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A viewer asks, "my child gets aggressive with other kids. How can I make sure that he's
not a bully?" Young boys, particularly, enjoy wrestling, roughhousing, and pretending that
they're boxing. Some children have a higher threshold for aggressive behavior than others.
So, as a parent, you want to be observant when your child is with another child, and
acting in, what you may think is, an aggressive way. Some examples would be hearing "stop
it", or observing the child physically moving away from your child, or screaming and saying
that they're being hurt. So, you want to be observant about this and discuss with your
child that that means enough is enough. You may also have to distinguish when aggressive
behavior is accepted and when it's not. For example, roughhousing and wrestling with dad
may be an enjoyable experience for both of you; but, doing the same thing with your younger
brother may not be welcomed at all. Bullying behavior is quite different. There are some
outstanding signs and symptoms of bullying that is different from aggressive behavior.
First of all, it is intentionally harming the other child. Second, it is enjoying the
power and control they have over the other child. And, third is repetitive bullying behavior,
despite the consequences. So, as a parent, be sure that you are discussing bullying and
bullying behavior, from a very early age. It is something that should be discussed around
the dinner table, and an open discussion with all of the family members. Be sure that you
set a no tolerance policy for bullying in the family, and outside of the family, such
as at school. Be sure to tell your children that it is acceptable for them to come and
tell you if they are being bullied, or even if they are bullying other children and are,
maybe, concerned about it. That you will listen to them. You will not judge them, but you
will sit down and talk openly and honestly with them. If you get feedback from school
and teachers that you child has been demonstrating any bullying behavior, it is very important
to be sure that you talk with them without your emotions getting in the way. Discuss
with them what happened? What happened first? What happened next? Who did what? What was
the response? And, if it turns out that your child is the one who did the bullying behavior,
some consequences should be set. For example, no movies this week, again. No video games.
No whatever it is that they would enjoy. The child should also be made to apologize to
the child and to the child's parents, and let them know that it will not happen again.
Thanks so much for your question.