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What's going on around here?
Hello.
Why aren't you wearing any clothes?
Some middle-aged woman in Denver wished life would be more like a soap opera, and I guess it slipped through.
You murdering ***!
Oh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean that. This whole soap opera thing has got me splashing folks, making up lies and pulling
hair out. It'd be like a Thursday night if I wasn't at work.
Good puppy. Nice puppy...
Dead puppy!
[ Maniacal Laughter ]
You monster!
THIS is for Anastasia!
Oh my God!
I see the light mama. I see the light...
Don't worry. Nobody stays dead in soap operas.
What happened to my good twin?
I mean...evil twin.
Get it? Because technically there's two of us.
[ Over Dramatic Gasping ]
Hannah!
It's alright! Don't worry everyone! It's being taken care of! The effects will wear off soon!
Does anyone know who I am? I am amnesia.
Damn.
Ah, sorry! I'm sorry about that one.
Ya'll ready for Granter of the Month?
I think so! I'm so excited, can you believe it's been a whole month already!? Did you get a better wish to submit?
Ugh, no! Just some guy wishing for world peace.
Anything thing this guy wants, three wishes, and he wishes for world peace, can you believe it?
Well that sounds great!
No it's not! Do you know how expensive world peace is? PS. Once all those countries start singing their kumbayas
together, that's when the aliens swoop down and blast ya'll to bits! They're up there just waiting.
How about you?
Oh well the other day I got a wish from this little girl named Audrey. And she wished she could make the world a better
place someday. I thought it was sweet.
That's it? That's what you're using for Granter of the Month?
Oh sweetheart, kids wish for dumb things all the time!
I don't know, I mean I thought it was simple but in a good way. You know? Simplicity sells.
Whatever. Best to ya, darling.
Yvette! I've never seen you in the break room. In fact I've never seen you eat before.
Yvette: Look clown...
What did I come in here for again? I'm getting old.
Oh come on you're not old! You don't look a day over...
You look good. Yeah, I would hit that.
Jojo Garbanzo Jobriath!
You are so sweet.
Jojo: Does that mean I get Granter of the Month now?
Yvette: I'm suspecting it takes a little bit more than doling out toys to snot-nosed brats to win Granter of the Month, Jojo.
Oh really!? You think it's easy dealing with kids all day?
If the over-sized squeaky shoe fits.
Oh really, do you want to Trading Places this ***, cause you got it!
Anytime!
How about today? I got disqualified from being Granter of the Month because my wish was too gross!
It was rather disgusting. I mean, what child in their right mind wishes for THAT on their twelfth birthday?
Ew! I don't wanna know. But I'm in! We just need someone to judge to make sure we do each other's jobs.
Godmother: I'll do it.
Jojo: Really? Yvette: Really?
Please, I'm the Fairy Godmother.
Bippity Boppity Boo!
You've got each other's jobs.
Jojo: Oh, it is on!
Yvette: You're going down fat boy!
Jojo: You don't know what's going to hit you!
Yvette: You don't know how to read!
Jojo: Nope.
I'm gonna wish that Fabio and Jamie Fox had a baby, then I get to date-
Still submitting this month ladies? I'd save it for next month.
Why? What makes your wish so special?
Oh you have no idea! A little pudgy pageant girl wants to be a real life princess. Pretty basic, right?
Well this time I pulled out all the stops! This little pudgeling is going to find out she's actually the great-great-grand neice
of Marina Duchess of Kent. Making her an official princess of the family Windsor!
Holy ***!
Holy *** indeed!
Have fun ladies. Good luck.
Well there goes my wish! There's no way I can compete with that. Stupid world peace.
Hey Jo, you wanna hit up Taco Malo for lunch?
Ah! Jo, when did you turn into Yvette?
Jo's at reception. I thought he always told you when he was doing something moronic.
He does. I must have missed this one.
Oh. Here it is.
Hey, by the way, I ate Karla's lunch. Please do tell her.
What? Kid, I don't know why you're crying. Yeah, I know you're not getting a trampoline for your birthday.
I know you wished for it, but look, I'm hooking you up with something a lot better. You ever heard of a hedge fund?
Teddy: Hey! Hannah: Hey.
So I was thinking. Maybe we should go out sometime.
You know, to celebrate you winning Granter of the Month and all.
Well they haven't announced a winner yet.
Yeah but you know you're going to. I mean, you've been on fire since you got here.
Oh, come on.
It's true.
Well, tell you what. If I actually do win Granter of the Month I'll let you take me out to a big celebration dinner.
Deal.
Jojo: Thank you for calling Wish It where your wish is our command! Hold on!
Wish It Inc! Your wish is our command! Yeah- uh- please- just hold on!
Wish Wish Wish It Inc! Hi! Um this is where wishes come...hold on hold on!
We wish- grants- here- grant- wish! Hold on!
Thank you for calling Wish It Inc, just hold on!
Wow, Yvette you really let yourself go.
It's ME dingus!
I know. Why are you at reception!?
Yvette decided to Freaky Friday our jobs because she thought that hers was harder than mine!
It IS harder than yours.
I know. I know that now.
She's got multiple phone lines! I've got to water two plants, two! That's a lot!
They asked me for a spreadsheet. What is that?
It sounded French, I don't know what it is! But they say Yvette does it! This is awful!
Wish It Inc! Just- don't leave!
Travis: Wanda!
It's Wendy but...Wanda's sexy.
I have some serious lackeying for you to do.
I would but I'm super busy today! I just got this wish in, from a little boy who's mom is going into surgery and-
Hey that's great! I need a new shelf in my office for my next trophy and there is an alan-wrench with your name on it!
That sounds like...a lot of fun! OK I'll do it!
Yeah!
[ Squeaking ]
Yvette? How are you holding up in Birthday Wishes?
Oh you know, like Gandalf leading the Rohirrim against a sea of Uruk Hai.
Did you just make a Lord of the Rings reference?
Oh my God. It's happening! I'm becoming him!
Hang in there, he'll crack. I just saw Jo answering the stapler.
I'm starting to smell like him!
Hannah.
Okay. Let's see...
Audrey? Why do I know? How?
Mirror, be a dear and show me Audrey Issacs.
Alright everyone! It's that time of the month!
And it's also time for the newest Granter of the Month award!
Now it wasn't easy. You all submitted incredible wishes, so give yourselves a bit round of applause!
Godmother: Alright, alright calm down, they weren't that good.
So, without further delay, the newest Granter of the Month is...
Hannah Schubert! From our Wishing Fountains and Wells Department!
Hannah, you can come to my office later for your wish.
No, You're a meanie!
Yvette: Oh, God, please don't undress.
Yvette: Oh.
Truce?
You give?
How do you do this all day? Constant phone calls, complaining, nobody ever appreciates...
Oh. I get it now.
And...I guess dealing with snot-nosed kids all day isn't exactly a cake-walk in the picnic park either.
So you wanna hug now?
Or we could make out.
What? Is that a no?
You're such an idiot!
Can you bring my shoe back!?
Ah, there she is! Our newest Granter of the Month.
Thank you so much!
Well you're welcome dear, you earned it.
But Travis. What about his wings?
Ah, I see. Let me tell you a little something about Travis.
Travis is a good worker. He's classy and efficient and, hell, he's the best fairy I've got.
But he misses something that you don't.
What's that?
The little things. You may not be a genie or a fairy Hannah, but you've still got magic in you.
You can see past the wish itself, and see the wisher.
You remember the whole Cinderella story, right?
Of course, I mean, that's legendary!
Right. I gave Cinderella the a pumpkin carriage, the dress, the glass slippers, the whole shebang.
But I gave her something else too.
What?
The stroke of midnight.
I gave Cinderella the trappings but she's the one who had to win the prince over before time ran out. I just gave her the
ticket inside. She fulfilled the rest of the wish herself.
You see Hannah, a wish isn't just something you want. A wish is a dream your heart makes.
And you can give the wisher not what they want. But what they need,
I never thought about it that way before.
Audrey? Audrey Isaacs, the little girl whose wish you granted?
Yes?
According to the Fate Department, you may have just helped out the greatest president we'll ever have.
Oh my God!
So don't worry about Travis, dear, he'll get his wings. He's just got a couple things to learn first.
Now. What is your wish?
I bet that you'd win Granter of the Month and the prize was a date!
It's called 'Chinese Woman on Toilet!" It's not what you think!
You'd have to grant about two weeks worth of wishes in one day.
Then that's what I'll do!
What are you guys fighting about?
Yvette: SHUT UP KARLA! Travis: SHUT UP KARLA!
Hannah killed a guy!
Okay...
How would you like to break into the exciting world of being a thankless lackey?
Would I!?
There are no straight fairy guys.
Damn.
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