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Hi guys. I'm Melissa. Welcome back to CloudMom.com. Great question from a YouTube viewer about
the terrible twos, umm, from Crystal Overbaugh on the terrible twos, what can you do? I thought
this was such a great question. My joke about the terrible twos is that they become the
terrible threes, and then the terrible fours, and then the terrible fives, and it just continues
on until college. No, but in all seriousness, what does this term mean, the "terrible twos,"
and what can you do if you feel like your child is going through the terrible twos?
Well, from what I've learned, the terrible twos is actually a term that was coined in
the fifties when there was so much pressure on families to live up to this picture perfect
image. Remember the Leave It To Beaver family? And mothers felt that when their children
started, you know, misbehaving and having tantrums and fits, that it was really something
that had gone terribly wrong, thus the phrase "the terrible twos." Many experts will say,
however, that it's not really an appropriate phrase, because babies can have fits and children
and toddlers can have fits and tantrums, you know, starting pretty young, and extending
way beyond the twos. But anyway, what is going on at the point when your baby is around two
that makes them have these tantrums? Well from what I've read and from what I've experienced,
children become much more mobile. They're able to walk around more, they're able to
physically move more. They're more involved with the world, so parents have got to begin
setting more limits and saying, "No, no no." Which can cause the children, who are not
yet able to articulate their feelings or use language, to get very upset, thus the tantrums
and the fits. It happens a lot. It happened a lot to me, and I remember with my first
child, when one day we were like sitting around in the kitchen and all of a sudden he had
this huge tantrum. And he's lying on the floor and like kicking and screaming, and I was
like, "What, are you like acting? Like what are you doing?" It just seemed surreal. I
thought it was so bizarre, but it just can come upon you like that. So the question is,
what do you do? Okay, a couple things I've learned about what works and what doesn't
work. Praise the good behavior. If your child is going through something that's frustrating
and you say, "No," and they react well, give them the positive feedback, always a good
idea. Okay? Number two, just wait out the fits. Don't try to control them, and certainly
don't try to discipline your child in that moment. That has never worked for me. I still
try to do it sometimes, because I'm still in this with my baby, Marielle, who's three
and still in the terrible twos, but it just doesn't work. I feel like she's in another
zone entirely. And to try to discipline her or get through to her or explain something
to her, it's just not going to work. And what works the best is to let her just like spin
out and burn out, and then when she's calmed down, then I can try to have a conversation
with her. Okay? And, but part of that, and this is the really hard thing, I would try
really hard not to give in. And believe me, I have been very, very tempted, because when
Marielle has her fits, which are often in public, it's really embarrassing. And I feel
like people are looking at me and saying, you know, "What a bad mom," and I'm like,
"God," you know, it's just so humiliating. People think like what's wrong with that child,
what's wrong with that mom. It's really horrible. But if she's having a fit because I won't
give her like the tenth cracker, or the fourth cookie, I feel like giving in is exactly the
wrong thing. Because it's telling her that the next time she doesn't get what she wants,
she should have a tantrum because it's effective. So, I really try not to give in, just to kind
of swallow my pride, let her do her thing. It's like, you know, she's like a little storm
going. Let her burn out, and then quietly talk to her. And it has been getting better,
I would say the last six months have definitely been getting better. And the less I react,
the better it is, because often too, kids are looking for you to react and get angry.
That's another form of attention, I've seen with my kids, that they can be searching out.
So anyway, those are my thoughts and advice on temper tantrums. I have a couple other
shows on how to deal with tantrums, at home and in public. So please check those out.
I would really appreciate other moms and dads weighing in with what has worked for them.
This is a really, really difficult thing to go through, and I need the tips myself. So
please weigh in if you've got some advice, and thank you so, so much for watching CloudMom.