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(John A.) TONIGHT,
24 AMERICANS LAY IT ALL ON THE LINE.
THEIR WHOLE LIVES HAVE BEEN LEADING UP
(music distorts)
WHOO-OOH!
(John H.) YEAH, LET'S HOPE THEY HAVE A PLAN "B."
(John A.) THEY'VE COME FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
AND FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE
TO VIE FOR $50,000
OH, NO! NO!
AT THE END, ONLY THE TOP THREE COMPETITORS
WILL MAKE IT TO THE FINAL CHALLENGE--THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
HERE, ONE CHAMPION WILL EMERGE,
BUT ALL WILL... WIPEOUT.
(man) WHOO! YEAH, "WIPEOUT," BABY!
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
I AM JOHN ANDERSON, TEAMED AS ALWAYS
WITH MY CO-HOST JOHN HENSON.
ROGER THAT, ANDERSON.
T-MINUS ONE MINUTE TO GO ON OPERATION: "WIPEOUT" SHOW.
WOW. THAT SOUNDED VERY OFFICIAL.
AFFIRMATIVE, ANDERSON.
I JUST WALKED THE COURSE, DID A SYSTEMS CHECK,
AND GAVE MY FINAL GO-AHEAD.
WOW. UH, HOW MANY MEMBERS OF THE CREW ACTUALLY REPORT TO YOU?
YEAH.
ZERO.
WELL, YOU KNOW, LEADERSHIP BEGINS FROM WITHIN.
AS YOU WERE, JOHNNY. YOU MAY PROCEED.
AND I WILL.
OUR CONTESTANTS READY TO BLAST OFF
AS THEY ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON AN EPIC JOURNEY
KNOWN AS THE "WIPEOUT" QUALIFIER.
THEY'LL START OFF WITH A LITTLE MONKEY BUSINESS,
(snarls)
(growls)
THEN THEY'LL FOLLOW THAT UP AT THE WORLD-FAMOUS BIG BALLS.
GRAB SMALLSY, WHO'S DRESSED TO DISCO,
AND YOU CAN DO THE HUSTLE WITH 500 BUCKS.
THEN IT'S ON TO BATTLE THE SPINNING SWEEPER BARS
AT THE POUNDABOUT.
IT'S A VICIOUS CIRCLE THAT HAPPILY SQUARE OFF ON YA.
FINALLY, THEY WILL MATRICULATE AND OSCILLATE
AT THE SCHOOL DAZE...
(school bell rings)
THE COMPETITORS WITH THE 12 BEST TIMES
WILL MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.
NOW LET'S GET DOWN TO THE THIRD MEMBER OF OUR TEAM,
MRS. VANESSA LACHEY.
GUYS, DOES THIS DRESS HIDE MY STOMACH?
WHY HIDE THE MIRACLE
MM-HMM.
A BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT POTBELLY.
I RUB MINE DOWN WITH SHEA BUTTER EVERY MORNING.
MM-HMM. UH, JOHN, VANESSA'S EXPECTING.
GREAT! EXPECTING WHAT?
YOU KNOW, ONE THING IS FOR SURE--
I AM ALWAYS WITH CHILD ON THIS PROGRAM.
OUR CONTESTANTS, ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE ON THEIR OWN,
AND IT'S TIME TO MEET THE FIRST ONE.
REVENGE OF THE BOOKWORM!
AAH! IT'S THE ILL-FATED BOOKWORK APOCALYPSE!
THEY'RE HERE TO DESTROY US WITH KNOWLEDGE, JOHN!
EASY, BUDDY. VANESSA GOT A READ ON HIM.
THANKS, GUYS. I'M HERE RIGHT NOW WITH KEVIN OSBORNE.
WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT," KEVIN.
HEY. HOW'S IT GOING?
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, KEVIN?
UH, I PRODUCE AUDIOBOOKS.
(John H.) WHAT GOOD ARE BOOKS WITHOUT THE PICTURES?
AUDIOBOOKS SOUNDS LIKE IT WOULD BE BORING,
BUT, YOU KNOW, WE KEEP IT PRETTY INTERESTING.
AUDIOBOOKS, HUH? SELL ME ON IT.
IF YOU'RE, UH, SITTING AT HOME,
AND MAYBE YOU DON'T HAVE INTERNET
OR MAYBE YOU JUST WANNA READ A BOOK,
UM, HAVE A GOOD TIME BY YOURSELF.
I'M SOLD!
ONE QUESTION--HOW DO YOU HEAR THE BOOK
(chuckles)
(John A.) THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM OFF AND ROLLING.
OOH!
STARTS OFF ON THE WRONG FOOTNOTE THERE.
HERE WE GO!
THAN A PAIR OF iPod HEADPHONES.
UP TO MONKEY BUSINESS,
WHERE KEVIN CAN BROWSE THROUGH OUR AMAZON.
HOLD ON A SECOND.
WHAT'S SO SCARY ABOUT A GORILLA THROWING BANANAS?
IS THAT EVEN GONNA KNOCK HIM DOWN?
(roars)
OHH, HO!
SEE? HE GETS BOOK ON TAPE DECKED.
WOW! THAT SECOND GORILLA HITTING HIS PAUSE BUTTON HARD.
OUR BOOK ON TAPEWORM STORY RAMPING UP NOW.
HERE WE GO!
SPOILER ALERT! THERE'S GONNA BE BIG BALLS.
PLOTTING HOW TO GET THAT SMALLSY BONUS.
(John A. and John H.) OHH!
HIS ATTEMPT GETS ABRIDGED.
YOU CAN'T PUT A GREAT BOOK DOWN.
BUT A GUY WHO MAKES AUDIOBOOKS? THAT WE CAN DO.
(imitates British accent) "YOU HAVE REACHED
"THE END OF THE FIRST TAPE.
PLEASE PROCEED TO SIDE TWO."
SORRY. SORRY.
HOLD ON JUST. A SECOND HERE.
THIS IS WHY WALTER CRONKITE CALLED THE AUDIOBOOK
THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE.
AH.
THERE YOU GO.
(video resumes)
BOOK ON TAPEWORM FAST-FORWARDS TO THE POUNDABOUT,
WHERE HE IS LIKELY TO GET HIS PLOT TWISTED.
THOSE ROTATING BARS ARE TRICKY
BUT HE'S BUZZIN' THROUGH 'EM LIKE HE HAS THE CLIFFS NOTES.
OHH!
YEAH, AFTER ALL THIS WEAR AND TEAR...
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A HARD TIME RETURNING HIM TO THE LIBRARY.
AAH!
WELL, HIS BOOK-LEARNING SHOULD HELP HIM HERE AT SCHOOL DAZE.
WATCH IT NOW! CAN'T SLITHER UNDER THE BAR.
THE RULE BOOK SAYS THAT'S CHEATING.
I ONLY READ THE LAST CHAPTER OF THE RULE BOOK, JOHN.
I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW IT ENDED.
OH!
BUT HE'S UP NOW, OVER.
OHH!
YAY! SCHOOL SPIRIT!
OH!
HEY, LITTLE GAME KIDS. ASK YOUR PARENTS WHAT A BOOKMARK IS.
YEAH!
WITH AUDIBLE EXCITEMENT,
OUR BOOK ON TAPEWORM GOES COVER TO COVER...
YEAH!
IN A TIME OF 3 MINUTES, 47 SECONDS.
PUT IT IN THE BOOKS, JOHNNY.
BACK AT STARTING PLATFORM, WE'RE READY NOW FOR AMBER REEDY.
HOCUS-POCUS! I AM SUPER-DUPER FOCUSED!
SHE FANCIES HERSELF, JOHN, A BIT OF AN ILLUSIONIST.
WOW. IF SHE'S A MAGICIAN, IS HER ASSISTANT AN OLD UGLY DUDE?
WELL, VANESSA FOUND OUT
WHAT AMBER HAS UP HER LACK OF SLEEVES.
I CAN.
(John H.) AWESOME! I CAN'T WAIT TO NOT SEE THIS!
OOH! OKAY, LET'S DO IT.
(drumroll)
(John H.) AMBERCADABRA!
(laughs) WOW! THAT'S AMAZING!
(John A.) WOW.
UNLESS MY EYES DECEIVE ME, AMBER IS OFF AND RUNNING, JOHN,
AND VANESSA HAS VANISHED.
SHE'S NOT AMBER, JOHN. SHE'S...
(dramatic voice) AMBERCADABRA!
AND FOR HER NEXT ILLUSION,
SHE WILL DISAPPEAR FROM THE PLATFORM.
(roars)
OHH!
MAN! SHE LEVITATED!
(grunting)
BAD MR. JUNGLES! HE CAN'T JUST ACCOST PEOPLE LIKE DAVID BLAINE.
CLASSIC MISDIRECT, JOHNNY.
(roars)
WHILE THE SECOND GORILLA AMBERCA-SLAMS HER.
AND NOW AMBERCADABRA WILL WALK ON WATER
USING NOTHING BUT ILLUSION.
AND THE BIG BALLS.
OH, HO HO!
SHE GETS MIND FREAKED!
THE BIG BALLS PULL SOME TRICKS OF THEIR OWN.
AREN'T THEY DISTANT COUSINS OF THE MAGIC 8 BALL?
AAH!
POUNDABOUT'S NEXT UP FOR OUR SORCERER.
IT'LL KNOCK THE DOVES RIGHT OUT OF HER SLEEVES
RIGHT!
(amplified voice) HEY, AMBER, CAN YOU CONJURE UP OUR CO-HOST?
ALAKAZ--
SHE GOT SPELL CHECKED!
(amplified voice) UH, CAN YOU TRY AGAIN, PLEASE?
HOCUS-P--
GIVE ME THAT.
(amplified voice) AMBERCADABRA, PLEASE,
WE NEED SOMEBODY TO DO THE INTERVIEWS HERE.
ABRACADABRA!
(normal voice) OH, THANK GOODNESS!
THANK YOU, AMBERCADABRA.
I HOPE YOUR MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR CONTINUES IN THE NEXT ROUND.
NOW APPEARING AT THE TOP OF THE COURSE,
WE HAVE ITALIAN EXPATRIATE MASSIMILIANO FAVIA...
YOO-HOO! YABBA DOO!
WHO APPARENTLY LEARNED ALL OF HIS ENGLISH FROM CARTOONS.
(imitates Italian accent) HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY,
MASSIMILIANO?
(Italian accent) I AM HERE, UH, THIS SHOW "WIPEOUT."
I AM A LITTLE NERVOUS.
WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?
EH, WHEN I SEE THIS SHOW ON TV,
UH, I THINK, OH, MY GOD.
IT'S POSSIBLE DO IT OR NO DO IT.
(John H.) WELL, AS MICHELANGELO SAID,
JUST DUE.
(John A.) I THINK THAT WAS MICHAELANGELO JORDAN.
THE ITALIAN CAN BRUSH UP ON HIS ART HISTORY AT THE SCHOOL DAZE.
ANDIAMO! ANDIAMO!
VANESSA, YOUR GIBBERISH WORDS AREN'T HELPING.
OUR FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT TRANSFERRING TO WIPEOUT HIGH.
MAYBE HE CAN TEACH US A THING OR TWO
ABOUT EUROPEAN FASHION, JOHNNY.
'CAUSE YOU NOTICE THOSE ITALIAN STALLION BOXING TRUNKS?
I NOTICE HE'S HAVING A ROCKY TIME.
BUT HE HAS CLEARED THE HURDLE NOW.
MASSIMILIANO, YOU GOT IT! COME ON! ANDIAMO!
CAN THE ITALIAN EXPORT HIMSELF TO THE FINISH?
WHOA, OH!
WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE, THAT'S A WIPEOUT.
OH! OH!
YEAH, BUT THE PLATFORM PUT THE HIT OUT ON HIM.
MORE THAN 7 MINUTES AFTER STARTING,
THE ITALIAN DRAGS HIMSELF TO OUR SHORES.
GIVE US YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR,
YOUR HUDDLED MASSIMILIANO YEARNING TO BE DONE.
INCREDIBILE.
UGH.
(burps)
WELCOME TO AMERICA?
I LOVE-AH THIS COUNTRY! WHO'S NEXT?
I ROCK ON STAGE, BABY, AND NOW I'M GONNA ROCK THE COURSE!
LET'S GO! WHOO!
SOMETIMES TELLS ME WE'RE, UH, ABOUT TO BE ROCKED, JOHN.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, I'M HERE RIGHT NOW WITH CHRISTINA CONTE.
THANK YOU.
NICE TO BE HERE. (chuckles)
WHAT DO YOU DO, CHRISTINA?
BASS PLAYER. (laughs)
(guitar plays heavy metal chord)
(John H.) HARD-CORE.
NOW WE ALL KNOW WHAT A GUITAR FACE IS.
WHAT'S YOUR BASS FACE?
(bass guitar playing rock riff)
(John A.) DO ALL BASS PLAYERS HAVE TO MAKE THAT FACE?
(John H.) YEAH. IT'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE GOING TO THE BATHROOM WHILE RIDING A BULL.
LOOK, VANESSA'S DOING IT, TOO.
NO, THAT'S MORE OF A BASS FACE.
WELL, BASS FACE READY FOR SOME FACE TIME WITH THE SCHOOL DAZE.
LOOKS LIKE LIFE ON THE ROAD HAS BEEN ROUGH.
OH, I CAN DO THIS!
THAT'S RIGHT, CHRISTINA. STRAP ON THAT POWER GLOWER.
IT'S TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC. (deep voice) BASS FACE IT.
CHRISTINA ENROLLING AT OUR SCHOOL OF ROCK.
BELLIES UP TO THE CAFETERIA BAR.
BASS FACE GOING ON A FENDER BENDER.
SHE HAS ROCKED OUT IN A LOT OF BARS IN HER DAY,
BUT NEVER QUITE LIKE THIS.
(laughs) SHE STRUGGLES OVER,
BUT HER BATTLE OF THE BANDS ISN'T DONE YET.
AAH!
OH!
THAT WAS A LOW NOTE.
NO, JOHNNY. THIS IS GREAT.
YOU CAN'T BE PUNK ROCK UNTIL YOU GET KICKED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL.
CHRISTINA FINALLY REACHING THE STAGE
AND THROWS UP A "THANK YOU, CLEVELAND!" SALUTE.
CRANK UP AN ENCORE, BASS FACE,
BECAUSE OUR COURSE HAS BEEN ONE GIANT MOSH PIT TODAY.
NOTHING LIKE A FAT BASS LINE AND A POUNDING BEAT...
OH, HO!
OHH!
AND THE HEADBANGERS.
OH, HO HO! NO HIPSTERS ALLOWED HERE, MAN.
AAH!
TURN THAT VOLUME *** UP TO 11.
EE!
AND GET READY TO THROW OUT THE THRASH.
FOR THOSE ABOUT TO WIPEOUT...
WE SALUTE YOU!
AND AT THE TOP OF THE COURSE,
OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS SALUTING US.
THIS IS ROBIN STEVENS,
AND SHE'S BEEN TRAINING FOR THE CIRCUS SINCE AGE 6.
ALL RIGHT.
(stretching, slide whistle plays)
(gasps)
(gasps)
(John H.) ACROBATS, JOHNNY.
IN HER FAMILY, THAT'S CONSIDERED GOOD POSTURE.
THE CIRCUS BRAT RUNNING AWAY TO JOIN OUR COURSE.
I CAN'T WAIT!
THIS'LL BE EVEN BETTER THAN WHEN THE FLYING FRATELLOS PERFORMED
THEIR 7-STORY GIRAFFE LEAP OF 1952.
AAH!
OH, BOY.
THE BRAT GOES SPLAT.
IT'S TIME I CAME CLEAN, JOHN.
THE CIRCUS BRAT ISN'T THE ONLY SIDESHOW FREAK AROUND HERE.
LOOK ON ME IF YOU DARE,
FOR I AM...
THE MAN-CHILD.
HALF-MAN, HALF-CHILD.
COME ON, JOHN.
ON THE OUTSIDE, I'M A MILD-MANNERED ADULT GUY.
BUT ON THE INSIDE, I'M A WHINY, SPOILED, POOPY DIAPER BABY.
ADMIT IT! I'M HIDEOUS.
NOT REALLY.
STICK AROUND. MORE WIPEOUTS WHEN WE COME BACK.
I'M GIVING MYSELF A TIME-OUT.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT,"
WHERE WE ARE HALFWAY THROUGH OUR QUALIFYING ROUND.
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, YES, WE ARE.
WE HAVE 12 MORE CONTESTANTS
READY AND RARING TO BATTLE FOR THE $50,000.
WELL, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
I'LL HAVE TO AGREE WITH THAT. (chuckles)
THAT IS A LOT OF RESPECT, JOHNNY.
UH, DID YOU LEARN A NEW PHRASE TODAY?
SURE DID. I'VE BEEN LEARNING TONS OF NEW PHRASES.
THEY MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A PERSON WITH REAL OPINIONS.
WELL, YOU GOT ME CONVINCED.
LET'S PAY OUR RESPECTS TO THE NEXT CONTESTANT.
BE THAT AS IT MAY... BELIEVE YOU ME.
UM... WHICH WAY TO THE BIG BALLS?
UH-OH. LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S A LITTLE LOST.
YEAH, AND THE WEIRD THING IS IT'S NOT ME.
I BET VANESSA CAN CLEAR THINGS UP FOR BOTH OF YOU.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS. I'M HERE RIGHT NOW WITH JENNIFER CASTELLON.
WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
THANK YOU.
NOW TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF, JEN.
BASICALLY, UH, INSTEAD OF BLONDE MOMENTS,
I HAVE JEN MOMENTS.
SO WHAT'S A MOMENT THAT'S-- THAT'S A JEN MOMENT?
UM, I THINK...
MM...
UH... (chuckles) I DON'T KNOW.
LIKE RIGHT NOW.
YEAH. BASICALLY.
(chuckles) THAT'S SO JEN.
(John H.) UH-OH. I SMELL A CATCHPHRASE, JOHNNY,
AND ONCE YOU HAVE THAT, YOU ARE GUARANTEED
(air horn blows)
SURE. LOOK AT HER.
SHE CAN'T HELP BUT FALL INTO SLIPPERY SITUATIONS.
(chuckles) THAT'S SO... SO...
THAT'S SO JEN.
AND THAT'S SO VANESSA.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET HER FINISH THIS TV SHOW
BEFORE YOU GIVE HER ANOTHER ONE.
NONSENSE. SHE'S PERFECT
FOR THE NICKE-DUBBA-W FAMILY CHANNEL.
SHE'S ABOUT TO NETWORK WITH OUR GORILLAS.
(grunts)
(chuckles)
JEN IS ON THE AIR AND INTO THE WATER.
(grunts)
(grunts)
(chuckles) OH, THAT'S SO JEN.
OHH!
(panting) THIS IS SO HARD.
THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL GUEST--
(creaks and thuds)
OH, HO HO!
THAT IS MUST-SWIM TV, JOHNNY.
ANOTHER JEN MOMENT LEADS TO A WACKY RUN-IN
WITH HER SPHERICAL NEIGHBORS.
"THAT'S SO JEN!" MOVING TO A NEW TIME SLOT--
THE POUNDABOUT.
JUMPS RIGHT IN AND, UM, HMM, GOING THE WRONG WAY.
WHAT DO I DO?
JEN'S ALL MIXED UP, JOHN. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
WHERE IS SHE? JEN!
NO, SHE'S NOT... THERE.
(John A. and John H.) THERE SHE IS!
THAT'S SO JEN!
SEASON FINALE FOR JEN AT THE SCHOOL DAZE.
(chuckles) OH, THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.
JEN GETS THROWN FOR A LOOP WHEN SHE'S ASKED
TO THE HOMECOMING TWICE, BY JARED...
HEY, HOW YA DOIN'?
(growls)
THEN SHE FORGETS
WHO SHE SAID YES TO. (chuckles)
CAN JEN CROSS THIS HURDLE
AND HELP HER BROTHER WIN THE SCIENCE FAIR
WITHOUT MISSING THE DANCE?
I HOPE THIS ENDS WITH A CLIFF-HANGER.
WHOA! (chuckles)
MISSED THE CLIFF COMPLETELY!
(chuckles) THAT'S SO JEN!
OH, MY GOD.
(panting) OHH. YEAH!
AND COMING THIS FALL TO ABC...
GOT IT DONE!
...STARRING JEN CASTELLON AS "JEN"...
AND...
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL.
I'M THE MOST POPULAR MAN... (echoing voice) IN THE WORLD!
YEAH, I WAS UP FOR THAT AWARD,
BUT IT'S SUCH A POPULARITY CONTEST.
THIS IS CALIFORNIA NATIVE JULIAN McFADDEN.
HE IS QUITE THE SOCIAL BUTTERFLY.
SO ABOUT HOW MANY FRIENDS WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE?
(John H.) A THOUSAND?!
I ONLY HAVE 500, AND THEY'RE MOSTLY BEANIE BABIES.
I HANG OUT WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE EVERY DAY.
WELL, NOW HE'S JUST RUBBING IT IN.
LIKE, "REAL FRIENDS"?
MAYBE ABOUT 800 IN REAL LIFE,
BUT I MEET SOMEBODY NEW EVERY DAY, TOO,
LIKE ME AND YOU ARE FRIENDS NOW, TOO.
YEAH, THAT EASY.
(John H.) WOW, ANDERSON, DOES THAT MEAN YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS?
ANDERSON?
(John A.) HEY, LOOK. IT'S MR. POPULAR.
HE'S USED TO CLIMBING THE SOCIAL LADDER,
BUT HE WILL TAKE THE RAMP TO THE BIG BALLS HERE.
WHO ALSO HAVEN'T RESPONDED TO MY FRIEND REQUEST.
JULIAN HOPPING OVER HIS B.B.F.F.s,
OH, WOW!
SAY HELLO TO OUR LITTLE FRIEND.
AND $500. SMALLSY'S A FRIEND WITH BENEFITS.
(deep voice) OUCH. MY FACE HURTS.
(woman ululating)
JOHN, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
(continues ululating)
OH, SWEET! IT'S THE YAK LADY.
I MET HER AT A STATE FAIR ONCE.
I'D RECOGNIZE THAT CALL ANYWHERE.
NONSENSE, JOHNNY.
THAT IS 31-YEAR-OLD ZOOKEEPER JILLIAN KING.
SHE HAS A WAY WITH ANIMALS AND, APPARENTLY, VICE VERSA.
JILLIAN, WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING
THAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU AT THE ZOO?
LET'S SEE. I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF ROPING A GOAT.
WHEN I WENT TO TAKE HIM DOWN, UH,
HIS HORNS AND HOOVES GOT STUCK IN MY SHIRT,
(aoogah horn sounds)
(John H.) WELL, I HOPE YOU BOUGHT HIM DINNER FIRST.
(John A.) I THINK THE SHIRT WAS THE DINNER.
OOPS.
LOOK AT HER, JOHN. IT'S LIKE SHE'S PROUD OF IT.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE THING WITH ZOOKEEPERS.
THEY CAN'T JUST ROPE A GOAT AND BRUSH ITS TEETH.
THEY GOTTA GET ALL FLIRTY.
(John A.) ARE YOU CALLING HER A GOAT TEASE?
(bleating voice) MAYBE.
LOOK OUT, GOAT TEASE.
AAH!
AAH!
OHH! AND THE GORILLA TEES OFF ON HER.
(rhythmic voice) NO WAY.
IT'S A BARREL OF MONKEYS ON OUR COURSE TODAY.
ARE YOU, UH, RHYMING ON PURPOSE?
I CAN'T HELP IT, JOHN. FEEL THAT TROPICAL BEAT.
AAH!
IT'S THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE.
(chatters)
AAH!
HEY! STUPID--
AAH!
THEY'LL WHACK YOU ON THE HEAD
(growls)
AAH!
DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE MONKEY...
ON YOUR BACK,
AAH!
(chatters)
AAH!
(growls)
AND MONKEY SEE,
AAH!
(thuds)
AAH!
OHH.
STOP.
I CAN'T--NO-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WELL, JUST BUST A FREESTYLE.
WE'RE DOING--
YOU CAN'T JUST START IN ON A SONG ABOUT A GORILLA
WELL, YOU SHOULD--
I'M SORRY. I'M TRYING TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT,
AND YOU TOTALLY SHUT ME DOWN.
NO, I MEAN, I LOVE IT. I JUST, UH--
IF YOU GAVE ME, LIKE, A HEADS-UP,
I COULD HELP YOU WITH THE LYRICS OR SOMETHING.
I BRING IN BONGOS AND EVERYTHING.
YOU NEVER BRING IN A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT.
GOT A VOICE OF A SONGBIRD.
I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU, AND YOU WON'T PLAY.
NO, IT'S AWESOME, OKAY, BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST TAKE THIS UP AFTER THE SHOW, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ASPIRING BIKINI MODEL TANYA CASEY.
OKAY. CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT HER EXOTIC LIFESTYLE.
SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, TANYA?
I'M A STAY-AT-HOME MOM.
I HAVE 2 KIDS, 2 1/2 AND 4 1/2.
AND WHERE DO YOU GUYS LIVE?
WE LIVE AT MY DAD'S HOUSE. (laughs)
YOUR DAD'S HOUSE?
I'VE BEEN THERE FOR ALMOST 28 YEARS.
YES.
(John H.) THE BIKINI MODEL HAS LIVED
IN THE SAME HOUSE HER WHOLE LIFE?
SHE'S A GENUINE HOMEBODY.
WELL, THE LEAST WE CAN DO IS...
OH, HO HO HO!
AAH!
WITH A SHOVE OF ENCOURAGEMENT,
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
AAH!
NEVER, EVER LEAVE THE HOUSE.
IT'S TIME FOR OUR LAST CONTESTANT
OF THE DAY, 22-YEAR-OLD MICHAEL AYOOB.
HE ALSO HAS AN INTERESTING HOME LIFE,
AS HE EXPLAINED TO VANESSA.
SO WHERE ARE YOU LIVING RIGHT NOW?
RIGHT NOW I'M LIVING AT SCHOOL.
YOU HAVE ANY ROOMMATES?
YES. I HAVE 14 ROOMMATES.
(John H.) 14 ROOMMATES?!
THAT'S NOT A ROOM. THAT'S A GULAG.
(John A.) MICHAEL THE ROOMMATE SHOULD BE HAPPY NOW TO HAVE
A LITTLE "ME" TIME ON OUR COURSE.
YEAH, HE HAS A BIGGER AUDIENCE WHEN HE DOES DISHES.
OH!
(chuckles) SHOT TO THE FACE,
AND HE GETS A COMPLIMENTARY SHOWER.
THAT'LL HAVE TO LAST HIM TILL NEXT WEDNESDAY.
OH, HO!
THE ROOMMATE GETS EVICTED.
MAN, I HOPE HE GOT HIS SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK.
AAH!
AND WITH THAT, ROOMMATE MICHAEL AYOOB--
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HOLD ON, BUDDY.
YOU GET THAT FINISH PLATFORM ALL TO YOURSELF.
YOU BET. STRETCH OUT AND ENJOY, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE CROWDED
INTO THE NEXT ROUND WITH 11 OTHERS.
SOME OF HIS ROUND TWO MATES WILL BE
BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE,
(elephant trumpets)
AND "THAT'S SO JEN!" JENNIFER CASTELLON.
THERE'S ALSO MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN,
THE GOAT TEASE JILLIAN KING,
(Tanya laughs)
STICK AROUND IF YOU LOVE WIPEOUTS,
BECAUSE A WHOLE BUNCH MORE ARE ON THE WAY.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," EVERYBODY.
WE ARE JUST A COUPLE OF JOHNS, HAVING A GOOD TIME.
THAT IS THE TRUTH.
AND, COINCIDENTALLY, AN EXACT TRANSLATION
OF THE JAPANESE TATTOO ON MY LOWER BACK.
OKAY. OUR QUALIFYING ROUND IS BEHIND US NOW,
AND WE HAVE 12 LUCKY DUCKIES STILL WITH US,
FIGHTING FOR THE 50 GRAND.
AMONG THEM, THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE,
AMBERCADABRA AMBER REEDY...
(Amber) HOCUS-POCUS!
AND THE CIRCUS BRAT ROBIN STEVENS.
(horn honks)
THERE'S ALSO MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN...
(Julian) I'M THE MOST POPULAR MAN IN THE WORLD!
THE GOAT TEASE JILLIAN KING,
AND THE ROOMMATE MICHAEL AYOOB.
WE ARE READY TO START THE NEXT ROUND AND READY
TO RATCHET UP THE INTENSITY OF THE COMPETITION.
YEAH, THERE IS A CARNIVAL-LIKE ATMOSPHERE
MM-HMM.
AND THAT IS PROBABLY BECAUSE OF THE CARNIVAL-LIKE OBSTACLE
ON THE COURSE.
WE CALL IT "THE SCAREGROUNDS."
(nasal voice, Southern accent) HEY, Y'ALL!
JOHN, WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?
OH, NO. OVER HERE. IT'S ME--FERRIS WHEELSY.
I JUST ROLLED INTO TOWN.
"FERRIS WHEELSY"?
THAT'S RIGHT, Y'ALL!
(normal voice) UH, IT'S--YEAH. C--
MM-HMM.
(nasal voice, Southern accent) TELL 'EM ABOUT
THE SCAREGROUNDS, MR. A.
IT'S A REAL HEAD-TURNER.
OH, BOY.
IT ALL BEGINS ON THIS SPINNING PLATFORM
(thuds)
THEN THEY'LL LAND ON THESE REVOLVING PLANKS.
Y'ALL ARE MAKIN' ME DIZZY.
THE PLANKS ROTATE CONTESTANTS
TO THIS SECOND SPINNING PLATFORM...
(slide whistle sounds)
UH-OH.
(clanks)
I ALWAYS SAY, "WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND," I ALWAYS SAY.
HOP ONTO THE SPINNING SLIDE,
AND THE JOURNEY IS NEARLY COMPLETE.
(squeaks, thuds)
Y'ALL DESERVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
GET IT? 'CAUSE I'M ROUND.
THANK YOU, FERRIS. MM-HMM.
FIRST SIX TO FINISH GET A SPOT IN THE NEXT ROUND.
ISN'T FERRIS GREAT?
YES, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST TOO BAD
HE'S LEAVING TOWN TONIGHT RIGHT AFTER THIS.
(cheering)
WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST?
PERHAPS THE HOMEBODY WILL FINALLY QUIT
HOLDING DOWN DAD'S COUCH SPRINGS.
I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS, AND I'M SCARED OF FALLING.
WELL, SHE'S WELCOME TO CRASH HERE.
UH, WHO AM I HOLDING ONTO? (laughs)
STANDING IN A HERD IS MAKING THE GOAT TEASE FRISKY.
COME ON. LET'S-- LET'S DO A ""WIPEOUT."
"THAT'S SO JEN!" BREAKING DOWN THE HUDDLE.
AW.
(cheering)
(air horn blows)
(woman) YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT THERE GOES THAT SPINNING PLATFORM.
THEY'RE CLOWNING AROUND... AND AROUND.
(woman) SLOW IT DOWN. SLOW IT DOWN.
WE CAN'T DO THAT. IT WOULDN'T BE A CARNIVAL
WITHOUT A LITTLE OLD-FASHIONED DIZZINESS AND NAUSEA.
(man) WHO WANTS IT? WHO WANTS IT?
WHO'S BRAVE ENOUGH TO GRAB THE TRAPEZE?
LOOKS LIKE TANYA THE HOMEBODY
AAH! (grunts)
AAH!
WHERE THE SWEEPER LEAVES HER HOUSEBROKEN.
HERE COMES MR. POPULAR JULIAN...
HITTING ON THE SWEEPER LIKE IT'S A CHEERLEADER.
HE'S AWESOME AT HANGING OUT...
NOT AT LETTING GO.
(chuckles) WHOA.
AAH!
(indistinct shouting)
OHH!
OHH!
AAH!
THE TRAPEZE DOESN'T WANT TO LET GO...
OF MR. POPULAR.
OH, HO HO HO!
(laughing)
HOLY COW.
HERE COMES BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN.
OH, YEAH!
(grunts)
AMBERCADABRA WHIRLING IN...
AND SHAZAM'ed IT!
DRAPED OVER THAT PLANK.
YEAH, THAT WAS A SLEIGHT OF WHOLE BODY TRICK.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM TAKES A PAGE FROM HER BOOK.
AMBERCADABRA...
OHH!
THIS SUCKS.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM WRITES THE SHORTEST NOVEL EVER.
AAH!
(chuckles) OH, THAT ENDS... (bleating voice) BADLY.
COMING BEHIND YOU. I'M COMING BEHIND YOU.
MR. POPULAR POPULATING THE MIDWAY.
OHH.
OH, HO!
OHH!
SOMETHING WIPEOUT THIS WAY COMES.
WHOO!
MAKING IT LOOK TRAPEZE-Y.
(grunts) WHOO! (chuckles)
YOU DID FIRST TRY, RIGHT?
BOOM!
ROOMMATE AND MR. POPULAR PINNED TO THE DECK,
WAITING FOR THAT NEXT LEAP TO THE PLATFORM.
AAH!
MR. POPULAR DOES NOT ENJOY LAYING LOW, JOHN.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM JUMPS AHEAD TO THE NEXT CHAPTER.
JULIAN, YOU ARE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF
ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, MAN.
THERE'S GIRLS WATCHING THIS.
THAT'S WHY I CHOSE TO BE AN OUTCAST.
WHEN YOU'RE POPULAR,
AAH!
GOAT TEASE LOOKS A LITTLE SHEEPISH ON THIS ATTEMPT.
OH, HO HO.
YEAH!
BOOK ON TAPEWORM IS THE FIRST TO MAKE IT OUT OF THE PACK
AND ONTO THE SLIDE.
JUMPING IS FUNDAMENTAL.
WHOO! YEAH!
WAY BACK AT THE START, HOMEBODY TANYA...
YEAH, WELL, MORE LIKE A HOME-ALONE-BODY.
WHY AM I LAST?!
NO!
AAH!
(John A. and John H.) OH!
YES!
BUT THE CIRCUS BRAT BARNUM-STORMS
TO THE FOOT OF THE SLIDE.
THE HOMEBODY VENTURING OUT AND ABOUT.
OHH! FINALLY!
THAT'LL IMPROVE HER HOMEBODY IMAGE.
MEANWHILE, BOOK ON TAPEWORM HAS LOITERED LONG ENOUGH.
YES! (chuckles)
WOW.
OH, YEAH!
YES!
ONE DOWN. FIVE TO GO, PEOPLE!
MR. POPULAR READY TO JOIN THE IN CROWD.
HE'S ON.
OH, HO!
OHH! HE NEEDS BOTH FEET
GIRL POWER!
THE CIRCUS BRAT READY TO SCORE ONE
YEAH! AAH!
WHOA, HO HO!
SHE CAN'T TAME THE PLATFORM.
MR. POPULAR AGAIN...
OH!
YES!
GREAT. JUST WHAT HE NEEDED.
YOU GUYS, FOUR MORE SPOTS.
CIRCUS BRAT ROBIN GOES FOR A WIPEOUT-DEFYING LEAP.
AND LANDS IT!
YES!
REPRESENTIN' THE LADIES.
(Robin) COME ON, LADIES!
"THAT'S SO JEN!" SHOVING OFF.
ALL RIGHT!
(Vanessa and Robin) YEAH!
YEAH!
OH, YEAH! SHORTEST PERSON HERE, AND I MADE IT. OH, YEAH!
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, RAVEN.
ONLY TWO SPOTS REMAIN,
(exhales deeply)
THE HOMEBODY A CHANCE TO RELOCATE.
AAH!
AND SHE WON'T BE MOVIN' ON UP.
THAT PLATFORM KNOWS THAT
AAH!
AAH!
"WIPEOUT"!
OH, YEAH!
MICHAEL JOINS THE OTHER FOUR.
WHOO!
ONE SPOT LEFT.
(Robin) COME ON, LADIES!
OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.
AMBERCADABRA TRIES TO SLIDE A RABBIT OUT OF HER HAT.
OHH!
SHE FORGOT HER RABBIT'S FOOT.
THERE'S A WAITING LINE AT THE SLIDE.
WE CAN ONLY TAKE ONE.
JILLIAN, LET'S DO THIS.
AAH!
YES!
♪ YODEL-AY-HEE-HOO ♪
THE GOAT TEASE WILL BE SHOWING HER STUFF...
IN THE NEXT ROUND...
COME ON DOWN HERE, GIRL. WE GOT OUR TOP SIX, YOU GUYS.
HOLY COW.
YOU GUYS ARE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT ROUND.
THAT'S HOW WE DO IT AT THE SCAREGROUNDS.
AND THESE SIX'LL BE DOING IT IN THE NEXT ROUND--
THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE,
MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN...
(Julian) ME AND YOU ARE FRIENDS NOW, TOO.
AND THE CIRCUS BRAT ROBIN STEVENS.
"THAT'S SO JEN!" JENNIFER CASTELLON,
THE ROOMMATE MICHAEL AYOOB,
AND THE GOAT TEASE JILLIAN KING.
(bleats)
STICK AROUND, FOLKS.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE SPILLS AND THRILLS.
THAT'S SO ANDERSON.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE. "WIPEOUT" TIME AGAIN.
WE HAVE TRIMMED OUR FIELD OF 24 DOWN TO ONLY 6,
AND NOW THE REAL PARTY BEGINS.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND WE ARE GONNA DO
MM-HMM.
GERBIL RACES, DustBuster FIGHTS,
MAKING SCULPTURES OUT OF ROAST BEEF.
THEN WE'LL DRAW ON OUR FACES WITH HIGHLIGHTERS,
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, AND YELL, "BOO!"
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO A PARTY, HAVE YOU?
(chuckles)
OUR FINAL SIX INCLUDE
THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE,
MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN,
AND THE CIRCUS BRAT ROBIN STEVENS.
ALSO, "THAT'S SO JEN!" JENNIFER CASTELLON...
(Vanessa) THAT'S SO JEN.
THE ROOMMATE MICHAEL AYOOB,
(bleats)
NOW WE CALL THIS ROUND "THE PETRIFIED FOREST."
YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU WORRY. IF YOU FALL HERE,
(chuckles)
OUR THEME TODAY IS THE GOLD RUSH.
(gruff voice) THERE'S GOLD IN THEM THAR WOODS!
THE ADVENTURE BEGINS WITH A ZIP LINE TRIP DOWN
(high-pitched voice) WHOO-HOO!
HOP OVER EACH BRANCH ON THE RIDE AROUND,
BUT WATCH OUT FOR THOSE SWEEPER LOGS.
OHH!
WHERE THEY'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH OUR PROSPECTING HIPSTERS.
YEP, THEY WERE INTO THROWING GOLD NUGGETS AND DYNAMITE
BEFORE IT WAS COOL.
ALL RIGHT!
WHOO-HOO!
THREE OF THEM WILL PROVE THEIR PRECIOUS METTLE
AND MOVE AHEAD TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE, JOHNNY.
FOR THE REST, WELL, IT WON'T PAN OUT.
SEE WHAT I DID THERE, JOHN? I TOOK THE WORD "PAN"...
WHICH ALSO S--
OKAY.
LET THE GOLD RUSHING BEGIN,
AS WE GO DOWN AND CHECK OUT OUR PROSPECTS.
OH! OH! GET A CLOSE-UP ON MR. POPULAR.
HEY, MAKE SURE--MAKE SURE YOU GUYS GET MY GOOD SIDE, OKAY?
YEAH, GET THIS SIDE. DON'T GET THIS SIDE.
THAT'S JUST JEN...
BEING JEN.
I HOPE SHE DOESN'T GET ANY JEN-ER.
LET'S GET THIS GOLD RUSH STARTED.
(air horn blows)
BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN SPEED-READING TO THE FIRST JUMP.
OH, HO!
THE DOOR IS OPEN FOR THE ROOMIE,
WHO TAKES SQUATTER'S RIGHTS ON THE PLATFORM.
THE GOAT TEASE IS NEXT UP ON THE ZIP LINE.
I THINK SHE FORGOT HER ZIP.
(pants) OHH!
OOH! THAT WON'T GET HER GOAT ACROSS.
THE ROOMMATE COHABITATING
(grunts)
OH!
AAH!
OH, HO HO!
BUT GETS HIP-CHECKED.
HERE COME THE LADIES.
CIRCUS BRAT ROBIN...
OH! FALLS OFF THE HIGH-WIRE,
AND "THAT'S SO JEN!" GETS RESCHEDULED.
WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR RERUNS.
THE ROOMMATE MOVES INTO THE TREE HOUSE AGAIN.
OHH.
YEAH, HE'S GOT SO MUCH ROOM OUT THERE,
(grunts)
WHOA! AND SPILLS INTO THE TIPPY TRAP.
(splatting)
HE'S ALLOWED A 30-SECOND BATH AND USED WATER.
THE FORTY-NINERS BLASTING HIM, BUT HE IS HOLDING STRONG.
THIS GUY HAS TO THROW ELBOWS TO GET
(grunts)
OH, YES!
THE ROOMMATE CALLS TOP BUNK
(panting) WHEW!
HE'S MOVIN' ON!
ROOM FOR THREE, JOHNNY. GIVE ME TWO MORE.
CIRCUS BRAT READY TO THROW THE GREATEST TANTRUM ON EARTH.
AND SHE LANDS IT! ACRO-BRATIC!
THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM RIGHT BEHIND HER.
YES! (chuckles)
WHOO!
AAH!
CIRQUE DU SO LONG.
MR. POPULAR--HE'S BEEN AN OUTSIDER SO FAR.
FINALLY JOINS THE FUN.
(grunts)
GOOD!
WHICH LEAVES "THAT'S SO JEN!" AS THE LAST CONTESTANT
(grunts)
OH, GIRLFRIEND, THIS IS A JEN MOMENT IN THE MAKING.
I KNOW. I'M SUPPOSED TO LET GO.
OKAY. (panting)
AND TRIED TO ZIP-LINE INTO CHEMISTRY CLASS
USING FISHING WIRE AND A ROLLERBLADE.
JOHN, YOU REALIZE THIS TV SHOW THING IS JUST A BIT, RIGHT?
SHH! PRINCIPAL BUDDINGSWORTH WILL HEAR YOU!
SURE YOU CAN.
(high-pitched voice) WHOA! WHOA!
"THAT'S SO..." SO.
SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE "JEN" FAN.
(grunts)
(thuds)
AAH!
HE GETS BOOK-CLUBBED!
MR. POPULAR LOOKING FOR SOME LOVE
FROM THE SWEEPER BRANCHES.
OH, HO!
(gurgles)
(grunts)
ALL RIGHT! AND A GENTLE TOUCHDOWN.
HEY! MR. POPULAR DECIDES TO CUT IN LINE.
OHH! THE FOREST CUTS HIM DOWN TO SIZE.
AAH!
OH, HO HO!
SHE SHOULD'VE BROUGHT HER NET.
THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM WORKING ON HIS OWN PAGE-TURNER.
(grunts)
HERE WE GO.
COMING TO JOIN YOU, BROTHER.
YOU GOT IT.
OOH!
PROSPECTORS RAINING DOWN SOME 24-KARAT ABUSE.
I'M GOING NEXT. JUST SAYING.
"THAT'S SO JEN!" TRYING TO KEEP MR. POPULAR IN LINE.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
WHOA.
OHH!
THAT'S SO PREDICTABLE.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM--
HE'S STILL TAKING HIS TIME IN THE TIPPY TRAP.
HEY, THAT'S WHAT I DO
WHEN I LISTEN TO MY ROMANCE NOVELS
WHOO-HOO!
AND I ALSO PAY BEARDED MEN TO OIL ME DOWN.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM TO SECURE PASSAGE TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
GOT IT!
(chuckles) YEAH. READ HIM AND WEEP, JOHNNY.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM NABS THE SECOND SPOT
THAT LEAVES A SINGLE OPEN SPOT.
THE GOAT TEASE STILL MILKING IT
(grunts)
OH!
BUT SHE GETS MUTTONCHOPPED, LEAVING THE WAY WIDE OPEN
HEY! I HOPE YOU FALL!
COME ON. FALL.
MR. POPULAR WITH A THOUSAND FRIENDS
FALL!
(grunts)
OUR PROSPECTORS ARE MAKING HIM
IS THAT CHOCOLATE?
THAT TASTES LIKE CHOCOLATE.
I THINK HIS TASTE BUDS MIGHT BE OFF, JOHN.
OHH! HIS AIM SURE IS.
OUR LADIES NEED SOMETHING GOOD TO HAPPEN.
NOPE. THAT'S NOT IT.
DON'T WORRY.
CIRCUS BRAT READY TO TAKE THAT LAST SPOT.
COME ON.
AAH! AAH!
AW.
MM!
GOAT TEASE JILLIAN MAKING HERSELF HERD.
UH-OH. JULIAN VERSUS JILLIAN.
JILLIAN VERSUS JULIAN. WHO'S IT GONNA BE?
(grunts)
OH!
BUT THEIR RESULTS ARE NOT.
AAH!
BUT IT IS JUST NOT JENOUGH.
JULIAN LEAPING.
(Vanessa) OH!
(chuckles) YES! THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE.
MR. POPULAR BECOMES MR. WIPEOUT ZONE.
WAH! (chuckles)
(bleep)
(both shout indistinctly)
(bleep)
THAT'S SO CLASSY.
YOU GUYS ARE MOVING ON TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(men) WHOO! YEAH!
THE WIPEOUT ZONE WILL HAVE NO JEN,
BUT ALL GENTLEMEN-- MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN,
THE ROOMMATE MICHAEL AYOOB,
AND THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE.
WHEN WE RETURN,
THEY'LL PLAY THE GAME OF ZONES FOR THE WIPEOUT THRONE.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK ON "WIPEOUT."
JOHN AND JOHN WITH YOU HERE IN THE BOOTH.
VANESSA DOWNSTAIRS,
AND IN JUST A SKOSH, WE'LL MEET THE LAST MEMBER
OF OUR CREW-- THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YEAH, HE'S THE SILENT PARTNER
AND, QUITE FRANKLY, THE CRANKY ONE.
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.
NOW WE STARTED THE DAY WITH 24 COMPETITORS,
AND WE HAVE MANAGED TO WHITTLE THAT NUMBER DOWN
YOU KNOW, JOHNNY,
I ONCE WHITTLED A PIECE OF DRIFTWOOD...
INTO A LITTLE, TINY PIECE OF DRIFTWOOD.
FOCUS, JOHNNY. WE ARE ALMOST DONE.
ONE OF OUR FINAL THREE WILL BE CROWNED CHAMP HERE,
AND IT GETS DECIDED IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
LEADING THINGS OFF, A LAUNCH FROM THE BOMBASTIC BLOB--
A THOUSAND POUNDS OF STEEL CRASHING INTO BLUBBER.
UP NEXT, THE SWING BLADES.
IF THE BLADES DON'T CHOP YOU UP,
THE SWINGS WILL KNOCK YOU DOWN.
GET PAST THAT, AND IT IS TIME FOR THE TORRENTIAL TWISTER.
YOU'RE DRY NOW, BUT A HARD RAIN WILL FALL.
NAVIGATE THE TWISTING, TURNING, SOAKING WET CIRCLES
(thunder rumbles)
FINALLY, THE TECTONIC PLANKS.
MIND THE PEGS AND THE GAP
AS THE PLANKS MOVE AROUND BENEATH YOUR FEET.
SOMEONE'S GONNA FATTEN THEIR WALLET
WITH OUR $50,000 GRAND PRIZE.
UP FIRST, MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN.
(high-pitched voice) OW!
LET'S REVIEW HIS WORK TO THIS POINT.
I'M THE MOST POPULAR MAN IN THE WORLD!
MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN
MADE ALL OF HIS 1,001 FRIENDS PROUD TODAY,
(grunts)
AAH!
HIS POPULARITY TOOK A BIG HIT IN THE PETRIFIED FOREST
HEY! I HOPE YOU FALL!
STILL, HE CHARMED HIS WAY INTO THE FINAL SPOT
(grunts)
AND HE CAN BECOME THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS...
IF HE TAKES HOME OUR GRAND PRIZE.
ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY.
THIS IS THE PLACE, AND NOW IS THE TIME.
MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN READY TO KICK THINGS OFF...
AND EXPLODE INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THAT LAST BEEP MEANS A HALF-TON OF STEEL FALLING.
(chuckles) LIFTOFF!
AAH!
BOMBASTIC BLOBS AWAY!
MR. POPULAR SENT CARTWHEELING WILDLY INTO THE ZONE,
AND AFTER THAT LAST ROUND, SOME MIGHT CALL THAT PAYBACK.
OUT OF THE WATER. UP THE LADDER.
MR. POPULAR PUT TO THE TEST ON THE SWING BLADES.
(chuckles) WASTING NO TIME ON STRATEGY.
HE SPRINGS INTO ACTION.
OH, HO HO!
HAD PLENTY OF SPEED TO CLEAR THE GAP
BUT JUST COULDN'T AVOID THE BLADE.
BACK UP AND BACK TO WORK.
MR. POPULAR ON HIS SECOND CROSSING.
CLEARS THE BLADE.
SMARTLY LETS THE SWING PASS BY, FINDING A PERFECT RHYTHM.
BREEZES PAST THE BLADE. OH, NIFTY!
COME ON.
THROUGH THE SWING BLADES
AND ON TO THE TORRENTIAL TWISTER...
WITH ONLY ABOUT 2 MINUTES GONE OFF THE CLOCK.
GOOD HOP ON, BUT GOOD LUCK DODGING THAT DOWNPOUR.
THE LIGHTS, THE WATER, THE ROTATION--
ALL DISORIENTING, JOHNNY.
HEY, KNOCK IT OFF! DON'T HIT ME IN THE FACE.
THOSE WATER BLASTS AS ANNOYING AS THEY ARE DISTRACTING.
OH, HO HO HO!
MR. POPULAR VERY CLOSE TO A FAVORABLE OUTCOME
(grunts)
OH, YEAH! DONE WITH THE TWISTERS.
NOW ON TO THE TECTONIC PLANKS,
AND NOT EVEN AT THE 3-MINUTE MARK YET.
(panting) ALL RIGHT. OVER, UNDER, OVER, UNDER.
WEIGHING HIS OPTIONS HERE, JOHN. THESE PLANKS CAN BE DECEIVING.
HE'S REALLY SETTING A BLISTERING PACE SO FAR.
OVER ONE PEG, AND BY RULE,
NOW HE IS FREE TO GO UNDER THE NEXT ONE.
SIZES UP HIS SITUATION.
NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO CRAWL TO THE NEXT PLATFORM, THOUGH.
UP FOR THE LAST, HE JUMPS--
OH, HO HO!
YEAH, THE STARS USUALLY LINE UP
FOR MR. POPULAR, BUT NOT THE TECTONIC PLANKS.
SO HE WILL NEED AT LEAST TWO TRIES HERE.
STILL MAKING MARVELOUS TIME. ONLY 4 MINUTES IN.
FIRST PLANK NOT A PROBLEM.
EASY OVER AND JUST AS EASY UNDER.
SO FAR, SO GOOD, JUST LIKE ON HIS FIRST ATTEMPT.
(grunts)
BUT NOT THIS TIME.
DUCKS THE FIRST PEG, CLEARS THE SECOND.
(grunts)
OH, HO HO, NO!
HE HAD THE FINISH PLATFORM IN HIS SIGHTS,
BUT LOST HIS PATIENCE AND WENT WAY TOO EARLY.
AND HE PAYS FOR THAT ANXIOUSNESS WITH A LONG ENERGY-SAPPING SWIM.
HE IS HUFFING AND PUFFING.
BACK ON HE GOES, GIVING IT A THIRD ATTEMPT.
HE CLEARLY KNOWS WHAT TO DO.
IT IS JUST A MATTER OF EXECUTION.
MINDS THE GAP, MOVING REALLY QUICKLY NOW.
GOES LOW TO HIGH ON THE PEGS.
(grunts)
YES.
MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN
FINISHES WITH A LIGHTNING FAST TIME
AAH!
ALL RIGHT. THIS IS IT.
WELL, MICHAEL AYOOB IS NOT GONNA GIVE IN TO A NUMBER.
WHOO!
LET'S LOOK BACK.
THE ROOMMATE MICHAEL AYOOB
LEFT HIS 13 ROOMMATES BEHIND AND FINISHED OUR QUALIFIER
"WIPEOUT"!
HE ALMOST DIDN'T QUALIFY AT THE SCAREGROUNDS...
BUT FINISHED STRONG,
(grunts)
YEAH!
WHOO!
IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
THE ROOMMATE ENJOYING A BRIEF MOMENT
OF RELAXATION PRE-TAKEOFF.
THIS BOMBASTIC BLOB
ONE GIANT, PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PILLOW.
(beeping)
READY, AIM, FIRE! (chuckles)
AAH!
OHH!
THAT LOOKED CRAZY.
THAT'S BECAUSE IT WAS.
ROOMMATE DOING TWO COMPLETE FLIPS.
THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE AN ENTRANCE TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
JOHNNY, FORGET TIME TO BEAT.
HOW DOES HE BEAT THAT LAUNCH?
RACING ACROSS THE BLADES.
OHH!
FALLS *** HIS CHEST, BUT CAN'T RAMP UP.
YEAH, PLENTY OF SPEED TO BLOW BY THE SWEEPER SWING
BUT LACKED THE FINESSE TO GET AROUND THE BLADES.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN. WANT TO BE QUICK,
BUT THIS ISN'T A STRAIGHT SHOT, JOHNNY.
YOU NEED TO PUT A LITTLE PAUSE IN TH--
OHH! HE PIROUETTES,
(both laugh)
AND THAT WIPEOUT IS POPULAR ON THE SIDELINES.
TOO MUCH SPEED, NOT ENOUGH CONTROL,
AND ANOTHER BOTCHED LANDING FOR THE ROOMMATE.
ROOMMATE OUT OF THE WATER BUT STILL IN DEEP, JOHNNY.
THIS IS HIS THIRD TRY. MR. POPULAR FELL ONLY ONCE.
OHH!
WENT OFF AGAIN, LEAPING TO NOWHERE!
(grunts)
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER STRATEGY, JOHNNY.
JOHN, IF HE WAS STANDING ON THE SHOULDERS OF 14 GUYS,
THIS ROOMMATE COULDN'T SEE THE LEAD RIGHT NOW.
PUTTING THE "FOR" IN "FORWARD."
WOW. (chuckles) FANCY FOOTWORK THERE
AND FINALLY ACROSS.
OHH. ALL RIGHT.
NOW ON TO THE TORRENTIAL TWISTERS
WITH JUST OVER A MINUTE LEFT ON THE CLOCK.
PERFECTION RARE IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE,
BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDS RIGHT NOW.
ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES, BUT, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S A STABLE, SOLID POSITION AGAINST THE WATER ATTACK.
LEAPFROGS TO THE SECOND TWISTER.
NICE SAVE.
WOW! UNDER A MINUTE TO GO NOW,
AND HE'S READY TO MAKE THE TRANSITION.
(grunts)
STICKS IT AGAIN!
HE IS SCRATCHING AND CLAWING HIS WAY BACK
TO MAKE THIS A RACE.
(grunts)
WHAT AN AGGRESSIVE 30 SECONDS! (chuckles)
A GUTSY PERFORMANCE ON THE TWISTERS HAS GOT HIM
WITHIN REACH OF THE LEAD, AND MR. POPULAR KNOWS IT.
(grunts)
YOU WANTED A CLOSE RACE, MY FRIEND, YOU GOT IT.
HAS TO GO OVER THIS PEG. 15 SECONDS TO GO.
OH, GOODNESS. (chuckles) TURNED AROUND AT THE GAP.
DEALING WITH THAT PEG A SECOND TIME NOW.
SECONDS LEFT AS THE PLANKS ALIGN.
(grunts)
OHH!
THAT IS GONNA END HIS DAY.
(air horn blows)
BUT IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH.
SO MR. POPULAR HANGS ON,
BUT HE WILL HAVE TO SWEAT OUT ANOTHER CHALLENGE.
THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE GONNA MAKE
HIS RUN FOR THE MONEY NEXT.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO MONEY TIME HERE ON "WIPEOUT," AMERICA.
WE ARE NECK-DEEP IN THE BACK END OF THE WIPEOUT ZONE
OR, AS SOME LIKE TO CALL IT,
"THE MOST ELECTRIFYING FIVE MINUTES
IN ALL OF SPORTS TELEVISION."
I AM NOT GONNA ARGUE WITH YOU.
MR. POPULAR JULIAN McFADDEN CURRENTLY HOLDS THE LEAD
IN OUR BATTLE FOR 50 G's.
THE LAST MAN STANDING IN HIS WAY
IS THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE.
LET'S REVIEW HIS JOURNEY.
REVENGE OF THE BOOKWORM!
(high-pitched voice) YEAH!
OH!
AAH!
THEN HE SHOCKED THE JOCKS
(grunts)
ALL RIGHT!
NOW HE'S HOPING TO GO TOP-SHELF...
AND COLLECT 50 GRAND...
IN THE ZONE.
ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO, JOHNNY.
A BIG DAY BEHIND US, AND IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS.
(beeping)
(whooshes and thuds)
WHOA, HO HO!
TAKE A SECOND LOOK.
ANOTHER FRONT FLIP, BUT LOOK AT THAT BODY CONTROL.
THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.
TOTALLY CASUAL GOING INTO THE WATER,
AND JUST AS CALM GETTING OUT.
GETTING AN UP-CLOSE LOOK AT THIS OBSTACLE
WITH THE BAD INTENTIONS.
SPRINTING DOWN THE NARROW. IGNORING THE BLADES.
OHH!
YEAH. GREAT-LOOKING START TO THE SWING BLADES,
BUT HE FORGOT ABOUT THAT SECOND SWING
AND ABSOLUTELY GOT HAMMERED.
SECOND ATTEMPT. STILL EARLY. STILL ON PACE.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM RUNNING LIKE SOMEBODY'S CHASING HIM NOW.
OH, HO HO!
(thunder rumbles)
AND THE FORECAST NOW-- TORRENTIAL TWISTERS.
GOT A BIT OF A LEAD HERE. BLASTED WITH WATER.
THAT'S MAKING EVERYTHING SLICK.
WAITING FOR AN OPENING. WHOA! (chuckles)
GOT MORE OF THE PYLON THAN HE WANTED WITH THAT JUMP.
FORTUNATE TO BE ON HIS FEET AND NOT IN THE WATER.
(grunts)
WHAT AN EFFORT!
RAIN CONTINUING TO FALL HERE.
VISIBILITY PERHAPS BECOMING A FACTOR.
HERE'S THE LEAP...
AND HE'S THROUGH!
MM! 2 MINUTES, 15 SECONDS IN, JOHNNY,
GIVES THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM 3 MINUTES, 30 SECONDS
(grunts)
ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES HERE.
STRATEGY COMING TOGETHER MOMENT BY MOMENT. (chuckles)
NEEDS TO BIDE HIS TIME,
WAIT FOR THOSE PLANKS TO COME TOGETHER.
BOUNDS OVER THE GAP WITH ZERO TROUBLE.
JOHN, THIS IS A CLINIC.
HE IS STARING AT 50 GRAND
AND MAYBE A STATUE AT THE ZONE'S ENTRANCE.
PERFECT POSITION. FINAL PUSH FOR VICTORY.
OHH!
NO!
THAT MEANS MR. POPULAR IS STILL ALIVE.
JOHNNY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
HE JUST CAME UP SHORT.
SO CLOSE, AND NOW THE FULL LENGTH
OF THE PLANKS TO GO.
2 MINUTES TO GET IT DONE.
JUST HIS SECOND TRY.
(grunts)
TOOK THREE TO REACH THE FINISH.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM AT THE CRITICAL CROSSING POINT.
(exhales deeply) OOH.
HE'S GOING BACKWARDS NOW.
OH, MOMENTUM CHANGES THAT QUICKLY IN THE ZONE, FOLKS.
HE WAS INCHES AWAY FROM VICTORY.
NOW HE IS STARTING TO STRUGGLE.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE, JOHN, IS ADVERSITY.
BOOK ON TAPEWORM CAN EITHER GIVE IN TO IT OR OVERCOME IT.
(grunts)
LOOKS LIKE THIS IS GONNA BE IT, JOHN.
LESS THAN A MINUTE ON THE CLOCK.
ANOTHER WIPEOUT WILL END HIS DAY.
(grunts)
SLITHERS OVER THE FIRST PEG. SCURRIES UNDER THE NEXT.
HE HAS GOT THIS COVERED, JOHNNY! (chuckles)
WHOO!
YOU WON "WIPEOUT," BUDDY!
WHAT AN END.
YEAH!
THE BOOK ON TAPEWORM KEVIN OSBORNE
WHOO!
(chuckles)
AND THAT IS A PRETTY SWEET BOOK DEAL.
YEAH, AND THE WORKING TITLE IS "STUFF I SPENT MY 50 GRAND ON."
I LIKE IT. THAT'S GONNA DO IT FOR US.
JOIN US AGAIN NEXT TIME, WHEN 24 NEW CONTESTANTS WILL
TAKE ON MORE CRAZY OBSTACLES.
UNTIL THEN, AMERICA, I'M JOHN ANDERSON...
AND FOR OUR CO-HOST VANESSA LACHEY,
I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING, GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
PLEASE.
AAH.
OH!
♪♪♪
AAH! AAH!
(grunts)
PLEASE. AAH!
AAH!
(grunts) OHH!
AAH!
(growls)
AAH!
(grunts) WHOA!
AAH!
AAH!
WHAT IS THAT? (laughs)