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-Still bored. [spits seed]
[swallows seed]
Bored again.
[spits seed, swallows it]
So bored!
-First off, gross.
Second, I've seen you bored,
but this is something else entirely.
-Yeah. I don't know whether to spit or go blind.
[spits seed, laughs]
Ow!
[sighs] I guess I'll just do both.
[loud reverberating]
-[French accent]: This is not simple boredom.
This is... ennui.
-Hungry? Nah, I just ate.
[belches]
-Thanks a lot, dude.
-Le Leen Quizine-- ze most depressing of meals.
-Says you, chubby hula hoop! [laughs]
-That is not my name!
-Moldy bagel? -No.
I am... -Target practice!
[spits seed]
[portal reverberates]
-Whoa! -What the duck?!
[duck quacking] -Yes,
a side effect of generating black hole portals
is the accidental yet inevitable creation of ducks.
-Hold on, hold on.
You're telling me you're a donut that can generate black holes?
-Whoa! Black Hole Donut is a portal god? [laughs]
-[chortles] Laugh all you want,
but at the heart of us all is a soul-crushing void
so persistent, light itself cannot escape.
-[farts continuously]
I'm sorry. Were you talking?
-This is totes depressing.
-True, but it does have its perks.
[portal reverberates]
Ah, much better.
-Oh, oh! I want one! Gimme, gimme, gimme!
[portal reverberates]
Whoo-hoo! Slightly less bored.
-Yay! Ducky! -Yo, depressing donut,
if you're paying out,
how about rustling me up some nurse's shoes?
[record scratches] -Who's a what now?
-Give me a break. I got a hernia playing badminton.
[portal reverberates]
Oh, yeah! Much better.
[duck quacking] -[cheers] Ride 'em, ducky!
-So, tell me, friends,
has your material gain somehow fill the hole inside?
-I don't know. My hole's pretty big.
I'm probably gonna need a PlayStation 8,
lifetime supply of mustaches, three rickshaws,
a portal gun, a triple rainbow, and a machine
that makes ice cubes shaped like Copper Lincoln.
-Hmm, please hold. [portal reverberates]
[jackpot bell dinging]
-Score! Look at all that swag! [laughs] Yeah!
-It's a ducky stampede! Yay-hey-hey-hey!
-Yes, yes, so many yays.
But one day, all the yays will go away.
-Thanks, Debbie Downer. [groans]
-For reals. At least we're all comfortably bummed.
[sighs]
[melancholic music plays]
-Ugh! This eternal inner void--
If only there were something to fill it.
-Hey, fellas, how's it goin'?
Jean-Paul? Is that you?
-Henri? -Dude, you know I just ate.
-I don't believe it. I thought I'd never see you after...
the incident. -We were so young then.
[vivacious music playing]
[zapping]
-(both) Whoa!
-Finally, I am complete.
-WE are complete.
-Yes, yes. Perhaps the black-hole days are behind us.
-Aww.
-Yeah, that's really "sweet." [laughs]
Too bad they got so many bills to pay.
-Bills? What kind of bills?
[ducks peck at screaming donut]
-[screams] -Uh-oh! It's a peck attack!
-That's ironic. He just found his wingman.
[laughs] -I guess this means
we won't be bending the space-time continuum anymore.
-What're you talking about? I still have my portal gun.
[portal reverberates] -Wuh-oh.
Whoa! -[laughs]
Poor Pear. He really should've "ducked." [laughs]
[ducks quack, Orange screams]
Hey-hey, fruit lovers! Guess what.
My brand-new video game, Splatter Up,
is totally free now!
So race on over to the iTunes store or Google Play
and download it right now! Do it! Do it now!
Do it now! It's free! [Captions by StreamCaptions.com]