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Imagine a ticking clock.
And you listen to it.
And slowly, it starts annyoing you how stubbornly the clock goes on ticking.
And now imagine you still keep listening.
Because you don't have the strength to pull yourself to together to anything else.
That is adynamia.
You feel how it affects you... it has already affected you and effortlessly makes you believe
that the clock doesn't really tell the time that is valid for this moment and timezone.
You see it measure your time. Count it down.
Every second - you've been told that so often - is supposed to be enjoyed.
It MUST be enjoyed, and used.
Generally, that is indeed a conviction of yours.
So every second you count and record as "thrown away"...
...is a tiny proof you don't stick to your convictions.
That is why the ticking annoys you. It makes you mad.
You start panicking - the kind of panic you are still able to have in your exhausted state.
You must do something.
What for? You don't know. You cannot name your goal. Is it believing that you use your seconds again?
You must do something!, your panic shouts. You must do something!
This thought starts to overlie every other. The one about the clock,
the one about how you got into this condition in the first place.
You know that you actually love life.
But this fascination has been switched off, just like yourself.
You don't want to DO anything.
But you want do EVERYTHING.
It is a hopeless struggle. You are aware that you cannot solve your life's problems in a minute.
But isn't that precisely what you must do right now?
It IS a hopeless struggle, and that is why you don't get any further.
And soon you reach the point at which that knowledge starts to soak you.
It lulls you, bonds you like a spider bonds its prey.
The spider that bonds you is your brain that has been invaded by adynamia.
The reason for that might be something like - lack of vitamins.
But everything that matters for you right now is the fact that you can't find a way out.
There is only one direction you are being able to stare into.
And you are staring into a chasm.
You know exactly that this is only because you are being kidnapped by your brain.
So your most urgent task is to free yourself out of that.
But the only weapon you have at disposal for that is - the kidnapper.
As a peaceful person, one doesn't want to "kill time".
But is there something like acting in self-defense in that case?