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> TIME FOR HOPE HAS HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF HAVING MANY GIFTED
AND INSIGHTFUL AUTHORS APPEAR AS OUR GUESTS THROUGH THE YEARS,
AND WE HAVE DECIDED TO RERUN, FROM TIME TO TIME, SOME OF OUR
PAST SHOWS RELATED TO SUBJECTS THAT DID AND WILL AGAIN GIVE OUR
VIEWERS THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN OR BE INSPIRED TO HOPE FOR
BETTER DAYS. WITH THIS IN MIND WE HAVE CHOSEN TO RERUN THE
FOLLOWING EDITION OF TIME FOR HOPE.
> DR. CREWS: WELCOME TO TIME FOR HOPE. A FAITH BASED MENTAL
HEALTH PROGRAM. I'M DR. FREDA CREWS, AND I'M DELIGHTED TO HAVE
YOU JOIN US AS WE WELCOME AUTHOR, PSYCHOLOGIST AND
CONFERENCE SPEAKER, DR. DAVID HAWKINS. WITH ONE OF HIS NEWEST
BOOKS DR. HAWKINS IS ASKING THE QUESTION, ARE YOU REALLY READY
FOR LOVE? AND THEN PROPOSES 10 SECRETS TO FINDING THE ONE YOU
WANT. IF YOU'RE TIRED OF WAITING FOR TRUE LOVE TO FIND YOU, MAYBE
IT'S TIME FOR A NEW AND HEALTHIER APPROACH. AND THAT IS
TO MAKE YOURSELF READY FOR LOVE SO THAT YOU WILL ATTRACT THE
RIGHT PERSON FOR A MEANINGFUL AND FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP.
THERE IS MORE TO COME, SO STAY WITH US.
>DAVID YOU CALL YOURSELF THE RELATIONSHIP DOCTOR >YES
> AND IN THIS BOOK YOU SAY THAT YOU HAVE 10 SECRETS
> 10
> 10 SECRETS
> WE CAN'T GIVE THEM ALL AWAY, BUT I'LL GIVE YOU A COUPLE.
>TO FINDING THE ONE YOU WANT. YOU KNOW, I'M ALMOST THINKING
THIS IS AUTIOBIOGRAPHAL.
> >LAUGHING YES
> AND THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN MARRIED AND THEY'RE EXPECTING TO
MARRY AGAIN I THINK WE WOULD SEE THE DIVORCE RATE HEADED DOWN
> YOU KNOW WE, WE PREPARE OURSELVES, PREPARE OURSELVES
MORE FOR GETTING A NEW WARDROBE OR GETTING OUR HAIR CUT THAN WE
DO FOR LOVE. I BELIEVE. I DON'T THINK WE, I MEAN HOW MANY PEOPLE
DO YOU THINK REALLY SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT, OK NOW "WHAT IS
LOVE AND WHAT, WHAT, I MEAN HOW DO I BE A LOVING PERSON?" "CAN I
RECEIVED LOVE"? "HAVE I DONE MY HOMEWORK, DO I KNOW HOW LOVING I
AM AS A PERSON BEHIND THE SCENES"? YOU KNOW, "HAVE I DONE
ALL OF THAT WORK SO THAT I'M REALLY READY"? AND I'M TELLING
YOU OUT OF THE 90 MILLION SINGLES OUT THERE, I'VE
INTERVIEWED 89 MILLION OF THEM. NO., NOT, NOT REALLY, BUT WE'RE
FUMBLING AROUND DR. FREDA. WE'RE FUMBLING IN THE DARK AND SO WE
SEE ALL THESE PEOPLE. YOU SEE THEM WHO COME IN AND SAY "I
CAN'T FIND A GOOD MAN, I CAN'T FIND A GOOD WOMAN". WELL, THEY
HAVEN'T DONE THE WORK, THEY HAVEN'T DONE THEIR INTERNAL WORK
YET.
> YES, YOU KNOW AND YOU EVEN HAVE SOME PRINCIPLES IN HERE
WITHIN THESE 10 SECRETS, FOR THOSE THAT ARE ALREADY MARRIED.
> YES
> THEY CAN APPLY THEM IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP. SOMETIMES A
MARRIAGE HAS TO START OVER AGAIN, AS IT WERE.
> YES GOOD WORD
> YOU ENCOURAGE THAT IN YOUR COUNSELING. I'VE HAD TO
ENCOURAGE THAT. YOU KNOW "LET'S JUST WIPE IT ALL OUT, AS IT
WERE, AND START OVER HERE". AND JUST LIKE THEY WERE GETTING
MARRIED AGAIN.
> YOU AND I HAVE DONE SOME BROADCASTS ON HURTING
RELATIONSHIPS AND THIS BOOK IS REALLY DESIGNED FOR MARRIED
PEOPLE TOO, BECAUSE I MEAN CREATING LOVE. THERE REALLY IS,
THERE'S A SCIENCE TO THIS. THERE'S, THERE ARE PRINCIPLES
AND STEPS TO CREATING A LOVING RELATIONSHIP. AND THANKFULLY
IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. I'M NOT A ROCKET SCIENTIST. IT'S, THERE
ARE SOME BASIC PRINCIPLES WHICH WE'LL TALK ABOUT A FEW OF THEM
AND YOU PRACTICE THEM AND GOOD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN.
> WELL YOU LOOK AT THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE.
> YES, YES
> WE'D HAVE TO GO TO THE SCRIPTURES ACTUALLY AND FIND THE
FOUR KINDS OF LOVE. BUT GOD DOESN'T. EVEN HIS LOVE FOR US IS
NOT THAT FUNNY LITTLE FEELING, YOU KNOW, THAT HE LOVES US WITH.
IT'S AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
> YES
>AND IT DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH FEELING. WE JUST WANT TO PUT
FEELING WITH LOVE AND THAT'S NOT ALWAYS TRUE.
> YES
> THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS FEEL, BUT IT IS SOMETHING
YOU DO.
> YOU DO, AND, AND PEOPLE, ONE OF THE CHAPTERS IS CALLED DOING
A LOVE INVENTORY. AND I WANT PEOPLE TO LOOK AT AND LITERALLY,
HOW LOVING ARE YOU? I MEAN, WHAT DID YOU LEARN ABOUT LOVE IN
YOUR, IN YOUR, WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP IN YOUR FAMILY? I
MEAN, DID YOU KNOW HOW TO OPENLY EXPRESS LOVE? DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
YOUR, YOUR MATE OR OUR DATE'S LOVE LANGUAGE? AND YOU PRACTICE
THAT LOVE LANGUAGE. YOU CARRY IT IN YOUR FRONTAL LOBE. I MEAN,
ONE OF THE THINGS I TRY TO DO IN MY MARRIAGE NOW, REALLY, I MEAN
I JUST, I , I SO WANT TO MAINTAIN A VIBRANT RELATIONSHIP
WITH MY WIFE. I CARRY CHRISTIE AROUND IN MY FRONTAL LOBE. I
THINK ABOUT HER, I THINK ABOUT HOW CAN I MINISTER TO HER? HOW
CAN I, I MEAN WHAT IS HER LOVE LANGUAGE? AND WHEN I START TO
LOSE THAT FOCUS, I START TO, I CATCH A LITTLE BIT OF WRATH AT
HOME BECAUSE, BECAUSE SHE SAYS "YOU'RE DISTRACTED, YOU'RE NOT
TUNED INTO ME". SO THERE IS A FOCUS.
> LOVING SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY A SERVICE.
> IT, IT IS
>IT'S BEING WILLING TO SERVE THEM AS IT WERE. AND DAVID, THAT
MESSAGE IS NOT GETTING OUT. MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE LOVE HAS TO DO
WITH WHAT I CAN GET FROM THE OTHER PERSON. AND YOU HAVE
REALLY DONE A GREAT JOB IN THIS BOOK OF SAYING "THAT'S NOT THE
WAY IT IS!".
> RIGHT
> YOU KNOW, AND WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S TIME FOR A BREAK. I
WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS A
TEENAGER.
> OH! BOY!
> SOMEONE DEFINING LOVE.
> ALRIGHT.
> AND TEENAGERS NEED TO KNOW, BECAUSE ONCE THEY THINK LOVE,
THEN THEY THINK SEX AND THAT'S WHAT'S GOT US IN THE MESS I
THINK WE ARE
> YOU ARE RIGHT.
> IN TODAY WITH OUR YOUNG PEOPLE. SO LET'S TALK A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT THAT WHEN WE COME BACK. AND WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
>YEAH AND I WOULD HONESTLY I THINK THAT'S ONE OF THE BIGGEST
MYTHS IN ALL OF DATING RIGHT NOW EVEN AMONG CHRISTIAN SINGLES IS
THAT GOD HAS ONE PERFECT PERSON WAITING TO BRING YOU SOMEDAY.
AND I REALLY BEGIN TO THINK ABOUT, I SAID, YOU KNOW THAT HAS
TO BE A MYTH BECAUSE THAT THOUGHT PROCESS ALWAYS LEADS TO
FEAR AND PRESSURE AND TENSE BECAUSE IF YOU THINK GOD HAS ONE
PERFECT PERSON AND YOU'RE GOING TO START TO WONDER THEN WHERE IS
THIS PERSOSN, YOU KNOW. HOW DO I FIND HE OR SHE OR YOU MIGHT
THINK.
>YOU'RE ON A MISSION, AREN'T YOU?
>EXACTLY, AND THAT KIND-OF BRINGS THAT SENSE OF DESPERATION
OUT. OR IF YOU FEEL LIKE WELL GOD HAS THIS ONE PERFECT PERSON
HE HASN'T BROUGHT THEM TO ME YET, IS GOD MAD AT ME? AND THAT
CAN ALSO CREATE A LOT OF UNHEALTHY FEAR AND TENSION. AND
WE SEE ALL THROUGH THE BIBLE, GOD IS FEAR, HE IS A GOD OF
PEACE AND LOVE AND SO I THINK WHAT GOD IS TRYING TO REALLY
EMPHASIZE TO US. HE IS SAYING THERE CAN BE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT
THERE WHO COULD BE A GREAT POTENTIAL MATE FOR YOU, RATHER
THAN SPOON FEED YOU OR MAKE YOUR LIFE EASY IN THAT REGARD. WHAT I
REALLY WANT TO DO, IS I WANT TO MATURE YOUR CHARACTER. I WANT TO
CONFORM YOU TO THE IMAGE OF CHRIST WHO IS THE PERFECT LOVER
AS YOU BECOME SURRENDERED TO HIM AND YOU LET HIM LIVE HIS
CHARACTER THROUGH YOU, THAT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU MORE
ATTRACTIVE BECAUSE AS PEOPLE SEE THAT YOU HAVE INTEGRITY THAT'S
GOING TO BEGIN TO DRAW YOU TO OTHER PEOPLE.
>YEAH, I THINK ONE OF THE BIGGEST TRUTHS THAT REALLY
TURNED MY RELATIONAL LIFE AROUND WAS, I REALIZED ROMANTIC
ATTRACTION CAN BRING TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER AND THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH CHEMISTRY, WHEN WE CERTAINLY ADVOCATE... IF YOU'RE
GOING TO MARRY SOMEONE, YOU NEED TO FEEL A VERY STRONG, ROMANTIC
AND *** CHEMISTRY AND ATTRACTION TO THAT PERSON, BUT
ROMANTIC ATTRACTION CAN BRING TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER, BUT IT
WON'T KEEP THEM TOGETHER. SACRIFICE IS WHAT KEEPS PEOPLE
TOGETHER AND I THINK WE SEE THAT IN THE TRUTH OF OUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH CHRIST THAT JESUS CAME TO EARTH, HE INITIATED A
RELATIONSHIP WITH US. HE SINGLED EACH ONE OF US OUT AS UNIQUE
SPECIAL INDIVIDUAL THAT HAS VALUE IN HIS EYES, BUT HAD HE
STOPPED THERE, WE'D STILL BE ISOLATED FROM GOD. IT WAS HIS
SACRIFICE THAT MADE THE RELATIONSHIP POSSIBLE BY HIM
DYING ON THE CROSS FOR US. THAT ALLOWED INTIMACY TO BLOOM OR TO
GROW BETWEEN US AND GOD. IN THE SAME WAY IF WE ARE GOING TO
ENJOY INTIMACY WITH ANOTHER PERSON ESPECIALLY IN A DATING
RELATIONSHIP, THEN SACRIFICE HAS GOT TO BECOME A CONSISTANT
ASPECT OF THE WAY THAT YOU INTERACT.
> IT'S GREAT HAVING YOU JOIN US ON TIME FOR HOPE. OUR GUEST FOR
TODAY IS DR. DAVID HAWKINS. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HIS BOOK,
ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR LOVE? BUT AS ALWAYS I WANT TO SHARE
SOMETHING FROM A VIEWER. AND I'M GOING TO ASK OUR GUEST, DR.
HAWKINS TO HELP ME WITH THIS PARTICULAR PRAYER REQUEST. . .
AND WE HAVE TAKEN THIS SITUATION TO GOD. WE KNOW THAT WITH GOD
THERE IS HOPE OF RECOVERY EVEN FROM AN ADDICTION TO
***. IF YOU HAVEN'T SHARED YOUR PRAYER REQUEST WITH
US, WE INVITE YOU TO DO SO AND IN FACT, WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO
SO. BECAUSE WE DO TAKE THEM VERY SERIOUSLY WHEN THEY COME IN TO
TIME FOR HOPE. AND IF YOU HAVEN'T VISITED OUR WEBSITE, I
ALWAYS LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT WE HAVE GREAT RESOURCES THERE
AND IT'S ONE OF THE WAYS THAT YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE TO THIS
MINISTRY FINANCIALLY BY GOING TO OUR WEBSITE WWW.TIMEFORHOPE.ORG
AND ORDERING THE RESOURCES THAT ARE THERE. WE WILL BE ADDING DR.
HAWKINS BOOK TO THAT RESOURCE LIST. NOW DAVID, THIS, THIS HAS
SOME OF YOUR OWN STORY IN IT. NOT, NOT THE *** THING BUT THE
DIVORCE
> YES
> DIVORCE SITUATION
> YES
> THIS ADDICTION TO *** IS
> IT'S HUGE, RAMPANT. IT'S A RAMPANT PROBLEM AND IT'S MOSTLY
SECRETIVE, YOU KNOW BECAUSE YOU CAN GO ON THE INTERNET AND YOU
CAN HAVE A SECRETIVE PROBLEM THERE. YOU KNOW WE APPLAUD THIS
MAN FOR COMING OUT AND SAYING "I'VE GOT THIS ADDICTION". WE
APPLAUD HIM FOR APPLYING SCRIPTURE. OK. THE APOSTLE PAUL
DID SAY THOSE THINGS. WHAT WE WANT TO CAUTION HIM ON IS, NOW
THIS IS AN ADDICTION NOW. WE DON'T WANT TO GIVE SATAN TOO
MUCH POWER HERE. I MEAN SATAN, SATAN CERTAINLY IS COMING AT US.
WE KNOW THAT. BUT, THIS MAN HAS AN ADDICTION. THAT'S A SET OF
COMPULSIVE BEHAVIORS. WITH A PATTERNED SET OF PROBLEMATIC
BEHAVIORS. HE HAS GOT TO GET HIMSELF SOME HELP. HE DOESN'T
WANT TO TAKE THAT INTO HIS NEXT RELATIONSHIP. SO, YOU KNOW WE
TALK ABOUT BEING REALLY READY FOR LOVE. WE, WE WORK ON OUR
BAGGAGE. I MEAN WE ALL HAVE SOME. SO HE'S AWARE OF HIS
BAGGAGE. THAT'S GOOD. BUT, HE, HE DOES NOT WANT TO TAKE THAT
INTO HIS NEXT RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE THAT LITTLE BIT OF
POISON, YOU KNOW A TINY DROP OF POISON IN A GLASS OF WATER WILL
KILL YOU. AND THAT WILL KILL HIS, HIS NEXT RELATIONSHIP.
>AS SOON AS THE NEW WEARS OFF AND THAT RELATIONSHIP, THERE'S A
POSSIBILITY THAT
> I THINK IT'S A POSSIBILITY, DR. FREDA, I THINK IT'S A,
ADDICTIONS REQUIRE, THERE'S A WHOLE ANOTHER BROADCAST BECAUSE
I MEAN ADDICTIONS I LIKE TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE THEY REQUIRE
INCREDIBLE INTERVENTION, SO WE WOULD SAY TO THIS MAN "GOOD JOB,
YOU'RE LABELING IT, YOU'RE COMING OUT WITH IT, THAT'S GOOD!
NOW GET INTO A PROGRAM, GET HELP, GET IT CLEANED UP, GET IT
TAKEN CARE OF."
> ASK FOR ACCOUNTABILITY AND
> YEP,
>EVEN HE'S CONSIDERING REMARRIAGE, SHE NEEDS TO KNOW
ABOUT HIM AND SHE NEEDS TO HOLD HIM, HE NEEDS TO ALLOW HER
PERMISSION TO HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE.
> EXCELLENT COUNSEL. ACCOUNTABILITY. SO, GOOD, GOOD
FOR HIM. HE'S GOT A GOOD START.
> BUT HE, YOU'RE RIGHT. TW THINGS. HE ASKED FOR PRAYER,
> YES
> AND HE RECOGNIZES, YES, THAT YOU DO HAVE MORE TEMPTATION AS A
SINGLE MAN, YOU, YOU WOULD HAVE TO ADMIT THAT HE'S TRUE THERE
> YES
> THAT'S WHAT PAUL WAS SAYING THAT, IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR
***, NO MATTER IN THAT WHOLE PASSAGE, NO MATTER WHY YOU'RE
SINGLE, IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR ***, WE'VE GOT AN ETHIC
HERE THAT PAUL'S TALKING ABOUT, IT'S BETTER TO MARRY.
> ABSOLUTELY. HE, HE IS MAKING A VERY SERIOUS MISTAKE THOUGH. ONE
OF THE MISTAKES HE IS MAKING IS HE'S IMPLYING THAT WHEN HE GETS
MARRIED THAT THAT WILL TAKE CARE OF THINGS.
> THAT THAT WILL BE A CURE, IT WON'T.
> AND WHAT WE WANT TO SAY TO PEOPLE IN THIS ISSUE ABOUT BEING
REALLY READY FOR LOVE IS YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP IS NOT GOING
TO CURE ANYTHING. IF ANYTHING,
> IT'LL MAKE IT WORSE.
> WHAT I'VE DISCOVERED, RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE BOTH,
BRING OUT THE BEST IN US AND THEY BRING OUT THE WORST IN US.
SO WHATEVER CHARACTER, I TELL YOU WHAT. THERE'S ONE PERSON
RIGHT NOW WHO CAN TELL YOU EVERYONE OF MY CHARACTER
PROBLEMS. AND I DO NOT WANT YOU TO TALK TO HER. SHE WOULD QUICKLY, SHE COULD ENUMERATE. THAT'S WHERE OUR
CHARACTER STUFF COMES OUT. AND THAT'S GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.
BAD NEWS IS OUR CHARACTER STUFF COMES OUT THERE. SO LISTENERS,
VIEWERS, I WANT TO SAY TO YOU YOU KNOW, YOUR STUFF IS GOING TO
COME OUT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. SO IF YOU WANT TO BE READY FOR
LOVE, YOU WILL, YOU WILL BE IN COUNSEL, YOU WILL BE IN PRAYER,
YOU WILL BE IN SCRIPTURE. YOU WILL KNOW, YOU AND I, YOU AND I
LOVE THIS TOPIC ABOUT MINDFULNESS. YOU WILL BE MINDFUL
OF YOUR CHARACTER DEFECTS, YOUR CHARACTER TRAITS THAT YOU'RE
DRAGGING ALONG AND YOU'LL BE WORKING ON WITH GOD, GETTING
THOSE THINGS HEALED. BECAUSE THEY WILL REAK HAVOCK IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP. YOU, YOU WONDER. WE'VE GOT PEOPLE WONDERING, "YOU
KNOW I, I GO WITH SOMEBODY AND THREE MONTHS LATER THEY DROP
ME". "WELL, AND THREE MONTHS LATER I GO, AND THREE MONTHS
LATER, THE THE THE.......". WELL, YOU MIGHT BE DOING
SOMETHING THAT NEEDS SOME ATTENTION.
>AND THEN WE GO TO ANOTHER MINDFUL MIS-CONCEPT AND THAT IS
AWARENESS.
> ABSOLUTELY.
>GIVING OURSELVES THAT TIME, THAT QUIET, THAT INNER SEARCH
AND BECOMING AWARE OF OUR CHARACTER TRAITS. AND THOSE
FAULTS AND THOSE THINGS THAT WE DON'T AS YOU SAID, WANT TO TAKE
INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP OR OUR FIRST PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP.
> THE PEOPLE I COUNSEL WITH THEY'RE SO QUICK TO THINK THAT
THIS RELATIONSHIP IS FAULTERING BECAUSE THAT PERSON IS DOING
SOMETHING WRONG. AND THEY MAY BE. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN
CHARACTER STUFF, BUT GUESS WHO WE CAN WORK ON? YOU AND I TALKED
ABOUT THIS, YOU WORK ON YOU. YOU WORK ON YOUR PATHOLOGICAL, YOUR
DYSFUNCTIONAL CHARACTER TRAITS. IT'S GOING TO HELP YOU OUT
IMMENSELY IN YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIPS.
> THE PSALMIST PRAYED...."LORD TEACH ME TRUTH IN MY INMOST
PARTS. IN MY INMOST PARTS".
> "IF THERE'S ANY OFFENSIVE WAY IN ME, LET ME SEE IT".
> "LET ME SEE IT".
> OH MY GOODNESS.
> EACH PERSON IN A RELATIONSHIP WILL DO THAT, IF THEY WILL DO
THAT.
> IT WOULD RADICALLY CHANGE.
> CHANGE.
> CHANGES MARRIAGES, RADICALLY. BETTER RELATIONSHIP.
> TIME FOR ANOTHER BREAK DAVID AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
> I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED IF ANYONE CAN EVER REALLY KNOW IF
HE OR SHE IS READY FOR LOVE. I HAVE LEARNED THROUGH THE YEARS
THAT LOVE CAN HOLD UNSURPASSED SURPRISES. FALLING IN LOVE AND
COMMITTING TO A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER PERSON IS FRAUGHT
WITH RISK. BUT, LIFE ITSELF IS FULL OF RISKS. AND AS HAS BEEN
SAID, WE ARE MADE FOR LOVE, AND WITHOUT LOVING RELATIONSHIPS WE
BECOME LONELY AND SOMETIMES UNHEALTHY PEOPLE. I HAVE SAID
ALL OF THIS TO FURTHER RELATE THAT FINDING THE LOVE OF OUR
LIFE IS WORTH THE RISKS INVOLVED. AS I RELATE THIS, THE
WORDS OF AN OLD SONG COME TO MY MIND, "IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED
A LITTLE, THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL." PIA MELLODY, IN
HER BOOK, FACING LOVE ADDICTION, RELATES THAT ALL RELATIONSHIPS
HAVE AN ELEMENT OF RISK OR SURPRISE THAT KEEPS THEM
INTERESTING. AND THEN SHE ASSERTS, "RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE
TRUST. THE PROBLEMS COME WHEN WE DO NOT RECOGNIZE THAT TRUST IS
NOT A DECISION, BUT THE RESULT OF CERTAIN ACTIONS. TRUST IS THE
RESULT OF TAKING RISKS OVER TIME AND NOT GETTING HURT." THEN MS.
MELLODY ADVISES, "ĂșTAKE SOME RISKS IN THE PROCESS, AND IF YOU
DON'T GET HURT, YOU MIGHT TRUST IT.'" SHE CONTINUES, "BUT
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS...CAN LEAD TO PAIN IN TAKING RISKS,
AND THAT PAIN CAN DESTROY THE WILLINGNESS TO TRUST IN THE
FUTURE." NOW, I FEEL COMPELLED TO CONFRONT THE OTHER SIDE OF
THE BEING READY FOR LOVE PROCESS - THOSE WHO TRUST TOO QUICKLY
AND TOO EASILY. I HAVE FREQUENTLY HAD TO CAUTION
CLIENTS OF MINE, WHEN THEY BELIEVE THEY HAVE FOUND THEIR
"TRUE LOVE" AND ARE READY TO PLUNGE PREMATURELY INTO A
COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, TO GIVE THE PROCESS TIME BEFORE MAKING A
DECISION. I AGREE WITH DR. HAWKINS THAT WE CANNOT ALLOW OUR
EMOTIONS TO RULE AND REIGN WHEN WE ARE LOOKING FOR LOVE.
INSTEAD, HE RELATES AND I AGREE THAT ALL PERSONS - THOSE WHO
FIND IT DIFFICULT TO TRUST AGAIN AND THOSE WHO ARE TOO EAGER TO
FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE THEM - SHOULD BECOME MORE INTENTIONAL
ABOUT FINDING LOVE AND NEED TO BE TRUE TO THEMSELVES BY TAKING
AN INVENTORY OF THEIR READINESS FOR LOVE. (ARE YOU READY FOR
LOVE BY DR. DAVID HAWKINS) THE STORY OF THE PATRIARCH JACOB AND
HIS LOVE FOR RACHEL SERVES AS A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE. "SO JACOB
SERVED SEVEN YEARS TO GET RACHEL, BUT THEY SEEMED LIKE
ONLY A FEW DAYS TO HIM BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR HER." (HOLY
BIBLE: GEN. 29:30) .
>STAY WITH US AS WE CLOSE OUT OUR DISCUSSION WITH OUR GUEST,
DR. DAVID HAWKINS ON "ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR LOVE?". NOW
DAVID, WE MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT THE TEENAGERS, YOU KNOW,
GOING BY FEELINGS AND BELIEVING THEY'RE IN LOVE AND THEN THEY
CONNECT THAT TO SEX AND WE'RE, WE'RE HAVING SOOOO! MUCH
PREMARITAL, EXTRAMARITAL, ALL KINDS OF SEX THESE DAYS, BUT
IT'S, IT'S VERY UNUSUAL TO FIND A TEENAGER THAT IS NOT ENGAGING
IN *** ACTIVITY ANYMORE.
> THEY ARE CO-MINGLING THEIR LIVES. VERY, VERY QUICKLY. JUST
NO BOUNDARIES WHAT SO EVER. THE HORMONES ARE POPPING. THEY JUST
CO-MINGLE THEIR LIVES. WOAH! YOU KNOW, "I LIKE YOU, YOU LIKE ME,
LET'S MAKE GOOD COMPANY " AND WHAT THEY'RE NOT DOING, WHAT IN
FACT, MY FIRST SECRET, WHAT THEY'RE NOT DOING IS BEING
INTENTIONAL FROM THE VERY START. KNOWING WHERE DO THEY WANT TO
END UP AND THOSE THAT WANT TO SAY AND DO SAY, "YOU KNOW, I
WANT PURITY IN MY LIFE AND I WANT PURITY IN MY RELATIONSHIP
AND THAT WILL BE A MUST HAVE". SO I KNOW, SO ANY JOURNEY WE
TAKE WE TAKE OUT A ROADMAP AND WE PLAN HOW WE'RE GOING TO GET
THERE. I WOULD REALLY CHALLENGE TEENAGERS TO SAY "YOU KNOW WHAT,
WHERE I TO GET TO IS I WANT TO HAVE A LOVING RELATIONSHIP. I
WANT TO BE PURE IN MY RELATIONSHIP AND SO THEN THAT
WILL GUIDE ME". WHEN WE'RE INTENTIONAL, WE'VE GOT OUR EYE
ON THE MARK, ON OUR GOAL. WE'RE NOT JUST MEANDERING. , WE'RE
JUST MEANDERING. NOT JUST KIDS, ADULTS TOO.
> ADULTS. SO WE'RE TALKING ABOUT *** ABSTINENCE, SHOULD BE THE
GOAL.
> YES
> WHEN ONE IS INTENTIONAL. AN WHEN WE THINK OF THE WORD
INTENTIONAL, IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH THE BRAIN AND THE MIND.
> YES, YET IT DOES
> : THINKING SOMETHING OUT
> YES
>THAN IT DOES ALLOWING OUR FEELINGS AS YOU SAY, TO RUN
RAMPANT. BUT, IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER
> WE'VE GOT A STORY. OK.
> WE DIDN'T HAVE THIS KIND OF THING GOING ON.
> RIGHT
> YOU KNOW, PEOPLE DID WAIT FOR MARRIAGE,
> YES
> MOST OF THEM,
> YES
> IN MY DAY, AS IT WERE.
> A CERTAIN AGE.
>ANYWAY, BEING REARED ON A FARM AND WE WERE, WE WERE OUT, A
YOUNG MAN, A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN MYSELF, AND I WERE WITH HIS
MOM. THEY ALWAYS MADE SURE SOMEBODY WAS WITH US.
> YES
> OUT IN THESE LARGE FIELDS, YOU KNOW?
> YES
> AND WE WERE CUTTING SWEET POTATO VINES, GETTING READY TO
PLANT THE NEW CROP OF SWEET POTATOES AND WE WERE JUST HAVING
A GOOD TIME, HE AND I
> YES
> AND THE MOM, SHE WAS JOINING IN THE PROCESS AS A GOOD MOM
WOULD DO WE WERE CUTTING THE LEAVES, BELIEVE ME WE WERE
CUTTING THE SWEET POTATO VINES
> OK, ALRIGHT
>AND SO, WE, WE GOT TO TALKING ABOUT LOVE AND WE WERE, YOU KNOW
"WHAT IS LOVE"? YOU KNOW WE THOUGHT IN OUR DAY, AND I WAS
PROBABLY AROUND 16 AT THE TIME. BUT, SO WE ASKED HER, "HOW WOULD
YOU DEFINE LOVE"?
> GOOD QUESTION, YES
> THIS, YOU KNOW, SHE'S THE MOTHER OF THE YOUNG MAN
> YES
> AND SHE SAID, "LOVE IS A LITTLE TICKLING AROUND THE
HEART, THAT YOU CAN'T SCRATCH".
> OH, YOU KNOW,
> ISN'T, HOW SIMPLE IS A LITTLE TICKLING AROUND THE HEART THAT
YOU CAN'T SCRATCH?
> AND
> AND WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO ON THAT? YOU KNOW.
> AND, AND I THINK WHAT WE JUST SAID, PEOPLE ARE, PEOPLE ARE
GOING ON THAT. THEY'RE HAVING A TICKLING AROUND THE HEART AND
THAT MUST MEAN WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GET TOGETHER. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
HAVE SEX. WE SHOULD CO-MINGLE OUR LIVES AND OH BOY! ALL WRONG.
SO, SO OF COURSE THERE IS, THERE IS AN ATTRACTION. WE SHOULDN'T
DISCOUNT THAT, I MEAN, YOU KNOW GOD CREATED MALE AND FEMALE AND,
AND GOD SAID, "LOOK, IT'S NOT GOOD FOR A MAN TO BE ALONE AND
I'LL CREATE" YOU KNOW, I HAPPEN TO THINK GOD SAID THAT'S NOT, I
WONDER IF HE SAID, I'M GOING TO CREATE SOMEONE, VA, VA, VA, VOOM
FOR YOU THERE AND SO THAT'S ALL FINE AND GOOD, BUT DEPTH
RELATIONSHIP, DEPTH RELATING. RELATIONSHIPS REALLY ARE MADE
WHERE LOVE CAN GROW DEEPER AND DEEPER AND DEEPER. NO, THAT'S FAR
> IT HAS TO BECOME INTENTIONAL
> FAR MORE THAN TICKLING AROUND THE HEART.
> WITH THAT INTENTIONALITY YOU TALKED ABOUT A GOAL
> YES
> OR PLAN, A GOAL, YOU TALKED ABOUT MOTIVATION. YOU TALKED
ABOUT PURPOSE
> KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP, BEING CLEAR. I
WANT THESE, I WANT 90 MILLION SINGLES AND EVEN THOSE IN
MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS TO BE CLEAR. HOW DO YOU CREATE THIS
THING THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO CREATE. WHAT ARE YOUR MUST
HAVES? THIS IS A, THIS IS A DEAL BREAKER. YOU KNOW WHEN I WAS
DATING, YOU KNOW I HAD DEAL BREAKERS. I MEAN I HAD TO HAVE
SOMEONE OF A FAITH THAT WAS VERY SIMILAR TO MINE, THAT WAS A DEAL
BREAKER. TO, TO TO JUST, WE CAN'T, IT'S A DEAL BREAKER. OK.
I WANTED SOMEONE WHO WAS, WHO HAD PURITY AND WHO HAD INTEGRITY
AND ETHICS. I MEAN I HAD THOSE THINGS YOU KNOW? NOW I ALSO
WANTED A BLONDE. I GOT THAT.
>LAUGHING I HAD PRIORITIES.
>AND THOSE THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH, THOSE THINGS THAT YOU CAN
LIVE WITH, NEGOTIATING ALL OF THAT SORT OF THING CAN GO ON
> AND IT MADE MY PATH, VERY, VERY EASY DR. FREDA. WHEN YOU,
WHEN YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO GO FROM SEATTLE TO SACRAMENTO, I
MEAN, AND YOU'RE CLEAR ABOUT IT, YOU REALLY CAN'T DRIFT A WHOLE
LOT, IF YOU'VE GOT YOUR EYE ON THE GOAL.
> AND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING COULD SO EASILY BE APPLIED TO A
MARRIAGE THAT'S DRIFTING.
> ABSOLUTELY
> SO LET'S MOVE ON TO THESE, THESE 10 STEPS THAT
> OK
> THAT YOU HAVE OUTLINED. SO THE FIRST ONE IS, INTENTIONALITY.
AND YOU SAID YOU WOULD ONLY GIVE US ABOUT 3 OF THEM. ONE OF THEM
YOU MENTIONED -TAKING AN INVENTORY OF YOUR READINESS FOR
LOVE.
> YES
> THAT HAS TO DO WITH YOUR PAST. WHAT HAS YOU, YOU KNOW, WHAT CAN
YOUR PAST REVEAL TO YOU IN THE PRESENT THAT COULD KEEP YOU FROM
SHIPWRECK IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP?
> YES,
>TIME'S RUNNING OUT, LET'S JUST GIVE THEM ANOTHER ONE OR TWO.
HOW ABOUT THE CHARACTER TRAITS THAT HAVE SABOTAGED OUR
RELATIONSHIPS IN THE PAST?
> YOU BETTER KNOW IF YOU HAVE IMMATURITY, IF YOU HAVE A TEMPER
PROBLEM. IF YOU HAVE SELF-CENTEREDNESS. THESE THINGS,
WE, WE SMILE ABOUT DR. FREDA, BUT THEY WILL RUIN A
RELATIONSHIP. A LITTLE BIT OF IMMATURITY, A LITTLE
SELF-CENTEREDNESS, A LITTLE ANGER. THOSE THINGS AGAIN IT'S
LIKE A DROP OF POISON IN A GLASS. BUT IF YOU'VE GOT SOME OF
THESE KIND OF CHARACTER TRAITS THAT I TALK ABOUT, IT WILL
ABSOLUTELY RUIN YOUR DATING RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR MARRIAGE.
>YOU KNOW BOTTOM LINE, WHAT YOU BOOK SAYS, IF YOU WANT A GOOD
RELATIONSHIP, WORK ON YOURSELF AND GET READY FOR LOVE, IT'S
VERY WELL NAMED, DAVID. A GREAT BOOK AGAIN, ANOTHER WINNER.
> THANK YOU
> AS I WOULD SAY, AND CERTAINLY, CERTAINLY I KNOW OUR VIEWERS
WOULD WANT TO GET A COPY AND WE ALSO WANT YOU TO COME BACK.
> I WILL
> AND BE ON TIME FOR HOPE.
> ABSOLUTELY, I LOVE BEING HERE. THANK YOU
> I LOOK FORWARD TO ALL YOUR BOOKS COMING OUT. AND WE ALSO
WANT YOU TO JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK ON TIME FOR HOPE. . TO
ORDER OUR RESOURCES, FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ON YOUR SCREEN.
NEXT WEEK:
>AND FOR ME TO STOP EATING PART WASN'T BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE
THIN, IT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL AND IT ALMOST
KILLED ME.
>THE EATING, YOU ACTUALLY FELT SOMETHING WHEN YOU ATE AND YOU
JUST SAID YOU DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL.
>I DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL THE EMOTIONS THAT I WAS EXPERIENCING
WERE SO OVERWHELMING THAT ANY TIME I ATE I KNEW I WOULD FEEL
AND SO I WANTED TO DO WHATEVER I COULD TO NUMB MYSELF OUT.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING TIME FOR HOPE. HAVE A GREAT WEEK. .