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What's the verdict? L.A. River, huh? It's pretty good.
Time to catch our flight.
Erica. Hi. Hi.
Sorry I'm late- I was, like, one minute away from taking off. I have a plane to catch; I'm just up here for the weekend.
Sorry, I have this huge car. It's a *** to park.
You're, like, fifty minutes late.
Jeez, am I? ***.
Well...I'm not gonna make any excuses. Well you just did.
Any more excuses.
I would've recognized you, even I hadn't known you'd be here. You look the same. Just, older.
Thanks?
So, funny me working with your parents, huh?
I guess your mom doesn't remember the time that she kicked me out her car and that bag of hash fell out of my backpack.
Oh, she remembers.
Seriously?
Yeah, um...okay, how to say this? Tom, my mother hired you as her broker because she's not really interested in selling her house.
Well, I don't think that's true.
I don't think you're right about that.
I am right. I know I'm right.
She did it to spite me, because I have been pressuring my parents to move into a retirement community, which she claims she's okay with
as long as she sells the house first, so she hired you to make it seem like she was moving forward with the sale
but in reality she has no expectations that you'll be able to find a buyer.
She tell you that?
Tom. If you were serious about moving, would you hire the stoner kid from your daughter's eighth grade carpool?
Who has never sold a house in the seven figures?
I...might.
I'm sorry.
It's highly possible that she saw something in my sales approach that you're not aware of.
Uh, okay like what?
I took out a quarter page in the Chronicle.
You got the address wrong. It's one nineteen, not one-oh-nine. There is no one-oh-nine.
Well that's their mistake. It wasn't. I called.
That ad was twenty-one-hundred dollars.
Well, I'll tell you what. I'm happy to reimburse you for that.
No, it's okay, it just gets taken out of my commission. Right. What I'm saying is, you're not going to sell the house. Someone else is.
A different real estate agent. And when that happens I'll make sure you're not out of pocket for anything.
Your mother hired somebody else? No. I'm asking you to bow out.
Cause you're just going to spend a lot of time and money on this sale, and it's not going to amount to anything. So you should just walk away, now.
How do you know it's not going to amount to anything?
What, because I don't have a fancy office on Union Street? Because my, like, area of expertise is condos?
Because I sold drugs in high school?
You were a *** in high school, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're a *** now, does it?
Although- I am a ***. I'm a ***. I have no problem admitting that.
And admitting it is preferable to doing something about it?
Well I'm honest. I'm thinking honestly. I am totally able to accept certain truths about my life.
Such as? Okay.
Such as, I know that aging is going to be difficult and I won't be able to live like a fifty year old when I'm in my eighties.
Such as, I will probably never have any help making decisions about how the end of my life is going to progress so I have to make plans now.
What kind of plans can you make now? You mean like a cemetery plot?
I'm going to be cremated.
So you've, what, purchased an urn?
No, I have made my wishes known.
I have to take care of these things myself.
I'm an only child. An unmarried woman who has fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to have a kid.
Which she doesn't even want. Which means maybe two or three minutes to change her mind, which she won't do.
It doesn't sound so crystal clear.
That was a bad example, I just. I just...
I believe in just facing the truth head on. And planning accordingly.
This is funny. I liked you. In high school, even though you were a ***.
Look, I'm not saying you're not a good broker.
I'm not...great.
See?
I got a late start. I was kind of busy with rehabs there for a while.
Jesus.
But I could be. I'm willing to work real hard. This house could totally turn things around for me.
Come on, please?
Walk away?
Look, I have people I can recommend you to. They're condo people- Ah.
But my parents don't have the time, literally they do not have the time on this Earth to pretend that the broker they hired,
because they ran into his mother in the pool in the Jewish Community Center,
is capable of finding someone with a million and a half dollars who wants to buy a house that essentially hasn't been touched since the Eisenhower administration.
I'll sell the house in twelve weeks. You won't. You don't have the resources.
I'm telling you.
Ten weeks. Ten weeks to get an accepted offer.
If that doesn't happen, you...you bow out and just say you bit off more than you could chew.
If I sell the house in ten weeks you go to bed with me.
What?
Not because I'm into you, just because you've written me off and I want to make sure you realize that, that was a mistake.
No.
No, absolutely not. Under no circumstances. No.