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Getting kicked out of school for smoking pot,
well I end up in treatment.
Getting a DWI, I end up having to go to treatment.
I was unable to distinguish the gift of recovery
because I always associate it with a consequence.
So it's like a skinner type of a thing,
it's like well I get in trouble I go to treatment
so I associate treatment with trouble and bad.
Looking back, I may have wanted to be clean and
free of those consequences.
Certainly that's true,
I wanted the consequences to stop,
but some part of me absolutely wanted
this whole madness to stop.
And I just didn't know how to go about it.
I wasn't able to put it all together somehow,
for some reason.
Tons of treatments, tons of jail time,
in and out of schools, institutions,
almost died a few times,
failed marriage, I was done. I was just done.
I really really sat and thought about that
and I vividly remember the mental image of pushing
all of the stacks of poker chips into recovery.
I decided for myself to get clean April 1st of 2008.
It's a wonderful experience and not only do I stay
active within the recovery community,
but I also have chosen to find other areas to be
active in as far as the community goes.
So if I can be of any help, or if anything that
I say can be of use to someone else
that's on this road, then I will not hesitate.
I can relate to what you are going through on
some level, because this is my story too.
I have been in a lot of situations
and somehow come out,
so if I can try to help someone that's wanting help,
then I want to be there because when I looked for
help it was there,
and I'm very grateful that that help was there and
continues to be there.
I feel like I am growing a lot as a person and being
able to develop into the person that not only do I want
to be, but the person that I always knew I could be.