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My name is Michael Turner
and you are not going to believe what happened.
It's not that I don't love him, I do.
Our lifestyles don't click. You know?
I could imagine.
Plus he's always out with his bros
drinking, smoking...
Not to mention, he's obsessed with his job.
I mean, it's hard to keep up with a boyfriend who's the lead singer of his band.
I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic, always wanting to stay in.
Me, him, some Chinese food and Kung-Fu Flicks.
Oh yeah, that reminds me
I uploaded the pictures of us from the birthday party.
Aw, look at that. We're just like a happy family.
My two dads.
Yeah, alright, but only if we use my last name.
Michael Turner. Jonathan Turner.
Jessica Turner.
I want to do something old married couples do.
[Get expert dating advice from Geoffery Cook!]
I guess I'm just a stay at home girl.
You go home girl...
Anyways, I have to go
I'll let you know how Jonathan's concert goes. okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Later Michael.
Have fun, say hi to Jonathan for me.
Hey Internets...
[Beat boxing]
I like your hat!
No you don’t, you're attracted to me.
So that was the new intro the vlog.
You've been watching the vlogs right? What do you think?
Yeah, they're great.
I like what you did with the smoke. It was cool.
Thanks. You know, I don't even smoke.
But you got to make sacrifices if you want to get with the ladies
if you want to be, the alpha male.
Mr. Cook. That's not really why I came here, Mr. Cook.
Humor me.
Okay.
I got a thing for this girl.
Ah. A girl.
With a ***
Uh, yeah. She's got a ***.
How long have you known this ***?
Well, she's not just a va-
About four years now.
Does the *** have a name?
Her name is Jessica.
Well, how long have you known her?
About four years now.
Not gonna happen.
What? You didn't even let me finish.
It's not gonna happen my lilliputian friend.
You see, if you attempt to touch the sacred treasure that is your best friend
you will certainly fall into the abyss.
Look, have you ever heard of the "Ladder Theory"?
The Ladder Theory?
The Ladder Theory.
I haven’t.
I thought not.
Not even the top notch scientists at Stanford know about this stuff.
You see Montell...
It's Michael.
Whatever.
Women aren't like us.
They're emotional creatures.
They know within the first ten minutes of meeting them
whether or not they're going to sleep with you.
If they're interested, they'll rank you according on a ladder labeled Potential Suitor.
I'm interested.
If not, you'll be ranked on a friend ladder.
Any friend who attempts to jump from one ladder to the other
will fall off into the abyss
therefore sacrificing their friendship.
[Kung Fu from TV]
Hey home girl!