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You guys, listen to this song I just wrote. It's called "I hate you guys". I hate you
guys. You guys are ***. Especially Kenny. I hate him the most. I just want an ***
so I can give it to my mom. What? And then these aliens had me up on their ship, right?
They were probing me and all that. We had taco salad that night. Don't matter what we
had for dinner woman! Now this alien had a big head, and big black eyes, and it was all
bent over me. I said "What do you want from me alien?". And you know what he said? Tree
fiddy. Let me tell the damn story now! He said tree fiddy. And so I realised then that
it wasn't no alien, it was that *** Loch Ness monster again trying to trick me into
giving him tree fiddy by dressing up like an alien. Don't that jus beat all? I'd just
given him tree fiddy the week before. What? You gave that monster another damn tree fiddy?
He tricked me. Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house, you keep giving
it tree giddy. Does anybody know what *** harassment means? Yes, Eric? When you're trying
to have intercourse with a lady-friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls
from behind. Now it's important that we all stick together. Is everybody still here? I'm
not. Who's not? Me. Oh my god dude! I just saw Tony Danza! No, you didn't just see Tony
Danza, Stanley. As well all know the cause for all of this, is Randy Marsh, the son of
a *** who calls himself a scientist. We caught up with Mr Marsh earlier today and
he had this to say: Uhh I, I don't know what to say.. What an ***. I hate that guy
and so do you. And now on to the weather. It's *** hot, thanks to Randy Marsh, son
of a ***. Look out he's got a gun! Wait. It's not a gun. It's a piece of paper. Oh.
The hardest thing to do is to get kids to wear their glasses. I'm just gonna take them
off as soon as I leave. That's why we have the little stapler. Ow! Son of a ***! Wow!
Costa Rican prostitutes! Hey, look at the prostitutes you guys! What are you looking
at man? Yeah, why don't you take a peekture? Okay. Kleek. Eric, sit down! You guys, my
mom is totally worried about me. You better let me down. She's not worried about you.
Yeah she is. I've been hearing her all day. Listen...listen... Eric! Eric where are you!
I miss you very much! That's not your mom calling. Yes it is you guys, I'm seriously.
This is Eric's mom and I want him home right now. Mayor, we're from the Department of Interior.
Oh yes, how are you? Fine just fine. Fine just fine. Fine. I can't go with you right
now. Yes you can, porky. Mehhm, seriously. That's not funny boys. Eric isn't fat, he's
big ***. He must have a huge bone in his *** then. *** it mom! Well that's fine,
I guess you don't care about what Tweak said about your mom. Nope. Eh! *** it. Oh I
guess you don't care what Tweak said about your guinea pig. What? What did he say about
stripe? Oh nothing, except that you stick it up your *** before you go to bed. That
kitty. Take the picture to mommy, and lead her back here. When you return, be sure to
bring momma through the back door. Now hurry kitty, you're my only hope! That's it! That's
it mister kitty! Meow. Ah *** it! All new inductees raise your hands. That's you
Kenny, raise your hand. Uhh yes, and what is your name young man? Junichi. Oh, wonderful.
Uh, could you go out and grab some of those candles for us? There we go. How should we
split up? I know, let's have everyone who like having obstacles in their life which
they can overcome go this way, and everybody whose insecurity sabotages their potential
to overcome those obstacles go that way. Okay! Wow, that was easy. Stanley, I think it's
best you live with Kyle from now on. His dad is better than me. No he's not, he can't even
get an ***! Haha, really? Hands on buzzers. Turkey sandwich! Damn he's quick. Oh, sorry!
No I'm sorry! No, it's my fault. No, it's all me. My bad. Sorry. Sorry. Do not move
or we will be forced to shoo- *** it who was that? Did you see them move? I did. Yeah.
Yeah they moved alright. Boys, as president of the United States, I'd like to commend
you for stopping the rebel uprising. Don't touch me. We don't take kindly to your types
around here. Dude, what the hell is going on? Did you guys see a big panda bear in here,
or not? We don't take kindly to panda bears! Well we don't take kindly to you! We don't
take kindly to folks who don't take kindly around here. There was my uncle, Richard.
He... he molested me. When was that? Saturday. Last... last saturday. Oh Holy Night. The
something.. something.. distant. It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie. Jesus
was born, and so I get presents. Maybe we'll come and visit some time. Yeah, and maybe
Jesse Jackson we'll be president. Dude! What? We're not gonna come visit him. I know, but
you don't tell him that. Whatever. This snake is more afraid of us than we are of it. Oh
my God! Yeah, that snake is really scared of us alright. When one little panda puts
his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. Okay,
is everyone accounted for? Goddess Wind? Here. Goddess Moon? Goddess Moon?! Yeah I'm here.
And I'm here, Goddess Earthly Delight. I'm sure that together we can make this Millennium
party the best New Year's bash ever! Poo pants. What? Poo pants. Poo pants? Pooped ma pants.
You pooped your pants? Pooped ma pants. We did it Eric! Get down! Get down and party!
I seriously! But you totally screwed up Waco. You killed a bunch of innocent people and
tried to say they killed themselves. Look. You see this? You see this? Yes. You see it?
You see it? Go get it! Go get it! Just do it yourself, I'm leaving! Oh come on Santa,
you can't leave. No, *** you Jesus! Dammit I don't think you children have been working
on your fingering! That's not true Mr Garrison, Kyle was working on his fingering with his
mom all night long. Shut up fat ***! He he no seriously. Kyle's mom says Kyle's getting
really good at fingering. The first party of the first panda may sue the second party
panda, unless that panda was said panda aforementioned panda. Now we must find a safe place for it.
I'll keep it at my house. No Garrison, you'll just try to have sex with it. What? How dare
you say that! Garrison, you remember what happened to the wounded pigeon you were supposed
to take care of? Oh come on, you all know that pigeon was a total ***. So I guess the
lesson is: it's easy to perceive something some way, and then be wrong. We all need to
learn to be a little less perceptive. Yeah. The gang and I wrote a song about it, and
it goes a little something like this: and a one, and a two, and a.. Yeah! Does Cleveland
like to rock? Yeah! *** it yeah! Great and honorable Moses, what do you desire from
us, your children? I desire.. I desire.. macaroni pictures. You guys, seriously! Somebody get
me down from mya! Officer Barbrady! T. T is for turtle. Wild, wacky action bike! It's
the bike that's hard to ride! So you are now officially in charge of South Park's fish
and wildlife. You have authority over all of them. I have authoritah? That's right.
And people must respect it. Well that should be fine, just fine. Fine, just fine. Fine.
Oh no, nothing's worse that Cartman with authoritah. Thank you. Another chance to be in same room
as big American ***. My *** so small! Nice guys. We are the CIA. That ship needs
to be with us. Maybe we should just take something precious of yours, huh? Aha! This! This gourd
thingy for instance. How do you like that, huh? If you ever want to see this.. little
thingy again, I suggest you contact your boy. Ready? Begin! C, H, Ch, Chalk. That is why
I go to Japan and walk around and sayyy, hey there Mr Shintoist! Merry *** Christmas!
God is gonna kick your *** you infidelic pig and ***! In case you hadn't noticed, there's
festive things to do, so let's all rejoice for Jesus, merry *** Christmas to you.
Look, kid. Did you really think this was gonna fool anybody? You don't look anything like
Tom Brokaw. What? Dare you question my integritah? I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have a moustache,
fat ***! Wha? Woah. I had some bad burritos today. Now, let us introduce ourselves. Elder
Carn, from the Orthodox synagogue. Elder Harris, from the Hasidic sect. Elder Garth, from the
synagogue of anti-semites. How can I resist an *** so great? It is onry and ***. You must
overcome the *** with your mind. This *** is unlike any I have encountered master! I
win! There is indeed great power in your *** Eric. Now you can collect them all! Furrycat,
Donkeytron, Pengin, Shoe! Yeah! And then he used this flashlight, and some cotton swabs
to create the ghosts. Then all he needed were some sound effects, created by this cup, and
a piece of cheese. Arrghh! And all he had to do then, was to create a ghost ship using
some candles, a mirror, and two squirrels! Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm,
sometimes he's practically water! Sometimes he hangs off the edge of your ***, and won't
fall in the toilet, because he's just clinging to your sphincter, and he won't drop off and
so you shake your *** around trying to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it doooes!
Uh, so we're gonna need an ionic tractor disruptor. Now not a regular ionic.. tractor disruptor,
but a negative ionic tractor disruptor to uh, help spread the word of Jesus. I look
like a *** idiot up here. Oh! Woh! Oh dad! Oh goodness gracious! No stop dad, stop!
Ha ha woh, how could you? Hello kids, I'm Hoppy the "Don't do stuff that might irritate
your inner ear" badger.