Jimmy carr

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could.

The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.

They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna.

I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.

The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.

After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.

More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.

You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.

I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.