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This is us. On our 10th day, we got a little drunk, and married, yes it's a cliché,
but for us turns out equality isn't exactly equal.
We're destroying marriage or reinforcing stereotypes, depending on who you ask.
So for now, for better or for worse we are husbands.
Cheeks!
- Cheeks, I'm home! - In here.
Careful. Slippery wood.
Hardwoods are hard.
I'm just on the verge of...
breaking a sweat.
Wanna go finish breaking it?
I know what that sound means...
We... don't need to let that distract us.
I got it! No, no... I got it.
I got it. I got it.
I'm just gonna give it a little jiggle.
That wasn't nearly as...
sexy as the...
general shape of the event...
might suggest.
Why did... what happened?
Oh, this?
Art.
Yeah.
I'm... I'm doing an installation...
for the museum...
with all the... letters.
- LACMA? - Yes!
Thatma. See, the garbage disposal...
represents... honesty.
The clearing of blockage.
And the...
the regurgitated dog food...
is...
that ineffable element that makes it art...
Cheeks...
- I know. It's groundbreaking. - I know what you're doing...
I...
I've felt so guilty lying to you this whole time.
Well, yes. I...
I must say, I...
was surprised you would lie to me.
But...
I think...
what's important now is that you...
provide me details of the situation to which you are referring.
Yeah, well, obviously, I didn't fix the disposal.
Ahh... bviously.
It can eat a whole ham.
Or seal the driveway either.
Or...
install the shelves, because...
I don't know how.
I asked Michelle if she would show me
but she said the handy lesbian thing is just a stereotype.
So who did all that stuff?
- Her wife. - Ah.
Well, you know, I could show you...
help you with...
stuff like this. I mean...
here all we have to do loosen the slip nut couplings and drop out
the whole trap so we can clean and reinstall.
Aughaaa?
Pliers.
- Twisties? - Pinchies.
Ohh.
So would it be small-minded of me to wonder how someone like you...
glamorous, upper class...
where you learned such a blue collar...
skill. That's all.
Well, my dad was a do-ithimselfer, so...
he was always...
repairing the dryer or changing the oil or...
turning the guest bedroom into a pot farm.
Why?
Cause that's where you get the pot.
But...
I don't know... after he died, I just kinda...
kept up with all the doing and fixing and...
potting.
You did it to help your mom.
Could be.
Come here, vulnerable Cheeks. Come here. I like you.
I don't know how to cook.
- I can't even tell major vegetables apart. - But you...
Lies. And I can't clean.
- Then how did...? - More lies.
I hired...
to do the...
so I could...
but I can't...
housewife.
So... why've you been doing the stuff you're not good at
instead of doing the stuff you do good?
Okay, well...
you know how...
there's this thing with you, where...
sometimes you...
base your identity as a man on your ability to do...
"manly" stuff?
Yeah.
I know that about me...
I didn't know you knew that about me.
I do, yeah.
And I was worried, you know, that if I...
- did that stuff, then you might feel... - I would!
That's why I pretended I could do it in the first place.
But couldn't you have just told me that cooking and cleaning isn't your thing?
Wellll...
What am I bringing to this marriage?
Besides a razor sharp wit and a killer ***?
Baby, you're amazing!
And thoughtful!
Look at everything you did so that I wouldn't feel emancipated!
Emasculated.
And see? The word-teaching!
That's another thing that I love.
Plus...
- The killer ***? - The killer ***, yeah.
You fold it. And you tuck that corner over that corner...
Make a swan!
And then...
you fold it again...
and tuck these corners over these corners.
Holy sheet! You are a tucking genius.
Okay. So you'll do the sheets.
Now I have to pick one...
Mowing the lawn. How do you feel?
On a scale of meh to yipee.
I feel nothing.
Will I do it?
If you bring me lemonade wearing just an apron, thennn...
- m'yeah I'll do it. - Deal.
But objectifying me? Not cool...
says a bunch of people who don't know how sexy it is.
Oh, and...
put me down for pool patrol.
You love playing with that big net.
It's like I'm a teeny person with a giant spoon.
So cooking is you and dishes is me?
Let's cook together.
- It could be fun, right? - Oh, yeah!
I like that. Okay.
Man, lists are so the better way to divide stuff.
So the better way.
You know? And like,
think about it. Most couples...
just inherit their roles. You know?
There's no conversation or assessment of ability.
Just like total assumption.
Stupid straight people.
We're so much better at doing marriage.
So...
much better.
Oh, you know, here's something I've been wondering.
When you asked me to caulk the windows...
Right...
What does that mean?
Seal them.
With caulk.
Say it again?
- Caauuulllk. - Caauuulllk.
Well...
That's not what I did.
I think you better show me what you did.
Closed captions: Francesco Bavastro [www.italiansubs.net]