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Psst! Lorelai.
Shh.
Just come here a second.
I NEED YOU TO GET SOME STUFF FOR ME FROM DOOSE'S.
JACKSON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
STOP SAYING MY NAME.
LOOK, SOOKIE'S GOT MAJOR FOOD CRAVINGS,
AND I CAN'T GO IN TO LEECH HEADQUARTERS.
THEY'LL BE ALL OVER ME IN TWO SECONDS FLAT.
SELECTMAN JOB ISN'T GETTING ANY EASIER, HUH?
NO, IT'S GETTING WORSE.
LIKE LAST WEEK --
ANN BENNINGHOFF COMES TO ME, RIGHT?
SHE WANTS TO PUT A SALES CART OUTSIDE THE COLONIAL MUSEUM
SELLING REVOLUTIONARY WAR BOOKS AND "JUST A FEW ARROWHEADS."
FINE, BUT THEN SALLY LANNIGAN HEARS ABOUT THAT,
AND SHE WANTS TO SELL HER PINE-NEEDLE SACHETS
OUT IN FRONT OF THE GAZEBO.
FINE, BUT THEN KIRK COMES TO ME IN AN OUTRAGE
BECAUSE HE'S ALLERGIC TO ALL PINE-SCENTED THINGS,
AND HOW COULD I NOT KNOW THIS?
AND PRETTY SOON, I'M NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY SUIT OF JACKSON SKIN.
EW. WELL, WHAT DO YOU NEED?
OH, THANKS. UH...LET'S SEE HERE.
GRAPEFRUIT JUICE, MILK DUDS, BLOODY MARY MIX,
EXTRA-SPICY TURKEY SAUSAGE --
THIS IS ALL GOING IN THE SAME BLENDER, BY THE WAY --
GOOD LORDY.
CHIVES -- I'M GETTING A STOMACHACHE JUST READING THIS LIST.
GIVE IT TO ME. I'LL BRAVE HEADQUARTERS FOR YOU.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
[ SIGHS ] DO NOT GO WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
WELL, WHAT'S ONE LEECH VERSUS A SWARM?
I HAVE NO SANCTUARY.
THE POTHOLE ON THE ROAD TO THE DRAGONFLY IS GETTING WORSE.
KIDS ARE STARTING TO SWIM IN IT.
I'LL PUT IT ON THE LIST, ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.
TOP OF THE LIST, PLEASE? JACKSON!
DON'T. Shh.
WAS THAT TOO LOUD? CAN'T ALWAYS TELL.
IT'S ON TOP OF THE LIST.
BE BACK IN A FLASH.
♪ IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELIN' LONELY AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I'LL BE THERE ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD, I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANY, ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD ♪
SOOKIE, I'M HOME.
I'M HOME, TOO!
WERE WE FOLLOWED?
I DON'T THINK SO.
GOOD THING WE DITCHED THAT AUDI IN MARSEILLES.
NOW WE JUST HAVE TO FIND THAT TRACKING DEVICE.
SOOKIE, HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
[ Crying ] I JUST -- IT'S JUST -- IT'S JUST SO SAD.
OH! PEOPLE MAGAZINE.
JACKSON, YOU KNOW WE DON'T ALLOW SOFT HUMAN-INTEREST STORIES
AROUND SOOKIE WHEN SHE'S PREGNANT.
SHE MUST HAVE SNUCK IT IN.
I FEEL LIKE THEY WERE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW?
UH-HUH. WHO, HONEY?
THE TWO OF THEM.
I MEAN, WITH THE HAIR AND THE TEETH AND THE -- YOU KNOW?
WHO'S GOT HAIR AND TEETH?
AND THEN THE DIVINE BROWN THING HAPPENS,
AND BAMMO -- THEIR LOVE'S IN THE TOILET.
WE'RE TALKING ELIZABETH HURLEY AND HUGH GRANT?
SHE MUST HAVE FOUND AN OLD ONE SOMEWHERE.
THAT WAS YEARS AGO, SOOKIE.
TONS OF PEOPLE HAVE BROKEN UP SINCE THEN.
OH, MY GOD!
NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. EVERYONE'S TOGETHER AND HAPPY.
GLADLY.
OH, IS THAT MY FOOD?
YES, YES, LOOK.
WE GOT, UH, TURKEY SAUSAGE -- EXTRA-SPICY LIKE YOU WANTED.
YUK.
UGH.
UGH. PUKE.
YOU'RE NOT CRAVING THINGS ANYMORE, ARE YOU?
NO.
OH, I MEAN, I'M SO FRIGGIN' IMPOSSIBLE.
YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME, AND YOU GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE,
AND YOU GET ME EVERYTHING I WANT,
THEN I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU HAVE TO BE IN LOVE WITH A CRAZY PERSON.
COME HERE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT --
I'LL DEAL WITH AS MUCH MOODINESS AND FOOD WEIRDNESS
AS YOU CAN DISH OUT AS LONG AS YOU DO
THE ACTUAL "SQUEEZING A HUMAN BEING OUT OF YOUR BODY" PART.
[ CHUCKLES ] DEAL.
OKAY.
THAT CAR JUST SLOWED DOWN AS IT WENT PAST THE HOUSE.
JACKSON, WHY DON'T YOU GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW AND GO RELAX OR SOMETHING?
OH, I SHOULDN'T BE NEAR A WINDOW.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT EASY, SWEETIE, AND GO CHECK ON DAVEY?
ALL RIGHT, BUT IF ANYONE CALLS FOR ME,
I'M NOT HERE... AND I'M ARMED AND DANGEROUS.
HE LOVES YOU.
THEN HE'S CERTIFIABLE... BECAUSE I'M CERTIFIABLE,
AND YOU HAVE TO BE CERTIFIABLE TO PUT UP WITH THAT.
HEY, YOU'RE PREGNANT.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL.
[ CHUCKLES ]
I GUESS SO.
AND IT MAY BE MEAN,
BUT WHEN I WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT HOW I'M TREATING JACKSON,
I JUST REMEMBER BRANDY.
BRANDY?
CHRISTOPHER'S BRANDY.
CHRISTOPHER'S SHERRY?
OH. [ CHUCKLES ]
I KNEW IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
ANYWAY, I'M HANDLING THIS ALL BETTER THAN HER.
HOW IS HE, ANYWAY?
CHRISTOPHER? FINE.
WOW, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE NO IDEA. HE NEVER CALLED ME AGAIN.
REALLY?
NOT ONCE SINCE I WENT OVER THERE.
I ASSUME HE'S DOING FINE, BUT I DON'T KNOW.
HE NEVER CALLED?
ALL THOSE PROBLEMS WITH THE BABY WERE SOLVED IN ONE NIGHT?
A LITTLE.
YOU NEVER KNOW WITH HIM.
HE'S AS UNPREDICTABLE AS A PREGNANT WOMAN.
[ CHUCKLES ] NONE TAKEN.
I HOPE HE AND G.G. ARE OKAY.
THE LAST TIME I WAS OVER THERE, HE WAS DUCT-TAPING HER DIAPERS,
BUT...I'M SURE HE'S FOUND THE TABBY THINGIES BY NOW.
YEAH, I'M SURE HE'S OKAY.
WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT I WANT, AND I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND.
MILK CHOCOLATE AND... BELL PEPPERS!
NOW I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND.
JACKSON, I FIGURED IT OUT!
MILK -- DARK CHOCOLATE. OOH, TAFFY!
TAFFY AND WALNUTS.
[ GASPS ] TAFFY -- OOH, PISTACHIOS!
OOH, HEARTS OF PALM!
PARIS, PLEASE DON'T COMPARE OUR READING SPEEDS AGAIN.
YOU'RE FAST, I'M SLOW. ENJOY YOUR TROPHY.
I NEED THE EXACT TIME OF TODAY'S SUNSET.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARTICLE.
WELL, IF YOU READ FASTER, YOU WOULDN'T BE.
OKAY, THE TIME OF TODAY'S SUNSET IS 4:31.
OKAY.
THEN I JUST HAVE TO KEEP MY MIND OCCUPIED UNTIL 4:31.
WHAT?
TELL ME AGAIN WHY YOU'RE FASTING FOR RAMADAN.
LOOK, RORY, IF YOU WANT TO CRIB YOUR ARTICLES
FROM THE A.P. WIRE, THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
ACTUALLY GIVE A RAT'S *** ABOUT JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY.
WHEN I WRITE ABOUT RAMADAN, I EXPERIENCE RAMADAN.
ARE YOU CHEWING GUM?
WHAT? YES. WHY?
I'D REALLY PREFER IT IF YOU DIDN'T CHEW IT AT ME.
PARIS, DID YOU KNOW THAT NOT EATING
CAN MAKE PEOPLE KIND OF SNIPPY?
RAMADAN IS ABOUT A LOT MORE THAN JUST NOT EATING.
IT CALLS FOR A TOTAL ABSTINENCE FROM FOOD PARTICLES
PASSING THROUGH THE MOUTH OR NOSE.
YOUR BAZOOKA IS PASSING THROUGH MY NOSE.
IT'S UNLOCKED.
HEY, MARTY.
SO, I JUST BARTENDED THIS CRAZY BRUNCH
WITH CHOCOLATE FOUNTAINS AND FLOATING ICE SCULPTURES,
AND I SNAGGED US ALL KINDS OF HORS D'OEUVRES.
OH, NICE GOING, BUCKO.
OKAY, SO, SHE DIDN'T REALLY MEAN "NICE GOING," RIGHT?
'CAUSE THERE'S SORT OF A DEVIL-EYE THING GOING ON.
SHE'S FASTING.
PEOPLE CAME TO AMERICA TO ESCAPE RELIGIOUS PERSECUTION.
[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]
WHAT RELIGION IS ANTI-LEFTOVERS?
Lorelai: HI. GUESS WHERE I AM?
GO ON, GUESS.
OH, I DON'T KNOW, LUKE'S?
BUT NOT JUST AT LUKE'S -- ON THE PHONE AT LUKE'S,
AND IT'S ALL PERFECTLY LEGAL
BECAUSE I'M ON THE DINER'S PHONE.
A LOOPHOLE. NICE.
YOU GOT TO LOVE A LOOPHOLE.
GETTING TO USE LUKE'S BEHIND-THE-COUNTER PHONE,
THAT'S LIKE GETTING TO WEAR HIS LETTERMAN JACKET.
I KNOW.
MAYBE NOW HE'LL ASK ME TO THE SOCK HOP.
I'M GLAD YOU GUYS ARE ALL LOOPHOLEY AND SOCK-HOPPY.
YEAH.
WELL, UM, I JUST CALLED TO, YOU KNOW, UH, BRAG ABOUT MY LOOPHOLE
AND CHECK ON PLANS FOR FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER.
HEY.
HOLD ON A SEC.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?
YOU DIDN'T HAVE PERMISSION TO BE BEHIND THE COUNTER, DID YOU?
YOU DON'T NEED PERMISSION IF YOU'RE THE GIRLFRIEND.
A SACK OF POTATOES FALLS ON YOUR HEAD,
THE INSURANCE COMPANY DOESN'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE GIRLFRIEND.
WELL, YOU'RE STORING POTATOES IN A VERY WEIRD PLACE
IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THEM FALLING ON PEOPLE'S HEADS.
GO. GO. GET.
OKAY, I'M GETTING.
NO.
IT'S JUST MY BOYFRIEND'S SO PROTECTIVE OF MY SAFETY,
THE THOUGHT OF FOOD FALLING ON MY HEAD MAKES HIM CRAZY.
SO, ANYWAY, WHAT'S BETTER FOR YOU -- CARPOOL OR MEET THERE?
MEET'S BETTER, I GUESS.
OKAY, HONEY, I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
OH, WAIT -- THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO RUN BY YOU.
CAN'T YOU JUST PLUG YOUR NOSE OR SOMETHING?
SURE, ASK A BILLION MUSLIMS TO PLUG THEIR NOSES.
THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, MARTY.
OKAY, SO, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
FINALLY THIS YALE THING'S KICKING IN.
I AM SICK OF HUMORING GRANDMA AND GRANDPA
DURING THIS STUPID SEPARATION OF THEIRS.
THIS "DRINKS HERE, DINNER THERE" IS DUMB.
IT'S NOT WORKING, AND WE SHOULD NOT DO IT ANYMORE.
WELL, IF YOU FEEL IT IS BEST TO END THE FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS,
THEN AS YOUR MOTHER, I FEEL IT IS MY DUTY TO SUPPORT YOU.
I'M NOT SAYING WE SHOULD END FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS.
OKAY, WELL, THEN, AS YOUR MOTHER,
I FEEL IT IS MY DUTY TO TELL YOU YOU'RE WRONG.
WE NEED TO TAKE A STAND. NO MORE HUMORING.
WE NEED TO GET THEM IN A ROOM AND TALK SOME SENSE INTO THEM,
AND TO DO THAT, I THINK WE SHOULD DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
SO THIS FRIDAY, I'LL HAVE DINNER WITH ONE,
AND YOU'LL HAVE DINNER WITH THE OTHER.
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE IDEA OF ENDING FRIDAY NIGHT DINNERS?
BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT ONE HAD REAL POTENTIAL.
THIS WAY, WE CAN EACH TALK TO THEM ONE-ON-ONE,
BREAK THEM DOWN,
CONVINCE THEM THAT THEIR SEPARATION ISN'T OKAY WITH US.
IT'S NOT?
MOM, I KNOW THEY BOTH WANT TO BE WITH EACH OTHER.
HON, MY PARENTS ARE VERY STUBBORN.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET YOUR HOPES UP ABOUT THE OUTCOME.
BUT I CAN'T STAND IT THE WAY IT IS.
I THINK THEY BOTH MISS EACH OTHER,
BUT THEY'RE JUST TOO PROUD,
AND IT'S JUST -- IT'S KIND OF BREAKING MY HEART.
SO...WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE?
HOW ABOUT I'LL TAKE GRANDPA, AND YOU'LL TAKE GRANDMA?
AHH, NO!
OKAY, THEN I'LL TAKE GRANDMA, AND YOU TAKE GRANDPA.
MOM.
CAN'T I TAKE THE BUTLER?
HE DOESN'T TALK MUCH, AND AS FAR AS I CAN TELL,
THOROUGHLY ENJOYS THE WAY I DRESS.
SHE'S THROWING THINGS AT ME. RELIGIOUS SANCTUARY, PLEASE.
THE BUTLER IS NOT AN OPTION.
Lorelai: FINE, I'LL TAKE HER.
THANK YOU. BYE.
OOH.
WHAT'S THE BACON WRAPPED AROUND?
SOMETHING BACON SHOULD NEVER BE WRAPPED AROUND.
RICH PEOPLE.
THEY LIVE VERY DIFFERENT LIVES.
THANKS.
YEAH.
FINE.
SHE SOUNDS OKAY.
ACTUALLY, SHE'S PETITE, BUT SHE'S STRONG.
GOOD. I'M GLAD.
DON'T GLOAT.
YES, YOU ARE.
I JUST SAID I'M GLAD SHE'S OKAY. THAT'S NOT GLOATING.
IT WAS YOUR TONE, LIKE YOU WERE COVERING UP FOR BEING GLOATY
BY SOUNDING EXTRA NONGLOATY.
YOU ALWAYS HATED HIM. I GET IT.
I NEVER HATED HIM.
I JUST NEVER THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT FOR RORY,
AND I SWEAR, I'M NOT GLOATING.
I WASN'T.
I GOT TO GO. KISS.
I STINK. THERE'S YOUR HEADLINE.
KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
IF I DON'T STRANGLE MYSELF WITH THE PHONE CORD, I'LL ANSWER.
HI, T.J.
THREE FEET, LORELAI,
'CAUSE I HAVEN'T SHOWERED IN AS MANY DAYS.
UH-OH. GOODBYE, T.J.
I NEED YOUR SHOWER, BUDDY.
REALLY?
'CAUSE YOU'RE LOOKING POWDER FRESH.
I AM NOT POWDER FRESH.
COME ON, LUKE, WE GOT NO WATER AT OUR NEW PLACE,
AND THE FLIES, THEY ARE A-BUZZING.
MAN!
FINE, USE MY SHOWER, T.J.
YOU'RE THE BEST, YOU KNOW THAT?
I WORSHIP YOU.
YEAH, YOU SHOULD BUILD AN ALTAR TO ME.
YOU KNOW, I KNOW I SHOULDN'T ASK YOU THIS,
BUT WHY ISN'T YOUR WATER TURNED ON?
'CAUSE THE PIPES GOT TRASHED
AFTER I DEMO'D THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM.
YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DEMO THE BATHROOMS.
BUT I HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT INSTALLING THE TOWEL RACK,
AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE BATHROOM'S DEMO'D.
BECAUSE OF THE TOWEL RACK?
I GOT VERY ANGRY AT THIS TOWEL RACK.
YES, THAT'S VERY NORMAL.
BUT I GOT SOME REPLACEMENT PIPE.
I JUST GOT TO CUT IT UP INTO SHORTER PIECES
AND STICK IT TOGETHER, AND WE'RE GOOD TO GO.
OKAY, SOUNDS LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I JUST NEED SOME KIND OF TOOL THAT CUTS PIPE.
I DON'T KNOW, A PIPE CUTTER?
THAT'S IT! A PIPE CUTTER!
YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO'S GOT A PIPE CUTTER?
I HAVE A PIPE CUTTER. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BORROW IT?
THAT CUTS PIPE, RIGHT?
HEY, T.J., WHY DON'T YOU JUST HIRE A PROFESSIONAL?
BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE.
WHAT WITH THE MOVE AND BEING IN ESCROW AND EVERYTHING,
I'M NOT EXACTLY FLUSH, SO I FIGURED I'D DO IT MYSELF.
IS THAT SO WRONG?
I'LL HELP YOU CUT THE PIPE, T.J.
OH, HEY, THAT'S BEYOND THE CALL.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE BEST BROTHER-IN-LAW IN THE WORLD.
UH-HUH. THANKS. ANYTHING ELSE?
YOU KNOW, IT'S REAL HELL TRYING TO MAKE COFFEE WITHOUT WATER.
HAVE SOME COFFEE, T.J.
AND A CRULLER TO CUT THE BITTERNESS
'CAUSE SOMETIMES -- NO OFFENSE --
I FIND YOUR COFFEE A LITTLE BITTER.
I MEAN, IT'S GOOD. IT'S JUST A LITTLE BITTER.
WE NEED TO TALK.
SHOOT.
THERE'S A COUPLE HERE I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED,
BUT I WAS NOT SURE, SO I CONSULTED AN OLD GUEST LEDGER
FROM THE INDEPENDENCE INN
AND FOUND A PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION THAT CONFIRMED THEIR IDENTITIES.
YES.
I HAD DESCRIBED THEM WITH ASTONISHING ACCURACY,
DOWN TO THE CROOKED EYES AND UNSIGHTLY MOLES.
YOU HAVE A SYSTEM OF DESCRIBING WHAT PEOPLE'S MOLES LOOK LIKE?
MM-HMM. MOLES, FRECKLES.
ARE THEY BUXOM? IS THEIR CHIN CLEFT?
DO THEY WALK WITH ANY SORT OF LIMP?
BUT THIS IS BESIDE THE POINT.
YOU REMEMBER THE BATHROBE BANDITS?
[ GASPS ] NO.
THE MARRIED COUPLE FROM MASSACHUSETTS
THAT STOLE BATHROBES FROM THE INDEPENDENCE INN
EVERY TIME THEY CAME.
WE CALL THEM THE BATHROBE BANDITS.
DID THEY BRING THEIR MOLES?
I'M GOING TO REMOVE THEIR BATHROBES FROM THEIR ROOM
AS A PREVENTATIVE MEASURE.
NO, NO, MICHEL, COME ON.
IF THEY STEAL ROBES, WE JUST CHARGE THEIR CREDIT CARD.
AND IF THEY TAKE A CREDENZA OR A COUCH --
DO YOU THINK THEY'LL STOP AT ROBES?
THEN I'LL START JOTTING DOWN MOLE LOCATIONS ALONG WITH YOU,
BUT FOR NOW, LET'S TAKE A FLIER ON THEM.
PROMISE?
I'M GOING TO LEAVE A VAGUELY THREATENING NOTE IN THEIR ROOM.
NO, NO, NO, MICHEL. NO.
[ SIGHS ]
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
HELLO.
WELL, IF IT ISN'T MR. INCOMMUNICADO.
LORELAI.
I FIGURED YOU'D TURNED AMISH OR SOMETHING
AND COULDN'T MAKE ANY CALLS UNTIL RUMSPRINGA,
BUT, NO, HERE YOU ARE, ANSWERING THE PHONE.
UH, YEAH.
SO, HOW ARE YOU?
UH, FINE.
IS THIS A BAD TIME?
NO, NOT AT ALL. UH, SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?
NOT MUCH. JUST WORKING AT THE OLD SALT MINE.
BUT EARLIER, I WAS TALKING TO SOOKIE WHO, BY THE WAY,
GOT HERSELF KNOCKED UP AGAIN, THE CRAZY ***.
SO ANYWAY, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT BABIES AND STUFF,
AND SHE ASKED ME ABOUT YOU AND G.G.,
AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED I HADN'T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE,
SO HERE WE ARE.
SORRY I HAVEN'T CALLED.
I'VE JUST, YOU KNOW, BEEN REALLY BUSY.
OKAY, WELL, NO WORRIES.
I KNOW YOU'VE GOT YOUR PLATE FULL TAKING CARE OF G.G.
UM...ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN'T A BAD TIME?
NO. NO, IT'S FINE. UH, FINE.
OKAY, SO, HOW IS G.G.? IS SHE STILL ALIVE?
THE LAST TIME I WAS THERE, THINGS WERE A LITTLE DICEY.
SHE'S GOOD. EVERYTHING'S FINE.
EVERYTHING'S GOOD.
YOUR HELP WAS GREAT, AND I'M ABSOLUTELY...FINE.
OKAY, WELL, GOOD.
SO, I GUESS I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
SURE. DEFINITELY, OKAY?
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
OKAY. BYE.
LISTEN, LOR, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I ONLY CALLED YOU BEFORE BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATE.
I MEAN, THERE WAS NO OTHER REASON.
I WAS JUST PANICKED, AND I DIDN'T THINK, YOU KNOW?
CHRIS, SURE.
I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED YOU.
I KNOW YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE AND YOUR OWN STUFF,
BUT IT WAS JUST A ONE-TIME THING, YOU KNOW?
SO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
CHRIS, YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTIME YOU WANT.
YEAH, WELL --
I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR G.G., WHATEVER YOU NEED.
BECAUSE WE GOT BONDS, BABY. JUST TRY TO BREAK 'EM.
THANKS, LOR.
NO PROBLEM.
ANYHOW, G.G.'S GREAT.
I'VE GOT NEW PICTURES, TOO.
I CAN E-MAIL THEM TO YOU, IF YOU WANT.
OR BRING HER AROUND NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN THE HOOD.
STARS HOLLOW'S A HOOD NOW?
OH, IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A HOOD.
WE JUST TRY TO KEEP IT ON THE DOWN-LOW.
BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD COME BY.
WELL, I'M GOING TO BE ADJACENT TO THE HOOD ON SATURDAY
BECAUSE I'M TAKING G.G. TO SEE HER GRANDPARENTS.
COME BY SATURDAY.
COME BY.
WE CAN HAVE LUNCH HERE AT THE INN -- YOU, ME, AND G.G.
THAT WAY, I CAN CHECK SHE'S STILL GOT ALL HER ARMS AND LEGS.
ALL RIGHT, SURE. SOUNDS GOOD.
UH...SATURDAY IT IS.
OKAY. SEE YOU THEN.
YES, YOU WILL.
[ BEEPS ]
GRANDPA, IT'S FINE.
NO, IT CERTAINLY IS NOT FINE.
WHEN YOU'RE ENTERTAINING AN ELEGANT YOUNG LADY FOR DINNER,
THEN DINNER IS EXPECTED.
BUT I JUST SPRANG THIS ON YOU.
YOU CAN'T BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE
FOR YOUR LACK OF ELEGANT-YOUNG-LADY FOOD.
WELL, I AM DELIGHTED WITH YOUR COMPANY,
THOUGH I'M STILL A LITTLE CONFUSED AT THE NEW ARRANGEMENT.
WELL, MOM AND I REALIZED
THAT WE DON'T REALLY GET TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME
WITH YOU AND GRANDMA SINCE THE SEPARATION,
SO WE DECIDED TO SPLIT UP.
WELL, UH, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT, UH...
OOH, SOME, UH, BATTERIES AND NUTELLA?
OH, RATS. I HAD THAT FOR LUNCH.
WELL, THAT SEEMS TO BE ALL I HAVE IN HERE.
ROBERT'S SHOPPING SKILLS LEAVE SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED.
WAIT!
I THINK I HAVE SOME CANNED PEACHES.
YOU'VE REALLY MADE IT COMFORTABLE OUT HERE.
HUH. PEARS.
NICE. LIKE A VACATION SPOT.
YOU KNOW, FUN AND ALL YOURS -- NOT PERMANENT, BUT FUN FOR NOW.
YES, WELL, FUN FOR NOW IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
SO, IT'S NOT PERMANENT?
THE POOL HOUSE.
IT'S NOT PERMANENT. YOU JUST SAID "FUN FOR NOW."
DID I? I MUST HAVE HEARD IT SOMEWHERE.
I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
IT'S GOOD TO SHAKE THINGS UP EVERY NOW AND THEN --
YOU KNOW, PUT A LITTLE PAINT ON THE HOUSE,
MOVE THE FURNITURE AROUND THE DEN, GO BLOND --
BUT AFTER YOU'VE DONE ALL THAT,
IT CAN ALSO BE NICE TO GO BACK TO SOMETHING THAT'S COMFORTABLE,
SOMETHING YOU'VE DEPENDED ON FOR, LET'S SAY, 40 YEARS.
I MEAN, IF SOMETHING'S BEEN AROUND THAT LONG,
IT MUST BE FOR A REASON, RIGHT?
YOU'RE A LOVELY GIRL.
I HAVE GOOD GENES.
OH! I THINK I REMEMBER SEEING A FROZEN PIZZA IN HERE.
AHA!
NOW...
THE DOWNSIDE OF THIS DISCOVERY IS THAT SINCE ROBERT
IS CURRENTLY DOING ALL THE SHOPPING,
THIS PIZZA COULD HAVE BEEN HERE
SINCE LORELAI'S 10th BIRTHDAY PARTY.
THE UPSIDE, HOWEVER, IS THAT THERE IS CHEESE IN THE CRUST.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A "GLASS IS HALF FULL" KIND OF GAL MYSELF.
ALL RIGHTY, THEN.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
Stupid little -- I can't find -- ridiculous.
He should have taken...
OH, NOTHING.
I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE A PROPER DRINK.
SORRY ABOUT THE CHANGE OF PLANS.
OH, PLEASE. I'M AS FLEXIBLE AS THE NEXT PERSON.
RORY THOUGHT THAT SINCE DAD'S MOVED OUT TO THE POOL HOUSE,
WE'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH TIME WITH EITHER OF YOU, SO --
I GUESS I COULD USE THE ICE IN THE FREEZER,
THOUGH IT'S PROBABLY OLD.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY -- A LITTLE NOTICE ENSURES FRESH ICE.
I'M SORRY. WHO SAYS THAT?
SUPER.
I'D OFFER YOU WINE, BUT ALL THE WINE I HAVE HAS TO BREATHE.
AND THAT REQUIRES NOTICE.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
NOTHING.
IT'S JUST -- ISN'T -- ISN'T THIS WEIRD TO YOU?
SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER?
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO MOVE?
NO, IT'S FINE. IT'S JUST...CLOSE.
WILL YOU EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN WHY WE ARE DOING THIS?
I HAVE NO IDEA BECAUSE YOU USUALLY SIT OVER THERE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT RORY BEING IN THE POOL HOUSE, LORELAI.
RORY JUST THOUGHT WE SHOULD SPLIT UP TONIGHT,
GET IN SOME QUALITY... COUCH TIME.
IT SEEMS VERY SILLY.
WE HAD A PERFECTLY GOOD SYSTEM WORKED OUT.
MMM.
SO, MOM, DO YOU THINK YOU AND DAD ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER?
OKAY, GOT ANY PEANUTS?
YOUR FATHER HAS PROVEN TO ME ONCE AND FOR ALL
HE'S MOVED ON WITH HIS LIFE.
YOU DON'T THINK THE MOVING ON WITH HIS LIFE
WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY INCLUDED MOVING?
OKAY.
WE ATTENDED THE DORMAN SCHOOL BAZAAR LAST WEEK.
IT WAS A BIG, FORMAL GATHERING. ALL OUR FRIENDS WERE THERE.
AND AT DINNER, HE MADE ME REACH FOR THE BUTTER.
WHAT?
IT WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM,
AND YET HE DIDN'T OFFER ME THE DISH.
HE BUTTERED HIS OWN ROLL,
OFFERED THE DISH TO THE MAN NEXT TO HIM, AND THAT WAS IT.
AND THAT'S WHY YOU THINK HE'S MOVED ON?
IT WAS A TOTAL DISREGARD FOR MY NEEDS.
I MIGHT AS WELL NOT HAVE HAD A ROLL IN FRONT OF ME AT ALL.
WELL, MOM, I'M SORRY.
IT'S VERY UPSETTING.
BUT AT SOME POINT, YOU HAVE TO FACE THE FACTS,
AND THE FACTS ARE HE'S MOVED ON,
AND THEREFORE, I SHOULD MOVE ON ALSO.
ABSOLUTELY. moveon.org.
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO DATE.
OH, MY GOD!
I WANT TO GO ON A DATE.
WITH...A MAN?
NO, A WEASEL. OF COURSE WITH A MAN.
I'M NOT HEARING THIS.
WHY SHOULDN'T I DATE? I'M STILL A VIABLE COMMODITY.
I NEED A PAPER TOWEL AND A ***, PLEASE.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF MEN AT THE CLUB
WHO, IN THE PAST, HAVE MADE THEIR INTERESTS IN ME KNOWN.
I JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO RECIPROCATE THEIR FEELINGS.
YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE WITH MEN.
HOW DO YOU LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU'RE AVAILABLE?
WELL, ONE OF THOSE BENCH ADS USUALLY DOES THE TRICK.
LORELAI, STOP IT. I NEED HELP HERE.
IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE I DID THIS,
AND I DON'T REMEMBER THE PROPER PROCEDURE.
NOW, TAKE ME THROUGH THIS STEP BY STEP.
YOU SEE A MAN, YOU WALK UP TO HIM, AND YOU SAY...
HELLO.
IS THAT TOO FORWARD?
NO, IT'S THE APPROPRIATE WAY
TO INDICATE YOU'RE OPEN TO A SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT.
UNLESS, HOWEVER, YOU ARE APPROACHING A WEASEL.
THEN I BELIEVE THE PROPER SIGNAL
IS JUST TO OFFER HIM YOUR HINDQUARTERS.
HEY. MY NIGHT WAS GREAT.
OH.
GRANDPA MADE FROZEN PIZZA.
GRANTED, HE MADE IT ON A CEDAR PLANK,
WHICH WAS NOT WHAT THE MANUFACTURER INTENDED,
BUT I GOT A CHANCE TO SAY A LOT OF THINGS TO HIM --
THINGS ABOUT LIVING IN THE POOL HOUSE AND ABOUT HIM AND GRANDMA,
AND THOUGH I USED VEILED REFERENCES,
I KNOW HE GOT MY POINT, AND HE IS DEFINITELY THINKING ABOUT IT.
HOW DID YOU DO?
WHAT?!
SHE WANTS TO DATE MEN WHO HANG OUT AT THE CLUB
AND WHO HAVE EXPRESSED INTEREST IN HER IN THE PAST.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHE WANTS TO DATE?
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO MAKE HER WANT TO DATE.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE HER WANT
TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH GRANDPA!
HEY, I TOLD YOU NOT TO MAKE ME HAVE DINNER ALONE WITH HER.
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?
I SAID, "ARE YOU GETTING BACK WITH DAD?"
AND SHE SAID HE WOULDN'T BUTTER HER ROLL.
I'M SORRY. I TRIED.
YOU DID NOT TRY.
I DID TRY. I JUST SUCKED AT IT.
LOOK, SHE PROBABLY DIDN'T MEAN IT, OKAY?
SHE'S JUST MAD AT DAD, AND SHE WAS JUST TALKING.
NEXT WEEK WE'LL SWITCH.
YOU CAN HAVE DINNER WITH MY MOTHER,
AND I'LL MARRY MY DAD OFF TO A NICE BARONESS.
DON'T HATE ME.
GOOD.
NOW, I HAVE A COMPLAINT TO REGISTER.
BECAUSE OF YOUR FLAWED PLAN,
I WAS DEPRIVED OF FRIDAY NIGHT WITH MY KID.
I WAS TRYING TO REUNITE YOUR PARENTS.
OH, SURE. NOW THEY'RE MY PARENTS.
SO ANYWAY, I WAS THINKING, IF YOU'RE NOT BUSY TOMORROW,
HOW ABOUT YOU COME MEET ME FOR LUNCH AT THE DRAGONFLY?
1:00-ish?
OKAY.
AND STAY AWAY FROM GRANDMA.
OOH, GEE, THERE'S A DEMAND.
I LIKE THAT IT'S GOT ROOMS. VERY NOVEL FOR AN INN.
MMM, THE GUESTS LOVE IT
WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE TO SLEEP COMMUNALLY.
THEY PAY EXTRA FOR IT.
GOOD SQUEAKY STAIRS, HELPS SELL THE OLD-INN ASPECT.
ACTUALLY, WE HAD THOSE SQUEAKS INSTALLED.
OH, YOU'VE USED THEM?
OH, SEVERAL TIMES.
RECEPTION'S OVER THERE, LIVING ROOM'S THROUGH HERE.
HEY, YOU RECOGNIZE THE BOBBLEHEAD DOLLS ON THE MANTEL?
YOU PUT THOSE OUT IN PUBLIC?
HEY, THEY ARE A CHERISHED PART OF MY CHILDHOOD.
PLUS, ALL THE DIRTY PIECES BROKE OFF 10 YEARS AGO,
SO NOW THEY'RE JUST CHARMING.
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.
AND HERE'S WHERE WE FEED THEM.
YOU FEED THEM, TOO?
AND WE LET THEM USE THE BATHROOM OR SIT ON THE FURNITURE.
CLASSY JOINT.
SO, I'M THINKING YOU SHOULD ORDER
THE STEAK SANDWICH AND THE GARLIC BREAD OR -- THANKS.
OR FRIED CHICKEN -- SERIOUSLY GOOD FRIED CHICKEN.
OR, YEAH, GET THE PORK CHOPS
'CAUSE NORMALLY, EATING PORK CHOPS IS VERY SIMILAR
TO SUCKING ON THE POTTERY BARN CATALOG,
BUT SOOKIE DOES THIS BRINING THING
IN A SALTWATER BOURBON SOLUTION.
SOUNDS A LITTLE LIKE LAUNDRY,
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY UNBELIEVABLY GOOD.
HMM. WHAT?
NOTHING. JUST -- YOU DID IT.
I...
YOU DID IT.
YEAH, I THINK I DID.
HOW SAPPY IS IT GOING TO SOUND IF I SAY THAT I'M PROUD OF YOU?
OH, MY GOD. SO SAPPY.
YEAH, WELL, I AM.
THANKS, CHRIS.
YEAH.
OKAY, SO, I THINK YOU WERE TRYING TO TALK ME
INTO THE PORK CHOP.
[ CHUCKLES ] YES, I WAS.
MOM. HEY, I --
HEY, SURPRISE!
HEY, RORY.
HEY, DAD.
[ CHUCKLES ] YOU HAVEN'T SAID HI TO YOUR SISTER YET.
OH, RIGHT.
HEY, G.G.
REMEMBER ME? I'M RORY.
I SHOW HER YOUR PICTURE ALL THE TIME.
YOUR TIMING'S PERFECT.
I'M STARVED. HAVE A SIT.
ISN'T THIS A NICE SURPRISE?
UH, VERY NICE, YES.
I LIKE TO SEE G.G.
HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE, UH, G.G.?
THAT THUMB TASTING PRETTY GOOD THERE?
IF YOU SOAK IT IN A SALTWATER BOURBON SOLUTION OVERNIGHT,
YOU'LL SEE A MAJOR IMPROVEMENT.
UH, LORELAI, EXCUSE ME.
THERE'S AN INCIDENT IN THE FRONT YOU MAY WANT TO CHECK IN ON.
OKAY, ROB, THANKS. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING HILARIOUS WHILE I'M GONE.
ONE THING.
I'VE ONLY ASKED YOU FOR ONE THING EVER.
STOP.
RORY, I DIDN'T CALL.
AFTER YOU ASKED ME NOT TO, I DIDN'T.
[ SCOFFS ]
SHE CALLED ME BECAUSE SHE HADN'T HEARD FROM ME IN A WHILE,
AND THE REASON THAT SHE HADN'T HEARD FROM ME IN A WHILE
IS BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO STAY AWAY, AND I DID.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
SHE CALLED ME, RORY. SHE CALLED ME.
SHE ASKED ME TO LUNCH.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO ACCEPT.
I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD REASON TO SAY NO.
WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO,
TELL HER THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE HER ANYMORE?
I DIDN'T WANT TO RAT YOU OUT. I'M SORRY.
LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO BE HERE.
THIS IS AS MUCH A SURPRISE TO ME AS IT IS TO YOU.
SO, YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO BE HERE,
SO, THEREFORE, IT MAKES IT SAFE TO COME
BECAUSE MAYBE I WOULDN'T FIND OUT ABOUT IT.
NO, RORY, NO. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WENT DOWN.
I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU.
FINE.
LOOK, I'M SORRY YOU'RE UPSET, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE HAD A RELATIONSHIP
LONG BEFORE YOU EVER EXISTED.
WE GREW UP TOGETHER, WE HAD A CHILD TOGETHER,
AND NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON, THAT DOES NOT CHANGE.
GREAT. YOU KNEW HER FIRST.
SO THAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO JUST WALTZ IN
AND SCREW EVERYTHING UP?
I DID NOT WALTZ IN. I DID NOT CALL HER.
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME THE BAD GUY HERE.
HEY, IF THE BLACK HAT FITS --
I'M YOUR FATHER, KID, OKAY?
FINE.
SEE, THIS IS WHY I LOVE THIS JOB.
MICHEL HAS BEEN OBSESSED WITH THESE GUESTS
WHO HE SWEARS ARE THE NOTORIOUS BATHROBE BANDITS
FROM THE INDEPENDENCE INN -- AT LEAST THE MOLES MATCH --
SO APPARENTLY, THEY WERE CHECKING OUT,
AND MICHEL STOPPED THEM
AND DEMANDED THEY OPEN THEIR SUITCASES,
AND THEY REFUSED, SO HE GRABS THE GUY'S SUITCASE
AND STARTS TEARING THROUGH ALL OF HIS STUFF,
WHICH, OF COURSE, WENT OVER REALLY WELL.
AND WHEN I GOT THERE, THE WIFE WAS CALLING THE COPS,
AND THE HUSBAND WAS CHASING MICHEL AROUND WITH A GOLF CLUB.
IT TOOK A COMPED BILL AND TWO FREE BATHROBES
IN ADDITION TO THE ONES THEY HAD STOLEN
TO GET THEM TO DROP THE CHARGES.
PLUS, MICHEL RIPPED HIS PANTS,
AND HIS UNDERWEAR IS PINK AND SHINY.
[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]
DID I NOT HIT "PINK AND SHINY" HARD ENOUGH?
SHOULD IT HAVE BEEN "HIS DRAWERS ARE PINK AND SHINY"?
I'M CONFUSED 'CAUSE I WAS GOING TO HIT THE ORPHEUM CIRCUIT
WITH THAT MATERIAL.
WOW. DID I MISS SOMETHING HERE?
NOPE. UH, NOTHING.
LOOK, LOR, I SHOULD BE GOING.
WHAT?
NO, WE DIDN'T GET OUR BRINY PORK CHOPS YET.
I JUST -- I REALLY NEED TO GET TO MY PARENTS' HOUSE,
AND G.G.'s GOING TO NEED HER NAP SOON.
SHE CAN NAP HERE.
OH, NO, IT'S OKAY.
THE PLACE LOOKS GREAT, REALLY,
AND TELL SOOKIE I SAID THANKS FROM ME, AND BYE, RORY.
CHRIS.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
OKAY, START CONNECTING THOSE DOTS.
WHAT?
DID YOU CALL HIM AND INVITE HIM TO LUNCH?
YEAH, I DID.
NO.
NO.
RORY, WHAT IS GOING ON?
HUH? ANSWER ME.
I WENT TO SEE DAD.
WHEN, TODAY?
NO, A WHILE AGO, RIGHT AFTER SHERRY LEFT.
I TOLD HIM THAT I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO CALL YOU ANYMORE.
WHY?
MOM...COME ON.
NO "MOM, COME ON."
WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO SCREW ANYTHING UP
BETWEEN YOU AND LUKE.
OH, KID. YOU ARE SO FAR OFF HERE.
THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
EVERY TIME HE COMES BACK, HE ENDS UP MESSING UP YOUR LIFE.
IT'S COMPLETELY TRUE.
HE WANTS YOU BACK, AND THEN HE DISAPPEARS
OR SHERRY GETS PREGNANT OR HE LOSES HIS JOB
OR HE JUST TAKES OFF -- WHATEVER.
NO GOOD REASON NECESSARY.
AND IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS FOREVER, AND YOU JUST LET HIM DO IT.
RORY, COME ON.
YOU CAN'T JUST BREAK FREE OF HIM.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE ENGAGED TO MAX, AND THEN SUDDENLY, YOU'RE NOT.
CHRISTOPHER HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MAX.
WHO WAS THE PERSON YOU WERE CALLING
FROM YOUR BACHELORETTE PARTY?
I WAS DRUNK.
I TRIED TO CALL ABE VIGODA, TOO, IF YOU REMEMBER.
YOU'RE JUST ALWAYS WAITING FOR HIM TO GET HIMSELF TOGETHER.
NO, NO, HON. I'M NOT ALWAYS WAITING FOR HIM.
THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN, YES, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE
TO ACTUALLY BE WITH THE FATHER OF MY KID, BUT...NOT NOW.
I'M WITH LUKE COMPLETELY.
WHAT DID HE SAY WHEN YOU TOLD HIM?
LUKE.
WHAT DID HE SAY WHEN YOU TOLD HIM
YOU WERE HAVING LUNCH WITH DAD?
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ] NOTHING.
HE DIDN'T CARE?
NO, HE DIDN'T CARE.
HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CARE 'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO CARE ABOUT.
IF YOU SAY SO.
I APPRECIATE YOU BEING CONCERNED FOR ME, BUT DON'T BE.
I'M GOOD.
OKAY.
LET'S ORDER, SHALL WE?
SHE WAS SO SERIOUS.
YOU KNOW HOW SHE GETS REALLY SERIOUS,
LIKE WHEN SHE SAW "THE WAY WE WERE,"
AND SHE COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT HUBBELL WAS GOING TO LEAVE KATIE
AFTER SHE HAD THE BABY?
OH, I REMEMBER. SHE TALKED ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS.
"HOW COULD HE DO THAT?
"SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO CARED ABOUT THE BLACKLISTING.
SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT HE COULD WRITE A NOVEL."
THAT'S THE FACE SHE HAD ON TODAY.
SHE'S JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
THEN WHEN SHE THREW THAT "WHAT DID LUKE SAY" THING AT ME.
SHE'S GOT A GOOD LEFT HOOK.
I LIED TO MY KID, SOOKIE.
I HATE THAT I LIED TO HER,
BUT I DIDN'T WANT HER TO THINK THERE WAS ANY WEIRD REASON
WHY I DIDN'T TELL LUKE.
WAS THERE ANY WEIRD REASON THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL LUKE?
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE YOU WERE AFRAID THAT HE'D GET JEALOUS.
I'D BE AFRAID THAT JACKSON WOULD GET JEALOUS.
I WAS NOT AFRAID HE'D GET JEALOUS.
HE DID BEAT UP A CAR.
THAT WE KNOW OF.
NO, I DIDN'T TELL HIM BECAUSE IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.
[ SIGHS ] I THOUGHT IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM, RIGHT?
YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM.
NOW HE'S GOING TO THINK I'M HIDING SOMETHING FROM HIM,
AND I'M NOT.
DAMN IT. HE'S GOING TO BEAT UP MY CAR.
[ CHUCKLES ] IT'S AMERICAN. IT CAN TAKE IT.
I CAME HOME FROM WORK, AND I FOUND THESE ON THE DOORSTEP.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HON, MAYBE IT'S JUST A JOKE.
NO, THIS IS NOT A JOKE. THIS IS A THREAT.
YEAH, THOSE PEOPLE AT BUTTERICK PATTERNS PLAY PRETTY ROUGH.
THIS IS THE FISH ON THE DOORSTEP.
IT'S THE HORSE HEAD IN THE BED.
IT'S THE "EITHER YOUR SIGNATURE OR YOUR BRAINS
ARE GOING TO BE ON THE CONTRACT."
JACKSON, CALM DOWN.
I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!
I TOLD THEM I WOULD NOT DO ANY RIBBON-CUTTING CEREMONIES.
THEM!
THE TOWN. THE LUNATICS WHO VOTED FOR ME!
OKAY, COULD YOU PUT THE GIANT SCISSORS DOWN
AND THEN DO THE WAVING AROUND?
WE HAVE TO MOVE. PACK UP. WE'RE GETTING OUT.
OKAY.
OR YOU COULD JUST ASK THEM AT THE NEXT TOWN MEETING
NOT TO LEAVE GIANT SCISSORS ON OUR PORCH ANYMORE.
TOWN MEETING? OH, NO.
NO WAY. THERE WILL BE NO TOWN MEETING.
THERE'S GOING TO BE LOTS OF UPSET PEOPLE.
THE TOWN MEETING IS A 200-YEAR-OLD TRADITION.
TRADITION OVER!
ONLY HELL WAITS FOR ME AT TOWN MEETINGS.
SPREAD THE WORD.
THAT'S SWEET.
HE'S HAVING SYMPATHY MOOD SWINGS.
HE LOVES ME.
NO.
SURE.
YES, COFFEE GOOD.
YOUR CUP'S FULL.
OH, WELL, THEN, NO. NO. COFFEE BAD.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
HEY, DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE BATHROBE BANDITS?
NOPE.
UH, WELL, VERY FUNNY STORY.
BACK AT THE INDEPENDENCE INN, THERE WAS THIS COUPLE,
AND THEY WOULD COME IN ALL THE TIME AND STEAL THE BATHROBES.
THEY MADE MICHEL CRAZY, SO TODAY --
OH, RIGHT.
WHO?
THE BATHROBE BANDITS -- THEY SHOWED UP, AND THEY STAYED,
AND THEN THEY WERE CHECKING OUT, AND THEN GET THIS --
THE BELLBOY COMES RUNNING OVER AND TELLS ME TO "COME QUICK.
THERE'S A SITUATION IN THE LOBBY."
SO I COME RUNNING TO THE LOBBY --
RIGHT.
SO, I RUN TO THE LOBBY, AND MICHEL IS BEING CHASED,
AND THE WIFE IS CALLING THE COPS,
AND I COMPED THEIR ROOM AND GAVE THEM FREE BATHROBES
TO STOP THE YELLING AND THE CALLING.
IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I TOLD IT, AND BOTH TIMES, CRICKETS.
[ SIGHS ]
I MEAN, RORY AND CHRISTOPHER LOOKED AT ME
LIKE I WAS PAULY SHORE.
CHRISTOPHER?
RORY'S DAD. HE CAME FOR LUNCH TODAY.
I HAD LUNCH WITH HIM TODAY, AND RORY HAD LUNCH --
RORY AND CHRISTOPHER AND G.G., HIS DAUGHTER WITH SHERRY.
HE BROUGHT HER 'CAUSE SHERRY MOVED TO FRANCE,
SO HE'S A FULL-TIME DAD NOW,
AND WE ALL HAD LUNCH, ALL OF US TOGETHER...TODAY.
AND WHEN I TOLD THE "BATHROBE BANDIT" STORY,
THEY ALL ACTED LIKE THAT.
EXCEPT G.G., WHO SPIT UP 'CAUSE SHE'S A BABY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
OKAY.
[ SIGHS ]
OKAY.
[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
Emily: YOU GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!
WHO IS THIS?
THIS IS YOU IN 20 YEARS! "WHO IS THIS?" I SWEAR!
MOM, CALM DOWN.
HE'LL BE HERE IN ONE HOUR, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR.
YOU'VE GOT TO COME RIGHT NOW.
WHO'LL BE THERE IN ONE HOUR -- DAD?
SIMON McLANE.
WHO IS SIMON McLANE?
WHAT?!
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO PUT ON, I'M IN A BLIND PANIC,
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
HOW IS IT MY FAULT?
BECAUSE I USED YOUR LINE, AND IT WORKED.
"HELLO."
"HELLO" IS NOT MY LINE.
"HELLO" IS NOT A LINE. "HELLO" IS HELLO.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I "HELLOED" HIM TODAY,
AND NOW HE'S TAKING ME TO DINNER.
IF YOU DON'T GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW,
I'M GOING TO BOOK A D.A.R. FUNCTION AT THE DRAGONFLY
EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND FROM NOW UNTIL I DIE!
[ BEEPS ]
MOM?
ARE YOU -- OH, GOD! CHANEL ATTACK.
LOOK AT THE RED PANTSUIT.
THE...
THE RED PANTSUIT. THE RED PANTSUIT.
RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE.
I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
HERE.
WELL?
NICE?
IT'S NICE AND RED AND ***-SUITY.
IT'S HORRIBLE. HE'LL THINK IT'S HORRIBLE.
IT'S HORRIBLE.
SIMON WILL BE HERE IN 20 MINUTES,
AND I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.
JUST TELL HIM YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH "BUTTERFIELD 8" AND GO LIKE THAT.
I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN YEARS.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S APPROPRIATE TO WEAR.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S APPROPRIATE TO SAY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT, WHAT TO ORDER -- WHICH ONE?
[ CHUCKLES ] THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.
THEY ARE NOT EXACTLY THE SAME.
UM, OKAY. THEN...THAT ONE.
WHY WHAT?
WHY DID YOU PICK THAT ONE?
WHAT WAS THE LOGIC BEHIND YOUR PICKING THIS PARTICULAR ONE?
COULD IT POSSIBLY BE BECAUSE IT WAS CLOSEST?
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT LOCATION.
YOU'RE JUST PICKING ANYTHING
SO THAT I'LL GET DRESSED AND YOU CAN LEAVE.
NO, MOM, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE.
I'M NEVER LEAVING. IN FACT, I'M GOING WITH YOU.
I'LL NEVER BE READY ON TIME.
[ Panting ] I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY HAIR.
I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY MAKEUP.
OH, MY GOODNESS. I CAN'T BREATHE.
I'M ACTUALLY HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING.
MOM, SIT.
I CAN'T SIT. I'LL WRINKLE MY CLOTHES.
YOU'RE NOT DRESSED YET.
WHAT? OH, MY GOD.
I'M LOSING MY MIND. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.
I'M DATING. I'M SINGLE.
YOU'RE NOT SINGLE.
THAT'S JUST A FORMALITY.
YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER THE NIGHT I GOT MARRIED.
OH, I WAS PANICKED.
I THOUGHT, "THIS IS IT.
"I'LL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE.
THIS IS IT FOR LIFE."
IF ONLY I'D HAD A CRYSTAL BALL,
I MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO EAT MY SALAD.
I REMEMBER IT LOOKED DELICIOUS.
MOM, IS THIS REALLY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?
YES, IT IS.
OKAY.
[ SIGHS ]
WEAR THE BLACK.
THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.
WHAT ABOUT THE --
THE BURGUNDY WORKS FINE, TOO.
JACKSON!
JACKSON, STOP!
OH, JACKSON! OH, THANK GOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
SHE WHAT?
SHE WAS PLAYING THE TARANTELLA,
AND THEN SUDDENLY, SHE STOPPED AND FELL OFF THE STOOL.
I DON'T KNOW.
NO.
WHAT A GOOD IDEA. OH, YOU'RE SUCH A SMART MAN.
A LITTLE FASTER, HONEY.
THE POOR WOMAN IS JUST LYING THERE.
WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL 9-1-1.
SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.
WHY IS IT SO DARK IN HERE?
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
THE TOWN MEETING IS NOW IN SESSION.
[ SIGHS ]
YOU KNOW, WE WORK PRETTY GOOD TOGETHER.
I GUESS.
NO "GUESS." WE DO.
WE GOT, LIKE, A RHYTHM, A GROOVE THING.
WE CAN SURVIVE IN THE WOODS TOGETHER,
START A NEW CIVILIZATION, IF NEED BE.
OH, RIGHT.
OKAY, MAYBE LIZ COULD COME,
EXCEPT WE COULDN'T SHARE HER 'CAUSE SHE'S YOUR SISTER,
AND THAT'S A BAD WAY TO START A NEW CIVILIZATION.
HOW ABOUT YOU AND LIZ GO START A NEW CIVILIZATION?
I'LL STAY HERE IN THIS ONE.
NO, COME ON. WE COULD SOLVE THIS.
OKAY, LORELAI COULD COME. AND NOW HER, WE COULD SHARE.
OKAY, NO MORE NEW-CIVILIZATION TALK.
OKAY BY ME.
HEY, T.J.
YES, LUKE.
DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A JEALOUS MAN?
WHY, ARE YOU PLANNING ON CUTTING SOME PIPE
WITH ANOTHER GUY TOMORROW?
I'M SORRY.
YOU WERE ASKING ME IF I CONSIDER MYSELF A JEALOUS MAN.
I DON'T, AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY.
JEALOUSY IS BAD.
JEALOUSY IS WHAT LANDED ME IN JAIL...TWICE.
I LEARNED QUICKLY THAT WITHOUT AN IMMEDIATE INFLUX OF CASH,
I COULD NO LONGER AFFORD TO BE A JEALOUS MAN.
SUPPLY AND DEMAND, MY FRIEND.
SO, YOU'RE SAYING IF LIZ HAD LUNCH WITH...AN EX,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
I MEAN, IT'S AN OLD EX, A LONG TIME AGO, ANCIENT HISTORY.
BUT IF SHE HAD LUNCH,
AND SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT IT AT THE TIME,
BUT EVENTUALLY SHE DID TELL YOU,
YOU SHOULD JUST LET IT GO, RIGHT?
I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE READING ANYTHING INTO ANYTHING.
YOU JUST MAKE YOURSELF CRAZY AND HER CRAZY,
AND THEN EVERYBODY'S CRAZY, RIGHT?
WHO THE HELL IS LIZ HAVING LUNCH WITH?!
WHAT? NO ONE.
YOU JUST SAID SHE HAD LUNCH WITH AN EX!
WAS IT ART?
I SWEAR TO GOD, IF IT'S ART, I'M GOING TO --
I TOLD HIM NEVER TO COME SNIFFING AROUND HER AGAIN!
HEY, T.J.! HEY, IT WASN'T ART!
I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
EVERY TIME I HEAR MAHLER'S SEVENTH SYMPHONY,
I GET RIDICULOUS, GIDDY.
IT'S LIKE THE BEATLES ON "THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW."
WELL, MAHLER CAN DO THAT TO YOU.
DID YOU SEE THE CLEVELAND ORCHESTRA
WHEN THEY WERE HERE LAST MONTH?
I WENT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
OH, I SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT.
I WENT THE LAST NIGHT AND THEN TO THE GALA AFTERWARD.
RUDOLFSKI.
DID YOU KNOW THAT HE'S DEAF IN HIS LEFT EAR?
I DID KNOW THAT.
IN FACT, I HAVE A VERY EVIL FRIEND
WHO LIKES TO SIT NEXT TO HIM AT ALL THE GALA DINNERS
AND WHISPER INCREDIBLY SCANDALOUS THINGS
INTO HIS BAD EAR ALL NIGHT LONG.
WELL, WHO KNEW EMILY GILMORE RAN WITH SUCH A BAD CROWD?
OH, YES, I'M VERY DANGEROUS. ASK MY MAIDS.
HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW HAPPY I AM
YOU SAID HELLO TO ME AT THE CLUB?
TWICE. AND SO AM I.
HOW ARE WE DOING HERE?
WE'RE DOING FINE.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE WINE?
WHY NOT?
OKAY, SO, YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT THIS COUNTRY?
NOPE.
IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH,
YOU CAN EVENTUALLY FIND A SHOWING OF "ST. ELMO'S FIRE"
ON THE BIG SCREEN.
YES, THAT'S WHAT GETS US THE GOOD SEATS AT THE SUMMITS.
COME ON, ADMIT IT.
ROB LOWE PRETENDING TO PLAY THE SAXOPHONE WAS INCREDIBLY HOT.
OH, I ADMIT IT.
AND ALSO, ANDREW McCARTHY AT HIS BEST.
THOUGH "LESS THAN ZERO" RUNS A VERY CLOSE SECOND.
I'M SURE IT DOES.
YOU HATED THE MOVIE.
[ Chuckling ] YES.
ALTHOUGH I LOVE THE FACT THAT IT GOT ME OUT OF A TOWN MEETING,
SO ALL IN ALL, A VERY SUCCESSFUL EVENING.
YOU SURE YOU CAN'T STAY?
[ SIGHS ] I'VE GOT REALLY EARLY DELIVERIES TOMORROW.
I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU THIS WEEKEND.
I'M GOING TO HOLD YOU TO THAT, MISTER.
OH, BY THE WAY...
IT'S FINE ABOUT LUNCH.
WHAT?
YOU HAVING LUNCH WITH CHRISTOPHER --
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M FINE WITH IT.
OH, OKAY. GOOD.
YEP, ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU TOMORROW.
[ TRUCK DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]
OH, MY GOD. I LOVE FOOD.
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
IT'S FOR ME.
[ DOOR OPENS ]
Man: PIZZA. $34.95
OH, I GOT IT.
DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SOME? THERE'S PLENTY.
OKAY.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
WELL, WHERE'S THE CHEESY BREAD?
I ORDERED THE CHEESY BREAD.
OKAY, I REMEMBER SOMETHING ABOUT ROME.
ROME.
ROME.
ROMANS LIVED THERE.
UH, AUDREY HEPBURN TOOK A HOLIDAY THERE.
IT'S THE NAME OF A B-52's SONG.
DIFFERENT "ROAM."
[ SIGHS ] OKAY, THAT'S IT. I CAN'T REMEMBER.
COLLEGE IS BREAKING MY SPIRIT.
EVERY SINGLE DAY TELLING ME THINGS I DON'T KNOW --
IT'S MAKING ME FEEL STUPID.
OH, OKAY, I NEED A BREAK.
I SECOND THAT.
OH, MAN, I'M TIRED.
LIVING IS EXHAUSTING.
THIS WEEK SUCKED. I'M SO GLAD IT'S OVER.
WHY DID IT SUCK?
JUST A TON OF SCHOOLWORK AND RAMADAN.
OH, SURE.
I BROKE UP WITH MY BOYFRIEND THIS WEEK -- THAT WAS FUN --
IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AT MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE.
AND THEN, BECAUSE APPARENTLY
THAT WASN'T ENOUGH "PEYTON PLACE" FOR ME,
I HAVE THIS WHOLE THING GOING WITH MY DAD,
WHO'S SUDDENLY BACK IN MY LIFE AGAIN.
YEAH, DADS CAN BE TOUGH.
I SPENT SO MANY YEARS JUST --
I COULDN'T WAIT TILL HE SHOWED UP.
AND NOW HE'S SHOWING UP, AND...I DON'T KNOW.
I'M JUST REALLY TIRED.
YOU KNOW...
ONCE I FOUND OUT MY FATHER WASN'T REALLY MY FATHER...
WE STARTED GETTING ALONG MUCH BETTER.
[ CHUCKLES ] I'M SERIOUS.
SUDDENLY THE PRESSURE WAS OFF.
IF SOMETHING HAPPENS,
I DON'T AUTOMATICALLY HAVE TO GIVE HIM A KIDNEY.
I CAN WEIGH MY OPTIONS.
IT WAS A REAL TURNING POINT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
SO, YOU BROKE UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, HUH?
RORY?
[ SIGHS ]
[ TELEPHONE RINGS, ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS ]
Lorelai: I'M EXHAUSTED.
THE PHONE'S FAR. MAKE IT SHORT AND SWEET.
[ BEEPS ]
Christopher: HEY, LOR, IT'S ME. ARE YOU THERE?
OKAY, WELL, I'M JUST CALLING 'CAUSE LUNCH ENDED BAD,
AND I'M SURE YOU'VE TALKED TO RORY BY NOW,
SO YOU KNOW WHY IT ENDED BAD, AND I JUST WANTED TO TALK.
GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU GET IN. I'LL BE UP LATE.
OKAY, BYE.
[ BEEPS ]
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE I'VE HAD AN EVENING QUITE AS ENJOYABLE AS THIS ONE.
I'M CHOOSING TO BELIEVE YOU, SIMON,
PARTLY BECAUSE IT'S FLATTERING
AND PARTLY BECAUSE I'VE HAD THREE GLASSES OF WINE
AND A LEMON CELLO.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
SO, DO YOU THINK WE COULD POSSIBLY DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME?
THAT WOULD BE LOVELY, SIMON.
I'LL CALL YOU THIS WEEK.
GOOD NIGHT.
[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]
[ CRYING ]