Documentary Project - Dress -. Presentation at 34mag.net

Belarusian Human Rights House In cooperation withů The documentary was created as part of the project 'Raising Gender Sensitivity in Belarus', 2012. The book title: "The Noblemen's Piety" Mr. operator, would you be so kind to help the lady fasten the button? Seryozha, can we start? Yes, please, let's begin. Just as soon as the last person comes outů with their tea. Yes, there's some meal there. In fact, we can start shooting the first piece. ůsomewhere there, among the company... We have a light wine, do you want some? Yes. I do. We need a toast, since we're celebrating the holiday today. It feels somewhat unusualů it feels sort ofů It feels like a real holiday. Like something feminine. And what does the feminine feel like? Well, it's likeů Women cry a lot sometimes. Women can be quarrelling a lot. Some women are serious, others are weak. Perhaps not just women, but people in general can be serious or weak? Some men are also weak. But women cry more than men. Why? Because they suffer, they suffer for their men. They don't want to let anything go, even their child. (sinning) "ůGracefullyůyou've comeůin my sinful lifeů" Anya loves Valery Meladze (a famous Russian pop-singer). Does she really love him? In what sense? She really does. That is, absolutely. What you are about to see is not a movie. It has no storyline and other composition elements. You might be annoyed with what you hear. Or with what you see. Or both. You might feel a sudden aversion to people, or to yourself, or even feel insane. Nine months passed from the first shooting till the last cut. You can stop watching this, but you cannot stop thinking. The Dress The first Belarusian feminist documentary. Vilnius Good morning. My Dad is turning 75 today. We have a family celebration. I'll have to congratulate two people today - my father, and then my mother. Dad comes first, because his birthday is more important than the 8th of March. Well, don't be scared. Minsk Well, come on in. Well, let's let in some fresh air. (speaks Czech) I'm telling them, bring sandwiches with you, I won't be blaming you for that. Because we'll anyway take a break for five or ten minutes. Keep in mind that we'll have to stay there for three hoursů And I'll make you sweat blood; I am a very demanding teacher. I don't work with the dull and lazy. Grodno Greeting card: Dear Mommy, Congratulations! I remember the teacher yelled at us, "You must sign them neatly, you'll give them to your moms!" Some kids would even cry. I was sitting there, wiping tears, snot, trying to glue something on that card, and the head teacher asked, "Why is that girl crying?" And the teacher answered, "Olga, what happened, why are you crying?" Where did you get tulips, girls? The woman we were shooting gave them to us. She said, "My tulips are very good, they are very high quality, they have very thick roots". Novopolotsk Oh, my aunt! Look, have you got in here to shoot it too? Is it true that psychologists come to their profession primarily to solve their own problems? I think, no. No. Well, there's some grain of truth in this. Definitely this is unlikely about architects and interior designers. Judging by what we see here, they hardly solve their own problem above all. Those who come in this profession knowingly, definitely solve their own problem. But it's not quite clear with those who just want try it out of pure curiosity. Wait, kids. It's okay, let them. You can make as much noise as you want. As for us, the louder, the better. How did you get back from the kindergarten today, no problems? And who'll have a matinee tomorrow? I will. Maksim! What? Give back the orange. He has one kidney; he was born with one kidney. So I'm afraid. Yes, he's an adoptee. Dzivin Sign: Orphanage of Village of Dzivin Are you arranging a concert of some sort? Well, we'll have sort of a competitions programme. One girl form each group will make a self-presentation. And we will choose the best one. And in general, what kind of holiday is this, March 8? That's Moms' Day. That's sweethearts' day. No. March 8 is the Women's Day. And what does that Women's Day? Well, it's like Valentine's Day, but it's women's holiday, and dedicated to all those husbands... That is to all those wives. So that they could have a holiday at least for one day. And why only for one holiday, not for the whole life? Well, they can, have if for the whole life, but at least one day is to be the happiest. Not only March 8 is the happiest holiday. The wedding day is also the happiest day. For whom are you buying the flowers? For the women I work with. And how will you congratulate the women? Well, heartily. Well, heartily, but in what way? Well, ceremonially. We draw up in line all the men and greet the women. Nail Technologies, hello. You'd like to come as a model, right? In fact, we've been booking since three o'clock. There're no booking options left for tomorrow. That's why, please, call on Friday. Dear girls! I congratulate you on March 8. I wish you to have sunny days, in spite of the weather. The sun and warmth are the first signs of the coming spring. I mean, who else but women are the personification of spring? Spring is the beginning. Is it March 8 today? Here, hold this. Yes, today is March 8. And what kind of holiday is that? The eighth of March? The Women's Day! It's the Women's Day. It's been celebrated since long ago. I had a husband and a family then. So we used to have a drink to celebrate it. Was your husband a good man? By the way, he was a jewel of a man He was a Jew Borisov When we came it was white, but I put all the red things there. Dear girls, let me congratulate you on the spring holiday. I wish you health, love, happiness. I wish you to have more money. And I wish those of you, who're still young, to find your matches and to get married. To give birth to children. To many children? Wellů At least to one child, to begin with. Let's have a drink, then I'll tell you. As many children as God wills. As they say, I'll give birth to as many children as God wills. Somewhere in the Kaluga region, a young woman's given birth to ten children. At a time. This week. Five boys and five girls. They're all full-term, nice babies, and they now have a string of strollers and cribs. Grodno That's me again with my questions. What does home mean to you? It means children. Children have always been in the first place for me. I couldn't find the right place for myself. Seriously. When the children grew up, and I had no baby stroller beside me anymore. It felt as something totally terrible. I walked and had nothing to hold on to. That felt wired, having no baby stroller with me. Nastia! A girl shouldn't do this! Nastia, please, go play with your toys. A girl shouldn't do this. This child needs public. Maybe it's not bad, but it's not very nice when it's a seven-year-old girl. And what should a seven-year-old girl be like? Modest. Hello. Good morning, Olga. We are coming; we are near the "Belarus" hotel. Tell us the number of the group, please, or how do we get our direction in the kindergarten? There will be an assembly hall there? Okay, we are about to come. "In the morning the sun will rise, in the sky it will play... Let all the kids give their smilesů ů to their moms and to the spring. Our Mom is like springů ůand we all call her our little sun. Little sun, little sun, our Mom's our little sun. And we're, and we're her little sunflowers." Last year we participated in the competition among the large families. I was there with my long nails; it's my work, my business card. And, as a modern family, we made our presentation on the laptop. And, when talking about what we do with our own hands - hobbies, creativity, work I presented my photos and told about one of my creations. Then the so-called commission came up, from some sort of culture department. There were two men and three women in it. The men said - wow, look at those nails. She has three children, and those fingernails, and her work, and manages all at a time. But the women would say - some motherů What can she do with these nails? What sort of mother is she with such fingernails? The competition was won by a couple, a family, who complied with the standard image. The farther works; and the mother's a housewife. She doesn't work anywhere, she cooks for the whole day and then meets her husband all dressed up. Because the rest of the families had working moms. Here, you asked me to show it to you. What's this? The Mother's Medal. What does this mean - the Mother's Medal? A woman who gave birth to seven and more childrenů Five! ůto five or more children is awarded with the Mother's Medal. Well, that was unexpected. They called me and said that they prepared the documents for me to receive the Mother's Medal, and that I had to collect all the references. In fact, I didn't expect that, I thought they don't give it to such women as me. What do you mean - such women? We're an incomplete family. I mean, I'm not married. They even hold all those contests only among the families having the both parents, a father and a mother. But they don't invite single-parent families, such as ours. from Minsk to Kobrin Does March 8 mean anything to you? Well, it means to me, perhaps, the beginning of spring. Because all men give flowers to women. You can smell those bright flowers everywhere and see smiling faces; that's why, perhaps, it means the beginning of spring to me. And do you know what this day means on the whole? How did it all start? Yes, I've just been reading something about it recently, by the way. There was a strike there. Some American suffragists began to demand an eight-hour working day, something like that. Then Rosa Luxemburg suggested making this day the International Women's Day. No, actually, it was the day of her death, not her birthdayů They made her birthday the holiday; they'd hardly have made it the international women's day if it was the day of her death. She did it herself! But it was done after her death. By the way, it seems to me, she began her career as a ***. Oh, Sasha, can I, please, grate the cheese? First I'll grate it, and then you'll finish it, okay? Sasha, what do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know yet, I haven't decided. I want to paint. And what does Andrei want? And I want to ride a bike! I'll be a hockey player. A hockey player? I see. Mom, what about the family business? Well, time will tell. And do you like it when girls play hockey? No. Why don't you like it? I pity them and can't beat them. Well, then don't beat them. But why play hockey then? Hockey is a men's game. Why cannot you beat girls? Because they're girls. So what? You don't pity boys, right? Why would I pity them? Well, after all boys are human beings too. They are human beings, but they are - boys. Who's the head of your family? I am. The one who earns the living and the one who does the housework. Would you like to be the head of the family? No. I believe that's a husband's role. The male's role in the family Why? Well, it's always been like that. A woman should marry a man who's higher socially, in terms of prosperity and so on. So that the wife, after all, would obey him. What is a 100% real woman? Even if her husband is wrong, she will smile at him and say - I agree with you, my love. And if she's a 50% real woman? No, I'm talking about a 100% real woman. And if she's a 50% real woman, she'll insist on her opinion. And you now - are you a 100% woman? No. Why? Because, basically, that's me who takes on all the responsibility. And, actually, sometimes I'm very tired of this responsibility. I'd like someone else to take this responsibility from me, at least for a while, while I have some rest. Maybe I'm a hundred percent Mom. Sometimes I feel that way. But not a hundred percent woman. An Amazon and a virago. Novopolotsk And do you have more male or female customers? Well, in general, women are more often engaged in redecoration. I've got more female customers. And men just loosen their purse-strings. The woman comes up with ideas, and the man pays for them? Not that she comes up with ideas, be she rather takes onů the construction, it's a matter of organizationů One has to know where and which materials to purchase. One needs to be flexible fitting all these things together. Fixing something. Negotiating with the builders. Fixing what? Well, when they've failed to make a hole in the wall for somethingů Vilnius Well, do you generally feel that you can lead people and influence people? When at school I was able to convince anyone about anything. I didn't have to convince everybody around. I just had a circle of friends who would then spread on the impact, so I just had to convince them, and they would do the rest of the work. I guess at present I have almost a perfect life. Why - almost? I think I'd like to have a little less work. So that not to feel guilty that I'm not working, when I come home and do not sit down at the computer. So, you think this feeling of guilt results from the amount of work? Or is it a special feature of yours? I think, I have developed workaholism in the same way as people develop alcoholism. As a disease. And it feels as a disease for me. Because, if you sweat your guts out at work and then come home and work again, and still go on working on weekends... And after that, when once, all of a sudden, you don't have to work at night, this makes you feel guilty - it is not healthy. One should be working at work. Grodno What does your home mean to you? It is everything for me. And your work? And my work is everything for me too. I spend a lot of time here, actually, perhaps, even more time than at home. But if I had no home, nowhere to hurry to, what do I have this work for then? And why do you need your work if you have a home? Why do I need work - I need it forů Also for pleasure. For pleasure. Novopolotsk I've never had any desire to get married. I don't know why. You see, I had to housekeep for a long time. And I was sick and tired of all that housekeeping. I came here in 1997. Inscription on the left: Honour to the Builders of the Town of Novopolotsk! I came here at the beginning of the year. It was a bachelor's digs - no furniture, no nothing. I've redecorated it here meanwhile. But then I was at a loss. It wasn't my choice. I wanted to stay in Vitebsk, to work there, at the college. And why didn't you stay there? Nobody supported me. Nobody from your family? Yes. They all kept saying - go to Novopolotsk. You'll be dusting and cleaning it there. Sign: Everything for Everyone. As Sasha put it - otherwise the digs will grow cobwebbed. I'd already lived a life of a housewife, you know? My parents had divorced, and for a long time I couldn't comprehend, what marriage exits for. And, in general, what it gives. For me, it meant only hard labour. I got married when I was 28 years old. Minsk For the first time I'd been choosing. I could dislike the guy's flat back of the head. Or his chronic cold in the nose. I just wouldn't like this. Or when he had... ůstinky socks. That meant he didn't dress with care, didn't wash his socks every day. I had a million of reasons to say no to the next one. I was a very choosy girl, an extremely choosy one. Did you always think that you need to get married? No, no. Vilnius Our mother never brought us up in that traditional way, in which they would bring up the girls in the Soviet families. Yes, we had to enter a university, but as for getting marriedů They would never prompt us about the need to get married, never urged on that point. And I have never had that matrimonial inclination and never needed some person so much that... I cannot imagine how one could live with another person for a long time... I don't know how one could live with a person in one and the same room. For example, the second person will not fit in a flat like that for the permanent residence. There's too little space here. There should be as much space here asů I don't knowů as the other person needsů ůand I need some space to go there and stay alone. And to stay alone there for exactly as long as I need to. But not for as long as some other person would let me. What do you mean when you say "private life"? Grodno This means never-ceasing communication with your loved one. What do you mean by never-ceasing communication? 24 hours a day? No, at least six hours every day. Well, normal family life. Why a family life? Just dating with a boyfriend. Family life is continual communication. Do you mean one's personal life or one's family life? For me, it's all the same. And for me it's not the same. "Personal" is derived from the word "a person". Personal life and family life are different, Mom. Well, why? Are your family not people or what? These are the most important people in your life, the family. The personal and the persons. You are a person. If you have such a hectic social life, will Zhenia like this? Will Zhenia like that public life of yours? Who's Zhenia? My boyfriend. He doesn't like it already that you cannot meet often, cannot go out often. Mom, I think, at this stageů ůof your relationship? ůat this stage of life one has to choose education, but not relationship. Well, then, I think, at this stage, at the age of seventeen, one shouldn't date boys at all. Because neither boys, nor girls need this yet. I'll take care of that myself. She's going to Vilnius, and Zhenia's staying here, why? I don't know; it's just my point of view. Mom, Vilnius is not in America. Ksenia, and why is education so important for you? Everything depends on it. What depends on it? Your future work, your well-being. Your status in the society. And what kind of work and social status do you want to acquire? Well, definitely different from what I have now. She's so much like her father, that I'd smack her upside her head. Well, she thinks that Iů ůthat I was just a fool to give birth to so many children. Do I think so? You told me that yesterday, when I said that the girls would come to shoot me. And that Ira asked me, why I became what I am now. You said - through stupidity. And what would you want your family to be like? I like my family as it is. No, wait, this is your parents' family. But one day you'll have a family of your own. Or not? I mean, do you want to get married? That's a good question Unfortunately, I haven't been dreaming about a fairy tale prince riding a white horse since I was a child. Why? I think, a career's much more important than a marriage. Although, we've agreed with my mom that, once I turn eighteen, I'll have a child as soon as possible. But I don't think this necessarily requires a marriage. Do you want a baby? Yes. And what will you do with your baby? Well, bring up. Educate. And why do you want a baby? I've got no idea. Then why give birth to a child? You've just said a career is more important than a family, but I wonder why, because having a child also means starting a family. I wouldn't argue with that. But look, when you've got money, you can arrange everything much faster, don't you? You can buy a house, equip it, ensure good education for your child, and so on. Then isn't it simpler just to marry a rich man? Vilnius I remember talking about marriage, perhaps, when I was a second year student. This was, perhaps, the only time when I was reasoning, thatů ůthat if I ever get married, I'll have a beautiful wedding dress with a Cinderella skirt... And it was, perhaps, the only and a very short time in my life. Somehow I don't have and never had this kind of a desire - to start a family, to have children, to have a husband. Talking about a husband, again I think about solving the money problems Why do we need money? We need it to secure freedom. The freedom to go where you want, do what you want, to work where you want or not to work at all. For me, money is not equivalent to freedom. But it lets me buy or arrange some freedom for myself. How can marriage... How can one marry a rich man in order to find freedom with the help of his money? On the contrary, you lose it. Because it's sort of a social contract, you negotiate something. Why would he marry you, if you want to live an entirely free life? A life, free from that very man - to come home when you want to, to talk when you want to or not to talk when you don't. What would he marry you for then? Well, in our case, what would he marry me for? I don't look like a model,ů ůmy age is far from a model's age. I'm already twice older than a model. And the similar things... they... I would even have nothing to offer for such a marriage, in order to buy freedom in exchange. Nobody has noticed us, have they? No, nobody. We've got women's work to do. Well, look here. Wipe it with this towel. Everyone look here, it's a multifunctional tool. Here it has a ribbed knife, and this is a spoon for tasting something. This has to be seen and understood! Well, when you go shopping, looking specifically for a colander and cannot find an adequate colanderů ...then, of course, you pay attention to this spoon with holes. You look at it closer, and it turns out that it's pure magic. The very thing one cannot exist without. Well, children, put away your computers. It's dinner time. Gerasimova, I was right to give you the '*** family' fridge magnet as a present. Your discourse is really something. Well, let's see, who else is usually made to put away their computers? Children only, not adults. That's enough. What's in the oven? It's food in the oven. And when you were a seven-year-old girl, did you think that you would have so many children? Grodno Well, I don't know why they were born. I just really wanted themů At first, when I had two boys, I really wanted a girl. When Sasha was born, I thought, why not to have a little sister for Sasha? And so her sister was born. Then I divorced. And if I hadn't these children, I'd probably have gone on the bottle. Did you divorce? I wouldn't have gone on the bottle, I would have died. Yes, I divorced. Ira knows that sad story. Well, a divorce, perhaps, can never be joyful. A divorce can be calm if it's the mutual wish, but mine was a very cruel one. Cruel for you? Yes. I don't know how I survived. Yes, it was cruel not because my husband left me, but because he took the two of my children, and that felt like the end of the world. I would keep walking around and thinking - could it be forever? But it happened. Your whole life must have changed then, didn't it? My whole life changed completely, of course. And you went to work? I had to finish a course of bookkeeping and go to work. If I had no job, I'd have probably died of grief. Anyway, this was the work that gave me an impulse. I started feeling that I'm a woman. I changed a lot physically at that time. I lost weight; I was 38 years old then, and people around thought that I was 28. I felt it myself, I felt beautiful, sexyů I could just walk down the street, and my girlfriends would tell me, Marina, all the men kept looking only at you. But I walked modestly, as always, seeing nothing around me. Minsk The type who is living with me now, is the one I'd never come closer to in my life. I was afraid! Because he's a bandit. A typical thug. He's so though, my mother was like that. He's tough, he's all by himself. He knows all kinds of the martial arts. I am the Fiery Dragon. I was born in the Year of the Dragon, and moreover I'm a Scorpio, can you imagine this horror? But my common-law spouse is an ideal match for me by the zodiac and oriental horoscope. But, again, the horoscope says, you should learn to forgive one another's weaknesses. I forgive his weaknesses. He's not yet learned to forgive mine, because he's still young and stupid. And what was your marriage like? With my first... I loved him, and he loved meů We had a company, they all got married to each other, and we were the only ones who didn't. So we just had no other way out, and we got married too. And then, about six years later, he met a girl, who was his student, 12 years younger than him. What an ***! Well, but she would come to his lectures and sit in the front row, wearing no bra. Who could resist that? When did this happen? Well, let's calculateů It was in 1986. Divin village The notebook's here already. Read. I love you. I want to hug you, to touch your body. But you cannot understand it, because you don't know my feelings. Oh, if you knew how I need your attention, your love. And how hard my life is without your gentle, sweet words. What is love? It is when people love each other. Not just as people, but... As a woman and as a manů It's love when a women and a man love each other. Love means violent emotions and passion. Well, this is what this word means. Well, sometimes it happens that a woman does her face and meets a guy. Well, a man. Some man. She may be a young girl, and this man may be thirty years old. But after she put on make-up, any man can approach her and make friends with her. But the next day, when she's wearing no make-up, he may quarrel with her. What should one do in a situation like that? If this is the situation, one has to do her face always. Grodno On March 8 everyone'll celebrate the holiday, I'll be looking beautiful, and you will be working all day long. We've got a day off. I'll be looking beautiful too. What does beautiful mean? All dressed up, hair-dressed, made-up. Borisov I decided to invite you. Here is his cup. As they say, "Beautiful we were and still are, but our beauty is not in our body curves. Let those, who failed to get us weep, let those, who did not want us, die". from Minsk to Kobrin Congratulations on the International Women's Day. Let your spirits be always blooming like lilac. Let your life be beautiful. Let your living be gracious. Good luck, happiness and all the best. Meat-processing factory of town of Zhlobin. Spring is the beginning of life. Life starts anew in the nature as well as life begins in a woman's body. In 1910, Clara Zetkin with the like-minded women came out to the square, demanding the eighth of March to be legitimized as a holiday. But even if this hadn't happened then, I think, such a holiday would exist anyway. Because the presence of women is already a holiday. And, in addition to women men received another holiday. You owe women throughout your life. You owe them, because apart from a small gift on March 8, your women never require anything else from you. Instead they devote their life to you and your children. And they hold on their fragile shoulders not only the family peace, but the peace in the whole world. Women's hands settle all every day domestic troubles. Women cook for you and feed you. Women care about you and make you look tidy. Women bring up and educate your children. Dear woman, let your living be peaceful and gracious. Rejoice at what you have. Be creative and create. Congratulations to all of you. Grodno It feels unusual. Spring's come, but it's still snowing. It's sort of not fair on the part of nature. I remember I used to dream about snow falling in summer. Sort of a pipe dream. Sometimes snow occurs in summer. Rarely. Unless, it's artificial snow. But it's not fascinating. It occurs in the movies. Yes, it does. That's why I want to get in the movies. Novopolotsk I can also remember myself from the childhood, as you say, my gut feeling that I'm something unique. At school, at home... Even my older brother... They all wanted to knock something out of me, to remake me. But I was like that, on my own wave. I can even say that I had some sort of a double life. There was the outside me and the inside me, whom I hid and whom no one at all knew. And I had a kewpie doll, and I remember it very well... I had some lace, just a little bit. And once I took that piece of lace wrapped my kewpie doll with it. I used a thread. I was only learning to use a needle then. So I didn't use a needle, I just wound the thread around the doll and somehow fixed its ends. But you know, even now, when I'm telling you this, I still remember that kewpie doll in that lace dress. Kids know what they want to be. I knew what I wanted to be. But later it faded I forbade myself to dream. And what do you dream about? About being a singer. And what did you want to be? A magician? A magician. And why? Because my mother's a magician. Grodno I make no plans about what I should be like. I'm just myself. Do you have any dreams? To make a fortune and to become a celebrity, how could we avoid this cliche? And in what sphere do you want to be famous? As an actress, of course. The dream's still alive, yes! Minsk "You were kissing me, my angel, once on the porch, and once in the rotunda. Once in the attic, and once on the mantelpiece. Once in the entresol, and once on the piano." Do you manage to separate your work life from your home life? Because the impression is they interflow organically. I think that if a person really wants to do something, nothing at all can interfere with this intention. This just might be achieved a little later, not so soon. Or in a slightly different way. But if you really want, for example, to stage a play, you'll definitely stage it. Mom, when will we have cake? Grodno In the morning. Before the kindergarten? We won't have time for that. Do you want it today? Today? I'll go and call Vova! Vova, the cake! The Dress The first Belarusian feminist documentary