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Someone do fetch me an aperitif.
Travel exhausts me.
Courtesy of the house, schöne frau.
I am Herzog.
I bid you welcome.
A most gracious host.
Bloody Mary? Is that you? It has been so long.
Come, give me a kiss.
Said her mum was a jackal. Seems alright to me.
Wait.
Nice outfit.
You're too too kind. It's fabulous...
...yet practical, don't you think?
But I'm here for the light of my life.
My reason for being.
Malevolent darling, come to mummy.
(Baby's soft heartbeat)
Here she comes.
You're pregnant?
And there she is.
And who might the father be?
Who defiled my baby?
Was it you?
Well, erm, no.
Didn't think so.
He's too busy hitting the vaseline.
Then it's you!
Me?
Viscera?
And such a lovely Catholic name too.
Mum, that's not possible.
The stain of fatherhood is upon you.
Listen to her. Science has come on leaps and bounds
but not that much, love.
Perhaps not. But the father of her child has been dabbling with you.
What? Is that true?
I'm so sorry Mal.
But you're my friend.
You can't spell trollop with the troll.
How can she know all this?
She's got a nose for these things.
Literally a nose.
She can smell it.
Who let that mad old swamphag out any way?
Swamphag?
Laugh at me would you?
I'll give you something to laugh at.
Letting things out are we?
(SNIFFS) And what can we let out about you?
I don't know what you mean.
Girlfriend are you?
Rogering him?
You're not the only one with fingers in this particular biscuit tin.
What does she mean Amicus?
Should I let her know?
Whoever...
in this lowly establishment...
...could it be? -Please...
Me. He's sleeping with me.
Her? You're sleeping with THAT THING?
I'm going to get you.
Understand these words, Chavzilla.
I'm going to find you out and then I'm going to get you
Samantha!
Right, young lady.
Seeing as this den of vipers has led you astray
I see it is up to me to take charge.
I like it here.
These are my friends.
Ha! What a dump.
We're leaving.
-Right this instant! -MUM!
What...
...a woman.
You slept with that?
-What? Were you drunk again? -Probably.
(Ghostly chime)
How could you go breaking Samantha's heart? Call yourself a man?
Is it always this exciting?
Meh.
(Music)