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To journey beyond the reaches of
our solar system to the closest star
would mean traveling the distance
of more than five trillon miles.
Yet the dimenslons of the cosmos
are so unimaginably vast
units of measurement become
I've been kissed three times.
No, four times.
No, three times.
All of them
were people I never saw again
which I hope
doesn't mean something.
One was this counselor
at this YMCA camp.
Except he already had a girlfriend.
under all this pressure
the Inner core of the star
now Implodes vlolently
producing an exploslon
of unparalleled Intensity.
One was this usher at my mother's
cousin's wedding two years ago.
The wedding was In Milwaukee.
We stayed over at a motor
lodge with a heated pool.
It was a double ring ceremony.
He was staring at me
all through the ceremony.
Later
I found out he only kissed me
because he had lost a bet.
The third kiss is the
hardest to describe.
It was this guy I met on
the beach last summer.
It was Labor Day.
It was the day I swam out too far.
That was the most exciting one
except It may not count
as an actual kiss
since I was kind of unconsclous.
I've never had an actual boyfriend.
I don't know If that's normal or not.
- You know that girl Dana?
- Dana Odinger?
Dana.
Hey!
She has hair tails, and
three little studs in each ear.
She used to wear her eyeliner pointy
and now she wears it smudged.
And her feet are perfect,
small with a really high arch.
- So, what about her?
- Nothing, she just annoys me.
Her lips are so puffed out
it's like she siliconed them.
Really?
Do you think she did?
You think
she siliconed her lips, really?
Angela, he's gone.
You can
talk like a normal person.
Oh, God.
You have to progress to the next
phase.
Think of Rickie and me.
How much more can we take?
I just don't want to look like
I'm throwing myself at him.
Excuse me, people throwing
themselves at people
is like the basis of civilization.
She has a point.
If Jordan Catalano Is nearby,
my entire body knows It.
Like one of those dogs that point.
I'll keep talking and stuff
but my mind won't even
know what I'm saying.
I keep wondering If
there's a term for this.
Okay, now before
we cut our hearts open
People, it's a pig heart.
Students opposed to the practice
of vivisection may do research
at the library instead, but you
must put this belief in writing.
Now, to review, an
experiment must test a what?
A hypothesis.
And a hypothesis consists
of several anybody?
Several assumptions.
And true experimentation
depends upon guys?
Precision, observation, and
clear concise communication.
What?
I said, I'm leaving now, so
- I guess I don't rate a kiss anymore.
- Wait, what?
Nothing.
It's just you don't kiss me
goodbye in the mornings anymore.
Patty, we'll be seeing each
other in forty minutes.
Just because we're working together
now that's no reason to stop
I mean, this isn't the
time to start anything.
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, a kiss
must result in intercourse.
Well, it's a law in this state.
There can be no kissing for kissing's
sake a kiss must lead somewhere.
Where did they drill that
into you? Was it shop class?
I can't believe it.
I swore I would never fight with you
again this early in the morning.
This isn't a fight, it's goodbye.
What are the elements
of a true experiment?
And what sort of activity
is an experiment?
It's a purposeful activity,
designed to solve a what?
A particular problem.
How much money did you lose?
None.
So, Catalano.
So, Tino says you
can get my girlfriend a fake I D.
So? So could Tino.
Oh yeah, see, he does me
so many favors I feel like
I'm wearing him thin.
Kind of with that out of state look?
Like from Georgia or something?
My girlfriend really
needs one.
Angela?
- It's like an emergency.
- Why doesn't she ask for herself?
That's a long story.
She's French!
She's from France.
Get out of here.
Seriously.
And with
certain words she'll like
forget how to pronounce
them, or something.
It's like a mental
block type of thing.
- That girl I see you with
- Angela.
Chase.
Is French?
She was born there, I mean she
hasn't lived there in quite a while.
She's a US citizen and all.
What kind of I D?
Okay, important.
I need to see
the hands of those handing in
their extra credit
experiments on Friday.
Okay, Justin, Sonya.
Angela! Angela!
Michael are you and
Sonya working together?
Come here!
Okay, so that's Jeremy
Charlotte, Tiffany
Sean, Yvette
Leander
Sharon
Shane and Brian?
- What happened to your lab partner?
- She almost fainted.
So
And your extra credit project is?
Controlled release of energy.
Construction and use of a volumeter.
Is that something you worked
on alone or with Angela?
With Angela.
Okay, people? Your hearts
must be clearly labeled
before returning them to the cart.
Please do not drip.
What?
Like Angela really helped
you with your volumeter?
She's planning to.
Look I mean, why would
I say it if it wasn't true?
Why would you say she was
fainting? Okay, what was that?
I mean, some of us
actually work, you know?
We don't just expect extra credit
because our lab partner is smart.
She takes advantage of you,
and you totally let her.
I pity you.
Oh, my God
Hey, I did it for you.
It's a good thing.
- It's a definite good thing.
- Wait, you were there, too?
No, but she told me
the whole thing.
I bet people can actually
die of embarrassment
I bet it's been medically proven.
Worst case, you get an out of
state I D, which you need anyway.
Just wait.
- Tell me everything he said.
- You will definitely thank me.
It's true I mean from what she
told me, which was everything.
- You should be thanking me right now.
- God, let's stop talking about this.
So, how did he act?
Did he act bored, or
He flopped on the floor,
uncontrollably, okay?
- Rickie had to hold down his tongue
- And I wasn't even there.
Hey, Chase!
What I dread, Is when
people who know you
In completely different ways
end up In the same area.
Thanks for leaving me a
whole heart to clean up.
And you have to develop this
combinatlon you, on the spot.
So Chavatal, she thinks we're
both working on my volumeter.
His what?
It's this experiment.
There's like a mouse involved.
What's your name again?
So you think that's fair? I mean
I do all the work and you just
- I never said I was doing it.
- She's giving you credit, so
Look, I already executed
the entire apparatus
The apparatus
So, I think the least you can do,
is just help me work on it.
Tomorrow night.
Because
He wants you
to work on his apparatus.
Just shut up, okay?
- What would your parents say?
- They are out of town, which is
- Which has nothing to do
- She'll be there.
- Rayanne!
- What?
- Rayanne!
- What? This is perfect.
- As what?
- Excuse me, what is a volumeter?
As a place to bring Jordan Catalano.
Are you crazy? Were you
raised in a satanic cult?
She wishes.
Jordan Catalano?
At Brian Krakow's house?
It's like against
nature or something.
So?
Chase! Are you going
to help me or not?
- Yes or no?
- Oh God.
Yes.
The plan is wait, what's the plan?
You are going to so
love having a fake I D.
I collect them.
I'm a victim.
Okay, the plan.
You go to what's his name's
to help him with his
- Volume thing.
- Right!
Meanwhile, Rickie and l, and
Jordan Catalano will procure you an I D.
Which we will then bring
back to what's his name's.
Where you and
Jordan Catalano will then be.
But in my humble opinion,
he's Jordan Catalano.
He's not going to do any of this.
Sharon refuses to come in.
Okay, what's the deal?
You tell me.
All Sharon will say is that
Angela's been acting distant
so then she called her on it
in the girls' room one day
and they both cried.
Ever since, they've kind of avoided
each other and that's all I know.
That's a miniseries
compared to what I know.
Hey Cherski.
So, by the way,
Chase is coming over tomorrow night
to, you know, compile data.
- So?
- So, she's coming over.
So, to help me.
- That obviously proves that
- What?
That you were obviously wrong
about the whole situation.
Right.
I was wrong Krakow.
Just keep telling yourself that.
Remember
when we stopped speaking?
Yes.
Because you told everybody
I made out with Mitchell Moscarelli
behind the duck pond.
You did make out with
Mitchell Moscarelli.
But not behind the duck pond.
Thanks.
I don't know, I probably
just put this in my closet.
Should I cut my hair short?
I can't take this.
I feel sick.
Look, I was there.
And I was practically there
from hearing it so many times.
And he is definitely
semi-interested.
- So you think he
- I think
part of him is partly
interested in you.
Definitely.
I mean, he's got other
things on his mind.
But that's the part that's so unfair.
I have nothing else on my mind.
How come I have to be the one
sitting around analyzing him
in microscopic detail
and he gets to be the one
with other things on his mind.
That is deep.
It's this working together.
It's pushing us apart.
God, that sounds like
a Redbook article.
Listen, if you've got to
cut it, cut it.
You know?
But let's face it,
men like long hair.
Who cares what they like.
But they
supposedly like variety, don't they?
They like long hair, and they
like for you to wear red.
Yes, but don't they supposedly like
it if you show up looking different?
Oh, God.
Shoot me will you?
Look.
Your Cinderella.
I remember
when your dad gave you this.
I was so jealous.
I was 12.
And you were 11.
And I wore my hair exactly like this.
Look, they say if you want to put the
romance back in your marriage
No, I hate that expression.
Like romance is this thing
you misplace like an earring.
And all that stuff
they tell you to do.
Put rose petals on
his pillow.
Oh, I will.
Let me just empty this kitty
litter I'll be right with you.
Wear satin ***.
Like my dry-cleaning bill
isn't frightening enough.
Force your husband into a car and
don't tell him where you're going.
I do that every other weekend
it's called visiting my parents.
Didn't Jane Seymour
write a book about that?
Yes.
And now she's divorced.
But she's remarried.
She's that medicine woman.
And is her hair long or short?
She's got a new show, new husband,
and probably all new children.
Listen, Andy and I have
been doing this thing
it's kind of embarrassing,
but it's really fun.
And you get to be with other people.
And it really puts you in the mood.
Is it legal?
The only catch is that
you have to wear heels.
- Ballroom dancing?
- Camille says it's a lot of fun.
Camille thinks Velcro is fun.
Velcro really is pretty
amazing, don't you think?
Neil, pass the pasta.
- What's the magic word?
- Pasta.
No, that's the magic carbohydrate.
What's the magic word?
Neil!
Nell Is my father's younger
brother.
He Isn't married.
Whenever he comes to dinner my
parents give him all these leftovers
to take home, like they don't
have food where he lives.
I know that ballroom
dancing doesn't sound like
something we would normally do.
It sounds like something
no one would normally do.
- It does.
It sounds made up.
- That's exactly what I was thinking!
Doesn't it?
It's completely made up.
There's no such thing.
I'm thinking of getting
my hair cut.
Short.
- No, Mom, don't.
- We like your hair how it is.
Mom, just because I changed
my hair doesn't mean you should.
What do you think?
Short, like Hillary Clinton?
Forget it.
You know,
Hillary Clinton is a brilliant woman
and people should stop
judging her by her hair.
Who's judging her?
I think she looks great.
I mean, don't you think
Hillary Clinton looks great?
She should wear more red.
It's over, me and Marla, there's
still a connection, I mean
we still see each other sometimes,
and once in a while
we still have sex.
Sounds like my marriage.
Just kidding.
I screwed up.
I just can't
I don't Oh boy
I mean I envy
what you have with Patty.
- Patty and I have our problems.
- Yeah.
Sure you do
You do?
I mean, it's only normal that
things can't always be
It's just not realistic.
Not that I'm not, you know, happy.
What, are you kidding me?
You and Patty?
You're the happiest couple
I know.
No question.
I know.
Honey, no.
We've discussed this.
It's a school night.
Mom, I'll be right across the street.
I think we should try that
ballroom dancing thing.
Really? You really want to
because I don't want to make
- I said I want to.
- Well, great.
Mom.
Mom?
Maybe Neil could stay with Danielle
and Angela told Brian Krakow
that she would help him
with some kind of science
experiment tomorrow night.
Apparently there's
a mouse involved.
Can't they bring the mouse here?
I don't think she wants Danielle
around from the look on her face.
I think she has a crush.
- On Brian Krakow?
- She could do a lot worse.
- I like Brian don't you?
- Until a few seconds ago.
Mom, can I go? Mom.
Mom, stop singing.
I know, I'm not allowed to sing,
I'm not allowed to dance.
- Amish mom.
- Can I go to Brian's yes or no?
Just be back by 9:30.
So, wait, seriously, should I?
Cut my hair.
I mean,
pretend I'm not your mom.
Mom.
I can't pretend that.
Once again, an experiment can
be termed successful if what?
If the experiment ylelds
meaningful results.
The thought that I mlght be seeing
Jordan Catalano In a few hours
was like, imposslble to comprehend.
Like when they first
tell you about Infinliy.
I couldn't belleve
how long It had been
since I had been Inslde
Brian Krakow's house.
Consldering how many hours
I spent here when I was little.
It smelled exactly the same which
was reassuring, and annoying.
Sort of like Brian himself.
That mouse can breathe, right?
It's measuring heat and energy.
If it couldn't breathe then
This clamp is coming loose.
Listen, Rayanne Graff and Rickie
Vasquez might be coming over
for a minute, just
to bring me something.
I knew you wouldn't be much help.
- Hi.
I hope I'm not late.
- No.
No, you're
That's our instructor, she just
Hi!
So, what do you think?
- It's short.
- Yes, it is.
It shows your ears more.
Mr.
And Mrs.
Chase?
It's show time.
So.
Thanks.
So
- Angela's got the money
- Right.
So
Wait here, we'll send her out.
Oh, I almost forgot, Tino
Yeah.
Didn't he say that
Yeah.
See, I mentioned that
you'd be dropping us and he said
tell Catalano I'll meet him there,
I got something I want to tell him.
About Frozen Embryos?
- What's that?
- Just this band we might form.
- Yeah, I think that was
- I think that was it.
Slow, slow, quick, quick.
Slow, slow, quick, quick.
Okay.
Your slows are too quick,
your quicks are too slow.
Okay?
Poor mouse.
I hate just
being in an elevator.
- Angela
- Wait.
I have to talk to you.
Look, I know this is
your house and all
but could you leave
for a second?
So you actually
admit it's my house.
That's really
Because I was wondering
No.
She's not saying
I'm not saying leave the house.
Just leave the kitchen.
Just come here
for a second please?
I'm really sorry,
this won't take long.
And back, back, back,
slide together
Okay, Patty, let him steer you
because he's the one going forward.
When do I get to go forward?
See, it is the man who goes
forward most frequently.
Tell me about it.
Do you have any idea how hard
it is to do this backwards?
Believe me, they had their free
introductory class once too.
Listen, a lot of times couples
think they're going to just
automatically dance like that
but it's not quite that simple.
Okay? And one, back, good,
let's go, one, two
She's not saying that she
I'm not saying.
See there's
thinking about him, right?
Which is what I do.
All the time.
Like this
- Obsession.
- Right.
So?
So, it keeps me
going or something.
Like I need it just
to get through the day.
- It It's just
- It's an obsession.
Right.
And, and if you make
it real, it's not the same.
It's not, it's not yours anymore.
I don't know, maybe I'd rather
have the fantasy than even him.
I completely understand this.
I totally and completely disagree.
You want Jordan Catalano
in actuality because
there is no because.
You just want him.
Only you're programmed
to never admit it.
That does have the ring of truth.
Okay.
Here's your free
evaluation, which is easy
because you both sort
of have the same problem
which is rushing.
Like, ahead of the music.
I would strongly
recommend group classes.
You should be dancing
with other people.
What? Why? I don't want to dance
with anybody else, I mean, do you?
I thought the whole point here
was to do something together.
Maybe it helps.
I mean maybe
He won't admit it but he's dying
to dance with other people.
Hey, this was your idea.
I didn't want to dance with anybody!
Okay.
This isn't easy.
There are
many different parts of this
that have to come together.
Like, the rhythm.
Not too fast, not too slow.
The confidence to make
the steps your own.
Lots of people, they try so hard.
They can't hear the muslc.
Then, they start to feel lost.
So they want to look down.
Don't look down.
It will throw you off balance
and you'll lose your footing.
So, look stralght ahead
Iook right Into your partner's eyes
and remember to smlle.
Hi.
So, I have the money.
So, you have my I D, right?
Yes.
So, this is your car?
Get in.
I can't go anywhere.
I mean I should stay here.
It's a long story.
- I didn't say go anywhere.
- Okay.
All right, so what's it
called again? A volvo
- A volumeter.
- And what does it do again?
- It measures pressure.
- Yeah, but like, what?
Air pressure?
There are a lot of pressures.
Acupressure? Emotional Pressure?
Like the mouse itself
must be under pressure.
That would be cool
for an experiment.
Figure out what the mouse itself,
like what goes through it's mind.
- Was it hard to get it in there?
- Shut up!
Just shut up.
It was just a joke.
You should
measure your own pressure.
So
the mouse makes
pressure, just by breathing?
- Yes.
- I can relate.
But why are you
I mean, what is the point?
It proves
It's a system that's been devised
and there are certain
scientific principles that
It's for extra credit.
What's amazing Is when you can
feel your life going somewhere.
Like your life just
flgured out how to get good.
Like, that second.
It looks real.
Why does Hey.
- I'm s I'm sorry, I just
- No.
I was I was talking.
No whatever.
So how come
Quit it!
I mean, you have
to work up to that.
I don't open that
wide at the dentist.
How old are you?
I don't believe this.
What is your point?
- Fifteen.
- You act younger.
First of all, you don't know me
well enough to say how old I seem.
- And second
- You talk a lot.
I've said, like eight sentences
to you in my entire life.
This whole day has been one
long thing that makes no sense.
We both stopped talking.
Part of
his sleeve was touching my arm.
I don't know If he knew.
Then everything started to
seem perfect, for some reason.
The feel of his shirt
against my elbow.
The fact that I still had an elbow.
It was the perfect moment
for him to kiss me.
For him to anything me.
I got to go, so later.
I could have killed him.
You're back so early?
Angela is not even due home yet.
I think Danielle is asleep.
What did you do to your hair?
Boy.
Patty can be really
touchy sometimes.
I didn't say that I didn't like it.
Anyway, I don't know.
It's going to grow back in.
Not in our lifetime
Neil.
Neil.
I met this girl.
What? What?
I'm not surprised.
- How can you say that?
- I don't know, I just
I didn't mean to meet her.
I was doing some printing
for her and we started
You know
We would get into these really
long conversations the kind where
you look up and you're
surprised to see other people.
You're burning your butter.
One day, out of nowhere,
she grabs my tie, and she says
"I hate you.
I can't sleep
because of you.
" Right?
She starts saying these
unbelievable things
No, she was holding on to
your tie at this point
The point is, we haven't
really done anything but talk.
- But
- You can't do this to me.
If you and Patty
get a divorce where
Shut up!
No one is getting a divorce.
Where am I going to go,
I mean like, on holidays.
I'm supposed to meet her at
this motel.
Tomorrow afternoon.
God.
That's such a clich�.
Clich�s happen.
- Talk me out of it.
- Don't do it.
Well, don't.
Look at you.
I mean you haven't even done
anything really wrong yet
and already you're acting weird.
You went dancing.
I know.
Hey! Where's
I mean is Tino here?
That's
I mean, that's Angela's.
Shouldn't it prove that she's 21?
So?
So according to this
she was born yesterday.
Why are you here?
I live here.
Is she really from France?
Never mind.
Just make sure
she gets that, okay?
Sure.
Can I say something? I don't think
that this was such a terrible evening.
- I never said it was.
- But you're sitting there thinking
- You don't know what I'm thinking
- Oh, shut up!
How could you say
that about my hair?
- What did I say?
- That it shows my ears more.
- It does.
- Yeah, but what kind of a thing
is that to say? Do you think I felt
like tangoing with you after that?
I didn't know what to say.
All of a sudden there's all
this all this pressure to
you know, complement you.
And lead, and
There's something
wrong here.
Am I right?
We're drifting apart from
seeing each other too much.
We've become like furniture
to each other or something.
Have we become incompatible
because we are terrible
we are terrible dancers.
So what?
How can we have been
together for so long
and not be able to dance together?
Because! Because we have
been together for so long!
Dance with me.
But we don't know how.
We know how.
I'm not going to take the extra credit.
Whatever.
You forgot this.
So why did our generation
always dance so far apart?
Too rebellious, I guess.
I mean when we danced
close, there were no
Right, no steps or anything.
We just made it all up.
Never took the time
to learn the real steps.
I thought I heard someone.
So, your mom and I went dancing.
It's hard.
It's harder than it sounds.
Dad, I don't feel like talking.
No offense.
I don't feel like talking.
Certainly not to you.
You want me to warm
up that spaghetti?
I have to say that when
my father warms something up
It tastes better than
when anyone else does.
So how did your
experiment go with Brian?
He did most of it.
So is this like, a date?
Dad! It's
They're not
People just hang out.
They're not,
it's not dates.
Just people.
Together.
In a bunch.
So, was there
someone else there you like?
It's so strange how parents can
out of nowhere turn psychlc.
It's unnerving.
It's okay to like someone, but I mean
boys your age, can sometimes
Dad, I know.
Can sometimes what?
Can sometimes not know how
to be what you want them to be.
My point is that
it's really hard to
figure out how to be a man.
Practically every man
I know is still working on it.
So that's what we're
doing, we're eating.
Really shows my ears more?
It's time for bed you two.
You two go ahead, I'll clean up.
It's me, listen.
I can't do this.
I know I acted
like I could but I can't.
You must think that I'm
an idiot and maybe I am but
it's not going to happen.
Because it can't.
Because
there are so many reasons why.
Look, I can't really talk,
except No this is not you.
This is not your fault.
It's me.
I'm sorry.
I just can't.
I'm sorry.
You are going to have a hard
time getting up in the morning.