the
dancing gets any dirtier.
Good timing.
(woman screaming)
This gymnast needs all the room
she can get for practice.
woman: Amy?
narrator: Todd's trying to lose
some weight but his cat wants to
watch "Garfield."
(bleep)
So get up and get moving...
...but just be careful
where you do it.
(bleep)
Grandpa isn't getting any
younger and at this rate,
he might not get any older.
(woman screaming)
man: You all right there
Grandpa?
Did you spill your beer?
Grandpa: Yeah.
man: Oh, no.
narrator: Grandpa may be set in
his ways but he can still learn
new tricks.
You can even take him fishing.
And see if he catches
the big one.
(woman laughing)
You know your grandpa's awesome
when he rides a skateboard.
man: Oh (bleep), man.
(bleep)
man: All right, this is
a brain freeze competition.
We call it a brain freeze
competition because this will
mess with your brain.
You have to down this the
quickest using the straw only.
narrator: This girl's just in it
for the free drink.
This woman wishes she hadn't
ordered the clams for lunch.
This guy's just here to meet the
girl next to him.
And this guy's not really sure
how he got here.
man: All right, on the count of
three: suck it down.
Here we go!
One, two, three, go!
(cheering)
woman: Alyssa, you suck.
Come on, Alyssa!
man: It's a three-way tie!
narrator: It's gonna be a sprint
to the finish.
And the winner is...
woman: Oh!
narrator: Bad clam lady
by a nose.
We're shredding through the
countdown to bring you the
latest skateboard tricks.
This one's called the injury to
insult.
man: Ow!
(bleep) (bleep)
narrator: Injury... insult.
(bleep)
They call this move "shedding."
(laughing)
Hope he remembered
to bring the key.
But he's got nothing on the cool
kid at number six.
Here we see the skater's
natural enemy.
Good thing he wasn't wearing
his new helmet.
Definitely would've
scratched it.
This guy just made a bet that he
could clear his roof in only two
seconds.
That's why his buddies are
laughing.
(laughing)
But wait until you see who gets
the last laugh when we return.
Coming up...
Cirque du So-lame.
The release of King Thong
and the Kentucky Bourbon Derby
on "Top 20 Funniest:
Hurts So Good."
narrator: This guy bet his
friends he could clear the snow
off his roof in two seconds
flat.
They laughed at him.
(laughing)
He should get double for
sticking that landing.
Surprises all around at number
five.
Meet Tara, she's about to prank
her roommate with mealworms.
Mmm.
(screaming)
(screaming)
Somehow this prank worked.
(screaming)
But I wonder if Tara knows that
mealworms love eating concrete
and steel.
Hmm, that could be a problem.
Get out your crystal balls.
It's time to play
"What Happens Next?"
It's the finals of the world
Punkin Chunkin competition.
Will the pumpkin,
Here we go and... roll it.
man: Oh!
narrator: Ooh, the answer is
Or unfortunately,
in this guy's case...
man: Oh!
narrator: All of the below.
People like to cut corners.
Like this guy.
He decided to install the
cabinets himself.
How hard can it be?
man: Oh!
narrator: Apparently
pretty hard.
This kid faces
a similar problem.
He's looking for a faster way to
reach the top shelf.
At least everything's
within reach now.
(laughing)
Bobby here, popped into
a convenience store to
get some candy.
But when he tried to take
a shortcut...
he chipped his sweet tooth.
Don't worry, Bobby's fine.
But remember,
never do it yourself.
Don't cut corners
and ease up on the candy.
Someone's stealing the show at
this aerobic dance class.
No, not the instructor
in the black tee.
(screaming)
We just hope that thing
is on tightly.
There's an old saying.
If you fall off your horse
get right back on.
(horse whinnies)
Unless you've had margaritas
for breakfast.
(horse whinnies)
Wait, looks like he's got it.
And he lost it.
Well, with a little help
he's back in the saddle.
If you fall off the wagon
you're gonna have a hard time
staying on the horse.
(horse whinnies)
It's back to school
for number three.
Hmm... seems like Debbie's
falling asleep in class.
Again.
There's gotta be something
to keep her awake.
Show her this.
(gasping)
Really, nothing?
Okay, there's more.
How 'bout this one?
man: Listen to...
(laughing)
narrator: Wow.
She must really be tired.
You leave us no choice, Debbie.
man: Whoa!
narrator: That did it, it...
what?
Fine, you win this time, Debbie.
Want a surefire cure for
embarrassment?
Remember to laugh at yourself.
Pete here is hunting a ten point
buck and decides to climb
a tree to get a better shot.
But he's forgetting that what
goes up must come down.
(crashing)
(laughing)
Jake has the same problem.
He's a professional biker who
can do some pretty cool tricks.
This right here...
probably not his best trick.
And it's that point of the
evening when dudes think
"hey, why don't we build
a human pyramid?"
One guys just needs
to get on top.
(whooping)
Sweet-- now hold it.
Almost.
(cheering)
Wait... don't get cocky.
man: Oh, my God.
narrator: On the surface,
this looks like two friends
having fun.
But these two boys are part of
a secret organization called:
The Merry Go Round Club.
First rule of Merry Go Round
Club: you do not talk about
Merry Go Round Club.
(laughing)
Second rule of Merry Go Round
Club, you do not talk about
Merry Go Round Club.
(laughing)
'Cause, let's be honest,
it's a pretty silly name.
man: Oh!
narrator: Coming up...
What makes a grown man go from
this to this?
(man retching)
Find out
on "Top 20 Funniest:
Hurts So Good."
♪♪
narrator: From hundreds of
videos...
we've counted down
the foolish...
man: Ow!
narrator: The foul...
the wild.
And it all hurts so good.
But we've saved the best
for last.
And it's brought to you by
these guys.
man: Hey guys, we're actually
here with with Badfinger,
my good buddy.
We're gonna demonstrate for you
guys today how his neutralizer
work to negate the effects of
pepper spray and CS gas spray.
Badfinger: The only way to test
the neutralizer system is to get
pepper sprayed in the face.
So I assumed the position.
I feel pretty confident.
I had the neutralizer in one
hand...
man: Okay, get it all over you
as much as you can.
Badfinger: And I thought
I'd feel relief.
man: Now spray your face.
Get it in your eyes.
Open your eyes, pour some more
on your hands,
everything, that's the way,
keep going, keep going.
Badfinger: I realized pretty
early there was something wrong.
It's in my eyes.
man: In your eyes, good.
Pry 'em open.
narrator: So you're saying,
if something's not working...
Badfinger: More, more.
narrator: Use more of it?
(retching)
Well, he did ask for it.
Badfinger: More, more!
man: What does it feel like,
Badfinger?
Badfinger: Oh, (bleep).
man: What are you feeling,
Badfinger, talk to me.
Badfinger: Really bad.
man: Okay.
Badfinger: The neutralizer has
some side effects.
(retching)
Coughing, hot flashes
and dry mouth.
I felt no different than if
I had been sprayed by pepper
spray.
(gasping)
(shouting)
man: Calm down, calm down,
calm down.
Badfinger: After six minutes
I finally felt relief.
It's calmed down, all right.
I belched, it felt better.
narrator: Badfinger, got any
advice for our viewers?
Badfinger: First advice, don't
get pepper sprayed.
narrator: Good to know.
Badfinger: Eww.
narrator: It's hard
not to laugh...
when life hurts so good.
So if this should happen to you
don't forget to smile.
Because you could be number one
on "Top 20 Funniest."
Maddie: He's gonna kick my ***.