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Debra's not here right now.
May I take a message?
Cindy?
All right. All right, dear.
Debra went out tonight.
And Raymond did, too.
Although they went
to different places.
On a Saturday night.
Do you think
that seems odd?
It seems odd to me.
Do you and your husband
go to different places?
You're not?
Oh well, I have
another son... Robbie.
Oh, I'll tell him you called.
All right, dear.
Bye-bye.
Hi, Marie.
Who was that?
That's for Robbie.
So how was your night?
Oh, it was just
a great lecture.
I learned so much
about the Amazon.
Linda's cousin wrote this book,
and he's a terrific speaker.
How are the kids?
Oh, they're fine.
They don't know.
Know what?
About you and Raymond going
your separate ways tonight.
Oh, Marie,
it's no big deal.
Ray didn't wanna come to the bookstore,
so he did what he wanted.
I guess that's what they call
an "open marriage."
Come on, Marie. You go out
without Frank once in a while.
That's not open marriage,
that's escape.
No, I mean, come on.
How do you get a rash there?
Hey, we're back.
Thank God he came back.
Hi, Mrs. B. Hi, Deb.
Hey. You guys
have a good time?
Ask your husband. You beat
how many people in a row at air hockey?
11.
11. Way to go, Cubby, huh?
Debra had a good time
tonight, too.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
How was it?
How'd your thing go?
Oh, I loved it.
He signed my book.
He.
Yeah, that's right.
Dr. Everett Munce.
A doctor.
Hey, Ma, you got any food
over at the house?
- Why?
- We're kind of starving.
I thought maybe you could make
something for me and Gianni.
I've been thinking of you
in an apron all night, Mrs. B.
Well, I do have food,
but don't you need me here?
I don't think so.
Oh, all right.
I'm right across the street
if you need to talk, Ray.
And remember...
I love you.
You're on my foot.
Oh.
What's that?
What's with my mother?
She's just flipping out 'cause
we didn't go out together tonight.
Why? You having an affair
with the bookstore guy?
Yeah. He's 60 years old,
has one eye,
and smells of the jungle.
Yeah, that's how you like it.
That's right.
And next week is
the second part of the lecture.
What do you mean?
You gonna go again?
Yeah. That's not
a problem, is it?
No no, it's no problem.
It's just... what am I gonna do?
I thought you could go out
with the guys again.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, great.
Great.
What's the matter, Ray?
Oh, nothing. Hmm.
Ray, what is it?
Nothing. It's...
I don't know.
Going out with the guys...
I mean, it was great.
It was fun.
Really really fun.
But?
It wasn't so much fun.
I don't know. I mean...
something about it...
something was missing.
What do you mean?
You mean me?
No.
No, I was...
I mean, we did
the same stuff we always do.
You know, Gianni was
doing this thing...
he drops ice cubes
in front of him.
"Hey, look,
an Eskimo peeing."
And, you know,
I mean, it was funny,
and I used to
laugh at it, but...
It's lost its magic?
Yeah. Yeah.
We had the buffalo wings I like,
and we did the air hockey.
But I don't know,
something about it...
it's not the same as it was.
Oh my God.
You're growing up.
No!
No. I probably got
a flu or something.
No. No, that's why
you don't like doing
all those stupid things
you used to do.
You're changing,
you're maturing.
No, it's a good thing, Ray.
You've become a man.
You know why
you just said
you had a bad time
doing all those things?
Because you've
outgrown them.
You know I'm right,
don't you?
Crap, maybe you are.
Oh my God! I have been
waiting for this! Oh!
Listen listen listen!
Come to the lecture with me on Saturday.
- No. What?
- Oh no, wait. Listen.
That's what adults do.
They use their head,
and they think.
Oh, you're gonna like this.
You're ready for this.
You are a mature adult.
Okay.
It would be kind of cool
to see a guy with one eye.
Hey.
Hey, Debra. Hi.
Ray, you came.
Yep, I'm here.
You look so nice.
Doesn't he?
Yes. I've never
seen you like this.
Hello,
everybody.
Raymond,
look at you.
What are you
doing here?
I just came to get
a little culture.
Oh... a little culture.
Folks, if you could
take your seats.
Boy, this is fun.
It's like high school,
only now I've had sex
with the girl who sits next to me.
Let's please
all welcome back to Sidewalk Books
Dr. Everett Munce.
Thank you, Brian.
Well, it's nice to see
some familiar faces
back from last week.
I believe I left you
on the banks of the Amazon
about 250 kilometers
east of Manaus.
If you can imagine, it's dusk,
and it's still 104°.
The humidity's around 99%,
and yet it is not raining.
If you listen closely,
you can hear the macaws
and the capybaras
and perhaps even
the low growl of a jaguar...
Never seen an outsider.
So, one's dilemma becomes:
How do I record
this amazing discovery
without corrupting the purity
of their existence?
Well, as a matter of fact,
they faced
this same dilemma
more than 30 years ago
in the Philippines...
I believe it was
30 years ago.
Yes, it was in the Philippines
where they came upon a tribe
that was called the Tasaday.
Even though
they took great...
Ow! Ow! God!
What did you do?
Shh! Wake up.
All right, I'm awake.
But you caught me
right in the eye.
Would you shut up?
It's just... you got me
right in the socket hole.
Be quiet.
Oh my God.
You could've poked
my eye out.
Not that I still wouldn't
be a great guy.
Hi, Marie.
Hi, dear.
How was your night?
It was fine.
Ray, what's the matter?
Nothing.
Nothing nothing.
I got poked in the eye.
You know how wild
it can get in a bookstore.
It's not funny, Ray.
I fell asleep.
The guy was
droning on and on,
and I fell asleep.
So he hit you?
No. She did.
I had to wake you up!
When I wanted
to wake Raymond up,
I would stroke his hair
and gently kiss
his forehead.
That's how you do it.
You were sleeping
on me in public.
I had to get you
off of me.
Oh, my. I had hoped that
after your little separation last week
that maybe tonight
would go better.
Everything is fine, Marie.
No, it's not.
Everything is not fine.
Stop rubbing it.
You're making it worse.
I'm not talking about my eye.
Everything is not right with me.
The whole me.
What?
What do you mean?
I went to that lecture,
and I tried, Debra.
God help me,
I tried to like it.
The elbow in the eye was
the best part of the night.
I'm sorry, I thought
you were an adult.
I made a mistake.
Who the hell am I?
What are you
talking about?
Don't you see?
Last week, the same thing.
I went out with the guys,
the same thing happened.
I didn't belong there either.
So now I got this thing
in my head, like, "Who am I?
What do I do now?"
"Where the hell
do I belong?"
Right here!
You're on my foot again, Ma.
Come on. Trust me.
You're gonna
thank me for this.
Hurry up.
You're letting the steam out.
Hey, Ray's here!
Ha ha ha!
It's the sportswriter.
Welcome to
the Inner Sanctum.
Yeah. Hi, guys.
I'd shake your hands,
but I don't want you
dropping those towels.
Put that in your column,
sportswriter.
Ray's been going through
a rough patch,
so I brought him here
to sweat that ***
off his face.
Let me turn up the steam
for you, Ray.
No, don't get up.
Don't get up. No, please.
Nobody move, okay?
Just pretend that
I'm not here, okay,
'cause that's
what I'm doing.
Says the funny
sportswriter.
Sit down, Ray.
Take a load off.
Hey, sit
right here, Ray.
That's O'Neal's place,
but you can sit there. He's dead.
Ah, I love the lodge.
We play some cards,
we get something to eat,
we come in here
and relax.
What more
could you ask for?
- Hair.
- Yeah, I could ask for hair.
Oy.
Oh, man, how long can
you guys stay in here?
Well, the record is
four hours and 10 minutes.
By who?
O'Neal.
This is the life.
Yeah, like oil in the joints.
You still stiff?
My knee.
Yeah. I got that.
My back's still acting up.
The twinge?
On good days,
it's a twinge.
Yeah. I got that.
I got, like, a shoulder thing.
Yeah?
It's nothing.
Sometimes when
I lift things up,
you know, it hurts.
Up here between the neck
and the shoulder blade?
Yeah, it's like a knot.
I know. I got that.
What are you doing
lifting things, Ray?
Uh, you know, Debra...
she's got me doing this
and doing that.
Oh, the wives.
That's a pain
we can't get rid of.
Until you're O'Neal.
Put that in your column.
I should, I should.
I should put it in.
I got up twice
last night to pee.
Oh... yeah. Oh.
At least he got up.
Debra, I'm gonna put Raymond's cannolis
in your refrigerator.
All right.
Ma, why can't I just
grab one of those?
No, Robbie. I made it
especially for Raymond
to cheer him up.
So he gets 10 cannolis,
and I get none?
He's having a life crisis.
Life crisis...
When I got divorced, I had to beg you
for a piece of raisin toast.
Oh, there he is.
How was it, dear?
Did you have a nice time?
You know, I did.
I really did.
Was I right,
or was I right?
The lodge is
heaven on earth.
I gotta tell you,
that steam room...
that was exactly
what I needed.
Aw, that's great, honey.
I'm glad you were able to relax.
Yes, the steam room
must've been nice.
I've never been
invited to the lodge.
But that's okay.
I can always work up a sweat
by chasing a psychopath
down the subway track.
You know, Ray,
you fit right in.
I was worried you were
gonna say something stupid
or liberal.
I actually liked
talking to those guys.
That's terrific.
Have 10 cannolis.
Oh, I forgot.
I made you a special treat,
Raymond. Sit down.
So what do you say, Ray?
You gonna join
the brotherhood?
The guys say
you'd be a shoo-in.
You know what? Yeah.
I think I would like that.
Wait a minute.
You wanna join the lodge?
Lt'll be great.
I'll be your father,
but I'll also be your brother.
All right, that's it!
No! Robbie, Robbie!
Robbie! Robbie!
Robbie, give it to me!
Oh, Robbie!
Oh, Robbie.
Oh, stop that.
Ray, come on. I know you had
a good time there today,
but you don't wanna join.
Why wouldn't he?
Because he's not a 100!
Percent sure he wants to join.
No, I know what
you're saying, Debra,
but I don't know.
When I was in that steam room,
it just felt right.
I mean, I-I think
it's what I've been looking for.
Sweaty man ***?
I don't like that, Robert.
I mean, I was comfortable.
You know, I was relaxed.
I was happy.
Plus, I gotta say,
everyone told me
you were, like,
the best-looking guy in there.
Of course he was.
He's the "before"
in a room full of "afters."
Is that what it is, Ray?
Just made you feel young
to be around those guys?
No. I actually felt
like I belonged.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Well, I mean, you're the one
who told me to grow up.
I didn't say grow
all the way up.
What is the appeal,
just sitting in a steam room?
We also play cards.
And don't forget
the naked swimming.
I haven't even been,
and I can't forget.
No no. Let me tell ya,
after that steam,
a couple of nude laps,
whoo...
you can really feel the pool.
Come on, Ray.
You don't wanna do this.
You don't wanna
join the lodge.
Look, I tried
everything else, right?
I tried... went out
with my friends,
I didn't like that.
I didn't like
the bookstore thing.
I mean, this is all I have left.
No, it isn't. I mean,
we do things together.
We go out. We go to dinner,
we go to the movies.
I gotta tell you,
you know,
some of those movies we see,
they're all kind of stupid.
The last movie I saw
was "Patton."
All right, Frank.
And you know when
I'll go back to the movies?
"Son of Patton."
And then everybody's
always talking in 'em,
and it's always freezing.
In fact, is there,
like, a draft in here?
There's a blanket
in the living room.
Maybe you'd be more
comfortable in there.
I am a little tired.
Oh, gosh!
My shoulder's
on the fritz again.
You sit down
and put your feet up.
Yes, Raymond.
Can I get you anything?
Some Melba toast?
A catheter?
I'm all locked up.
It's like a big knot.
Is it in here?
You need more time
in that steam room.
I'll pick you up
tomorrow morning at 9:00.
We don't come out
until everything's soft.
I may throw up.
We got... we have,
like, a heating pad?
Well, this is great, Ray.
This is just great.
You went from an immature teenager
to a tired old geezer
with no stops in between.
And what did I get?
I got ripped off,
that's what I got.
I never got to be
married to a man,
a regular grownup man.
Do you have to yell?
Could everybody
please leave now?
What do you mean?
I just need everyone to go.
- Yeah, but...
- Marie, please go.
Debra, you should probably
turn him every half-hour
so he doesn't get bedsores.
Are you gonna be all right...
Marie, he'll be fine.
What are you doing?
I'm just checking to see
how old you really are.
Well?
I'm a little tired.
Oh my God.
But not too tired.
I thought
your shoulder hurt.
I'm not gonna
use my shoulder.
Thanks for giving me
a shot here, Dad.
Yeah yeah.
Take it easy.
All right,
here's the big one.
Hey, guys.
- Hey, Robert.
- Hi.
You're in pretty
good shape, Robert.
I guess you don't eat
too many doughnuts.
'Cause cops eat doughnuts.
Okay.
So your wife is
gonna let you join?
Actually, I'm not married.
Oh, that's right, guys, red alert.
We're sitting naked
with a confirmed bachelor.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Listen, you don't
have to worry about me.
I can tell you that
right now. Ha ha ha.
Hey, Robert, it's hot in here.
Why don't you
take your sweater off?
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Good one. Good one.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Why don't you
take your wig off?
Now, what the hell is that
supposed to mean?
N-nothing. I was
just kidding around.
You're just a wise guy, I see.
Hey hey hey.
Take it easy, take it easy.
What did I do?
- Just keep moving.
- But I didn't do anything.
Get him out of here, Frank.
Bring back the funny one.
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