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Joey, get out here.
Beautiful women have been
coming from that apartment
for, like, an hour.
An hour?
Why didn't you get me?
I was stuck
in the hot tub!
I didn't want them
to see my legs!
Well, hello there,
gorgeous.
I don't have
chicken legs!
This is like a dream.
Pinch me.
On the arm!
Who goes for the ***?
I gotta see what's
going on in there.
Hi, there.
Hi.
Can I help you?
Yeah.
I live across the way
and I would like to join
whatever club is meeting here.
There's no club.
Those are my clients.
I'm a photographer.
Wow.
I love *** photography.
I didn't say ***.
I definitely heard
someone say it.
Uh, I'm Joey.
I'm Sara.
I'm Michael
Leave.
Okay.
It's amazing to me
that you're a photographer.
I mean, you are so beautiful,
you should be
in front of the camera.
Wow.
You really came out
swinging, huh?
Okay, okay, let me try
a different approach.
Uh, I saw a flower
this morning
and I thought it was
the most beautiful thing
I'd ever seen
until I gazed upon you.
Mmm
Listen, I really
appreciate the effort,
but you don't have
to work so hard.
If you want
to ask me out,
just ask me out.
What? Just ask you?
Yeah.
Watch this
Do you want to
go out Saturday?
Yeah.
Great, we have a date.
Wait, wait, wait.
I didn't even compliment
your eyes.
I know my father
must have been a thief
because he stole
two stars from the sky
and put them in my eyes.
I did not know that one.
That's good.
Pick me up at 8:00.
Huh.
Hey, there.
I saw a flower this morning.
I thought it was
the most beautiful
thing I'd ever seen
until I gazed upon you.
Really? Thank you.
Okay, so I'm not crazy.
Choose any direction,
* All right, y'all,
all right, y'all *
* You wanna be all right,
you gotta walk tall, come on! *
* Everything's
gonna be all right now *
* Everything's gonna be
all right *
* All right, y'all,
all right, y'all *
* You wanna be all right,
you gotta walk tall *
*ll right, y'all,
all right, y'all *
* You wanna be all right,
you gotta walk tall, come on! *
Hey, guys!
Whoa.
Sexy
new underwear there, huh?
My God!
You can tell?
When I was a kid,
I wished for a superpower.
That's what I got.
So what's the special occasion?
Well, my husband's going
to be home tomorrow,
so Gina took me to get some
sexy undergarments.
Ooh.
And it's a good thing I did,
'cause she was wearing
( whispering ):
cotton granny pants.
Well, it's gonna be really great
to see him.
He's been gone
for, like, two months.
That's a long time
to be away from your man.
You guys ever try phone sex?
Yeah.
I'm not very good at that.
I tend to laugh too much
and overdescribe the room.
Hey, you rented the apartment
to that new girl?
Nice job.
Thanks for getting me
a hot one.
I thought you two
might have sparks.
I miss Melrose Place.
Well, I got a date with her
Saturday night.
She lives right across
the courtyard.
What if it doesn't work out?
That could be so awkward.
Please, there
is no awkward situation
I can't smooth over or run from.
Okay?
But, I gotta say,
this girl's a tough one.
None of my normal lines
work on her.
I'm gonna have
to bring my "A" game.
And, uh, what
is your "A" game?
Well, I take her
to this restaurant
where the maitre'd
knows my name
and makes a big fuss
over me.
Then he seats us at a table
where she can't miss
my head shot
hanging on the wall.
"Oh, how embarrassing.
"
Then, at some point
during the evening,
I'll have one
of my "famous friends"
send over a bottle of wine
maybe Bobby Duvall
So?
Or Celine Dion.
Okay, I could see that working.
Excited about
your date tonight?
Oh, yeah.
I called the restaurant
and set everything up.
Oh, who are they
gonna say sent the wine?
Well, I went with Alan Thicke
and Lou Diamond Phillips.
Yeah I like the idea
that they're friends.
Hey, Joey, how you doing?
Hey, Eric, welcome back.
Thanks.
Hey, honey.
Hey.
So when was
the big reunion?
That was it.
He just got home.
Really? After two months?
What are you doing
out here talking to me?
Get in there
and make up for lost time.
Joey, it's the middle
of the day.
We couldn't do that.
Could we?
I guess we could.
I think I'm going to!
Attagirl!
Don't let that new thong
go to waste!
Amazing!
Through corduroy?
( door shuts )
You are going to
love this place.
The food is great.
The problem is,
they tend to make a fuss
when actors come in.
Oh, I'm not a big fan
of actors.
You don't like actors?
No.
They're
so self-absorbed
and need so much attention.
But they're
America's royalty.
MAITRE'D:
Mr.
Tribbiani!
Welcome.
That was a very
good show last night.
Yes, Tony, I also enjoyed
The Apprentice.
Right this way, please.
I saved a very special table
for you.
Mm
Thank you.
Thanks.
So, do you, uh,
like sports or, uh?
Wh-What is that? Is that you?
Is that your head shot?
No, that's not
what this wall means.
I ate the 96-ounce steak.
As did Bernadette Peters.
Joey, what's going on here?
I wanted
to impress you.
All right, so I brought out
my "A" game.
All my best moves
my my best lines.
You don't need to do that
with me.
Okay, maybe we should
just order.
Yeah, okay.
You know,
I'd order the pizza,
but I haven't
had a decent one
since I moved here
from the East Coast.
Me neither.
Everybody recommended this place
called Mario's
I went there.
It was awful, right?
So bad I had to go
someplace else
and eat a whole
other pizza
just to get the taste
out of my mouth!
I'm lucky my mom sends me
pizza from home.
Wait, where are you from?
Philadelphia.
( gasps ):
I love your sandwiches!
MAITRE'D:
Mr.
Tribbiani,
compliments of Alan Thicke
and Lou Diamond Phillips.
Interesting pairing.
Thank you.
So, can I get you
some wine,
compliments of Vanilla Ice
and Tom Skerrit?
Nice.
Sure.
Yeah.
Wow.
These are great.
Did you did you
take all these?
Yeah.
That one, I took
in Burma.
The little girl
was selling gum
on the street.
Her eyes were
so melancholy,
yet so full of hope.
Couldn't get her
to smile, huh?
Eh, what are you gonna do?
You have
a very interesting face.
I can see why you
became an actor.
Thank you.
Mind if I photograph it?
Okay.
Have a seat.
Joey, don't pose.
Gotcha.
I'm not getting a sense
of who you really are.
Well, but what if this
really is who I am?
Listen, you know what,
let's just take a break.
We'll have some wine
and I can do this later.
Sounds good.
Hey, I wasn't ready.
No, this is great.
But I'm not
doing anything.
Just relax.
Be yourself.
Look, if I was out
with any other girl
running my "A" game,
I would lean in
and kiss you right now,
but I'm not
sure what to do here.
Well, this camera thing
is my "A" game,
so let me make this easier
for you.
I may borrow heavily
from this in the future.
Good morning, everyone.
So I take it your date with Sara
went well last night?
It was really nice, yeah.
She's not like
other women I've dated.
I mean, we didn't have sex,
but I still feel like
a connection was made.
Is that shallow?
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
How is it having Eric back?
Oh, it's great.
It's good.
It's a challenge.
It's hard.
Really? Wh-What's wrong?
I guess I've forgotten what
it's like to live with somebody.
Oh, it's a compromise.
Yeah, it's taken me and Michael
months to get everything
just the way I like it.
Yeah, it's different
with Eric here.
Like, I was doing a crossword
this morning,
and the clue was
"TV lawyer Ally blank"
and he said, "McBeal".
I mean, I'm a lawyer
and I'm spunky.
I think I know who
Ally McBeal is, okay?
Well, I'm sure
being back must
be an adjustment
for him, too.
Oh, yeah, especially
since now he suffers
from this horrible affliction
called "jet lag".
You may not have heard of it
because apparently my husband
is the first person
ever to have it.
Um, I've had jet lag.
It can be pretty bad.
He was in Cleveland!
Okay, so he's bugging you.
Have you tried to talk
to him about it yet?
Uh no.
The way I was raised, we didn't
talk about our problems.
When my mom was upset
with my dad,
she'd just go to the tennis pro
and work on her game.
She always came back so happy.
It must have been Diego's
relaxed island attitude.
Yeah, that's probably it.
Bu-But still, you know, maybe,
maybe you and Eric should talk.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Okay, I'll try.
Trust me,
it'll help.
I mean, when I first moved in,
I had a big problem
with Michael snoring.
But then we talked about it,
and it got better.
"Talked about it"?
You put cotton balls in my nose
and duct-taped my mouth shut.
And we worked it out.
( knock at door )
Hey.
Hey.
I just wanted to
stop by and thank you
for all the Philly
cheesesteaks you sent over.
I think 30 sandwiches are
gonna last me a while.
I know it sounds like a lot,
but the cheesesteak
is a very versatile snack.
Lunch on the go? Cheesesteak.
Tired after racquetball?
Cheesesteak.
Can't find a baby gift?
Cheesesteak.
Well, I really appreciate it.
Hey, your neighbor across the
way does something nice for you,
you want to say thank you?
Cheesesteak.
Cheesesteak.
Yeah.
You know, Joey,
I gotta tell you.
You' not exactly who
I thought you would be.
Do you want to go out
again tomorrow night?
You're just asking me?
I mean, I want to, but I'd
think I'd like you
to work a little harder.
Okay.
If I could
rearrange the alphabet,
I would put "U"
and "I" together.
Where do you get this stuff?
I'll see you tomorrow night.
Okay.
Well, look at that.
I just got asked out on a date.
You really like her.
I do.
In fact, I like her so much,
I'm going to do something
I've never done before.
I am not going to date any other
women until I see Sara again.
You're going out
with her tomorrow.
That's like 24 hours.
I know.
That's three very
disappointed ladies.
I mean if Sara sees
me with another girl,
she might feel weird.
I mean, she's
right over there.
You see, now, this
this is why
I don't date girls
within the building.
( chuckling ):
Okay, buddy.
( laughing harder )
( sighing ):
You working on dinner yet, hon?
It's only 3:00
in the afternoon.
God, what can I tell you,
I'm on Cleveland time.
( Eric chuckling )
Oh, God, I got the lag.
It's bad.
( whispering ):
You have to say
something.
I don't know.
ERIC:
Now, honey, on your crossword,
you missed an easy one.
"Sesame Street character
blank monster.
"
That's Cookie.
Okay, we have to talk.
JOEY:
You know what?
I'm gonna give you
two some privacy.
( takes deep breath )
Honey
you know that I love you.
But I'm not used to
having you around
and there are some things
that have been bothering me.
I'm so sorry.
I just
You know, I know
I haven't been myself,
but I'm just so tired
with the
Jet lag! Yes.
Um, funny you should
mention that,
because one of the problems
is that you've been talking
a lot about that.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh, well,
I didn't realize.
Um, I'm sorry.
And please just let me do
the crossword puzzles myself.
Okay.
And if you're gonna
use the exercise bike,
maybe just throw
some shorts on, okay?
( Gina gasps )
Are those two squirrels
doing it again?
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Alex is finally
getting everything
off her chesest
with Eric.
And I really
don't appreciate
you critiquing me
when I'm singing
in the shower.
Well, as a musician, it bothers
me when you sing off-key.
As a musician,
it also bothers me
that you never shave your legs.
Well, as a lawyer, it bothers me
that your family sucks!
Well, you know, will you,
will you please them
to get out of there?!
Hey, Michael, look at
Sara out there, reading.
Oh, well, every diamond
has its flaws.
Whoa, check out that
stripper-looking girl
wandering around.
Ah, stripper-looking?
She is a stripper.
I met her at the
Oh, God, she's here for me!
Remember I'm not dating
anyone because of Sara?
Well, I canceled my lunch,
my dinner, but not my backup.
I forgot about the backup!
Damn, I can't even
remember her name.
Tammy? Terry?
Why is she over there?
Well, she's clearly lost.
She's gonna ask Sara
where I live.
Something with a "T",
what are you doing out there?!
Okay, I need your help.
All right, what can I do?
Okay, I need Sara
to think that
"Something with a T"
is here for you, okay?
So, go out there, get her
and walk her back here.
This doesn't really play
to my strengths, Joey.
I don't lie well,
I don't deal with women well.
I don't walk particularly well.
It's from the hot tub to
the apartment.
15 feet.
Come on, Michael.
You can do this.
I believe in you.
All right, there's
just no other option?
If there was,
would I be asking you?
Hi.
You remember me, right?
I'm Michael, Joey's nephew.
Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
So that's my date.
I'm here for her,
and-and she's here for me.
There's a connection there,
it's exciting,
but I'm, I'm really not sure
where it's going.
Excuse me.
Um, I'm looking
for an apartment.
Do you know where
I live? Yes, right there.
It's me.
Who are you?
Who am I?
I'm Michael, your lover.
Uh my what?
What's going on?
Nothing's going on.
It's just, uh
It's, uh.
Man down! Man down!
Go to your room and think
about what you did!
Ladies, before I commit
to a path here,
what is the situation as
everyone understands it?
Well, if I were to guess,
I would say that
this nice woman?
Charlene.
Wow, was I off.
Charlene was here
for a date with you,
and you had
Michael come out
to pretend that she
was here for him.
That's that's
that's not what this is.
Then what is it?
( stuttering )
Uh uh
( laughing ):
You're in trouble!
See you later, Joey.
Sara, wait
Charlene, look, I'm
I'm gonna have to cancel, okay?
I really need to
go deal with her.
Okay.
Call me, Joey.
Wow.
You're game.
Hey, listen, Sara,
I am really sorry about that.
But you should know,
I made that date with Charlene
before I even met you.
I'm not upset that
you had a date.
I don't care that
you see other women.
But you lied to me and
put on that stupid show.
Just be honest, Joey.
That's the most
important thing.
So, to summarize,
I can see other women?
Yeah.
I get that you're the
type of guy who dates a lot
I'm okay with that.
Are you serious?
We went out on one date.
How inappropriate would it
be for me to be jealous?
Very!
Wow, you are so cool.
This is going to work out great.
Hey, Sara.
Hey, Rick.
Hey, we'd better get going
if we're gonna make that mov.
You know what?
I just need a minute,
so just make
yourself at home.
Sure.
So you date, too.
Is that okay?
Yes, of course.
It's awesome.
I love it!
RICK:
All right, cheesesteak!
See, having a date
with another dude?
Cheesesteak!
( forced chuckle )
( door slamming )
How'd it go with Sara?
Well, she's not mad at me.
In fact, she doesn't mind
if I see other women.
That's great.
Kind of.
Yeah, she's actually
with another guy right now.
You okay with that?
Not really.
I feel a little jealous.
Not something
I've experienced much.
Don't care for it.
Well, we did it.
Eric and I talked.
We screamed a bit.
We got everything
out in the open.
It was pretty intense.
Look, Alex, I'm sorry,
but can we talk about this
another time?
I'm going through some stuff
right now, okay?
There's a guy over there
with his hands
all over my cheesesteak!
Eric and I are
getting separated.
That's bigger.
Eh, excuse me.
Yeah?
I saw a flower this morning
and I thought it was the most
beautiful thing I'd ever seen
until I gazed upon you.
Wow.
Thank you.
Would you like to go and
get some coffee?
Okay.
Oh, god.
Your legs.
I got to go.
Damn you, chicken legs!!