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Right. As well as kicking over my rockery this morning,
the postman has kindly brought me my "POPstation Value Pack".
As you can see, the box bares a vague resemblance to the PSP one, obviously by complete coincidence
and in no way is a cynical marketing ploy to get people to buy this piece of crap.
Erm... the "Value Pack" features: "earphone", "handstrap"
and... what they laughingly call a "color display".
Back of the box has got four available games on.
This one's a soccer one, as you can see,
a man with a biro has helpfully pointed out in the factory.
There's also "Street Fighter", "Submarine Invasion"
and "Fortress Guardian".
Takes three AAA batteries and has a really bad description of the function keys,
in a completely generic fashion that makes no sense whatsoever.
Inside the box, we have... a manual, written entirely on a single sheet of toilet paper,
in Pidgin English. Covers all four games.
Much touted earphones, which are even worse than the ones that came with the first generation iPod.
A handstrap which I wouldn't trust with... well, anything at all, frankly.
Of course, the "POPstation" itself. Lovely(!)
Batteries go in the back, and it features an array of Play Station-similar buttons,
most of which don't actually do anything.
Power switch on the top.
(Tune plays.)
As you can see, it's sort of a semi-colour screen,
basically a Game & Watch type thing.
You've got LEDs at the side, which... really don't do anything apart from glare in your eyes.
And the "Soccer" game itself.
Basically, the pitch is several screens tall,
and you have to kick up and down until you get to the goal,
at which point the goalie doesn't do anything and lets the ball straight in.
I'll attempt to play it quickly. God knows why.
Yep, your player flashes on and off.
You can select which player you're actually controlling, when they don't have the ball.
I think I'm shooting upwards... can't actually tell.
Nope, I think I'm about to concede a goal. Yes, there it is.
The annoying piece of music plays whenever you switch from one part of the pitch to another,
making it even more irritating than it looks.
There is a pause button that works.
Umm, the sound can be turned off, thankfully.
Although, then you don't really know when you've changed part of the pitch or not.
And there's a reset button for no good reason whatsoever.
And I'm now gonna turn that off, because it's making my ears bleed.
And there you have it.