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Match point - llsa and Jackson.
As previously agreed,
the winners are awarded the right
to subject the losers
to one dare of their choice,
to be redeemed at any time.
Don't screw this up.
I apologise.
Hey, llsa, did you listen to
that record I gave you?
Sort of?
- You don't like music?
- Hey, llsa
Here's your Remigio Matina album.
It really opened my mind
to easy listening.
- Everybody sit down!
- Greetings, Colonel.
I said sit down!
Now, you know I don't like
to use the sit-down gun,
but this morning we just don't
have time for mucking about.
Major Allied cities
have come under attack from
Nazi monst
Close your mouth.
Nazi monsters.
No conventional weapons
can stop them.
And Allied command
was almost ready to surrender
until they received a telegram
from this man.
He calls himself Gibraltar, and claims
to be from the lost city of Atlantis.
This might sound crazy, but the
Atlanteans have developed a weapon
that can stop the Nazi monsters.
All they need is some of our
refined uranium to power it.
Your mission is to take the uranium
to Atlantis,
use this weapon to destroy
the Nazi monsters,
and for the love of God,
damn well kill Hitler.
There's something I don't like about
this whole caper.
This is an opportunity to learn from
an alternative civilisation, Claire.
Mankind has been searching for
Atlantis for hundreds of years.
I see your meaning, Claire.
What if there is no Atlantis?
And this Gibraltar character
is full of
Crab!
- Precisely.
- No, look at that crab!
Bet you could fry that up
and live off leftovers for a year.
I think I just found
your dare, guys.
Don't be a child, Jackson,
we're on a mission.
Hey, betting on a table ball match
is an unbreakable bond
Right, Pierre?
- It is the sport of kings.
- You want us to go into the water?
What's the matter, Tucker?
Chicken?
Nice one, Kilroy!
I'll get your crab, if it means we can go
on without any more juvenile interruptions.
- Aw, man!
- Except from Kilroy.
Radical!
My God, a shark!
We have to help her!
Give it here!
llsa, can't you shoot it
with something?
Hurry!
Where else was I supposed
to put the munchies?
Dr Snack's Jumbo Crunch.
I'm afraid they're delicious,
my friends.
Atlantis!
Claire
Greetings, ambassadors.
Welcome to Atlantis.
Now, let us indulge
in a refreshing beverage.
- It's all my fault.
- Pardon?
Er We ran into some difficulty
on the way here, Captain.
We lost two of our team.
He's not taking it very well.
- It's all my damn fault.
- How tragic indeed.
But these are the perils of the sea.
You do have the uranium?
Superb. We can begin
the final alterations to the weapon!
- No!
- What is the meaning of this?
- Take it easy.
- Nobody's getting it!
I killed her!
I killed her
And now the world's not worth
living in without her.
Without this case,
the whole world is going to burn
and I'm going to let it!
Hush now, land-walker.
Let this potion
ease the pain in your heart.
- Apologies, Captain
- The pain of loss is a cruel serpent.
It will take my technicians
several hours to ready the device.
In the meantime,
I think you should get some rest.
A quick siesta
would sharpen my senses.
- Way ahead of ya, buddy.
- You're the best, Kilroy.
- Tucker
- I have to save you.
Tucker!
Claire!
- You're alive!
- Why didn't you save me, Tucker?
- I
- You were afraid.
- And now it's too late!
- No! No!
Hey
You know, you're much more
attractive than Claire.
I guess this is goodbye.
Hey, Pierre Pierre!
Wake up, Pierre.
Can I take batteries
from your remote for my video game?
You're the best, Kilroy!
How was your rest?
Do you feel any better, Tucker?
- She's here.
- Oh, no.
She's here. She's alive!
- Who's here?
- Claire!
- I spoke with her.
- You are having visions.
This can happen when not accustomed
to high pressures under the ocean.
Did anyone else have any visions?
I had some, but it's probably
from smoking all this Thai stick.
She wasn't a damn vision!
She was real!
I'm going to find her.
- It's for his own good.
- You have the deep-sea madness.
- You'll have to sleep it off.
- I'm not crazy!
Come, the preparations are complete.
This fighting machine was developed
by our scientists
over the last century
as the ultimate self-defence weapon.
Now that it is complete, we should
be able to defeat the Nazi monsters.
This is indeed
an impressive device, Gibraltar.
llsa, is this not a wonderment?
llsa?
Hey!
Hello, do you think I could get
some more of this lobster bisque?
Where are they keeping her?
Your German is very good.
Tucker
- Hurry up, we don't have much time.
- Wait!
Jackson?
My friend!
What is the meaning of this?
My Fuehrer, it is now truly
the ultimate fighting machine.
Jackson! Claire!
You are alive!
Where are we?
You knew where you were
when you lured me here.
- What are you talking about?
- What's going on, Adolf?
What did you do to Claire?
Brainwash her?
- Is she working for you now?
- Nobody's done anything to me.
You cloned us!
They are my children.
So that vision I had
You heartless dog of a man.
You're tearing the world apart with your
damn monsters. What more do you want?
- Not so fast, Hitlerino.
- I knew you would save us, Kilroy!
De nada, compadre.
Noooooo!
We need to get the last two clones!
How do you feel, my friend?
Hook me up with a Mac and some fries
and I'll be like new.
- That's the spirit.
- I'm gonna ***' die, man!
No, it will be all right, my friend.
Nine parts ***, four parts
grape flavoured fruit drink,
freeze overnight,
serve in plastic
the perfect Beyond Chunderdome.
Shoot her, Tucker.
No, shoot her, Tucker!
Shut up! All of you.
- This is a quite a conundrum.
- Can't we just tie them up?
We don't have time for prisoners.
- What's my middle name?
- Felix!
What's my mortal fear?
Water!
Well, it seems Gibraltar has copied
their memories perfectly.
- Then it's impossible.
- Not entirely, my friends.
Whilst you can copy
the information in someone's brain,
you cannot copy their emotions.
This is how
we'll find the imposters.
I see.
That was beautiful.
I wrote that for you, Claire.
Thanks for the lessons, Pierre.
Russians don't have emotions.
So the test is no good on her, my friend.
The cloned llsa will say whatever
she thinks I wanna hear
to stay alive.
But the real llsa
I don't know what she wants
and I don't think
she'll ever really know.
So
Why shouldn't I kill you?
Too easy.
So, what was your answer?
Cinque Cinque!
Cinque!
Cinque!
Cinque!
Cinque!
Oh, no
We killed Hitler's clone!
What happened?
Can we fix it?
I fear it is too late, my friends.
Tucker!
Wake up, Tucker!
Tucker!
Not now!
Tucker
Tucker?
Right then, are we back in business?
Ladies and gentlemen
I know you're all here just
for the drinks, so I'll be brief.
Only joking.
Except for Marco Pranzo,
he is just here for the drinks.
We're all here today
to honour the five finest soldiers
I've had the under my command.
I salute you.
And now I have the honour
of handing over the formalities
to the President of the World,
Signor Massimiliano Importante.
Cinque, cinque, cinque, cinque.
Ciao.
Buona sera.
Looks like we need to get
some copies cut!
There's only one.
And now we dance.
Are you sick of striking out?
Moreno pre-lit matches are lit
at the factory for your convenience.
Moreno pre-lit matches
keeping you alight.
- What do you want?
- I want to speak to the manager.
The manager does not want
to see you.