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♪ Suspenseful Music ♪
♪ Suspenseful Music ♪
Mr. Manners: GOOD EVENING, MADAM, MA
Ms. Fairstone: I DON'T KNOW.
MY NAME'S FAIRSTONE, LINDY FAIRSTONE.
I'VE GOT AN URGENT MESSAGE TELLING ME TO COME HERE..
AH YES. INSPECTOR NUGGET HE'S WAITING FOR YOU IN THE LOUNGE.
INSPECTOR NUGGET?
YES.
THE GREAT DETECTIVE?
YES, MADAME.
NUGGET OF THE YARD.
÷
Inspector Nugget: PLEASE, PLEASE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
WHEN WE ARE ALL HERE... NOW SETTLE DOWN.
AH, MISS FAIRSTONE.
INSPECTOR NUGGE?
OF THE YARD. YES
WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?
They all inquire simultaneously
WHY ARE YOU ALL HERE?
TO ASSIST ME IN INVESTIGATING A MYSTERY.
A BODY HAS BEEN PULLED OUT OF A LAKE.
Mr. Pilbury: A BODY?
A PERPLEXING AFFA
THERE WERE NO SIGNS OF VIOLENCE:
THE VICTIM HAD NO REASON TO TAKE HIS OWN LIFE,
YET NO WEAPON HAS BEEN FOUND WHICH MIGHT SUGGEST...
Mr. Welt: ***?
FOUL PLAY.
WHO WAS HE? I MEAN, DID WE KNOW HIM?
SOMEBODY IMPORTANT?
YES...
AS A MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC WHOM YOU ALL SERVE.
WELL, WHAT DO WE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WITH MY CONSUMMATE FORENSIC SKILL,
I INTEND TO SHOW THAT EACH ONE OF YOU
CAME INTO THE CONTACT WITH THE VICTIM DURING HIS LAST HOURS.
BY MEANS OF MY INFALLIBLE DEDUCTIVE METHODS
I I
IOR
WAS
N -
THE WEAPON WHICH CONSIGNED THE UNFORTUNATE MR. HAPLESS
TO THE ICY WATERS OF THE LAKE.
crying
WHAT IS IT MISS FAIRSTONE?
POOR MR. HAPLESS.
I CAN'T BEAR TO THINK OF HIM BEING...DEAD.
AH, SO YOU REMEMBER HIM.
Sr. Cartledge: POOR MR. HAPLESS INDEED.
PAH!
I REMEMBER MR. HAPLESS...
WELL, MR. PILBURY,
SINCE YOU WERE THE FIRST TO SEE HIM ON THAT FATEFUL DAY,
PERHAPS YOU COULD TELL US WHAT SORT OF PERSON HE WAS?
Mr. Hapless sings: ♪ OH I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE,
OH I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEA...
DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DA...
NOW, LET'S SEE... INOCULATIONS, SHOE SHOP,
MOTHER'S PENSION...
doorbell rings
YES?
MR. HAPLESS?
YES?
TELEPHONE ENGINEER.
YOU WANTED A NEW EXTENSION SOCKET?
OH, I COMPLETELY FORGOT.
I'M GOING AWAY ON HOLIDAY...
AH, LUCKY MAN. SOMEWHERE NICE?
EPHEMERA.
ABROAD. SUNSHINE EH?
SO DO YOU THINK YOU COULD COME BACK ANOTHER TIME...
IT'LL ONLY TAKE ME A MINUTE, MAN.
PROMISE I SHAN'T GET IN YOUR WAY...
ALL RIGHT THEN, YES, YES. COME IN, COME IN.
THAK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT'S UP IN MY MOTHER'S BEDROOM, FIRST ON THE LEFT.
I'VE GOT SOME COFFEE ON THE GO, WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP?
YES, THANKS MAN.
COFFEE...
HE WAS A NICE BLOKE, AS I REMEMBER.
I SEE: AN ORDINARY, PLEASANT, UNASSUMING MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC.
THANK YOU MR. PILBURY,
I DON'T THINK I NEED DETAIN YOU ANY LONGER.
THANKS!
THERE MUST BE SOM SORT OF MISTAKE!
SISTER?
THE HAPLESS I KNEW WAS DIFFICULT AND TRUCULT,
THE SORT OF PATIENT I CAN WELL DO WITHOUT.
DIFFICULT? IN WHAT WAY?
WELL HE'D COME IN FOR AN INOCULATION -
AGAINST EPHEMERENZA -
AND I CAN TELL YU
I DIDN'T MUCH LIKE HIS ATTITUDE FROM TH
NEXT!
OVER THERE.
EPHEME
T?
YES.
ROLL YOUR SLEEVE UP.
IS THIS ABSOLUTEY ECESSARY?
I FIND INJECTIONS...
YOU THINK HEALTH REGULATIONS ARE THERE JUST FOR FUN, DO YOU?
NO, I WAS ONLY ASKING -
YES?
WELL, DO YOU THINK PERHAPS
THERE'S A PILL I MIGHT BE ABLE TO TAKE?
DON'T YOU THINK I'D GIVE IT TO YOU IF THERE WERE?
LOOK...
DO YOU WANT THIS INJECTION OR DON'T YOU?
I'M A VERY BUSY WOMAN.
AND A VERY RUDE ONE - YOU OUGHT TO BE MORE POLITE.
I TREAT YOU JUST THE SAME AS EVERYBODY ELSE.
AAAAGH!
COW!
I GET THEM LIKE THAT ALL DAY. JUST PLAIN AWKWARD.
I SEE..
COULD IT BE THEN THAT WE HAVE TWO MR. HAPLESSES?
THE ONE AN AFFABLE AND ACCOMMODATING PERSON,
THE OTHER A BAD-TEMPERED TROUBLEMAKER?
Mr. Tanner: LOOKS LIKE IT GUV!
I THINK NOT.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, SISTER,
IF I TOLD YOU THAT THE MAN WHO CAME INTO YOUR SURGERY
WAS THE VERY SAME OBLIGING MAN WHO HAD JUST BEEN VISITED BY MR. PILBURY?
I'D SAY HE'D HAD A PERSONALITY CHANGE!
EXACTLY!
A MAN WITH TWO PERSONALITIES -
THE PERSONALITY OF MR. PILBURY,
AND THE PERSONALITY OF SISTER CARTLEDGE.
I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT A MR. HAPLESS.
INDEED WE ARE.
IT WAS THE DIFFERENT BEHAVIOR OF EACH OF THE TWO TOWARDS HIM
THAT CAUSED MR. HAPLESS
TO BEHAVE IN TWO SUCH CONTRASTING WAYS.
MY FIRST, AND VERY SIMPLE POINT.
/6é!/6
COSTS NOTHING TO BE FRIENDLY
AND IT HELPS MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FRIENDLY...
AND BEING UNFRIENDLY HELPS MAKE PEOPLE UNFRIENDLY.
TO PUT IT IN A NUTSHELL:
THE WAY PEOPLE BEHAVE TOWARDS YOU
IS USUALLY DICTATED BY THE WAY YOU BEHAVE TOWARDS THEM.
BEHAVIOR BREEDS BEHAVIOR.
BUT AS I SAID, I'M A VERY BUSY WOMAN...
[÷
MAY I SERVE TEA, INSPECTOR?
THANK YOU, MR. MANNERS.
BUT IT DOESN'T EXACTLY MAKE ME GUILTY OF ***, DOES IT?
AH, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CALL THE POLICE, SIR?
NOT QUITE YET, I THINK.
ANYWAY, IT'S JUST THE WAY I AM. I CAN'T HELP IT.
A COMMON MISCONCEPTION, SISTER.
YOUR BEHAVIOR ISN'T SOMETHING YOU'RE BORN WITH, YOU KNOW -
IT'S NOT A CONSTANT,
LIKE YOUR GENDER OR THE COLOR OF YOUR EYES; IT'S A VARIABLE;
IT'S LIKE A HAT YOU WEAR.
IT'S A PERFORMANCE -
A PERFORMANCE YOU CHOOSE TO PUT ON.
Mr. Figgis: LOAD OF RUBBISH.
I MEAN, SOME PEOPLE ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO BEGIN WITH -
YOU HAVE NO CHOICE HOW YOU BEHAVE WITH THEM.
I WONDER IF YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. FIGGIS.
COURSE I'M RIGHT.
MR. WELT -
YES?
SLIPSHOD SHOES LTD?
OH...YES...
MR. HAPLESS WASN'T IN A PARTICULARLY GOOD MOOD
WHEN HE CAME TO YOUR SHOP,
STILL SMARTING FROM SISTER
AS MUCH AS FROM HER NEEDLE...
Inspector Nugget: HOW DID YOU REACT TO HIS BEHAVIOR?
WELL?
I DO APOLOGIZE.
I'LL SEND THEM BACK TO THE MANUFACTURERS AT ONCE.
BUT I'M
I WANT THEM REPLACED NOW!
I'M SORRY SIR, BUT WE DON'T STOCK SUMMER LINES AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR.
WHY NOT?
THERE'S NO DEMAND FOR THEM.
BUT THERE'S A PAIR IN THE WINDOW.
YES, SIR, THEY'RE FOR DISPLAY ONLY.
GET THEM OUT.
THEY'RE NOT YOUR SIZE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
I PUT THEM THERE.
I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
I AM THE MANAGER.
THEN HEAVEN HELP THE SHOE BUSINESS.
KEEP YOUR PERISHING SANDALS AND DROP DEAD.
AND DROP DEAD YOURSELF!
DROP DEAD, MR. WELT?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO ME.
I WOULDN'T BE IN YOUR SHOES, MATE.
THEY'D FALL APART FOR A START!
SHALL I CALL THE POLICE NOW, SIR?
NOT JUST YET, MR. MANNER.
LOOK I APOLOGIZED FOR HIS WRETCHED SANDALS, DIDN'T I?
HE WAS JUST OUT TO BE ABUSIVE.
YES, BUT YOU WAS ABUSIVE BACK, MATE.
WE'LL COME TO YOUR EVIDENCE IN A MOMENT, MR. FIGGIS.
YOU SEE, MR. WELT, YOU HAD A CHOICE.
DID I?
A MOMENT OF CHOICE,
WHEN YOU COULD EITHER BE AS RUDE BACK TO HIM AS HE WAS TO YOU, OR...
WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE GONE ON BEING PLEASANT
IN ORDER TO GET HIM TO BE PLEASANT BACK.
EXACTLY.
THE PROFESSIONAL APPROAC,
WHICH IS OFTEN THE PRODUCTIVE APPROACH.
YOU MIGHT HAVE GAINED YOURSEF A VALUABLE CUSTOMER.
NOW LET'S SEE WHERE YOUR MOMENT OF CHOICE CAME.
BUT THERE'S A PAIR IN THE WINDOW.
YES, SIR, THEY'RE FOR DISPLAY ONLY.
GET THEM OUT.
Inspector Nugget: THERE! THAT'S WHERE YOU CHOSE TO SNAP BACK,
WHEN YOU COULD HAVE SAID...
WELL, SIR, WE DON'T NORMALLY SELL THE DISPLAY SHOES,
BUT...WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SEAT,
AND I'LL SEE IF THEY'RE YOUR SIZE.
OH, RIGHT.
THE COLOR MAY BE A FRACTION FADE,
BUT AT LEAST WE'LL GET YOU OFF ON YOUR HOLIDAY WITH SOMETHING TO WEAR.
OH YES...
OH YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU SEE? A CHANGED MAN.
HAD MR. WELT UNDERSTOOD THE POWER OF BEHAVIOR,
MR. HAPLESS WOULD HAVE LEFT HIS SHOP A CONTENTED MAN
AND THE SUBSEQUENT TRAGEDY MIGHT NEVER HAVE OCCURRED.
YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR BEHAVIOR
TO AFFECT EVERY SINGLE ENCOUNTER YOU HAVE WITH A MEMBER OF THE PUBLIC.
÷p■■■■■■■N#&OU CHOOSE.
HOW YOU CHOOSE WILL HELP OR HINDER EVERY SINGLE TRANSACTION.
WELL IT'S OBVIOUS, ISN'T IT.
THOSE TWO DIDN'T DO MUCH TO HELP,
THEY SO
NES - ND.
I'M OFF.
smash!
A CREAM BUN, MR. FIGGIS?
OR A CHOCOLA
COULD IT BE THAT MISTER FIGGIS'S ACCUSATION
SPRINGS FROM A DESIRE TO CONCEAL SOME GUILTY SECRET OF HIS OWN?
THAT MR. HAPLESS CAME
SHORTLY AFTER HIS ENCOUNTER WITH MR. WELT.
SO WHY DON'T WE TAKE HIS PLACE AND SEE FOR OURSELVES
EXACTLY WHAT SORT OF BEHAVIOR FIGGIS CHOSE TO OFFER HIM.
EXCUSE ME...
ARE YOU SERVING?
HA! HA! HA!
SO I SAID, IF YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT WE'RE MADE OF, THINK AGAIN JOHN.
WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO LET THEM KNOW WHO'S BOSS, HAVEN'T YOU.
EXCUSE ME, I'VE COME TO COLLECT THIS PENSION.
ONE MOMENT.
CAN I HELP YOU.
YES, I'VE COME TO COLLECT MY MOTHER'S PENSION TODAY,
NOW, THIS MINUTE ACTUALLY -
YOU SEE I'M GOING OFF ON HOLIDAY.
WHY HASN'T YOUR MOTHER COME TO COLLECT IT HERSELF THEN?
WELL IT'S ALL PROPERLY AUTHORIZED AND EVERYTHING...
phone rings
YES?
NO,
,
NO.
NOW, CAN I HELP YOU?
I'VE COME TO COLLECT THIS PENSIO.
PENSIONS? SECOND WINDO
WHAT?
NEXT COUNTER!
CALL YOURSELF A PUBLIC SERVICE?
YOU'RE A PUBLIC DISGRACE!
I MEAN I WOULDN'T BUY A PENNY STAMP FROM THIS POST OFFICE
IF IT WAS THE LAST ONE ON EARTH!
THERE'S A QUEUE HERE!
YES, WELL...
I WASN'T FEELING EXACTLY...
ONE HUNDRED PERCENT THAT DAY.
THE PROFESSIONAL'S BEHAVIOR, MR. FIGGIS,
IS A CLOAK FOR ALL HIS PERSONAL PROBLEMS,
PREJUDICES AND FEELINGS.
WOULD ANYONE CARE TO LIST HIS MISTAKES?
YES! ME!
I WOULD!
HE DIDN'T ACK MR. HAPLESS' PRESENCE
WHILE HE WAS KEEPING HIM WAITING.
AND I DON'T THINK HE HAD TO KEEP HIM WAITING...
Mr. Welt: A LOT OF THAT 'BUSINESS' WAS JUST ONE-UP-MNSHIP,
TO MAKE THE CUSTOMER THINK
HE WAS RATHER LOW DOWN HIS LIST OF PRIORITIES.
Sr. Cartledge: HE DIDN'T LOOK AT MR. HAPLESS WHILE HE WAS SPEAKING TO HI.
ARE YOU SERVING?
I THINK HE SHOULD HAVE ADDRESSED HIM BY NAME.
HE COULD HAVE DONE...
Sr. Cartledge: BECAUSE THE PENSION BOOK COUNTER.
Mr. Welt: WHEN HE SAID...
CAN I HELP YOU?
Mr. Welt: IT LOOKED AS IF HE MEANT CAN I HINDER YOU.
HE WAS SO BUSY DOING SOMETHING ELSE.
ED AND UNRECEPTIVE ENING.
Mr. Welt: IF YOU CAN CALL IT LISTENING.
IT WAS ALRIGHT WHEN HE ANSWERED THE PHONE CALL,
BUT AFTERWARDS HE ASKED THE QUESTION...
CAN I HELP YOU?
FOR THE SECOND TIME.
AND WHAT ABOUT...
NEXT COUNTER!
IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE CHARGES YOU MAKE AGAINST MR. FIGGIS
ARE MOTIVATED BY A DESIRE TO REDUCE YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY
IN THIS LAMENTABLE AFFAIR?
OF COURSE NOT!
OF COURSE NOT!
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
GOOD!
THEN YOU HAVE LEARNED WHEN USED CARELESSLY,
BEHAVIOR CAN BE A VERY DANGEROUS WEAPON.
IT CAN HURT, ENRAGE, WOUND - PERHAPS EVEN...
NO!
BUT HOW ELSE CAN BEHAVIOR BE USED?
KNOWING WHAT YOU KNOW NOW, SISTER,
WOULD YOU STILL METER OUT THE SAME TREATMENT TO POOR MR. HAPLESS
WHICH YOU USED ON THAT FATEFUL OCCASION?
WELL, I SUPPOSE NOT.
I MIGHT BE A LITTLE MORE PATIENT.
A LITTLE MORE UNDERSTANDING PERHAPS...
GENTLER?
MORE PROFESSIONAL.
PATIENT, UNDERSTANDING, PROFESSIONAL...
THEY ARE USUALLY PART AND PARCEL OF THE SAME THING.
YOU CAN USE YOUR BEHAVIOR TO HELP A TRANSACTION...
AND HOW IS HE GREETED??/ñN
NEXT!
OVER THERE.
Inspector Nugget: HE FEELS UNWANTED...
AND SOMETHING OF AN INTRUDER.
EPHEMERENZA, RIGHT?
YES.
Inspector Nugget: HE'S BECOME A CASE, A CATEGORY. HE IS NO LONGER AN INDIVIDUAL.
YOU INTIMIDATE HIM.
WHAT A SIMPLE DIFFERENCE IF INSTEAD...
GOOD MORNING!
MR. HAPLESS, ISN'T IT?
YES, IT IS.
Inspector Nugget: HE FEELS WELCOME, THE SUBJECT OF YOUR ATTENTION.
DO YOU THINK THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?
I DO FD INJECTIONS VERY...
DON'T WORRY MR. HAPLESS,
A LOT OF PEOPLE HATE INJECTIONS,
I TELL YOU WHAT: YOU COUNT TO TEN,
SHED ERE.
Inspector Nugget: YOU SEE, A SIMPLE TECHNIQUE...
A SMILE, THE MENTION OF HIS NAME, A TOUCH ON THE ARM AND...
Sr. Cartledge: AND HE'S A DIFFERENT HUMAN BEING.
EXACTLY.
WELL SISTER, AS YOU'RE A BUSY WOMAN,
WHICH BEHAVIOR ON YOUR PART
WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE YOU A QUICKER AND EASIER TIME?
WELL, THAT'S OBVIOUS.
AND YOU HAVE THAT CHOICE.
LOOK, NICE TEA PARTY AND ALL THAT, BUT I'M A BUSY MAN.
SO IF YOU DON'T MIND...
PATIENCE, MR. TANNE!
THE PIECES OF THE JIGSAW ARE FALLING INTO PLACE.
LET US SEE WHERE YOU FIT IN.
ME?!
I DON'T FIT IN ANYWHERE.
EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING ABOUT BEING CHEERY WITH PEOPLE -
WELL, THAT'S SECOND NATURE TO ME.
EXCUSE ME -
YES, GUV. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
SHORT BACK AND SIDES? EXTRA HOLE IN YOUR BELT?
EAR-PIERCING WHILE YOU WAIT?
OH, NO, NO. IS THIS THE AIRPORT TRAIN?
NO GUV.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED AN HOLIDAY
BY THE TIME YOU GET THERE WITH ALL THAT LOT!
THEN COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE...
COR BLIMEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?
ENCYCLOPEDICA BRITANNICA?
ANY QUESTIONS, TRY THE ENQUIRIES OFFICE.
I SEE, AND WHERE'S THAT?
WELL, THEY'LL TELL YOU THAT WHEN YOU GET THERE.
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
OH COME ON - YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A LAUGH.
NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHER PEOPLE, MR. TANNER.
KES?
WELL...
SHALL I CALL THE POLICE NOW, SIR?
DAMNIT MANNERS: I AM THE POLICE!
YES I KNOW, BUT...
SO WHO?
WAS MR. HAPLESS, LIKE CAESAR,
THE VICTIM OF A MULTITUDE OF WOUNDS?
OR IS
US
ONE WHO DEALT THE MOST UNKINDEST CUT OF ALL - THE COUP DE GRACE?
WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME?
TELL US WHAT HAPP
WHEN MR. HAPLESS CHECKED IN AT THE AIRPORT, MISS FAIRSTONE.
SO YOU KNOW.
WASN'T IT THE MORNING
WHEN YOU'D HAD TO TAKE YOUR FATHER TO HOSPITAL?
APPENS...
AND HAD YOU NOT JUST BROKEN UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND?
U KNOW?
ALL YOU NEEDED THAT DAY WAS A TRICKY PASSENGER.
PARTICULARLY AS HE ARRIVED AT THE CHECK IN DESK,
JUST AS YOU WERE TAKING A CALL
TO SAY THAT A CAR HAD RUN OVER YOUR CAT?
OH NO...
I WON'T KEEP YOU A MOMENT, SIR.
THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW.
GOODBYE.
GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR, COULD I PLEASE HAVE YOUR TICKET.
IF YOU'D LIKE TO PUT YOUR CASES ON THE SCALE.
AH, MR. HAPLESS:
I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME WS FOR YOU.
OH, NO... WHAT?
I'M AFRAID YOUR FLIGHT HAS BEEN CANCELLED.
WHAT?
YES, THE PLANE COMING FROM EPHEMERA HAS BEEN DELAYED
SO ALL THE PASSENGERS ON 201
ARE GOING TO BE TRANSFERRED TO 203 FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
BUT THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!
IT MUST BE VERY UPSETTING FOR YOU SIR -
I SHALL PHONE THE MANAGING DIRECTOR.
WELL, IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEE OUR PASSENGER LIAISON OFFICER,
SHE'S WAITING IN THE AMBASSADOR'S LOUNGE
TO HELP ANYONE WITH A PARTICULAR PROBLEM.
OH WELL...
DO YOU LIVE NEAR THE AIRPORT?
WELL, NO I DON'T.
IN THAT CASE WE CAN PROVIDE FREE TRANSPORT TO AND FROM YOUR HOME.
I'M NOT GOING BACK HOME AGAIN.
I SEE, YOU'D PREFER TO STAY NEARER THE AIRPORT.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
OF COURSE, WELL,
WE CAN PROVIDE ACCOMMODATION AT THE AIRPORT HOTEL...
OF IF YOU'D PREFER SOMEWHERE COZIER?
YES, THANKS.
YOU CAN'T BLAME ME FOR THE FLIGHT BEING CANCELLE!
I AM BLAMING YOU FOR NOTHING.
THEN WHAT AM I GUILTY O?
YOU ARE GUILTY OF NOTHING.
IN SPITE OF YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS,
IN SPITE OF A SLIGHTLY AWKWARD PASSENGER,
AND IN THE FACE OF A VERY TRICKY SITUATION,
YOU REMEMBERED THAT...
m7(?M"7Oi75wÑ■
Inspector Nugget: USE PEOPLE'S NAMESç,7'óMç7
OR IF YOU PREFERVE UNDERSTOO■Up SOMEWHERE COZIER.
.bn2 AND VISU)o"wj
LEAN FORWARD AND USE OPEN GESTURES - NOT CLOSED ONES.
SHE'S WAITING IN THE AMBASSADOR LOUNGE.
WHAT?
LOOK, WHAT HE MEANS IS,
AS A CUSTOMER WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE GREETED LIKE THIS...
OR LIKE THIS?
YOU'RE LEARNING, MR. TANNER.
WELL MY COMPLIMENTS ON A FAULTLESS PERFORMANCE,
MISS FAIRSTONE.
BUT IF SHE DIDN'T DO IT, WHO DID?
IT WAS NOBODY'S FAULT -
THAT THE CAR WHICH MISS FAIRSTONE PROVIDED
TO TAKE MR. HAPLESS TO THE HOTEL,
BROKE DOWN SOME HALF-MILE FROM ITS DESTINATION...
AND MR. HAPLESS
WHO HAD BEEN GOADED, FRUSTRATED AND ENRAGED
FOR THE GREATER PART OF THE DAY,
ARRIVED SWEATING AND FUMING AT THE CHARMING COUNTRY HOTEL
WHERE HE HAD BEEN BOOKED IN AT THE AIRLINE'S EXPENSE...
THE OPEN ARMS.
All: BUT THAT'S HERE!
A MASTERLY PIECE OF DEDUCTION!
WHICH LEADS ME TO THE CONCLUSIN
T PE
NE
WHO HOLDS THE FINAL PIECE TO OUR JIGSAW.
ONE PERSON WHO IS IN POSSESSION OF THE FINAL CLUE...
WHERE ARE YOU GOING MR. MANNERS?
AND TO WHAT DO WE OWE THIS VISIT, MR. HAPLESS?
BUSINESS OR PLEASURE?
BUSINESS - AS IN MIND YOUR OWN.
OH. I DO BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR.
I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT WHILE YOU ARE A GUEST IN OUR HOTEL,
IT WILL BE OUR PLEASURE...
JUST A MINUTE!
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FLANNEL TO LAST ME A LIFETIME.
I'VE HAD CHIN MUSIC UP TO HERE.
I MEAN I AM SICK OF 'NO, MR. HAPLESS,
'YES, MR. HAPLESS',
'THREE BAGS FULL, MR. HAPLESS'.
I'VE GOT THE MESSAGE YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHAT'S BEING SAID TO ME.
I UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS YOU KNOW.
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN,
WHY DON'T YOU SAY 'GO AND JUMP IN THE LAKE?'
THAT
GO ON, SAY IT, SAY IT!
WHY DON'T YOU GO AND JUMP IN THE LAKE MR. HAPLESS?
RIGHT, I WILL -
GET IN THE FLIPPING LAKE...
N
..
I'LL JUMP!
MR. MANNERS, J'ACCUSE!
WHAT OF?
YOU WERE FACED WITH THE ULTIMATE TEST -
A COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE CUSTOMER.
THE SORT YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH.
YET YOU DID THE UNFORGIVABLE,
THE UNPROFESSIONAL:
YOU CRACKED.
AT THE MOMENT OF CHOICE, YOU CHOSE THE WRONG BEHAVIOR.
YOU W ANY
YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY WITNESSES!
OH BUT I HAVE:
THE ONE PERFECT WITNESS...
WHO?
WHO'S THAT?
COME IN...
MR. HAPLESS.
gasp!
BUT HE'S DEAD!
OR SHALL I SAY, MY COLLEAGUE
TECTIVE INSPECTOR PLANT OF THE ANTI-MISBEHAVIN' SQUAD.
I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE MAKING AN ARREST AFTER ALL, INSPECTOR.
WHAT? NO ARREST, INSPECTOR?
MY INFALLIBLE PARAPSYCHOLOGICAL METHODS OF INTERROGATION
HAVE REVEALED THE TRUTH.
IT IS NOT FOR NOTHING THAT THEY CALL ME NUGGET OF THE YARD.
THESE PEOPLE AREN'T CRIMINALS, INSPECTOR,
THEY ARE VICTIMS OF IGNORANCE.
THEY WERE IGNORANT OF THE POWER OF BEHAVIOR...
NOT ANYMORE INSPECTOR!
Inspector Nugget: BEHAVIOR BREEDS BEHAVIçki%-S
AND THE DAMAGE IT CAN DO.
I SHOULD REALLY THROW THE BOOK
BUT INSTEAD I'LL JUST HAND IT OUT.