Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
>> Welcome this is Barbara Silva, and I'm here with my good friend Chemenn. And what
we are wanting to do today is to kind of demonstrate the difference between a social conversation
and a coaching conversation. And so you and I had a conversation a couple of days ago.
It was--we're friends. And I don't want you to feel like you have to say anything more
than you're comfortable saying. But when you first called, what was it that made you want
to call me? >> Well initially I called to talk to you
about some pictures, and I also wanted to--I remembered a conversation we had awhile ago
about your neighbor and how, you know, they're sometimes--you can get really good, fun neighbors
and sometimes you get some grumpy neighbors. And I wanted to ask you about yours because
I had an experience just this last weekend about just some grumpy people. I wanted to
see if that happened to actually be your neighbor or if you knew them because I saw them walk
that way towards your house. >> Okay, okay. And so, when you called me
and you told me about dealing with these grumpy people
>> Yeah >> My response to you was to kind of feel
what you were feeling, you know? And I sort of jumped in with the same sense of [gasp]
"Oh my gosh! I can't believe somebody would, you know, behave that way or do that," or
you know. And even made a couple of suggestions of, you know, things that you might do because
you were concerned. >> Yeah. Yeah.
>> So when we were finished with that, then you went on and you talked probably with your
husband when he came home. >> Yeah.
>> Yeah? Did you talk with very many other people?
>> No, not really. I mean I talked to--you know, my sister was there with me, and we
kind of tried to analyze and pick apart every little detail. We were scratching our heads
trying to figure out what happened in order of what happened. It was just kind of chaotic,
and I ended up being threatened at the end which was my biggest concern. I think I would
have been able to kind of just brush it off, but I didn't know these people. I didn't know
how serious to take it, you know? They attacked my six-year-old son. And so I was concerned.
I was really kind of nervous and paranoid. I didn't know what to do from there. So no,
I talked to my husband. I talked to my other neighbor just by me here just to kind of vent
a little bit, but that's about it. >> And with having had that opportunity to
just vent, how did that help you in terms of from where you started out feeling to where
you wound up feeling? >> In my experience, it's always helped me
to talk things through. My husband is completely different, you know? He just kind of doesn't--not
keeps it in, but he deals with it on his own and then moves forward where yes it does help
me to talk about it. But it let me just gain some other perspectives, you know, from experiences
other people have had so I didn't feel like I was so alone where--because everybody gets--has
a bad day and gets attacked every once in awhile.
>> Right. >> So--but it--yes, it helped me.
>> Yeah. >> [inaudible]
>> Okay so--just to summarize here--what happened was that there was a rather unpleasant altercation
with people that you didn't know. >> Right.
>> Your six-year-old was with you and had been I guess verbally addressed. I don't--did
they physically tough him or just-- >> They grabbed his arm.
>> Okay. >> Yes.
>> So people you didn't know actually grabbed his arm and then the altercation happened.
And then at the end, you wound up being threatened. >> Right.
>> And so you were actually left being nervous >> Yeah!
>> and kind of fearful for yourself, for your kids, and just that unrest.
>> Right. >> So it helped to be able to talk that out.
>> Yes. >> Okay. Now what I'd like to know is--you've
had a little bit of time to think about it >> Mmhmm.
>> and process what happened. And the emotions I'm sure we could easily bring them back up
again but, you know, they've settled for the moment. What would you like to be the end
result like if you could have anything be what happened out of this? If you could wave
a magic wand what would you like to have had happened?
>> If I could change what happened? >> Yeah.
>> Basically how I handled it. I mean I--the mama bear came out. You know I saw somebody
grab my son and yell at him. He had a toy bow and arrow with him, and they didn't think
it was a toy and got after him. And I don't want to be an unreasonable parent. Kids do
things wrong all the time. I have no problem with people voicing their concern with me
or the right way with my child. But the fact was I gathered that he had something they
were very upset about and I happened to be the victim that fell in that day--or my son
anyways. And honestly if I could change anything it was just be the way I acted.
>> 'Kay. How would you have acted if you would have acted perfectly?
>> Well that is a dilemma I have with myself because on one hand I wish I could have just
left it alone--walked away and left it alone. But knowing myself, I probably still would
have gone home and probably stewed about it. >> Mmhmm
>> And, you know, upset that it didn't happen. So on the other hand, I wish maybe I could
have calmly talked to them but thinking about that, I don't know if that would have even
happened. They were pretty on edge from the moment we got there. And so I don't know.
I don't know what--I think walking away would have been a better solution which I should
have done. >> So when I asked what it is that you wish
had happened, you said that on one hand you wished that you had just walked away.
>> Yeah. >> And that would have been the better way.
>> Right. >> On the other hand, you really kind of wished
that you could have talked to them. You're not sure that it would have been well-received.
>> No and honestly I probably still would have ended up saying something I shouldn't
have. And--which I did. I was upset and, you know, with the way--insults they were saying,
you know, and that's kind of how I've grown up. I can be--I can get defensive pretty quick,
especially when it comes to my family. So yeah in a perfect world I would have just
walked away. >> Okay. So in a perfect world when somebody
handles your child, you would walk--you would prefer to walk away rather than risk and altercation
that might get worse? >> Yes because I'm still--my kids are watching
me and I don't know why my father who is passed, he was very defensive. He was pretty hot-headed
I guess. And yes I do have--I think I was born with somewhat of that personality but
I feel a lot of it is learned behavior as well, and I don't want my children to grow
up thinking that they need to be--I don't want them stewing about things that they don't
need to be because it doesn't matter. These things, they just don't in the end. So yes
they--you know she grabbed him by the arm and [inaudible] which was completely uncalled
for, the way she handled it I mean. But at the same time you know I don't want to teach
my kids bad behavior. >> And it was more than the one person started
it in terms of grabbing >> Yes.
>> his arm but then the grandparents also >> Well it was the grandmother who did it.
>> Oh the grandmother took the arm and then the mother and the grandfather also joined
in. >> Yes.
>> So you were in a position where there were three adults that were all
>> Attacking me >> Yeah.
>> And my sister >> Verbally
>> Yes. >> saying derogatory things and hurtful things
>> Very much so >> And as you said, you know, you had some
return >> Yes.
>> of things to say too. >> Yes.
>> So, okay so when you said because you want to be the example for your kids
>> Yes >> In walking away, how would you like them
to learn from that? Even though somebody else did something that was clearly uncalled for,
but they saw their mother walk away. How do you want them to interpret that in their minds?
>> I just want them to know that they need to pick their battles--there are some things
that are definitely worth fighting for >> Mmhmm
>> and yes they touched my child. They didn't hit him or anything. That would have been
a different story. I mean touching my child is bad enough but in the end it is--it's not
something to lose sleep over or to get completely upset about and I want them to learn how to
pick their battles when they need to be protective and when they need to just walk away.
>> And what I'm gathering would largely have gone into the choice of walking away in this
particular instance was because from the immediate reaction of these other people where it escalated
so quickly >> Right.
>> that your feeling was this would not have been the time to be trying to speak to them
reasonably. >> No. They weren't--they were in no right
mind to be reasonable at all. And that may sound unfair to judge that but as quickly
as she approached my child when my sister, you know, his aunt was there guiding him to
the other side of the park so there weren't kids around and he was gonna be hitting with
the foam arrow. She approached right in the middle. She didn't know if she was the mother
or if I was the mother. >> Mmhmm.
>> I was behind with my smaller child and so just going off that, you know, talking
to them--in a different circumstance if this had happened or I felt like I could reasonably
talk to them, I probably would have. >> Okay.
>> I would have stayed with a calm mind and talked to them about it, but in this situation
it would have just all and all have been the best to just walk away.
>> So with the way that you're feeling now with this is now--it's happened
>> Yeah. >> It's done. What would you like to have
come out of it for you personally? >> For me it's just I, you know, probably
the next day I was still a little paranoid. I kind of--I wanted to know who they were
and I didn't know how like I said earlier how serious to take a threat, you know, that
he was gonna come find me or what not and this was the grandfather who said it. But
now honestly it's just more about my own behavior because I walked away very angry. I was angry
at what they were saying. I was angry at myself for even escalating the way I did
>> Mmhmm. >> because I'm very aware of how easily I
can heat up but I can't seem to just calm down before the moment happens. I just--it
just goes in so I went away angry with myself for even acting the way I did. So if anything
I can--you know I just want to just be aware of my behavior. And for years now since I've
been married to my husband and he's very opposite of me. He's very calm. If it had been been
him in that situation he would have just walked away. He's very level-headed and that is a
behavior I'm trying to learn. I have not mastered it by any means, but I think I've come a long
way. So if anything I just--the fact that I've even been able to just let it go after
just a few days I think is pretty big for me.
>> Mmhmm. >> So.
>> Well I--and that's great that you're giving yourself at least a little bit of credit here.
>> Yeah. >> You know?
>> Yeah I mean I have had experience and even with a sister of mine who we don't--you know
it reminds me a lot of my sister the way these people acted and that's something. I grew
up very defensive you know. We fought all the time. It was about getting the last word
in About saying the meanest thing you could say. And then it would take me a long time
to get over it, sometimes years. She would hit pretty low, and I don't want to be like
that. I don't want to teach my children to hold onto things because all it does it make
you unhappy and defensive and angry, you know, and I don't want my children to learn that.
Everyone's going to encounter mean people but to master letting it go is pretty priceless,
so. >> How much do you think it reminding you
of your sister >> Oh right away.
>> Okay. Pushed the buttons right away. >> Yes. And right away I thought I don't only
have just one, I have three of them. >> Okay.
>> So that was--and same with my other sisters, three of us girls and I think it was the same
for her too. It just was... >> And I'm gathering that with the things
with things that have happened with your sister that since you said that sometimes it's been
something that's taken even years to get over that it's been things that have been really
hurtful that have been said or done. How do you deal with that now? I mean you still have
the sister I know >> I do. I do. Usually the things were said
had to do with other people in my family or my current family, my children or my husband,
just mean things and I don't know if this is the best way to go about it. I don't talk
to my sister and not necessarily because of just my choice. She doesn't talk to me either.
And my father passed away about two years ago. Not quite two years ago and that was--I
saw my sister at the funeral and I thought maybe we could try it again, you know, and
it just didn't happen. She was still very angry with me not for any one particular reason.
She's very angry with a lot of people but especially her own family. It's the easiest
to be angry with your own family. And so I had to make a choice, and it was hard 'cause
it's not a choice I wanted to make. She's my sister. I still love her. I still love
her very much, but she was so--she just had so much negative energy and she stressed me
out just too much and I couldn't let it affect my life. I mean she's five states away. She
lives back in Utah. I live in Texas, and it's still--I would lose sleep because of things
she kept saying or just I had to make that choice for the good of my own family, my own
sanity. I couldn't keep it on my mind anymore. I had too many other things to worry about.
Too many other things. >> So you made a conscious choice?
>> I did. >> And how do you feel having made that choice?
How's it been since that that time? >> Wonderful. And I know that's a horrible--it
might be looked at as a horrible thing to say but that's the [inaudible] if she was
in my life. And that's--she took up too much oxygen. She just did.
>> Well you know I'm--it's interesting because I've heard you now a couple times as we've
been talking characterize things that you've done or things that you've reacted as being
horrible or really bad >> Yeah.
>> and I'm wondering where is that coming from? With what you've just said
>> Being critical of myself? >> Yeah. How in your mind do you go from there's
this negative energy. There's a sister that I love anyway.
>> Yes. >> You know the door is open when she's ready
to walk through it >> Right.
>> but as long as it's the negative energy that's coming through the door then no the
door isn't open >> No.
>> because it's taking up too much, takes away from your family
>> Absolutely. >> and other things that are really important
to you. >> And it affected me so much.
>> Yeah. So how it that horrible for you to make that decision?
>> I think mostly because of just the dynamic. She's my sister. She's family. You're supposed
to--family's everything and you're not supposed to shut your door or shut your window. You're
not supposed to shut out your family, and that's what I believe. And I mean and part
of me still believes that. There's a lot of times where I feel like let's just start over.
And it's not about me even holding a grudge. I have forgiven her for everything. Things
that she's done to my parents and she's done to me and my own family. But I can't keep
allowing it in my life anymore. I can't. I mean my husband--he was diagnosed with cancer
and you know I found myself being more upset or worried about my sister and the things
she was doing. And it was then when he was diagnosed and going through all of the surgeries
where I realized I can't. I can't. I don't have enough energy to allow her to affect
me the way she does. I don't. I don't have enough energy. I have three kids, I have a
husband, and I have all the rest of my family who want to give me the kind of relationship
that I need and that I can invest my time and my energy into. And I couldn't do it with
her anymore. Just couldn't. >> If it's okay, let me invite you to just
maybe look at it from just a slightly different thing. What I'm hearing you say is not so
much that you are horrible for having made the decision that you need to be focusing
your energies where they're received >> Right.
>> and needed >> Right.
>> as it is that it's horrible to you that you should have to make such a decision.
>> Yes. >> What does that distinction mean for you
if you think it that way that I'm not horrible. I made the decision that was best for me,
for my family, for everybody involved but the situation was a horrible thing to have
to go through. >> Yes. I struggled with it at first and there's
been a lot of pain you know and especially geared towards my parents and my father's
passed now and my mom very much wanted all of her kids united and you know to be really
close and I had to explain it to her--and then I don't know if she understands or not
but it's not about me holding a grudge. I don't--but I couldn't go through these horrible
moments like you said, it--so yes at the beginning I thought I am a horrible person for making
this decision. I had a very supportive husband who like I said it very level-headed, could
see the pain you know and the anger that I was going through and I think he kind of turned
it around for me and made me realize like you said it was horrible experience I was
going through more so than me being a horrible person.
>> So when you go back to this event that happened in the park
>> Right. >> how do you describe that now even though,
you know, maybe you lost your temper, maybe you didn't walk away, didn't react perfectly.
How does that feel to you when you think about what you did, why you did it?
>> I think why I did it is honestly just a habit in a way. I mean it doesn't happen often.
If it ever did happen, it was usually with my sister and I--
>> Did you do, in your perception, did you do anything wrong that day. I mean just flat
out absolutely wrong. >> To these people?
>> In--within that situation. I know that you responded. You reacted and you got angry.
But if you had seen somebody else, if it had been your sister
>> Right. >> And someone had grabbed one of her kids
and she had responded the way you responded, would you have said Wow, my sister has really
lost it here. She's just not behaving right. >> No. I mean because she grew up with the
same attacks and the same behavior. >> What if it had been somebody else outside
of your family? What if you--somebody that you hadn't even met before and you saw somebody
come up and grab their child and then that kind of altercation and the person responded
by getting angry, you know, and would you feel judgmental about
>> No, no not when I-- >> So what's the difference when it's you?
>> I don't know. I guess I don't know. I mean I know people probably would of said a lot
harsher words. People would have--maybe people would have walked away, you know? I think
about all sorts of people. I think that's why I did talk to my neighbor and talked to
you. I kind of wanted to feel justified in my actions. And I had--you know, my neighbor
was like, "good." And telling her what I said. I did throw a cuss word out, and you know,
she was impressed I only did it once. But then my sister did say to me you know I am
totally on your side. I absolutely agree with everything you did. I got just as angry. Probably
shouldn't have used the cuss word though. So--and that happened right after and I was
like yeah, don't tell Jeff [laughter] which then I did, you know, and he knows me too
well and he knows I probably used it and I did. So I'm glad I didn't totally fly off
the handle. It was with the words. If that were the case, I think I would have been really
ashamed and that was one thing I do regret. I shouldn't have. I don't mean profanity is
useless. It's just unnecessary, and it does--brings it down to a whole new low I think, but I
was mad. >> Does that set the pattern for the rest
of your life now that every time >> No.
>> No? >> No.
>> So within, you know where the anger came from. You know where it got triggered from
that it's >> I know where mine did, yeah.
>> Yeah where yours came from that, you know, it was from something that's very painful
for you and that involved you having to make a really difficult choice. And then this brought
all of that up. But the fact is that it didn't come to blows.
>> No. >> You did eventually walk away. Maybe not
as soon as you would if you could play it over again, but you did walk away.
>> Yeah. >> And so--and then you said if I had seen
somebody else in exactly the same circumstance, I would not have felt like they were out of
line with the way they behaved. >> No. But that's because I, you know, I would
have known that's probably how I would have reacted too.
>> Yeah. >> If it had been somebody--and I don't--I'm
not speaking for my husband but I don't know how he wouldn't--if he would judge by any
means if he saw somebody else act the way I did, you know? But I get that reaction when
I act that way [laughter]. He just kind of goes whoa honey. And then I guess that's what
surprises me, if I ever do come into that situation which 99% of the time I--actually
all the time, it's always been with my sister. I've never had a confrontation like this that
has not been my sister. And he's usually saying, you know, calm down let's just leave and he's
there to kind of rein me in. And I guess that's why I'm so surprised with these other, you
know, the two--the grandparents and their daughter is--they were climbing over each
other trying to get the insults in. It was--there was no reining in. So yeah, from my own personality,
I don't think I would have judged somebody for acting the same way because I do. Or I
did. >> And at what point even if you think of
yourself doing something that you do well, you know, has there ever been a time where
you thought boy I am doing this perfectly? >> Handled a situation?
>> Handled a situation, made a cake, penmanship, whatever. Something where there is no room
for improvement on this. >> Yeah, yeah. There's been those few occasions.
>> And so you want more of them. >> True.
>> So what do you think you were meant to learn? Why did this get put in your path?
>> I think there's a whole, there could be a whole different string of lessons. I had
my niece and nephews there. >> Mmhmm
>> My own kids. I was--I mean my sister was there so I wasn't completely alone. I think
it could be a lesson for my children and you know I looked over at my son who just got
yelled at. He was fine. He was off playing, and I asked him about it later. I said are
you okay. He goes yeah about what. I said, nothing. He played. So I don't want him to
think--I don't want him to stew about things and he didn't. My lesson is always just let
it roll off, let it roll off. And yes, I need to practice what I preach and I'm working
on it, but it's a hard thing to unlearn, where he's just young. He can try now to let it
roll off. So I want, you know, I want him to--I think this can be a lesson for him.
He got yelled at by somebody else, and it didn't bother him. You know, it probably stung
a little bit maybe. I don't know. But it didn't--in the long run, he didn't stew about it. Could
be--I'm sorry go ahead. >> No, I just was gonna say is it okay that
when he did get held up which from his perception would have been he wasn't doing anything wrong.
>> Right. >> You know, he wouldn't have even been able
to fathom why he was being fussed at because he wasn't doing anything without permission.
He had his grownup right there. So when he did have somebody suddenly start fussing at
him, is it okay that he saw that his mom stepped in?
>> Yes, I don't think there's anything wrong with me or having him see me step in. And
he didn't see me actually at all but my nephew, he saw the end part. But if he would have
seen me step in and handle it better, handle it with a cooler head, and you know if there
was no reasoning then leave, yeah I don't have a problem. I'm glad he didn't see me
lose it. I mean not lose it but I got very defensive yes. And so I am glad he didn't
see it because I don't need him to see that. >> Yeah.
>> So it taught me that I need to--I need to watch it because I'm being watched by a
lot of little ones. So yes it could've gotten worse but it wasn't. They were angry people
and they may have had a really bad day, all three of them. I don't know, but it taught
me that I need to watch my behavior. I need to think before I speak a lot more.
>> What works for you when you are able to think before you speak?
>> I haven't had a whole lot of practice with that.
>> Okay. >> I don't want to think before I speak when
it comes to getting angry. I mean I don't act that way often at all besides like I said
my sister, but you know taking a deep breath--I mean there has been a few times where I've
been able to just you know close my eyes. I just think about it. Take a deep breath
and then change what I say. And that's mostly, you know, with my husband. We're very happy.
We're best friends. We're on the same team but of coarse we have our moments and my first
reaction is to get defensive and pick a fight. That's how we did it growing up, and that's
not his. So he's--I mean he's definitely--he's taught me a lot. So probably with him, I've
had the most experience just like taking a deep breath.
>> And he's your support system. >> Absolutely.
>> He sets the example. He's not quick to anger.
>> No. >> And so he probably gives you the room to
take that deep breath. >> He does. He does. And that actually something
I just noticed is when I was arguing with these people, there was no room to talk at
all. I can't even remember how the conversations went because there were five people talking
at once. There was no listening. Nothing. And on my side too. I didn't want them, you
know, I didn't want to keep letting them insult me so I was trying to talk over them. They
were trying to talk over me where you know my husband listens. He's very, very good with
that. >> What would have been different if you had
just been absolutely still and let them run their course with what they were saying?
>> I think--my husband once told me that if there are horrible things being said, people
who ever witness a fight focus on the last thing that was said. So if I would have let
them just say what they wanted to say and I just stood there then maybe they would have
realized how unreasonable they were, where they got more defensive because I didn't--we
just fed off of each other. But you know my nephew would have seen how crazy they were
acting or it would have been so magnified on their end.
>> Mmhmm. Do you think they might of run out of steam if they weren't getting response
back from you >> Yes.
>> if you were just listening the way >> They would have said probably you know
the first couple of insults and then that would have been enough. So yeah, it would
have stopped a lot earlier. >> So if you re-imagine, you know, that situation
or a situation with your sister where you don't respond, where you really listen just
what is it that you're trying to tell me whether I agree with you or not, let me just try to
really hear what you're saying. >> Yeah.
>> How does that feel knowing that what she's saying might be things that you know you're
gonna want to go [grunts] but just--I'm just gonna listen.
>> You're asking me how I would have thought they
>> Well I'm asking you how does that like if you picture yourself not with your sister
because that's still too but with these people. If you were to meet up with them again and
they were to start it again, how does it feel to just imagine yourself just listening and
making eye contact and paying attention to what they had to say?
>> Well it feels a lot more reasonable, a lot more mature, a lot more responsible.
>> What's missing? You're coming up with all the it's mature and it's reasonable and responsible
and all of that. Is there anything that you need there to be that wouldn't be there if
say what I wanted to say. Which doesn't always do you good.
>> That's true. If it's good. >> If they did let you, you know, if they
calmed down enough where you could make a closing remark, what would the closing remark
First day or two afterwards and some of my closing remarks were nice and mature and what
a responsible mother should say and some of them were not. There are things I would--I
wish, you know, whenever you have a fight you think oh I wish I would have said that.
because I do. I do. I understand why the red flag went up when she saw a child with a bow
and arrow, a toy one but it was still--it was a bow and arrow. So I understand that.
I don't--I probably would have had a red flag go up too if it weren't my child. So I would
have explained that and, you know, told them that--please talk to me. You know, talk to
me about it and--I mean I can't--I don't know. I've been, you know, I'd like to say in a
non-defensive tone, but you know anytime you tell someone they're doing something wrong
they're gonna get defensive so I don't know. I'd kind of have to think about it a little
is kind of what we call the sandwiching technique where you started out by communicating something
>> so by saying authentically I do understand what triggered you. I do get that and I'm
not arguing with you about that. And then, you know, what you need for them to be able
to hear and understand is I would prefer that you come to me
>> And then end it with something else positive about the situation. And it can be, you know,
it doesn't have to even be I'm sorry that I let my child have a bow and arrow. It can
be I'm sorry that this was upsetting. >> Right.
>> You know. Or it can be you know you had a good point, and I will keep it in mind next
time. You know but just ending it on that. When you started talking about that you kind
>> [nods] >> You feel okay about it?
they lived in the neighborhood so I wouldn't imagine it would be hard to run into them
again. So yeah--I mean I think if we were--I think I would want to believe I would be calm
enough and cool enough to just talk to them reasonably.
>> And just one more time, what are your resources that would help you be calm enough? What is
by his example >> Yeah.
and then even just being quiet. >> Mmhmm.
control the way they are. >> Right.
absolutely right there's no point >> Right.
>> Right. >> So it's by letting them engage and see
can, you know, are they in a calmer frame of mind where you're able to listen. And then
your sister of these are the boundaries and just to kind of end this with what you had
said about your sister that I noticed was it's hard for you and you've talked about
your sister before with me and as hard as that has been and I know how important family
>> but you've never closed the door. You have put some boundaries around.
and say I'd really like to talk things through >> Yeah. Absolutely.
>> No. >> and you're not shutting the door. You're
just simply keeping the boundaries to keep your family safe and your children safe and
to be trying to handle. So just really quickly that would be, you know, our wrap up for our
coaching session. For you, did you notice a difference between when we talked before
and I told you about, you know, maybe contacting our friend that's a police officer or
I was--I had a kid and the conversation that we had here.
>> The biggest difference was that it was focused on me. It was focused on, you know,
kind of dissecting just the behavior and what I could change from it to just better everything
them, you know? Why would they act the way they do? Or yeah contacting the police even
and things like that. Or making me feel by talking about your experiences. But the coaching
was simply just about my behavior. >> Sometimes we need to just have a little
>> Yes. Yes absolutely. >> So how do you feel about it from where
you were to where you are to where you're trying to get to?
>> Well I feel honestly I just feel like I have a bigger picture now where I was, you
know, the first day--I mean the day it happened, the next day you know I just felt I was beating
disappointed that, you know, like I told you on the phone I just I'm very naive. I think
everybody's just happy and loving and then when I meet, you know? And then things like
that happen and my bubble's popped. But >> Then you were about ready to move out of
but, you know, I feel like--you know, I don't feel angry towards them. I don't. I don't
feel like--I just feel like, you know, this is just another step towards what do I need
to work on and, you know, that--which bottom line is what I'm teaching my kids.
>> And that's frequently the way we teach the best is when we're in the middle of learning
>> Well thank you so much for taking this time, and I know you've got baby that's not
>> I know! She went to sleep about four hours ago.
>> Alright that's it. We'll see you later. Let your light shine.