Jimmy carr

If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with...

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.

Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.