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Four trips to Vietnam and that's right, you've guessed it
I'm a ***,
I'm a Vung Tau ***...
but not for long.. For whatever reasons I've never
managed to come here until now.
At merely 70 miles away from Saigon, this beach city is an effortless weekend retreat.
I met up with a Vung Tau native, Jesse, who invited me to spend time with his
gracious family, there's nothing like mom's home cooking.
even if she didn't cook it herself.
After dinner, we settled down as a family and enjoyed quality and highly
educational YouTube programs with such suave narration,
(groans) Why can't my videos be that good? (groans)
Being so close to Saigon doesn't always have its perks.
This city is famous for it's *** subculture and below par dirty beaches.
However, I felt right at home because I'm as *** as they get
and I'm afraid of water. But quite honestly, it wasn't bad at all.
It was actually very pleasant. Oh yeah, not to mention the
massage parlors. that made it even more pleasant.
Banh Coc, that's right, you dirty minded pervs, snicker away. is a staple here that
consists of batter, fat, oil, more oil, shrimp, leaks,
more oil lard, more lard, and fish sauce. and more
lard and more lard and more oil x100
Yum, so delicious.
No, we're not in Rio de Jinereo, The girls' *** here are too flat anyways.
This is still Vung Tau, and this Christ stands at a whopping
105 ft tall with extended arms that reach 60 feet.
That's right, his arms are bigger than your arms.
That's why he's Jesus and you're not.
The lardy and oily breakfast with lots of lard and oil x10
and the harsh sun really did a number on me,
despite wanting to confess my sins. What sins you ask?
Well, loyality, passion, devotion, and commitment towards women who
never reciprocate Yup. I'm such a bad person.
Throw me in the pits of hell already, Jesus
Please let me meet a girl who can pronounce her THs
and say over there and not ova der.
Please let me find a girl who will try new positions and not just lay on her back like a log
You may not think so, but I'm a highly religious person...
When desperate..
Meet Joe, another typical expat who came to Vietnam to
hold plastic flowers.
Together we did the conventional Vung tau cliche touristy
sh**, like eating out
looking at how dried shrimp are shelled..
in reverse of course
or picking fights with local drunks
or going to mispelled areas to scare little kids
or going into dark crevices that smelled like urine just for fun
or watching pigeons being forced fed and don't forget about the chickens
nobody ever thinks about the chicken
or hanging out with a sexless mountain couple Viet girls, this is exactly
why you need to marry white guys
or how about visiting a half naked mountain hermit?
or how about deep jungle trekking, leaping at trees,
collecting random nuts and to cap it all over
watching insects eloping. Nothing beats free ***.
except for free insect ***.
As the beating sun finally left us, and as my time
in Vung tau came to a close,
We hit the best place to meet ***... really fast
***.
Despite being such a licentious place, meeting real girls wasn't a cakewalk here.
Luckily, The greyhound races provided an excellent opportunity
to converse with real girls addicted to gambling
Just my kind of girl. Vung Tau was awesome. Romance filled it's
breezy air and life at a slower pace intrigued me
I can't wait to go back...
for the ***
Don't marry him. Don't marry him.
Don't marry him. Don't marry him. .
Don't marry him. (Get away from him. Don't marry him he's cheating on you.
He's cheating on you with me. He's cheating on you with me.