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A super rich powerful CEO with a perfect physique
falls for a clumsy virginal average girl
with no apparent personality.
We've all heard the 50 Shades of Grey story before.
This is Twilight!
ů with sex.
I mean it is actually a Twilight fanfiction.
So I did read this book,
I actually read two of them.
Don't judge me!
And I must say I felt kind of torn.
Half the time, my inner goddess was doing the salsa,
the other half of time, she was banging her head against the wall.
So can I just say that I was so excited
that there is a BDSM erotica in the mainstream ?
People are reading about sex and jerking off to this book.
And I think that's awesome,
I think more people should read erotica!
That said, as a BDSM erotica,
I don't think this baby does a very good job at portraying BDSM.
It relies on tired stereotypes about the BDSM community,
and the nature of their dom/sub relationship isn't healthy.
They don't do it right.
And when we're talking about consentual violence,
not doing it right is kind of a big deal.
So Christian's story goes like this :
he is a tortured soul born of a crack ***
and he's taken advantage of at 15 years old by a *** lover.
Andů here we go!
The tired trope of people who are into BDSM
being damaged and abused.
But then comes along sweet virginal Anastasia Steel!
And the entire series is basically her trying to "cure" him
of his one "flaw",
the flaw being the BDSM.
The best part is that, supposedly,
this transformation happens through a storm of bad communication,
passive aggression,
cocking, helicopter rides,
and at the heart of the storyline is this idea
that if you're patient enough, and you're kind enough,
and you say and do the right things,
that you can fix your *** up lover!
And in the scariest scenarios,
that you can fix your abuser.
Another issue I took in terms of the BDSM stuff
was the fact that consent was not good.
So basically, how it's supposed to be,
to draw the line between pleasure and violation,
you make sure that both parties
are informed about what they're going to do,
they're excited about it,
and they're both saying "Yeah, I wanna do it!"
Not in : "OK, I guess..."
or "Well, if it makes you happy!"
It's a "YEAH, I want it!"
And how does Christian get this?
He hands her a freaking contract and says "sign this, please."
Like, no, ***, that's not how it works
especially when she has no idea what half the things on that list are
and, you know, when she doesn't sign it!
Contracts in general, they're not a good way to do consent,
you need to talk about this stuff,
you need to explore boundaries and be open
and communicative with each other.
And it's true that sometimes,
informed and enthusiastic consent is given,
other times, it's not.
There were scenes that I read that left me feeling really weird
like I've just read an assault scene.
And that's because without enthusiastic and informed consent,
it is assault.
And this is why it makes me a little bit nervous
that people are getting into BDSM using 50 Shades as their guide.
As a dominant, Christian has an obligation
to both understand and follow Anastasia boundaries.
Christian seems more in the market of pushing boundaries.
In fact, on multiple occasions, he pushes her
and wants to rush her into doing bigger things
that she's obviously not ready for.
I mean, the dude is a child!
Children should not be dominants, OK?
As a dominant, he also has an obligation
to provide something called aftercare.
A BDSM scene can be physically and emotionally exhausting.
So it's essential that both people follow up immediately afterwards
especially if you're new partners.
Our darling Christian's aftercare?
Just taking off,
yelling at her for yawning,
wanting to spank her again for having a strong negative reactionů
to spanking.
And just like the Edward character,
he also has abusive tendancies.
Yeah, being a dom may mean deciding
what your sub wears or what they eat,
but it does not mean stalking them
or isolating them from everybody.
Being a dom doesn't mean that you are exempt from human decency.
Pants or not.
My hope is that people who have taken an interest
in BDSM from reading these books
will use it as an entry point and not as a guide.
I'm gonna put some links in the description
that offer some healthier information
on beginning a safe and consentual BDSM relationship.
I'm also gonna put some of the books
that you might like to mastubate to in the description.
Oh yeah!
Have a great week everyone,
I'll see you next week!