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hey guys it's everett. it's thursday december 5th 2013. and I really really don't know how
to make this video. i've tried numerous times and this topic ya know is, it couldn't've
come at a more unfortunate time.... during the most stressful week of my college semester
and particularly bad day. But I have to record it now and I'm sorry. I've tried to record
this video a number of times and I, I, just can't get out the words that I want to and
I don't know how to put all of my emotion and what I'm feeling into something that's
articulate. It's particularly hard for me to talk about safe spaces, um, and all the
hate that's been happening because I.... it, ya know, I went through a range of emotions
when reading those comments and I just remember feeling... I remember... having my identity
attacked, I remember having people, um, question and not believe that I was who i said that
i was because my presentation didn't match...and, and wasn't 'up to par' with what people wanted
from me. or expected of me as a trans person or, ya know....people.. people suck. Reading
these comments and the hate that the.. not the constructive criticism, ya know, it's
fine, we all experience transition differently but, um, just reading those comments i think
triggered me and set me back, uh, to a point where I.... ya know... having that, my identity
attacked again and honestly I am not at that point anymore, if somebody were to challenge
my identity and call me female I'd tell them like, 'okay?" like that doesn't mean anything
to me because the people don't have that control on me but when i was so vulnerable and at
a time when i was so dependent on the approval of others and the, ya know, I wanted so badly
for society to see me as a male because, ya know, socially, that social dysphoria was
like one of the hardest things for me.. just not being seen for who I was and I think that's
why safe spaces are just really really important. Everybody needs a community, an identity,
a label.... whatever the area is that puts them into a category, so they feel like they
are apart of a community because they have that sense of community and they don't feel
alone. That isolation is, is so common with cases of suicide because people feel like
they have no one. So having a safe space and having a place that, ya know, not only welcomes
and accepts people of the *** community, but, ya know, validates and respects one's
identity. That's fundamental, ya know? Respect is fundamental, it's something you learn from
a very young age and I just don't understand why it's not happening and I'm not trying
to sound angry because so many of my other attempts at recording this have just come
off as anger because I'm just upset and I can't, ya know, articulate my words well.
So once again I'm, I'm just sorry. I think it's important to reiterate what a few guys
have said on the channel, thus far, i think all of us have said at some point that it's
okay to identify with a certain label, it's okay to not agree with somebody else's identity,
but you cannot tell somebody else what their identity is, So since you can't change anyone
and their identity, how they identify, their intrinsic self - we should just respect one
another. You don't have to be friends, you don't have to get along, but just have that
mutual respect. In a community that puts so much emphasis on pronouns, please do not try
and demean or belittle a person by invalidating their identity because you don't agree with
something they said or you're just angry or bitter. I think a lot of that just came back
and a lot of people just don't understand it and that goes true for the whole trans*
(non-cis) community - I don't care if you're non-binary or truscum, a lot of people don't
understand and don't know that we exist and like, a lot of the time people say really
mean things, really ignorant things, really dehumanizing things, and it honestly breaks
my *** heart, sorry, for this community to just rip each other apart. This is where
my base was, I didn't have anybody... anybody trans that I could talk to, like I knew some
people but.... it wasn't the amount of comfort and the amount....the amount of support I
got through the internet, was... it, it saved my life. I had great friends but I didn't
have anybody who knew what it was like to feel the way I did. And since I've come out
I've been able to help people in my area and help them through their transitions and like...
there are so many people out there who have absolutely, absolutely no one, absolutely
no support, absolutely just, just no one. It's really easy to get bitter and resentful
and hate other people who do have a support system but please remember that. There are
people out there who come onto the internet and learn about the this community and finally
feel a safe space, finally know where they belong, and finally find a term that resonates
with them. So just, try and remember that and I'm sorry if I didn't even talk about
the topic...... I'm gonna be doing throwback thursdays uh from now here on out as long
as i have plenty of old video footage, which i do, and i just wanted to share this moment
with you, coming from a place several years ago that really shows what i was feeling at
the time. I'll see you guys next week, hopefully much more at ease, take care. people doubt
my dysphoria.... but like it's real i can assure you. I take a lot of pictures of myself
so i feel good about the way i look and this point i'm happier with the people on tumblr
seeing me as a man and like accepting me than i am in real like with my, well i mean this
is real life, but i mean... with people online like i get so much more support than i do
here..... also i have my p***** currently so what manlier way to end this video than
on the verge of tears and bleeding... out of something i wish i didn't have.