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how do you deal with grief caused by the death of a loved one or
something similar?
Grief? Now, I want you to look at this with a certain openness
because when you are in grief
if somebody is in grief, you don't talk truth to them
you just hug them, you comfort them
you tell pretty lies to them
you don't tell truth to them
isn't it, isn't so?
someone is in grief
at that moment you don't talk truth to them
you just
pretty things you tell them, gentle things
isn't it so?
because when they are in grief they are like little children
they're broken and they become tender
you just handle them tenderly
and leave it, maybe after they stand up on their feet, then you can tell them the truth
but when they are in grief
you don't, it's not right
it's not appropriate
to try to tell them the hard truths of life, isn't it?
so, if you're in grief right now
I will just say nice things to you
sweet things
I'm capable
(laughter)
though until now I have not said anything sweet or nice to you
I am capable of those things
so
what is grief
grief is fundamentally
someone who was a part of your life
in so many ways maybe
or in some way maybe, he's gone, yes?
so all that's happened to you is
one part of your life has become empty
you're not able to handle that emptiness
see one human being goes away, it doesn't mean anything to you
because every day
thousands of people go away, isn't it
do we know how many people die every day in the world
not just in Iraq, I am saying everywhere
how many people die in a day
does anybody have statistics
nobody is running an undertaker business or something
I think they would surveyed and found out how many
the business potential in a day
maybe, I don't know maybe
maybe a hundred thousand will die
much more than that
a quarter million will die
could be around that isn't it
somewhere in that range maybe, I don't know
okay whatever
let's say a quarter million or a half a million see, whether it's a quarter million, half a million
one million makes no difference, this is a large number of people who die okay
it does not leave a vacuum in you
you party as you are partying in Atlanta so many people are dying
so many people are attending funerals, so many people are in grief
isn't it so
so
one life goes away
doesn't mean anything to you, I want you to understand this
yes or no, yes, one life goes away it doesn't really mean really mean anything to you
the problem is
this particular life
if it goes away
it leaves a hole in your life
that is a problem
so your problem
you need to understand
is not about death
your problem is
that it leaves you incomplete
something leaves you
incomplete
so, or in other words, another way of looking at this is
you are incomplete
you are trying to
fill your incompleteness with people, with things, with your job
lot of people would grieve much more
if they loose their job
or lose all their money
than they've lost their husband or wife
isn't that so
yes or no?
I'm saying a lot of people, not you
lot of people would, isn't it so?
financial problems people suffer much more than death, isn't it so
is that not so
it is so, isn't it
people will grieve
not just about
somebody's death
people will grieve
anything that leaves
a vacuum or a hole in their life
that's what the grieve
so what you're grieving is not death
what you are grieving is
your life is incomplete in some way
why is it incomplete
this life
when you look at this as a piece of life
this life
has come as a whole
if you
know this life the way it is
there is no question of incompleteness in this, this is a complete life
do you think it's an incomplete life
this is a complete life
if this is an incomplete life
that means Creator has done a bad job
no bad job has been done, it's a great job
very great job
far more than most people realize
it's too fantastic a job has been done on you
so
this is a complete piece of life
if you had experienced this life the way it is
then, nothing would leave a hole in you
because this is a complete life because you did not fill this up
with your profession, or your car, or your house
or your family, or something
this is the way it is
this can interact and relate and be with and include so many things
but still, this is a complete life by itself
if this
experience and state is in you
whether you loose your job
loose your money
on loose somebody who's dear to you
you wouldn't go into grief
doesn't mean to say you would have nothing for them
no
immense love would come
immense love
when they are here
you know, between two people always this little problem
however dear and close they are to you, if you stay too close to them
for more than three four five six hours
then you want to go a little away
just an excuse and go sit in the bathroom at least
you need some excuse to get away from them however close and wonderful they are
isn't it so
so when people are embodied
bodies can't be like this all the time
you can be like this for sometime, after some time the bodies have to
get apart
when they are disembodied
and they lost their body
now
immense love will come forth because this barrier of the body is gone
now there is no problem
they won't speak, they won't argue with you
they won't disagree with you
now you see only the wonderful side of who they were
they have problems all right
they have nasty side to them
but all those things only because they had a mind and body
now they've dropped that
so you only think of
all the wonderful things they were
and it could overwhelm you with love
that's the way you should be if somebody passes away
that you're completely overwhelmed with love
because
you know you have known many things, many intimate things, many wonderful things have
happened between two people
but, when, has long as they are here, one small point you're holding and resisting nonsense
this happening isn't it
those small points have evaporated with death
now you must be overwhelmed
in that sense
but grief is a crippling
force, isn't it
yes, grief is a very crippling force
because grief leaves you a big hole in you
then you don't know what to do next
so it may sound inhuman what I am saying
but I want you to understand
that we, people
in the society
have always gone about
enshrining
all the weaknesses
and
all the incompleteness
as human
people have never
gone about enshrining
the highest aspects of human life as human unfortunately
see, if somebody breaks down you say, after all he is human
if somebody dances in bliss
you say, he's divine
why? why don't you see it's human?
it's time we do that, isn't it
if somebody is full of love you say, oh he is divine
you have exported all the good things to heaven
if somebody is in love it's divine
if somebody is in bliss it's divine
I'm telling you it's human
you are in blissfull state, this is human
you are very very loving, this is human
we need to see this, isn't it
it's very very important
that the highest qualities of humanity are not exported to heaven
all the beautiful things about a human being
have been exported to heaven, and they say
it is all coming from heaven, no it is all coming from within a human being isn't it so
yes
when you feel love
do you see a ray of light shooting
from the sky and entering you or is it overwhelming from within you
is it overflowing within you
or is it coming from heaven
it is coming from within you
so however loving you are
why don't you see
love is a human quality
the moment you say it's a divine quality
it becomes an alien quality, isn't available only to Jesus
this guy or that guy
not available to you
isn't that so
all the wonderful things about a human being unfortunately
the religions of the world have exported to heaven
because they couldn't invent something new
because they could not invent some other new quality which is not there in human beings
all that top qualities in a human being
are sent to heaven
so whatever is the lowest quality in a human being you call this human, no?
so grief
it's not about somebody's death
grief is just about
you are incompleteness and grief can happen to you without anybody's death
grief, people can be in grief simply because they're not successful, isn't it so, yes?
people can be in grief because they're not able to get what they want, isn't it so, yes?
people can be in grief if their house has burned down
people can be in grief if their car is lost
yes
a child can be in grief if the teddy bear is gone, isn't it, yes?
a child will miss a teddy bear more than the parent
isn't it so?
he may grieve
for the teddy bear much more than his grandfather
it is so
he may grieve for his dog
much more than the grandfather
I have seen this happening and people are shocked
what is this
it is very human, don't worry
his connection with the dog is deeper than the grandfather, what to do
and what is wrong?
what is the problem?
so
grief is not about somebody's death
grief means
you must grief because you left yourself incomplete
what is so fantastic
what is so absolutely wonderful
without experiencing that
you are just living in your head
you have every reason to grieve
I agree with you
(laughter)