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- Hey, Dad.
- Jako.
Dinner's almost ready.
You've convinced the Peljenites
to exchange ambassadors.
How do you know that?
You only cook Hungarian food
when you're in a really good mood.
l always said that you are
a smart child.
Runs in the family.
l have some good news, too.
Captain Yates is back on the station.
Kasidy Yates, the freighter captain
l told you about.
The one you want me to meet?
l could invite her over.
How about tomorrow night?
We're getting a little ahead
of ourselves here.
l know you want me to meet her
and l will.
- Let me handle it my way.
- You're going to like her, Dad.
You never know.
The place is packed.
- Where's Nog?
- l gave him the night off.
He's studying for his Starfleet exams.
He's a disgrace to his family
and to Ferengi everywhere.
He should be helping us earn profit,
not learning to be more human.
- He just wants to join Starfleet.
- lt's the same thing.
That's how it begins.
All it takes is for one youngster
to join Starfleet
and a generation of Ferengi will be
quoting the Prime Directive
and abandoning the pursuit
of latinum.
lt's the end of Ferengi civilisation.
And it's your fault.
Nog isn't going to destroy
the Ferengi way of life.
He just wants a job with better hours.
- You must be Quark.
- That's me.
- Brunt, FCA.
- The Ferengi Commerce Authority.
- A writ of accountability.
- We're in trouble.
The bar is closed.
Everybody out.
Go, go, go!
Now! Everybody! This way!
How do you get to be
an FCA liquidator?
Hard work, bribes,
sucking up to the boss.
Just like any other job.
Are these all your assets?
- Yes.
- No.
Down to the last slip of latinum.
You realise concealing financial
information from the FCA
could result in severe fines?
l would never hide anything
from the FCA.
We'll see.
- Could l look over those figures again?
- Yes.
Wait a minute.
That can't be right.
Rom, you forgot to include the profit
for the wine franchise.
But you told me
Go get them.
Now.
Yes, brother.
You'll have to excuse Rom.
He means well but he can be
a lobeless idiot sometimes.
Please provide a dermal imprint
for FCA records.
You haven't told me
what l'm charged with.
No.
l haven't.
Oh! How rude of me.
For your trouble.
You're being charged with violating
Ferengi Trade By-Laws,
subsection 1 027, paragraph 3.
l'm not sure l'm familiar
with that one.
You need a copy of the by-laws.
Which you just happen to have.
Subsection 1 027, paragraph 3.
''lmproper supervision
of a family member''?
You are being held accountable
for the criminal activities of lshka,
daughter of Adred, wife of Keldar.
lshka? You mean our mother.
What's she done?
She's charged with
earning profit.
Earning profit? Our Moogie?
Odo, l'm holding you responsible
for the safety of my bar
for as long as l'm off the station.
- Going somewhere?
- Back to the homeworld.
A little trouble with the FCA?
How do you know?
l won't be gone long.
All l've got to do is get my mother
to confess to her crimes.
- What's your mother done?
- lt doesn't matter.
l'm required to get her to admit
her wrongdoing
and make reparations.
That is what l'm going to do.
Assuming she cooperates.
She'd better.
l have no intention
of spending my latinum
to make restitution for her crimes.
l will wring that confession out of her.
This is your mother?
Don't remind me.
Chief O'Brien wants to know
when you can inspect the new runabout.
l will be available at 1 400 hours.
Tell him l want to name it the Rubicon.
The rate we go through runabouts,
it's a good thing the Earth
has so many rivers.
Have you met her yet?
- Met who?
- Captain Yates.
- How did you know about her?
- Jake introduced us.
Are you going to ask her out
for dinner?
l'm considering it.
What did you think about her?
Let me put it this way.
lf l were Curzon, l'd have stolen her
from you by now.
That's one of the reasons
l'm glad you're not Curzon any more.
Brother, wait.
l'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, l am.
What did l tell you
about contradicting me?
You're going to watch
over the bar while l'm gone.
The bar's closed.
There's no reason why l can't come.
l'll give you a reason.
l don't want you to.
- You'll just take her side.
- You mean Moogie?
Yes, l mean Moogie.
Stop calling her
by that infantile nickname.
- She likes it.
- l don't.
- She does.
- You see? You always take her side.
Somebody has to.
After all, she is our mother.
- l'm coming with you.
- All right.
Fine.
Come if you want.
Just remember one thing:
this is between Moog
Mother and me.
lf you know what's good for you,
you'll stay out of the way.
Welcome to our home.
Place your imprint
on the legal waivers
and deposit your admission fee
in the box by the door.
- Remember, my house is my house.
- As are its contents.
lt's good to be back, isn't it?
You haven't been here in 20 years.
lf l had my way, l would have been
gone another 20.
Mother has been acquiring
quite a few new things.
Doubtless with the generous stipend
you give her.
The latinum tooth-sharpener
l used when we were children.
All l had was a wooden chew stick.
Excuse me for interrupting,
but we have business to attend to.
lt's my duty to present
a formal list of the infractions
committed by your mother.
You have three days to obtain
an admission of guilt.
lf you are not able to, your mother
will be placed in servitude
and you will make restitution
for her crimes.
Do you understand?
He understands.
Not that it matters.
l'm not confessing anything.
Moogie!
lt's good to see you, son.
You look well.
And you lookdressed.
Your mother is wearing clothes.
Mother, get undressed this instant.
Hello, Quark.
You haven't changed a bit.
- Perhaps l should leave.
- Perhaps you should.
- Was she addressing me?
- No, not at all.
This is my home
and l'll speak to whomever l want.
He's a stranger and you're a female.
l know what l'm doing.
Perhaps you do, but l will not stand
here and be spoken to by a female.
l'm sure there's an explanation.
You have three days
to get your house in order.
See what you've done?
You're upsetting your brother.
He's not the only one who's upset.
Not that anyone cares how l feel.
That's not true.
l care.
Then imprint this
and take off those clothes.
l'm not doing anything of the kind.
You're going to make a full confession
so l can go back to my bar.
We're leaving so soon?
This is your home.
You can stay as long as you like.
Or leave whenever you like.
lt's up to you.
- Same old Moogie.
- Yeah.
Are you sure this is absolutely
necessary?
l don't know if l would call it necessary.
There's no telling how long
Quark will be away.
- We want our dartboard.
- Can't you replicate another?
- We could.
- But we're not going to.
That's our dartboard.
lf Quark was going to run off,
he could give us warning
so we could retrieve our property.
Getting it back might not be that simple.
This is one of Rom's special
security locks.
l've never seen anything
so convoluted.
Gentlemen, is there a problem?
Quark has locked some of Chief O'Brien
and Dr Bashir's personal property
inside the bar.
Let me guess.
Your lucky dartboard?
- We never said it was lucky.
- We're used to playing on it.
A little defensive, aren't they?
lt looks like it's a tripartite
microsealing mechanism.
lt's going to take a long time
to get through that.
- l'll be in cargo bay
- Four.
Seven.
l thought
Thought what?
l thought you were going to
talk to the freighter captain.
Jake's friend.
- How do you two know about her?
- The Chief told me.
Exactly how many people has Jake told
about this woman?
Everyone.
Tube grubs, extra juicy.
Just the way you like them.
- What are you doing?
- Serving dinner.
- That's Mother's job.
- She's not feeling well.
Wait a minute.
That's not bad.
We could say she's having
emotional problems.
We might even get the FCA
to drop the charges.
Actually, all she has is a slight rash.
That's hardly an excuse
not to serve her sons dinner.
She hasn't even softened
the grubs for us.
Moogie never liked chewing
our food for us.
She had her own way
of doing things.
The other children
used to tease us about her.
''Your mother won't chew your food.
Your mother talks to strangers.
''
She went out of her way
to embarrass us.
Not to mention Father.
l remember.
There were nights when l would find
him slumped in this chair.
He'd say, ''l don't know what l'm going
to do about that female.
''
No wonder he never earned much profit.
He was too busy worrying about her.
He could have done better
if she'd behaved herself,
showed him the respect he deserved.
She may have dragged Father down,
but not me.
- lt's time someone put her in her place.
- Have anyone in mind for the job?
Dank and musty.
- l picked them from the cellar.
- Mother, we need to talk.
Forget it, Quark.
l am not imprinting the confession.
lt doesn't take away
from your achievement.
Admit what you did and tell the name
of any male who helped you.
- What exactly did she do?
- Never mind what she did.
- Would you prefer l told him?
- All right.
She took a part of the stipend l send her
and invested it in a beetle farm.
High quality beetles.
- The best.
- How much did you make?
Three bars of gold-pressed latinum.
lsn't the FCA overreacting a little?
lt doesn't matter if it's one slip
or 1 00,000 bars.
Females are not allowed to earn profit.
Why not?
lt's the law.
Without law,
society would descend into chaos.
lf you ask me, this society
could use a little chaos.
l wish Father were alive.
Then it would be just like old times.
Sitting around the family table,
discussing important issues.
Mother, l know you're not like
other females.
You like to think about things,
you have opinions.
ls that a compliment
or an accusation?
lt's a fact.
But if you don't imprint
this confession,
you'll be sold into servitude
and l'll be forced to make restitution.
lt's only three bars of latinum.
l'm not going to let them
destroy this family.
lf our disgrace is made known,
we could never do business again.
l wouldn't do business with me.
Mother, please.
For our family's reputation,
for your sons' financial future,
please imprint the confession.
l can't.
l wish you could
understand, Quark.
l understand perfectly.
You're a selfish female who never
cared about this family,
about Father or about me.
You haven't changed your bedroom.
lt's still very traditional.
l keep it this way to remind myself
how idiotic Ferengi tradition can be
when it comes to females.
- Rom, is something wrong?
- Wrong? No.
Not really.
Exceptyour clothes.
Would you feel more comfortable
if l took them off?
Maybe just a little.
lf it will make you feel better.
But only for you.
- Better?
- Much.
lt would mean a lot to Quark
if you imprint that confession.
- He's made that quite clear.
- l know he can be headstrong,
not to mention mean and insulting
and rude, but he's not all bad.
He works hard.
You should see the bar.
lt's thriving.
l'd like to, but Ferengi tradition
doesn't allow females to travel.
- Quark doesn't make the rules.
- He just lives by them.
- Like a good Ferengi.
- Like an unenlightened Ferengi.
Moogie, can't you give back
the three bars of latinum?
You'll destroy everything
Quark's worked for.
You always were a good boy.
Quark doesn't know how lucky he is
to have a brother as loyal as you.
He knows.
He just doesn't like showing it.
lf you cooperate, l can convince him
to increase your stipend.
This isn't about money.
Quark has always been more than
generous with my stipend.
lf it's not about money,
then what is it about?
lt's about pride.
Knowing l'm just as capable
of earning profit as any male.
lf l imprint that confession, l'll be
admitting that what l did was wrong.
l'm not going to do that.
l'd rather be sold into servitude.
- But what about Quark?
- He's a smart boy.
He can take care of himself.
Enough about your brother.
Let me see your teeth.
- Why?
- They're looking a little dull.
l'll sharpen them for you.
Here we are.
Moogie, you're the best.
Pardshay, don't be an idiot.
Go get an anti-grav sled.
Why don't you beam it
to your cargo hold?
l wish l could,
but it's unstable biomatter.
The transporter should handle it
if you adjust
the phase transition inhibitor.
Provided l had a Mark Vll transporter.
- You're still using a Mark Vl?
- A Mark V.
- They stopped making those
- 1 5 years ago.
When you work for the Petarians,
you make do with what they give you.
Let me guess.
Commander Sisko.
- Benjamin.
- Kasidy Yates.
Yes, l know.
My son has told me
a lot about you.
Jake fancies himself
something of a matchmaker.
He means well.
He gets a little
enthusiastic now and then.
That sounds like the inertium ore.
l'd better see what's going on.
- l can take care of it.
- Of course.
Sorry about Jake.
How about coffee?
Say tomorrow evening.
1 800 hours?
- Sounds good.
- l'll see you tomorrow.
There's nothing like sleeping
in your old room.
- So how was your night?
- Mother's been busy.
Really? l didn't even know
she was up yet.
l mean she's been busy.
l've been doing some checking.
This isn't about three bars of latinum.
- She earned more?
- A lot more.
So much that l haven't been able
to track it all down.
She's been operating under dozens
of different aliases,
conducting transactions
all over the Ferengi Alliance.
Do you know what this means?
Moogie's got the lobes for business.
Even if l sold everything l have,
l couldn't come close to paying back
what she's earned.
l'm ruined.
Brother?
- ls everything all right?
- Mm-hm.
l'm so proud of you.
Other people in your situation
might lose their temper,
make a bad situation worse.
But not my brother.
You're too smart for that.
You're going to sit there
and study the problem,
and then come up with
a clear, simple solution.
- l already have.
- You see? l told you.
- What is it?
- l'm going to kill her.
Moogie!
Caught you.
Give me that.
- Give you what?
- That padd you just hid.
- lt's a letter to your cousin Stol.
- A likely story.
l knew it.
You were trying to hide more profits.
lt won't work.
l know all about
your little financial empire.
- lt's not so little.
- Then you admit it?
l'm sure Moogie has an explanation.
Since when does a Ferengi have
to make excuses for making profit?
- You're a female.
- And when it comes to profit,
this female is a better Ferengi
than you'll ever be.
You expect me to believe you did
all this on your own?
You had help.
Admit it.
Tell me his name.
The FCA will hang him by his lobes
in the Sacred Marketplace.
- You can be so thickheaded.
- There's no need to be insulting.
lnsults are the only thing
he understands.
He's so jealous
he can't even think straight.
Me? Jealous of you?
You're just like your father.
Why would father be jealous of you?
l had the lobes for business
and he didn't.
l tried to help him,
but he wouldn't listen to me
because l was a female.
What other reason did he need?
Females don't belong in business.
- Give me one reason why not.
- Because it's wrong.
You're going to have to do
better than that.
lt's the law.
That was good enough for Father
and for me.
A lot of things were good enough
for your father.
He was a lobeless failure.
lf you're not careful,
you'll end up just like him.
- That does it.
- Where are you going?
To the FCA.
Let's see what they have to say
about your financial empire.
Brother, wait.
l'm not going
to let you hurt mother.
She's no mother of mine.
Because of what she said?
Did it occur to you she might be right?
How dare you take her side
against Father's?
Don't tell me about Father.
l knew him better than you did.
You went off, but l stayed here
for ten more years.
You know what l learned?
Father was no financial genius.
- Take that back.
- lt's the truth.
He went from one bad deal to the next.
He couldn't hold onto latinum
if you sewed it into his pants.
Take that back!
Quark! Rom! That's enough!
- Let him go.
- But Moogie!
Stop it! Stop it, both of you!
lf your brother wants to go
to the FCA, let him.
- You'll get in trouble.
- l'll worry about that.
What are you waiting for?
That is the steepest 40 flights
of stairs l have ever climbed.
Seven strips of latinum to use
the elevator.
Talk about inflation.
Refined dilithium down ten per cent?
The name's Quark.
l'm here to see Liquidator Brunt.
Of course.
l'll tell Liquidator Brunt you're here.
Have a seat.
- How much?
- Three slips.
- l'll stand.
- That'll be one slip.
l'll give you two for the chair.
lf you're delivering a confession,
l'll see that Liquidator Brunt gets it.
Tell Brunt l need to talk to him.
l have information that could shake
the Ferengi Alliance.
Brother, wait!
- l have to sit down.
- That'll be three slips of latinum.
- Brother, can you loan me?
- Yeah, yeah.
Here.
- What do you want?
- l have a message from Moogie.
She'll share it with you.
- What was that?
- Her profits.
50-50.
Tell Brunt l'll talk to him later.
Let's try out that elevator.
- But it's so expensive.
- l can afford it.
For your trouble.
Mother, l want to apologise
for all the terrible things l said.
l was angry and l got carried away.
l'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
l'm glad Rom was able to catch you
before you made a horrible mistake.
lt would have been a shame
to waste all that profit.
l'm glad we agree.
- How much latinum have you made?
- Does it matter?
l just want to make sure
that everything is divided fairly.
- 50-50.
Just like you said.
- l never said that.
You said he'd let me keep
all the profit for myself.
l said no such thing.
So l lied to both of you.
lt was the only way to get you talking.
There's nothing to say.
Don't get your lobes caught
in the door on your way out.
You're both acting like children.
l will not let this family fall apart.
Quark, you should be ashamed.
You treat Cardassians with more
respect than your own mother.
Moogie, if Quark can uncover
your hidden investments,
eventually the FCA will, too.
Then all that profit will be lost.
Think about that for a moment.
Neither of you is going to leave
this room until you've settled things.
ls that clear?
And no shouting!
l'm going to take a nap.
He's a sweet boy.
That's easy for you to say.
He doesn't live next door to you.
You're too *** him.
You always have been.
l had to be.
You were always
too easy on him.
lf you'd pushed him harder,
he would have amounted to something.
l doubt it.
When it comes to business,
he's a lot like your father.
You enjoy insulting Father, don't you?
l'm not insulting anyone.
l'm just being honest.
Rom's a lot like his father.
And you, l suppose, are a lot like me.
l never knew you felt like that.
Your father bought you your first copy
of the Rules of Acquisition,
but who helped you memorise them?
You did.
l don't think l've ever been prouder
than the first time you made it
through all 285 rules
without a mistake.
Rom knows them as well as l do.
But you understand them.
Rom never did.
And neither did his father.
But even if Keldar didn't know
the first thing about profit,
he knew everything about family.
He was a good husband
and a wonderful father.
And l loved him for that.
The way l love Rom.
And the way l love you.
You mean that?
Yes, l suppose l do.
lf it'll make you happy,
l'll give back the money.
- You'll imprint the confession?
- You're my son, Quark.
You don't know how much this means.
l know exactly how much
this means to you.
Oh, Moogie.
l love you.
There's no place like New Orleans.
Good food, great music.
- Sounds like a great place to grow up.
- The best.
- Can l get you another "raktajino?"
- No, l'm fine.
You seem a little preoccupied.
When we made our plans, l forgot
l had a previous engagement.
- l see.
- lt's not what you think.
lt's a family obligation.
My brother's a colonist on Cestus lll.
That's on the other side
of the Federation.
lt takes two weeks for a subspace
transmission to get here.
- l'm expecting one tonight.
- l hope nothing's wrong.
Not unless he hurt himself again.
Last time it was his knee.
How did that happen?
He was doing something called
''sliding into second''.
- Sliding into second?
- Yes.
- That sounds like baseball.
- You know about baseball?
lt's my favourite sport, but no one
has played it for 200 years.
They've been playing it on Cestus lll
for the last six months.
l had no idea!
How many teams are there?
Six, but they're trying to organise
a couple more.
l didn't know you liked baseball.
l didn't know anyone liked baseball
except me and Jake.
This transmission l mentioned
is an audio recording of a game
between my brother's team
and the Cestus Comets.
lf you'd like, you're welcome
to listen to it with me.
- l'd love to.
- Great.
Does your brother's league
use the designated hitter rule?
They decided against it.
- Wood bats or polyduranide?
- Wood, of course.
Could your brother use
a right-handed pitcher?
Everything seems to be in order.
We can finally put an end
to this matter.
- l hope you learnt your lesson.
- And what would that be?
She's speaking to me again.
- No, she wasn't.
- She's speaking to me.
What were you saying
about a lesson?
The lesson is no one
can outsmart the FCA.
She's learnt that.
Her confession will be a warning
to females all over the Alliance.
l don't think anyone has to know
about this.
What would people say if they knew
a female had earned
that much latinum?
l shudder to think.
Goodbye.
l sincerely hope l never see
any of you again.
The feeling is mutual.
l thought he'd never leave.
Mother, must you?
l've just given up a sizable fortune.
l'm in no mood for your nagging.
You're absolutely right.
lf you want
to wear clothes, go ahead.
- l'm leaving anyway.
- So soon?
l have to reopen the bar.
You could call your mother
once in a while.
Maybe even visit.
l will.
l promise.
- Let's go, Rom.
- l'll be along in a moment.
l'm glad to see you two
are getting along.
l think things will be a lot better
between us from now on.
lf he doesn't find out you only gave
the FCA a third of your profits.
A third was too much.
lt's my fault for not hiding it better.
The FCA won't find the rest?
l've got it hidden so well
l'll be lucky if l can find it.
Oh, Moogie.
Now, Rom, don't start crying.
You'll get me doing it.
Go on.
Quark's waiting for you.
Take good care of your brother.