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Hi, I'm David Steele founder Relationship Coaching Institute and
author of Conscious Dating How to Find the Love of Your Life in Today's World
and I appreciate you watching this video because there are some important
messages I have for you I'd like to share with you
my Five Truths of Conscious Dating
If I were to
distill
everything I've learned about being single in finding your soul mate for myself
and for the people I've trained
and hundreds, thousands of singles that I've worked with
it would come down to these five truths
Number One
You deserve to love
and be loved
Most people
that are single anyway
one of the reasons that we're still single is that we don't really believe that
In my life of course I wanted to love and be loved and I spent my entire life
searching for true love
finding my soul mate and I really wanted to live happily ever after
with my soulmate but
I got in my own way
and looking back on it is because I did not really believe that I truly deserves
to love be loved so
this is absolutely Number One
Number Two is
You must
be ready and available for commitment
and it might sound obvious but most singles actually
when we're dating and we don't want to be alone and you know
the sex is good and we want to be with somebody we want companionship
even though we have
our ideal partner that we are seeking
the soul mate that we want to bring into our life
even though we know what that feels like what it looks like we want to have
experience, oftentimes
we will
have a better than nothing relationship or have somebody in our life
that's not that person
and it's not the long term for us and we don't really want to make a
lifetime commitment to
but it's better than nothing and we don't want to be alone
so this is one of the hardest things about being single is staying available
because it can be lonely so this is where you need to have a support system
and your friends
you need to be living your best life
you need to be happy and successful while you're single and you must be
ready and available for commitment
otherwise
we can't magnitize the person that we really want in our life
we're actually be pushing them away 'cause they won't want to be with us cuz
were not available and we're not ready
Number Three is to honor your deepest needs and requirements
most of us have a list of most of us know what it is we want in a
relationship and what kind of partner we want
and we have an idea of that
however we have a very very deep
core needs and requirements
what are they
and we need to find a partner
that lines up with that one hundred-percent
that we can truly get our needs met with
I can tell you how many relationships I've been in
where
I was meeting their needs, my needs were not being met
and
it's a pattern of my own, I'm little bit co-dependent a little bit because I
didn't truly believe that I deserved to be loved for who I am
that's my own journey, I needed to learn how to
get through that
and you have the your own journey as well you have what interferes with you
and
from acknowledging and recognizing your deepest needs your requirements end
requiring that they be met in a relationship really choosing a partner
and making that happen in your life
One of the things that I've really come to
when I finished writing the Conscious Dating book and when I finally met Darlene
and we got married and I was reflecting back on that
if I just had one thing to share with singles what would it be?
What was the most important thing that really helped me get to where am at
that time?
(and still am)
and here it is
I'd rather be single than settle
Why?
Because
if you settle for less
you get less
we need to be the chooser when you go after what you really want
and
we need to be willing to stay single rather than settle for less than what we
really want that's probably
the most important message in this entire video, in the entire Conscious
Dating journey
it's also, it's one of the hardest
Truth Number Four of Conscious Dating is
Be Your True Self
This is about being truly authentic being who you are allowing yourself to
shine and to be transparent and to show yourself to the world
and
many of us are scared to do that
many of us are are afraid of rejection
we're afraid of being judged
we feel less than or inadequate, we feel like there's something wrong with us
There are
things that we don't like about ourselves that we imagine that whenever
everyone else looks at us, they see those things
and we don't want them to see those things
we don't want to look at them ourselves
and
true self acceptance, true self-love
only happens when you allow yourself
to just be who you are
one hundred percent, tell your truth
be flawed
be genuine
embrace all of yourself even the parts you don't like
tell the truth about that to others
and believe it or not
your soulmate is out there
your soulmate will love you
as you are including your faults including things that you don't like
about yourself including the things that embarass you including the things that
you judge
to be not good enough
You actually are good enough, going all the way back to
Truth Number One, and you deserve to love and be loved, truly for who you are
So, Truth Number Four be your true self
that can be a challenge
it requires focus requires conscious effort because
we've learned to survive in today's world by hiding
by pretending to be something we're not in order to get the job
in order to get approval in order to please people
And to be happy
to find the love of your life
we have to embrace and be our true self
Truth Number Five
True Love
Requires Risk
If you do what you've always done
you'll get you've always got
we all have an understandable desire to stay safe
it's built into our DNA, I mean when we were cavemen we would die
if we didn't
worry about our survival
but we're not cave men any more
and yeah, we need to, you know
take a look around while walking down the street
we need to make sure we have enough money to pay our bills
however
you are fully capable
of taking care of yourself
of paying your bills, of walking down the street, of taking care of yourself in a
relationship
and you need to trust that because if you don't
then
you will choose a relationship
you will make safe choices
safe choices will not allow you to be happy and successful and fulfilled
taking risks
also means
that you
must be willing to risk being hurt
and most singles that don't date
or they settle for relationships that are not right for them
because they don't want to be alone
they don't want to date they don't want to be single they don't want to put themselves
out there because
they don't
want to be hurt
so all their choices
and where they are in life
and where they're going in life is determined by
avoiding getting hurt
and if you think about it
you can survive getting hurt
what would you rather have?
Stay safe and not getting hurt, but
have less than what you really want in your life
maybe even be unhappy
or go after what you really want your life
acheive what you want in your life
risk getting hurt, maybe even get hurt?
So it's your choice to make
My request to you is to be conscious about that choice
are you staying home alone
because you don't want to risk getting hurt?
Are you holding back saying I love you
or going after that relationship that you really want
because
you don't want to get hurt?
So please ask yourself that question
it's incredibly important because true love requires taking risks.
Once we embrace who we are
what we want in our life
once we are on our journey to go after that
once we truly believe that we can have it that we can make it happen
and then
we're willing to take risks, we're willing to stretch, we're willing to grow, we're willing to
get into action and do something about it
then magic happens
and all the things that we fear
they fall away and they don't really happen
but more we think about it, the more we follow it and we make choices because of
those things that we fear
then
they actually happen
unconsciously we make them happen
and you've probably heard this phenomenon before, I'm not telling you
anything new
but these are our Five
Truths of Conscious Dating
One, you deserve to love and be loved
for who you are
Two, you must
be ready and available for commitment if you want to find the love of your life
Three
Honor
your deepest needs and requirements
that depends upon knowing exactly what they are
and then requires being The Chooser not settling, I'd rather be single than settle
remember that, it doesn't mean you're going to be alone for the rest of your life
you know in my own Conscious Dating journey when I finally
got fed up
with eighty percent relationships I call it, you know eighty percent was OK and twenty
percent didn't quite work
When i finally got fed up with that
and I decided I'm going to be single
I'd rather be single than settle, forget it
but I didn't give up I continued to date I continued to search
Only then
when I took that strong position, I'd rather be single than settle
did I find my soulmate
I think you can too
So Honor Your Deepest Needs and Requirements
Truth Number Four, Be Your True Self
Be authentic, be genuine, reveal all, warts and everything even though it's scary
and Number Five
True Love
Requires Risk
So my best to you in your journey
to find the love of your life
and the life that you love