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Oh Timmy! I got you a new video game.
It's a retro game.
And you play with classic characters from history.
Really? Cool.
Jesus Quest?
It's a bible game?
Don't worry Timmy, there's plenty of
Violent, bloody carnage for you and your friends.
Oh Ok.
But which character do I choose?
Well, try them out.
And see which one has the best powers.
Wow! He totally has healing powers.
And he levitates.
You don't get a lot of points with Jesus.
Well, he wants you humble.
Besides, if you want Jesus to score
You have to land on Mary Magdalene.
Satan's got awesome elemental power-ups.
That's why he's called The Prince Of This World.
Wow! What's that buliding he just dropped on Jesus?
Oh that's a children's hospital.
Filled with innocent kids?
Sent to sickness, disease and pain?
Jesus loves the little children.
I wanna start over.
How do I reset?
That's easy, just choose the Noah's charachter.
Wow! Who's this?
Oh that's Joshua.
God's old testament champion.
Cool.
Wait! Are those babies and cows?
Just like the Bible says.
He's destroying every living thing.
Infants and livestock produce zero damage.
And there worth crazy points.
Doesn't this game have really bad guys?
Well, you can play as Moses
And totally wipe out Pharaoh's army.
Just remember to use the plagues
And curses power-ups on the innocent citizens.
So God can harden Pharaoh's heart.
I don't wanna curse regular people, jeez.
But, I can't go back,
The burning bush is blocking the exit.
Isn't there any truly wicked, crazy, dangerous,
Hideous, evil bad guy in this whole game?
Sure there is dear, but you have to unlock him.
Oops, wrong code, that's ah Mohammad.
(Uncomfortable pause)
Wow! Who is that?
He has killed more good guys then
All of history's tyrants combined.
He enslaved them, he tortued them,
He beheaded them, He burned them alive.
He's the most powerful being in the entire universe.
He is...
Oh man! The power were went out.
That's OK, we have to leave to church anyway.
Come on Timmy.
The End.
Character art: Steve Hogan
Narration: Judy Presley Jason Presley
Written and Produced by:
The Thinking Atheist