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COSMIC SIGNIFICANCE: 2012 ìEpisode Three: Love Planetî
Prod. # CS-003
CAST
DON VONIKKEN Unreliable narrator. MARVEL S DAY Southern psychic.
LIZA PESCADERA* Sardonic clone, fishy. NAMPEYA Hopi Princess, Impatient, Sharp.
BOWIE Nampeyaís brother. OCHEN Squeaky, ancient, humorous Hopi sidekick
DANTE Pesky Dirtling prodigy VERONICA Gynedroid, precise diction
ROGER-TEN4* Surfer dude Tartus-Saucer space ship
GANADDY/PINDAR/POPE*Pompous Reptoid ruler Ian McNeice in Dune
DIZZY/MALDEK/DOLPHIN*Brain in a jar / Peter Lorre, snickery
OUJET/SEC.OF STATE* Snakey, whispery reptoid. SMYTHE Smarmy villain. Snidely whiplash
OZONA GNYTE Pompous British Elite Sense of Entitlement.
KINAKIN Yogi-like Scurrier elder. Grandfatherly. Trustworthy.
TANAKE Quiet confident, newly ordained Scurrier agent.
DR. DEHYDE Cloning lab scientist. SONIC CIRCUS We are in your mind. No, really.
THE BARD Rich, eloquent Patrick Stewart. FRANCIS BACON Stiff, squeaky. Colin Firth
MAMBA Brazilian graduate student. BHUTO MONK Born in Shangri-La, an enlightened
soul. KINGHTS OF JAH Rastafarian Secret Society
COMPUTER VOICE Chaak station computer.
* voice treatment
SOUND: THEME MUSIC, TIME/SPACE THEME. \VONIKKEN:\ All right, settle down. Today
is session 3 of Cosmic Significance 2012. Transmitting class notes in 3,2 Ö
SOUND: 30 SECONDS: REWIND, CLIPS OF PREVIOUS SCENES
\VONIKKEN:\ We head right into the time stream to Mars City. Spring Equinox. Dante is to
be reluctantly crowned Emperor of the Solar System! But look up in orbit. The savage Hopi
Chief, Nampeya Raintree readies her genetically engineered warriors in Katchina battle suits
as they stand atop a fleet of spider ships, ready to catapult meteors into the living
green membranes that cover the cities on Mars. Letís listen to Nampeyaís single burning
thought. \NAMPEYA:\ Vengeance. The ancestors will know
we have not forgotten what the Eumaricans did to our brothers on Earth ñ smallpox blankets,
empty treaties, scalping, ***, coin purses made of testicles. No more!
NAMPEYA: Bowie, summon the spirits: today we make war!
BOWIE: Nampeya, my Sister, please reconsider! It is wrong to kill the star worts with our
meteor bombs. OCHEN: That last one hit a cow square in the
noggin! BOWIE: And now you wish to *** humans,
too! NAMPEYA: Bowie Greensky, my brother. We carry
the blood of Chief Kikmongwi, enhanced by the Uberlords before he was killed by Astrati
cowboys in the very city below us! For millennia they hunt us and take our land! Today we answer
in blood. If one human - or seven billion - must die: this is the price!
OCHEN: Poor cow didnít see it coming. Black and white fur splattered over the green astro-prairie
with cheesy red chunks of bovine brain. BOWIE: Oh! not the livestock!
NAMPEYA: Enough, Ochen. Bowie, how many of your beautiful pastures have they taken? You
yourself sprouted the star warts on Neptuneís moon ñ
OCHEN: and on Uranus! NAMPEYA: They took them both from us! Just
as the grasses flowered and rainwater became lakes.
BOWIE: We are Hopi. Our very name means peace! And war is death. Ochen, you are wise. What
say you? OCHEN: The end of the Great Piktun is upon
us. And the Cowboys seek their own Unification. They covet all that is ours. And they will
take what they can. NAMPEYA: So! Revenge! Bowie, target the throne
room. Let us kill their new king! SOUND RADIO STATIC. KEVINIZED: ENTERTAINMENT
TONITE. SAL: This is Sal Sonic on Mars with everyone
you believe in. All the characters have assembled for the fabulous Coronation of His Imperial
Majesty Dante DelFeugo Day. SAM: Thatís right Sal. From our view we see
Gypto Queen Isin in the front row, along with royals from Io, Ixion, Orcus and Sedna. But
of course, no Hopi, nudge-nudge wink-wink. And the Scurries are mysteriously absent today
too. Know what I mean? SAL: Pope Bone Addictus will perform the official
crowning act. Oh yes, we know you are listening! We are in your mind! Now look, hereís General
Gannady now! SOUND: CROWDS, APPLAUSE, CAMERAS, WILLIAMIZED
SOUZA GANNADY: People of Mars and piranha of the
press. Today we take our penultimate step toward Unification!
SOUND: CHEERING, CANNED APPLAUSE GANNADY: It is my honor to welcome Mayor Walt
Dizzy as his jar joins us on the platform for the Coronation!
SOUND: APPLAUSE, SLOSHING LIQUID, BUBBLES DIZZY: My fellow Eumericans, we choose to
welcome the Light of All Days Ö and Ö those other things Ö on Winter Solstice of this
very year! SOUND: CANNED APPLAUSE, SNAPPING CAMERAS
DIZZY: Where is the royal brat, anyway? GANNADY: Veronicaís bringing him. Stall them!
\VONIKKEN:\ As you know, Dante was not about to be crowned that day. Instead he was in
a hoverpod, speeding away from Mars City, explaining other plans to his fishy friend
Liza, and Va-Va-Veronica, his robot girlfriend. SOUND: HOVERPOD COMES TO A HALT. DOORS OPEN.
DANTE: All right. This is it girls. Hereís the lab where they have Marvie! Wait here
for Tanake. And Veronica, no matter what happens, you know who I love.
SOUND: DOORS SWISH. HOVERPOD ZOOMS AWAY LIZA: What did he mean by that, honey?
VERONICA: My circuits have divergent imperatives. I cannot compute. Is that man looking for
a sauna? LIZA: Who? Oh! Tanake! Do you wear that thing
everywhere? TANAKE: Not important. Let us go inside and
rescue the girl. SOUND: DOORS SWISH OPEN, SCIENCE LAB SCIENCE
UNDER \MARVIE:\ Oh, at last! Ripley has come to
rid me of my alien infestation. Sweet raptorless joy!
DEHYDE: Veronica, Liza, who is this man with you? Why, that robe! Youíre a Scurrier!
TANAKE: Not important, DeHyde. Iím here for Marvie.
DEHYDE: I really must forbid you waking - SOUND: PUNCHING THUD, BODY HITTING THE FLOOR
LIZA: Tanake, what did you do to him? TANAKE: A psychic pinch. He wonít be out
for long. VERONICA: Look, sheís in there!
SOUND: DOORS SWISH ELECTRICAL ZAPPING & BUZZ LIZA: Oh! Tink! What have they done to you?
Help me get all these wires and shackles off her!
VERONICA: Yes, of course. SOUND: PEELING TAPE AWAY FROM FLESH
MARVIE: Han, is that you? Stop that, my hands are dirty!
LIZA: Come on, Marvel S. Wake up. Why is she saying her hands are dirty?
VERONICA: Oh oh. Sheís in another movie. Hurry, before her mind beams bleed into reality.
MARVIE: I like nice menÖ LIZA: Oh, I know this one! Iím nice men!
MARVIE: No youíre not, youíre a scoundrel! Iíd rather kiss a Woman!
LIZA: I can arrange that! You could use a good kiss.
TANAKE: Oh, for Fisherís sake. Kiss her! SOUND: SMOOCH
MARVIE: Liza? Liza! You look a little green. What happened to my hair?
LIZA: I know, lovey. Iíll fix it. Now come on! Weíre going with our new friend. Wait,
where are we going, Tanake? TANAKE: Oh. Hold on. I must make a call.
MARVIE: Why is he taking off his shoe? SOUND: CROWDS. FANFARE. CHEERS.
\VONIKKEN:\ At last the moment for Danteís coronation had come and Nampeya ordered the
Hopi fleet to NAMPEYA: Attack!
SOUND: CATAPULTED METEORS. EXPLOSIONS. SCREAMS. SIRENS.
\VONIKKEN:\ The first Hopi meteor punched right through the star wort and, unfortunately,
right through Queen Isin! The Astrati elite scrambled for their lives as the atmosphere
of Mars City escaped from the dying star wort. By then Danteís hoverpod was tearing a path
well toward Saucer Pad B. SOUND: HOVERPOD SPEEDING
DANTE: If I make it to the space base Iím home free!
\VONIKKEN:\ Dante didnít know that Nampeya had seen him escape - and was about to plunge
through the thin Martian atmosphere, rocketing the controls of her Katchina battle suit as
she dive bombed right towards the hover pod. NAMPEYA: Look, fools! You have missed him!
He runs! But I will not miss! I jump! SOUND: ORBITAL SKYDIVER DESCENDS AND LANDS
ON HOVERPOD. \VONIKKEN:\ A perfect landing, just as Dante
arrives at the space port. He pops the hatch and runs up the ramp of the nearest saucer.
Heís inside the saucer control room! But, Nampeya follows him!
NAMPEYA: Hello Earth boy. Where do you think youíre going?
DANTE: You said it. Earth! NAMPEYA: Iíd like to see you try! No Dirtling
has ever tamed a mule worm. Only Astrati can -
\DANTE:\ I just need to imagine the cool blue-green oceans of earth, smell the salty air, visualize
Earth from orbit ñ focus Ö focus. SOUND: Ship revving engine, taking flight,
FADES UNDER. DANTE: Yes! Earth, here I come! Home sweet
home. NAMPEA: Itís an omen! Oh what a fool
I am. DANTE: Why do you say that?
NAMPEYA: My skin burns with the blood of a thousand Earthly tribes: Maya, Tlingit, Tocobaga
Ö The Uberlords created the Hopi Astrati with a sacred duty: to spread life across
System Sol. Yes, we can withstand space. Yes, we live a thousand years. But for this we
pay a high price. Hopi may not return to Earth. When this ship passes through the radiation
belts, I will die! DANTE: No! No! Iíll turn the mules back!
NAMPEYA: Once set in motion, there is no turning them. They are like the Uberlords. I, Nampeya
RainTree, first born of Kikmongwi, was to have revenge against the Eumerican cowboys.
I was to see the pyramids of pleasure on Saturn come crumbling down. But now I now have five
hours. There is only one thing to do. DANTE: Iím sorry. I didnít think the Uberlords
were even real. Uh. Why are you taking off your space suit? And your jumpsuit? And your
- oh my! NAMPEYA: Come here, Earth boy!
SOUND: Smooch, buttons pop, zippers unzip, ZING!
DANTE: Oh, my! What are you - Oh! Veronica! NAMPEYA: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! SOUND: SCREAMS. SIZZLING, POPPING. BEAT, ONE
LAST POP. DANTE: Nampeya! Your skin is dissolving!
Sizzling and Popping! Everything just. Gone!
What have I done? Hey, whatís this stuck to my chest? Nampeyaís
medicine bag. It wonít come off!
SOUND: VONIKKEN THEME ASTRAL CLASSROOM \VONIKKEN:\ Well, class, would anyone like
to guess why Nampeya, ah, Unified with Dante just then?
\MARVIE:\ Well, Don, she knew she was going to die, so she had better hurry up and live.
If you donít kiss when you can, you may never be kissed!
\VONIKKEN:\ You would know about that. What are you doing in our class now, Marvie?
\MARVIE:\ Class, I am here to tell you how VonIkken ñ
\VONIKKEN:\ Oh, must we? \MARVIE:\ How Don VonIkken discovered Atlantis.
SOUND: JUNGLE. RIVER FADES. MACHETE. BIRDS SQUAWK.
\VONIKKEN:\ OK. Letís go then to the mountains of Alto Paraiso, Rondonia. Itís
March 29, 2012. The summer sun is burning right through the jungle foliage. Sweat runs
down my back like the river rushing below us, but there was no way I can slow down.
My voluptuous Brazilian research assistant and guide Mamba has located the temple trail
on the jagged lip of this cliff. SOUND: FOOTSTEPS, MACHETES & SOUNDS OF EXERTION
UNDER. MAMBA: Doctor, look!
VONIKEN: Under those vines. Itís a doorway! Mamba, this is my Rosetta Stone of SETI! Proof
that aliens visited the past! MAMBA: Good. Let us hope that we are alone
this time! VONIKEN: If I donít really prove something
this time future expeditions are doomed. I can just hear Smytheís sarcastic voice now.
\SMYTHE:\ Nanny nanny told you so! MAMBA: Perhaps he is green of envy. Your theories
get much attention and funding for Hale Anthropology. As head of the History Department, that must
annoy him something. VONIKEN: Somewhat. Annoy him somewhat.
SOUND: STONE AGAINST STONE, OPENING MAMBA: Doctor! It opens!
VONIKEN: That passage should be knee deep in dust-
MAMBA: -but it looks like it was cleaned this morning!
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ECHOING DOWN HALL VONIKEN: We donít need the flashlight. Through
this door! MAMBA: Weíre in the bottom of a perfect sphere!
The walls! They are jade! VONIKEN: Watch out Mamba! The door is closing!
SOUND: STONE DOOR GRINDING SHUT MAMBA: Weíre trapped!
VONIKEN: Thereís an opening at the top! MAMBA: Thereís no way up!
SOUND: DISTANT RUMBLING, GROWS LOUDER MAMBA: Whatís that?
SOUND: LARGE ROUND STONE ROLLING INTO SPHERE VONIKEN: Mamba watch out, thatís a boulder
rolling around up there! SOUND: ANOTHER BOULDER ROLLS IN AND AROUND
THE SPHERE. MAMBA: Bom Deus, Doctor! Itís as big as we
are! Oh no, thereís another coming in! SOUND: BOULDERS ROLL. CRASH/EXPLOSION. GLOW.
VONIKEN: Mamba? Are you there? Where is that light coming from? So bright. I canít see!
Mamba! SOUND: RUMBLING EARTH, STONE RISING TO 20
FEET OVERHEAD VONIKEN: Why, the lightís shifting into something
solid! Mamba, I canít believe you arenít here. You have the camera!
SOUND: ELECTRONIC PULSING, COMPUTERS REVVING GENTLY
FEMININE COMPUTER: Sol System Datacore, Chaak Station Interface. Generating holomap. Portal
arch activated! Select destination. VONIKEN: Why, itís the solar system. Those
pinpoints of light: Jupiter, Venus, Mars. Thereís hundreds! This is it! And this glowing
archway full of smoke. I wonder where it goes? Computer, who built this facility and why?
SOUND: SCRAMBLING. COMPUTER: Actualizing 3D holoscreen, aroma
sensory inputs and seating. Setting algorithms SOUND: WOOD CREAK, FOLDING, SETTLING, PILLOWS
PLUMP VONIKEN: Wow. A chair, right up out of the
floor. Can I have a soda and some popcorn too?
SOUND: WIND WHOOSHING AS WE DESCEND TO ATLANTIS. COMPUTER: Of course. Now sit back and enjoy
as we explore the War Between the Reptoid Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt and Island of Atlantis.
Here is an aerial view of the concentric city walls that surrounded Atlantis in ten thousand
BC. With trade routes spanning the Earth, Atlanteans claimed heritage from the gods
themselves. After the arrival of the Reptiods in Eygypt a fierce battle broke out for the
ETC AD LIB UNDERÖ \MARVIE:\ Don, not to interrupt. Where are
your aliens? \VONIKKEN:\ I dunno. Zis was even better!
Better than TV, better than candy. Better even than sex! I could see Atlantis from above
the clouds! SOUND: ABRUPT END TO SOUNDRACK IN BACKGROUND
SMYTHE: Tsk. Tsk. Dr. Voniken. Again, we see there is nothing you can possess that I cannot
take away. You chose the wrong friends to confide in.
VONIKKEN: Smythe! Itís you! After all these years! What have you done with Mamba?
SMYTHE: Mamba served her purpose. And now you have led me to yet another artifact so
that at me! SMYTHE: The arch!
SOUND: VONIKKEN SCREAMS, FALLING AWAY. WIND. \MARVIE:\ Class, I guess thatís it for Don
I mean, Dr. VonIkken. Donít worry, yíall can learn all about Altantis in the web extras
at CosmicSignificance.com! SOUND: GULLS. BOAT HORNS. ITALIAN GONDOLA
MUSIC. \MARVIE:\ Now letís all astral project to
this backwater canal in Venice, Italy where Dr. Smythe reports the Pope, a bionic dolphin,
and the Secretary of Defense, who are being possessed by the reptoids Pindar, Maldek and
that nasty Oujet, dis-respectively. PINDAR THE POPE: Report, vile minion. I am
your Pope and God! SMYTHE: Oh most slithery one. As promised,
Procedure 39A pushed the Dirtling archaeologist back in time. He will trouble us no more.
However, your Holiness. The Light of all Days has escaped.
PINDAR THE POPE: Aargh! SOUND: SPLASHING WATER. DOLPHIN SQUEAKS.
PINDAR THE POPE: Maldek, stop that infernal flipping! You are getting my crosier wet!
MALDEK THE DOLPHIN: So unfair, brother Pindar! Why do I have to be the dolphin?
PINDAR THE POPE: Silence! I, his Holiness, have spoken! You are to communicate our plans
for the final destruction to Leviathan, deep in the ocean!
MALDEK: But - PINDAR THE POPE: Aargh! Secretary of Defense
Bumsfelt, report! OUJET THE SECRETARY: I have embodied the ssSecretary
long enough to goad the Unified Nations military into invading Sustainia under the guise of
peace keeping. It wonít be long before Total War erupts!
SMYTHE: Your, ookieness. Dante Day has proven more wiley than I anticipated. He was a worthy
pupil. He may prove to be a worthy adversary. If he is trained by the Scurriers -
PINDAR THE POPE: We have ruled System Sol for ten thousand years. This Day Light will
not interrupt our plans for complete domination. Now, how do you intend to capture this troublesome
Dertling prodigy? SMYTHE: Crusiquestrian agents are scouring
System Sol to find him. Our quarry cannot have gotten far and the Crusiquestrians are
master trackers. Their specialty is, uh, scouring system Sol to find troublesome Dertling prodigies!
PINDAR: Aarg! Go! \MARVIE:\ Look yíall. See how the reptoid
shapes shimmer at the edge of this dimension. Oujet actually occupies the same space as
the Secretary of Defense, controlling her mind! And look at those glowing red eyes!
Now, no gawkiní! I know theyíre fugly. It feels creepy too! See, reach in and -
SOUND: PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE MARVIE: Oh, wait class, I am receiving a call
in my mind. Let me patch it in. Hello? \GLORIA:\ Marvie honey, is that you?
\MARVIE:\ Hi Momma. Kinda busy! \GLORIA:\ Oh, where are you? Why would you
look at that? Hello class! Astral traveling are we?
\MARVIE:\ Everybody, this is my mom, Glory S. Day. She was just leaving.
\GLORIA:\ Nonsense, Marvie. Now class, I just want to remind the boys in this class, and
you know who you are, to be courteous whilst poking about in peopleís minds. Donít make
these girls have to pull the blinds on your peeping mindís eye.
\MARVIE:\ Momma! \GLORIA:\ Oh! Itís your father, Caesar. Goodbye
everyone! SOUND: POOF!
\MARVIE:\ Momma! Címon yíall. Letís get back to Dante. He is in a flying saucer,
about to make a perfect landing in the dark green hills of Lalibella Ethiopia.
SOUND: SAUCER SHIP LANDS. DANTE WALKS OUT. REGGAE.
DANTE: Pyramids in the forest. And a three headed rasta! Who are you?
KNIGHTS OF JAH: We are tree Knights of Jah. I and I and I must get you inside.
SOUND SCUFFLING OF FEET AS THEY ENTER BUILDING DANTE: What is this place? Oh! Is that the
Ark-? KNIGHTS OF JAH: Yah mon, of de Cov-nant. I
and I and I use it to talk to de mon in the sky.
DANTE: You mean God. KNIGHT OF JAH: No. Kinankin.
SOUND: HAM RADIO TUNER. KINNAKIN: Hello?
KNIGHT OF JAH: De boy is hey. And hey mon, he has a pappoo!
KINNAKIN: I see. Then he cannot return to Earth after all
DANTE: Hey, now wait a minute. I just got back here!
KINNAKIN: Send him to Venus. I will contact the Hopi.
KNIGHT OF JAH: Ad Gaudia mon! SOUND: SPACETIME WARP
\MARVIE:\ Oh gosh, class Ö where was I? Oh yes. While Dante went to
Earth, I was also escaping Mars. Tanake and Liza rescued me away on a Scurrier saucer
ship. I kept drifting back into my dreams. I was hiding in a blind, hunting aurochs,
and Oujet was hunting for me! SOUND: HORSES IN WOODS.
\OUJET:\ Where are you, little witch? Come hither, slither. A billion coppertops I shall
ride to find you. Yesss. Come hither slither! \MARVIE:\ Iím scared! Oujet will find me!
LIZA: Itís OK, my flutterby. Itís me, Liza. Wake up, my love. Weíre on Venus!
SOUND: HOOVES RIDE AWAY. COW MOOS! MARVIE: I was dreaming again. Are
we there yet? LIZA: Tanake had to leave, babe - to get Dante
on Earth. But look out the window here. Check out Venus!
SOUND: OCEAN. BIRDS. BHUTANESE CHANTS. MARVIE: Turquoise oceans, blue skies
and green islands! Itís like the South Pacific, with greek temples. Mmm. Is that jasmine I
smell? MONK: Welcome to Shengen, you are safe in
the abode of the immortal gods of Bhutan. May you find joy, ad gaudia.
MARVIE: Ad guadia. I heard that when I was a little girl.
MONK: There are many old and new lessons if you are to pull the blinds on the demons who
would possess you! In the morning we will meditate together. And we shall seek joy.
SOUND: BHUTANESE CHANT. \MARVIE:\ The monks taught me to focus on
joy and to keep that brightness inside with happiness partitians, shielding myself from
Oujet! Joy even helps me grow my hair faster! Liza cut it short to blend in, and we were
snorkeling in the crystal blue corals of Venus when Dante arrived.
SOUND: BEACH SOUNDS. WATER SPLASHING. DANTE: Liza! Marvie! Iím here!
LIZA: Come on in! The water is simply delicious! SOUND: TAIL SPASHING. SWIMMING.
DANTE: Liza, can you really breathe under water?
LIZA: Nevermind that. What about you? Are you allright?
DANTE: The Hopi medicine bag wonít hurt me, so long as I stay away from Earth. Or so they
tell me. They also told me my family is alive. And Marvie is my sister
LIZA: Twin sister! MARVIE: I should thank you for saving my life
- Danny! Remember me, Mowie? DANTE: Mowie? Youíre my sister? I remember!
Oh Mowie! LIZA: Hugs! Hugs at sea!
DANTE: But whereís Veronica? Did she? Wait, is that a periscope? Coming this way?
SOUND: SPLASHING. VERONICA SURFACES, SPOUTING TOOT TOOT.
VERONICA: Submariner V, at your service, my love!
DANTE: Oh Veronica, I ñ VERONICA: Shut up and kiss me!
SOUND: KISS. SPLASH. LAUGHING. BEACH FADES TO CHANTS.
\DANTE:\ Dear Journal, Iím on Venus with my long lost sister and Veronica here at Shengen
monastery where I am supposed to learn about meditation. Beats sitting around doing nothing,
I guess. I donít know how that is going to help me get Nampeyaís medicine bag off my
chest. Itís still growing. The monks call it a pappoo, and they keep telling me to just
breathe deeply and be happy. A Hopi specialist is on his way. I hopi he hurries, journal!
DANTE: Veronica, do we get Sonic Circus Channel here?
VERNOICA: Letís see, Darling. I think so. SOUND: RADIO CLICK. TUNER. GAME SHOW MUSIC
IN AND OUT. SAM SONIC: Welcome back to the Tom Toe psychic
putt putt course on lovely Venus. Sal is on the green where the PPA tournamentís top
two golfers Stormy and Marvie are teed off. SAL: Thatís teed up Sam, or maybe teed in,
since their psyches actually enter the ball before it rolls through the obstacles.
SAM: The earlier holes have been challenging. We just saw both players zip through the windmill
of anxieties, but this is where it really gets tricky. Morning traffic. Letís be quiet.
Stormy has stepped up to the tee. SOUND: TICK OF GOLF BALL. HIGHWAY. BEEP BEEP.
STORMY: Into the ball and ha! Faster! Hey. Get out of my way, Dirtling prick! Argh! Move
it you imbecile! SAL: Oh, look at that. The more she yells,
the slower traffic goes. STORMY: Oh, to talos with it. I quit!
SAM: Look at that. Stormy has exited the ball, picked it up and placed it in the hole. How
will the judges score that? SAL Now letís watch Marvie. Surely she can
make par. SOUND: TICK OF GOLF BALL. BEEP BEEP.
MARVIE: Into the ball I go and Whee! Oh, highway 4! All these poor people! Oh well. Iíll just
take a deep breath. Now itís slower still? Well, if it stops completely I will
just have to have a chocolate! Slow down traffic, slow down. Oh! Here we go!
SOUND: BALL IN CUP. CROWD CLAPS SAL: Look at that Sam, another hole in one
for Marvie. SAM When we come back, our players face the
trebuchet of death. When the bottom drops out, will they look down in terror or laugh
and enjoy the ride? Weíll find out right after these words from Nessies Underwater
Tours. SAL: And remember: do what you want, you will
anyway! SOUND: MUSIC UP OUT. BEACH/CHANTS RISE UNDER.
KNOCK ON DOOR. DANTE: Hello?
OCHEN: I am Ochen Flowerpetal, of the clan Kikmumgwi and you are carrying Nampeyaís
child in your pappoo! You must come with me to the Hopi moon Calypso orbiting Saturn if
you and the baby are to survive. DANTE: Her what! Iím what? A baby!
Oh my God! OCHEN: We must hurry. The Crusiquestrians
have been dispatched to extinguish the Light. None of us are safe here.
DANTE: Saturn! How do we get there? VERONICA: No problem, I knew we would need
a way to get around, so had I Roger repurposed into a Saucer.
DANTE: My valet droid is a flying saucer now? VERONICA: Mm. Hm.
DANTE: Where is he? ROGER: Dude! Right here all the time. Invisible,
dude! SOUND: BLING!
ROGER: Iím like bigger on the inside and can hang ten through space-time. Dude, Iím
a tartus saucer! With a bitchen holomasker. Look, Iím a police box!
SOUND: BLING! ROGER: Chaa! Now Iím a fire hydrant!
SOUND: BLING! ROGER: Wicked! Now Iím a litter bo-
DANTE: Roger! Can you really take us to Callisto? SOUND: HORSES WHINNEY AND CLOMP. EXPLOSION!
CHANTS END. VERONICA: Thereís no time! Look down there
at the gate. The Crusiquestrians are here already! They blew up the thousand foot Bhuddha!
Oh no! Flying robot horses are coming up the hill, this way. Oh, get into Roger, everybody.
Hurry! SOUND: POUNDING AT DOOR. WHINNIES!
VERONICA: Theyíre at the door! I can hold them off. I can spread out into a plasti-flesh
shield and hold the door closed while you get away. Go! Go Dante!
DANTE: Veronica! Nooo! SOUND: ROGERíS *** ENGINES / TIMESPACE WARPS
THEM AWAY. VERONICA: You know who I love!
SOUND: WHINNEY. EXPLOSION. \MARVIE:\ Well class. We all escaped, but
poor Veronica was shattered into a billion plasti-flesh pieces! Oh, would you look at
the clock. You will have to wait until next time to find out what happens! Hopefully Dr.
VonIkken will be here, if he ever finds a way back from Atlantis. Ad Gaudia!
VOICEOVER: Cosmic Significance 2012 is written and directed by Dewey Davis-Thompson and Elizabeth
Brackman and is a production of Soundstage Radio Theatre and Pirates and Angels Productions.
Full credits and web extras online at CosmicSignificance.com.