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Hey Internet You know what we don't talk about
enough? Mustaches!
So here are some completely true, 100% historically accurate facts about
mustaches. Take it from here, Lizzie!
Fact! The word "mustache" comes from the Latin root mustacium which means
"conveniently stored supply of extra food."
Fact! When threatened, the mustache will raise its bristles like a porcupine
Fact! The mustaches of Scottish Highlanders are so lush and thick that
they can be clipped and used as toupees by balding gingers worldwide.
Fact! Men with mustaches have a larger ***.
If you have a mustache right now, try a little experiment: stand in front of a
mirror. Drop your pants. Shave your mustache. Watch as your *** shrinks
and enjoy!
Fact! Wearing a mustache makes you 100% creepier. For example:
if you're driving an ice-cream truck and you don't have a mustache, you're just a
guy who's driving an ice-cream truck. But if you're driving an ice-cream truck and
you do have a mustache, you're a *** offender!
Fact! It is historically accurate that warrior men used to hang bells on the
ends of their mustache. The number of bells represented the number of men they
have killed in battle.
Fact! In the past, a woman who could grow a full mustache was considered
holy. Some even claimed that hairy-faced women could tell the future!
Fact! Fetuses actually a have long and thick mustache when in the womb. During
childbirth, the baby loses his mustache, and with it, its ability to read minds. The
real reason that babies cry during childbirth isn't because of the exposure to
a new and scary world -- it's a result of losing their beloved mustache. Who could
blame them?
Fact! The handlebar moustache is not named for its shape but its creator, Albert
Handlebar Einstein.
Fact! mustaches actually have many nutritional qualities. According to the
legend, one day there will come a wise leader, who will take all of the mustaches
in the world and feed them to hungry children everywhere - thus preventing
world hunger and saving the planet.
Mustaches really are wonderful and majestic creatures -- aren't they?
I would like to thank my dear friend and professional mustaches model, Lizzie
for doing this video with me. You can check out her blog and her art in the dooblidoo.
Thank you for watching, dear mustache lovers, and DFTBA!